Myth-Ing Persons

by Robert Asprin

  I caught one last glimpse of the beast before we sank from sight, and I honestly don't think he even knew we were gone. His eyelids were at half-mast, and the eyes themselves were out of focus from boredom. Aahz's stories tended to have that effect on even vaguely-intelligent beings. I had simply found a practical application for the phenomenon.

  "I've gotta change the controls, Hot Stuff!" Massha called, alerting me once more to our current situation.

  The ground was rushing up to meet us with frightening speed.

  I remembered the faulty controls that held all of us at their mercy.

  "No! Wait, Massha! Let me try..."

  Exerting my last ounce of reserve power, I worked at levitating our whole crew. Under normal circumstances, I could lift three people easily and four or five in a pinch. Here in Limbo, using everything I had with Massha's belt assisting me, I barely managed to slow our descent to a moderate crawl.

  "What happened there, partner?" Aahz called. "How did you know that thing was going to yawn?"

  "Call it a lucky guess," I grunted, still concentrating on keeping us from crashing. "I'll explain later."

  "Check the landing zone," Guido warned.

  I sneaked a peak.

  We had been at our task longer than I thought. The sidewalk below was crowded with vampires strolling here and there as Blut's legendary nightlife fired up.

  "I don't think we can bluff our way through this one," Aahz said calmly. "Any chance you can steer us around the corner into the alley? There doesn't seem to be as much of a crowd there."

  Before I could answer, something flashed past us from above with a flutter of leather wings.

  "JAILBREAK!" it screamed, banking around the corner. "Murderer on the loose! JAILBREAK!"

  Chapter Thirteen

  "I've never seen so damn many Indians."

  -G.A. Custer

  THE words of alarm had an interesting effect on the crowd below. After a brief glance to see us descending into their midst, to a man they turned and ran. In a twinkling, the street was empty.

  "What's going on?" I called to Aahz, unable to believe our good fortune.

  "Beats me!" my partner shouted back. "I guess none of the normal citizenry want to tangle with an escaped murderer. Better get us down fast before they figure out how badly outnumbered we are."

  I didn't have to be told twice. Our escape had just gotten an unexpected blessing, but I wasn't about to make book on how long it would last. I cut my magical support, and we dropped swiftly toward the pavement.

  "What was that that blew the whistle on us?" Massha said, peering up into the darkness where our mysterious saboteur had disappeared.

  "I think it was that Vic character," Guido answered from below me. "I got a pretty good look at him when he bolted past me back at the Woof Writers."

  "Really?" I asked, half to myself, twisting around to look after the departed villain. "That's one more we owe him."

  "Later," Aahz commanded, touching down at last. "Right now we've got to get out of here."

  Guido was beside him in a second. I had to drop a ways, as with the extra weight removed from the rope, we had ceased to sink.

  "C'mon, Massha!" I called. "Cut the power in that thing. It's not that far to fall."

  "I'm trying!" she snapped back, fiddling with the belt buckle once more. "The flaming thing's malfunctioning again!"

  The belt setting had changed. Holding the rope, I could feel that there was no longer an upward pull. Unfortunately, Massha wasn't sinking, either. Instead, she hovered in mid-air about fifteen feet up.

  "Hey, Boss! We got company!"

  I followed my bodyguard's gaze. There was a mob forming down the street to our left, and it didn't look happy. Of course, it was hard to tell for sure, but I had the definite impression that their eyes were glowing redder than normal, which I was unable to convince myself was a good sign.

  "Maasshhhha!" I nagged, my voice rising uncontrollably as I tugged on the rope.

  "It's jammed!" she whimpered. "Go on, take off, Hot Stuff. No sense in all of us getting caught."

  "We can't just leave you here," I argued.

  "We don't have time for a debate," Aahz snarled. "Guido! Get up there ahead of us and keep the street open. We can't afford to get cut off. Okay, let's go!"

  With that, he snatched the rope out of my hand and took off running down the street away from the crowd with Guido out front in point position and Massha floating over his head like a gaudy balloon. For once, I didn't object to him giving orders to my bodyguard. I was too busy sprinting to keep up with the rest of my group.

  If the watching mob was having any trouble deciding what to do, the sight of us fleeing settled it. With a howl, they swarmed down the street in pursuit.

  When I say "with a howl," I'm not speaking figuratively. As they ran, some of the vampires transformed into large, fierce-looking dogs, others into bats, presumably to gain more speed in the chase. While Aahz and I had been chased by mobs before, this was the first pack of pursuers who literally bayed at our heels. I must say I didn't care much for the experience.

