Loving a Sinner

by D. B. Webb

  Shit. I hadn’t realized how far gone for Ryan I was.

  Devlin gave a haughty laugh and slapped me on the back, “Sure.” He didn’t believe me. I was still his playboy best friend. Little did he know, his Ryan had apparently cured me of that.

  No, not his Ryan.

  My Ryan.

  “Let’s just get this stupid party started,” I grumbled as I shrugged his hand off my back. “Who’s all coming to this thing anyway?”

  “The usual… Casey, Aaron, and that whole gang.”

  “Any girls showing up? Or is this a sausage fest?”

  Devlin rolled his eyes at me as we continued to make our way out back where Madison was lying on one of the pool chairs.

  “Kayla hasn’t talked to me since the breakup.” His voice lowered so only I could hear him.

  “Why?”

  I knew why, I just wanted to see him squirm some more.

  “Ryan’s her best friend. Why do you think?”

  “But Ryan broke up with you… so why would she care? You two were friends too, right?”

  I knew from my first encounter with Kayla that she wasn’t a fan of Devlin’s, but Ryan had told me the three of them had grown up together. So apparently Devlin hadn’t gotten the memo.

  “Women are weird?” was his half-assed response.

  “I can toast to that!” came a loud, obnoxious voice from behind us.

  I turned to see Aaron, one of Devlin’s friends, lifting his can of beer over his head, clearly already intoxicated. He had just arrived and behind him a few other guys in boardshorts trailed out to the pool.

  “What are we toasting to?” Madison asked while raising her glass. It appeared to have water in it. I found that weird for about five seconds, but brushed it off due to not giving a fuck about her. Maybe she didn’t drink?

  “Women are weird, Madison!” Aaron called back lifting his beer over his head. The contents sloshed out and down his arm.

  Madison’s confused face trailed between Devlin and I. Devlin, like a dog with its tail between its legs, jogged to her chair and gave her a quick kiss. I could barely hear her ask which woman we were talking about when Kayla’s voice broke through the loud music Aaron had just started playing.

  “The party can begin! Kayla is in the house!” she laughed. I spun to find her with a shit-eating grin. Her boy toy had his large arm draped around her shoulder. Clearly he was a bro… the kind who lifted every day and drank protein shakes like they were going out of style. But it was the small blonde that trailed timidly behind that really caught my attention.

  “Ryan!” Madison smiled. She leapt from the lounging chair to rush past me and to Ryan. When she threw her arms around Ryan like they were best friends, Kayla’s brows furrowed. I’m sure mine did too, but I was too shocked from the weird greeting to comprehend anything but Ryan’s wide eyes.

  “Hey, Madison,” Ryan replied awkwardly. Her arms didn’t leave her sides. If Madison had sensed the weird tension that surrounded them, she didn’t act like it. Instead, she grabbed Ryan’s hand and led her toward the outside bar where the drinks were located.

  Kayla made her way to me and whispered, “Well that was fucking weird.”

  I grunted in agreement and found my way to Devlin, who was busy throwing inflated chairs into the massive infinity pool.

  “So… did you notice your current girlfriend attacking your ex? Why is Ryan here?” I prayed my voice didn’t betray me. It wasn’t that I wasn’t excited to see my new favorite blonde, but her appearance had caught me off guard.

  You would have thought I told Devlin that the house had caught on fire the way he whipped his head up. His eyes looked crazy.

  “Ryan’s here? Where?!”

  “With Madison getting a drink.” I nodded my head in the direction the girls had gone. He craned his neck to see where I was directing his attention.

  “Freaking Kayla… How did she find out about the party? Did you tell her?” he accused me.

  Now I was pissed.

  “No… maybe because you all are friends? Maybe Aaron mentioned it? Does it really matter? Madison and Ryan seemed to be okay.”

  That was partially true. While Madison had acted like Ryan was her long lost sister, Ryan was clearly uncomfortable.

  Devlin mumbled something under his breath, but didn’t attempt to leave his pool party duties. So I left him with the blow up flamingo and chairs. I didn’t have time for damage control. That was usually his MO. We all knew Devlin was the stable one in the group, but shit, when he decided to screw things up, he sure went full force.

  Ryan had joined Kayla and Kayla’s man with a drink in her hand. Madison had gone back to sunbathing as if her boyfriend’s ex girlfriend wasn’t hanging out less than five feet away.

  I halted my journey toward the group. I wasn’t sure if Ryan would mind me being around her. We hadn’t really thought this secret affair thing through. Did we act like we knew each other? Kayla did know we had gone on a date…

  “Jackson!” Kayla hissed as she waved at me like a maniac. Taking a deep breath, I made my way over to them. When I joined the small group, Kayla looked around and whispered, “Do you know who’s supposed to be at this thing? Because if it’s just us, Aaron, and the gross duo, we should split.”

  “Devlin said something about everyone being here,” I shrugged. I really couldn’t afford to ditch this dumb party, even if every part of my being was screaming to take Kayla up on her offer.

  “Fine,” Kayla huffed before taking a sip of her drink, “I’ll give it a few more minutes.”

  Ryan stood quietly, sipping from the red Solo cup she was holding. I caught her eyes wander in my direction a few times. I wondered if she could feel the buzz of anticipation that was surrounding us. My body yearned to have contact with her. I wanted to hold her hand. Brush her hair behind her ear. Kiss her soft lips. God, I would have done anything just to touch her.

  I found my opportunity when a second wave of party guests joined us outside. Casey and several people who I didn’t recognize. To be fair, I didn’t know any of these people.

  Ryan must have sensed our chance to get away because she whispered something to Kayla who nodded and pulled her boy toward the group.

  When they were out of earshot, I raised an eyebrow and asked, “What did you say to get her to leave your side?”

  “I told her that Casey had been asking about her new boyfriend. Apparently they’re both American Literature majors.” Her words seemed simple enough, but it was the devilish smile that made my heart flutter.

  “Was Casey actually asking about him?”

  Her eyes flickered something mischievous. “No.”

  A thick silence fell on us as we watched each other. Neither of us sure how to go about this fling we had in front of all of our friends.

  Clearing my throat, I nodded toward her drink, “What’s your poison?”

  Her ocean eyes drifted down to her cup. “Not sure… hopefully not real poison… considering who it came from.”

  “Nah, I don’t think Madison has it in her to harm anyone—the way she ran up and hugged you. She seems like the kind of girl who’d kiss a snake.” I paused and smiled, “Which I guess she does, considering who she’s dating.”

  This caused Ryan to laugh her wonderful laugh, the one I lived to hear.

  “It’s funny you should say that. I just told Kayla he was a snake a few minutes ago.”

  “Great minds think alike,” I shrugged, but secretly I was thrilled to find out she and I had thought the same thing.

  It took all of ten minutes before the party was in full-blown rager status. The music Aaron had put on was blaring through the expensive speakers the Lanes had installed and the alcohol was flowing. As each minute ticked by, more people showed up. Apparently people were curious about Devlin throwing a party. He was normally the one who attended but never started. According to Ryan, throwing parties had usually been something Kayla did. But ever since he had jumped tracks from straight and
narrow to jackass, he had apparently decided to change that persona.

  “I can’t believe Dev threw a party. Like how weird is that?” Aaron yelled into my ear drunkenly.

  “Yeah, it’s definitely not like him,” I agreed less enthusiastically. I was buzzed and not in the mood for Aaron. To be honest, I wasn’t in the mood for anyone but Ryan.

  “It’s like one of Kayla’s famous parties in high school here!”

  I wouldn’t have known. Apparently Aaron had forgotten that while they partied here on warm beaches in high school, I was freezing my ass off in New York.

  When Aaron realized he wouldn’t be getting any good conversation out of me, he shimmied his way over to a group of bikini clad girls. When I say shimmied, he actually danced toward the girls. They all giggled and blushed, and for a second, I wondered what in the hell I was doing here.

  But then I felt a hand brush against my arm and remembered when I turned to see the most gorgeous woman staring back at me.

  “Hey Patterson, you having fun?” I asked.

  “It’s less awkward with everyone here,” she admitted.