  "Where are we going, Aahz?" I panted.

  "Away from them!" he called back.

  "I mean, eventually," I pressed. "We're heading the wrong way to get back to our hideout."

  "We can't hole up until we've shaken our fan club," my partner insisted. "Now shut up and run."

  I had certain doubts about our ability to elude our pursuers while towing Massha overhead to mark our position, but I followed Aahz's instructions and pumped the pavement for all I was worth. For one thing, if I pointed out this obvious fact to my partner, he might simply let go of the rope and leave my apprentice to fend for herself. Then again, the option to running was to stand firm and face the mob. All in all, running seemed like a real good idea.

  Guido was surprisingly good at clearing a path for us. I had never really seen my bodyguard in action, but with his constant carping and allergy problems throughout this venture, I was tending to discount his usefulness. Not so. The vampires we encountered in our flight had not heard the alarm and were unprepared for the whirlwind that burst into their midst. Guido never seemed to break stride as he barreled into victim after victim, but whatever he did to them was effective. None of the fallen bodies which marked his progress attempted to interfere with Aahz or I...heck, they didn't even move.

  "River ahead. Boss!" he called over his shoulder.

  "What's that?" I puffed, realizing for the first time how out of shape I had grown during my prosperous stay at the Bazaar.

  "A river!" he repeated. "The street we're on is going to dead-end into a river in a few blocks. I can see it from here. We're going to have to change direction or we'll get pinned against the water."

  I wondered whether it wouldn't be a good idea for us to just plunge into the river and put some moving water between us and the vampires, as I seemed to recall a legend that that was one of the things that could stop them. Then it occurred to me that my bodyguard probably couldn't swim.

  "Head right!" Aahz shouted. "There! Up that alley."

  Guido darted off on the indicated course with my partner and I pounding along about fifteen paces behind him. We had built up a bit of a lead on our pursuers, though we could still hear their cries and yelps a block or so back, and for the first time I started to have the hope that we might actually elude them. Now that we were out of their line of sight...

  "Lookout..."

  There was a sudden cry from above, and Massha came crashing to the ground, gaining the dubious distinction of being the first person I've ever witnessed doing a belly-flop on dry land. I'm sure the ground didn't actually shake, but the impact was enough to leave that impression. I experienced a quick flash of guilt, realizing that my first thought was not for the well-being of my apprentice, but rather unbridled relief that she hadn't landed on one of us.

  "I think the controls just came unstuck," Aahz said, rather unnecessarily to my thinking.

  "Are
you all right, Massha?" I said, crouching over her.

  "Wha--ha..." came the forced reply.

  "Of course, she's not all right," Aahz snapped, assuming translator duties. "At the very least she's got the wind knocked out of her."

  Whatever the exact extent of the damages suffered from her fall, my apprentice wasn't even trying to rise. I would have liked to give her a few minutes recovery time, but already the sounds of our pursuers were drawing closer.

  "Can you carry her, Aahz?"

  "Not on my best day," my partner admitted, eyeing Massha's sizable bulk. "How about you? Have you got enough juice left to levitate her?"

  I shook my head violently.

  "Used it all supervising our aerial maneuvers back at the jail."

  "Hey. Boss!" Guido hissed, emerging from the shadows behind us. "The alley's blocked. This is the only way out!"

  And that was that. Even if we got Massha up and moving, all it meant was that we'd have to retrace our steps right back into the teeth of the mob. We had run our race...and were about to lose it rather spectacularly.

  The others knew it, too.

  "Well, it's been nice working with you, Guido," Aahz said with a sigh. "I know I've gotten on your case a couple of times, but you're a good man to have around in a pinch. You did some really nice crowd work getting us this far. Sorry about that last turn call."

  "No hard feelings," my bodyguard shrugged. "You gave it your best shot. This alley would have been my choice, too, if I'd been workin' alone. Boss, I warned you I was a jinx when it came to jailbreaks. I gotta admit, though, for a while there I really thought we were goin' to pull this one off."

  "It was a long shot at best." I grinned. "At least you can't say that this one suffered from over-planning."

  Aahz clapped a hand on my shoulder.

  "Well, partner?" he said. "Any thoughts on how to play this one? Do we try to surrender peacefully, or go down swinging?"