  I couldn’t help but notice she was extremely sober. Her eyes were clear and her face glowing.

  “You weren’t lying when you said you weren’t much of a drinker.”

  “I like having control of my body.”

  I couldn’t fault her for that, but something told me there was more to her reasoning than she was telling me. But this was a party, I could always ask her when we were alone in bed.

  Fuck, I wanted to be alone in bed with her at that very moment. Forget this party and our dumb friends. As each day passed, we had limited time with each other. I was leaving in a little over three weeks, and I didn’t want to waste a single second.

  The music was cut off and everyone’s conversation stopped as we looked toward the cause of the disruption. It was Kayla with a devious smile and her hands on her hips.

  “Okay, so listen up bitches! What’s a Rocksend party without a little drinking game?” Kayla shouted.

  People whooped and hollered, but Ryan groaned beside me.

  “What? You don’t like her drinking games?” I laughed. When her eyes reached mine, I wondered if I should be worried.

  “So!” Kayla continued, “Break into groups of eight! I’ll be around to pass the drinks to those who don’t have one already!”

  With that, the crowd began breaking into their groups. I was amazed at the power Kayla held over her friends. What Kayla wanted, Kayla got.

  “Wanna join my group?” I asked jokingly as I pulled Ryan toward Devlin and Madison. Kayla’s boyfriend was standing with them. If I was going to do a stupid drinking game, I was going to make sure I was with people I knew.

  It was when Devlin’s eyes landed on my hand holding Ryan’s that I remembered the tension from earlier. But I had several drinks already coursing through me, and I couldn’t find myself to care what Devlin thought.

  “Okay, so that’s six people,” Madison smiled as we approached. “We need two more…” She turned her attention away from our group and scouted for two more people to join us. “Hey! You two come join us!”

  Ryan tensed next to me when she saw who Madison had called over. I recognized Casey, but I wasn’t sure who the girl was. Some brunette who looked stuck up.

  “Ryan Patterson. I’m surprised you’re here,” the girl smirked.

  “I’m not surprised you’re here, Hannah Scott. You trying to find the next richest bachelor to latch onto since Devlin is taken again?” Ryan bit back.

  Whoa. My girl had her claws out.

  “We can go to another group,” I whispered in Ryan’s ear. But our chance to get away was shot down by Kayla returning to our group.

  “Well, this shouldn’t be weird at all,” Kayla giggled. It was clear that she had one too many drinks in her system. She stepped up onto a chair to address the party. “Okay! So our first game is truth or dare! I mean, come on. How much more of a throwback can we get than that!” She let out another drunk giggle. “Remember that one time when Shelly and Hannah kissed? Gawd, that was hilarious. Okay! Have fun! Once everyone has had a chance to do a truth or dare, we’ll switch things up!”

  Kayla jumped off the chair and motioned for us to sit down in a circle. Ryan was still tense from her run-in with Hannah, so I pulled her closer to me and kept my arm wrapped around her waist, too drunk to care what people might be assuming.

  “Everyone grab a cup,” Kayla ordered, pointing to the center of the circle where red plastic cups were filled to the brim with something. I prayed it was beer because nothing good could come from that much hard alcohol.

  I reached for two cups, one for me and one for Ryan. When Ryan took her cup from me, I noticed how her smile didn’t reach her eyes. She didn’t want to be here.

  “Great!” Kayla clapped her hands together. While Ryan was dying to leave, Kayla was like a kid in a candy store. Her excitement for the drama that was inevitably about to begin had my blood boiling. So far, I had really liked Kayla, but how could she not see how uncomfortable her best friend was? “Brody,” Kayla grinned as she turned to her boyfriend, “Truth or dare?”

  We all watched as Brody tried to decide what he would choose.

  “Uh, dare… I guess?”

  This pleased Kayla. “Good choice, love.” She turned to Ryan and winked, completely oblivious to her friend’s discomfort. “Okay, Brody. I dare you to strip and do a belly flop off of the diving board.”

  The dude stood up and yanked his damn shorts down like he stripped in front of strangers every day. Casually, he strolled to the diving board, where he did what Kayla asked.

  “Maybe we should keep our clothes on?” Madison squeaked from beside Devlin.

  “Nobody is asking you to get naked, Princess,” Kayla huffed.

  “Kayla, chill,” Devlin said as he rolled his eyes. He then turned to Madison, “Babe, it’s okay. Just relax.”

  Madison nodded, but I knew she was pissed.

  Once Brody had returned from his completed task, he turned to Kayla. “Truth or dare, Kayla?”

  “Oh, no… Sorry, but that’s not how we play here.”

  Devlin laughed, and Ryan shifted beside me.

  “At our parties, Kayla is the host of Truth or Dare,” Devlin explained. “We all have to do what Kayla comes up with. We decided that because she is queen of drinking games.”

  “So who asks Kayla??” Brody countered. I thought he made a fair point.

  “That’s the best part, lover! I always choose dare, and you all get to decide what my dare is after everyone has taken their turns.”

  “Can we just get on with this dumb game?” Madison asked pointedly.

  Kayla turned her attention to Casey, who chose truth. He had to admit he had the hots for one of his high school teachers. When Kayla’s attention fell to Madison, Madison chose truth.

  “Did you know Devlin was banging you while he was still dating Ryan?” Kayla demanded.

  The group fell silent, along with two other groups sitting near enough to hear the question.

  “Kayla,” Ryan warned. It was the first time she had spoken up since we sat down. “Madison, you don’t have to—”

  “Yes. I did,” Madison said, cutting Ryan off. I watched Ryan take a deep breath, but she didn’t budge from my side. Rather, she snuggled closer.

  “Really? So you knew he was cheating on his girlfriend? Interesting…” Kayla’s smile had disappeared and she turned her attention to Devlin. The glare she threw his way was terrifying. I would not have wanted to be on the end of that look.

  “Truth or dare Devlin?” Kayla asked him.

  “Dare.”

  “Because you’re afraid of what I’ll ask?” Kayla questioned.

  “Dare, Kay.”

  “Oh, Dev,” she tsked. “Fine, I dare you to make the announcement you’ve been keeping a secret.”

  I watched as Devlin’s face paled. Announcement? What did Kayla know that I didn’t
?

  “Goddammit, Kayla,” Devlin cursed. “How’d you even find out?”

  “Apparently your mom told my mom who told me,” she waved him off as if it was an unimportant detail. “Spill, Dev.”

  We all watched as he ran his hands through his hair like a maniac.

  “I was hoping to talk to you guys separately… and privately, but Madison and I are expecting…”

  Expecting? As in a child? It didn’t take a genius to know that meant they had gotten pregnant while he was still with Ryan.

  My eyes turned to Ryan. Her face had fallen completely, but like the badass I knew she was, she held her ground and didn’t run away from the huge asshole that had just broken her heart for the second time in less than a month.

  But as I watched her examine the contents of her cup, I couldn’t help but feel the sinking feeling in my stomach.

  She still loved him.

  But then a second wave of realization ran through me.

  I wanted her to love me.

  I knew that agreeing to come to this party was a bad idea. Now, as I sit next to Jackson who has been nothing but amazing to me, I can’t help but feel the sting of betrayal from Devlin’s announcement.

  I wanted to ask how far along she was. I wanted to ask if he had known the night of my birthday. I wanted to ask Madison if she knew he had been begging to marry me.

  But all these questions came to a halt when Jackson’s hand found mine. It was as if the reassuring squeeze he gave me sent a bolt of life through me. I didn’t need to worry about Madison and Devlin. Why would I want a man that obviously cared so little about me?

  The thought of him having unprotected sex with another woman while he was still sleeping with me made my stomach coil. It felt too intimate. Like together they had stolen a piece of me I would never get back.

  “Ryan, we can go,” Jackson whispered into my ear. His voice was full of concern. But I wasn’t going to run away. I wasn’t going to let them win this weird game we were playing.

  “I’m okay,” I whispered back. He searched my face as if he didn’t believe me. Hell, I wasn’t sure if I believed myself either.

  “If you’re sure.”