  I wasn't sure the crowd would give us a choice. They were almost at our alley, and they didn't sound like they cared much for talking.

  "NOT THIS WAY! THEY'RE DOUBLING BACK TOWARD THE JAIL!"

  This unexpected cry came from the street near the mouth of our alley.

  I couldn't believe it, but apparently the mob did. There were curses and shouted orders, but from their fast-fading manner it was plain that the crowd had turned and was now heading back the way they had come.

  "What was that?" Massha managed, her voice returning at last.

  I motioned her to be silent and cocked an eyebrow at Aahz, silently asking the same question.

  He answered with an equally silent shake of the head. Neither of us knew for sure what was going on, but we both sensed that the timely intervention was neither accidental nor a mistake. Someone had deliberately pulled the crowd off our backs. Before we celebrated our good fortune, we wanted to know who and why. A pair of figures appeared at the mouth of the alley. "You can come out now," one of them called.

  "Sorry to interfere, but it looked like so much fun we just had to play, too."

  I'd know that voice anywhere, even if I didn't recognize the figure as well as the unmistakable form of her brother.

  "Tananda! Chumley!" I shouted, waving to pinpoint our position. "I was wondering when you'd show up."

  The sister-brother team of Trollop and Troll hastened to join us. For all their lighthearted banter, I can think of few beings I'd rather have on or at my side when things get tight.

  "Are you all right?" Tananda asked, stopping to help Massha to her feet.

  "Really never had much dignity," my apprentice responded, "and what little I did have is shot to hell. Except for that I'm fine. I'm starting to see why you Big Leaguers are so down on mechanical magic."

  Chumley seized my hand and pumped it vigorously.

  "Now don't be too rough on your little gimmicks, ducks," he advised. "That little ring you left us was just the ticket we needed to get here in time for the latest in our unbroken string of last-minute rescues. Except for the typical hash you've made of your end-game, it looks like you've done rather well without us. We've got all present and accounted for, including Aahz, who seems remarkably unscathed after yet one more near-brush with disaster. Seems like all that's left is a hasty retreat and a slow celebration...eh, what?"

  "That's about the size of it," I agreed. "It's great having the two of you along to ride shotgun on our exit, though. Speaking of which, can you find the castle from here? I've gotten a little turned around..."

  "Hold it right there!" Aahz broke in. "Before we get too wrapped up in congratulating each other, aren't there a few minor details being overlooked?"

  The group looked at each other.

  "Like what?" Tananda said at last.

  "Like the fact that I'm still wanted for murder, for one," my partner glared. "Then again, there's the three fugitives we're supposed to be bringing back to Deva with us."

  "Oh, come on, Aahz," the Trollop chided, poking him playfully in the ribs. "With the reputation you already have, what's a little thing like a murder warrant?"

  "I didn't do it," Aahz insisted. "Not only didn't I kill this Vic character, nobody did. He's still around somewhere laughing down his sleeve at all of us. Now while I'll admit my reputation isn't exactly spotless, it doesn't include standing still for a bum rap...or letting someone get away with making a fool of me!"

  "Of course, saving the money for paying the swindlers' debts plus the fines involved has nothing to do with it, eh, Aahz?" Chumley said, winking his larger eye.

  "Well...that, too," my partner admitted. "Isn't it nice that we can take care of both unpleasant tasks at the same time?"

  "Maybe we could settle for just catching Vic and let the others go," I murmured.

  "How's that again, partner?"

  "Nothing, Aahz," I said with a sigh. "It's just that...nothing. C'mon everybody. If we're going to go hunting, it's going to require a bit of planning, and I don't think we should do it out here in the open."

  Chapter Fourteen

  "Relax, Julie. Everyone will understand."

  -Romeo

  FORTUNATELY, Massha's elevated position during our flight had given her an excellent view of our surroundings, and we were able to find our way back to the Dispatcher's without being discovered by the aroused populace. Now that our numbers had increased, however, Vilhelm's greeting was noticeably cooler.

  "I'm starting to believe what everybody says," the little vampire complained. "Let one demon in, and the next thing you know the neighborhood's crawling with them. When I decided to talk to you folks instead of blowing the whistle on you, I didn't figure on turning my office into a meeting place for off-worlders."

  "C'mon, Vilhelm," I said, trying to edge my foot into the doorway. "We don't have any place else to go in town. There aren't that many of us."

  "We could always just wait out on the street until the authorities come by," Aahz suggested. "I don't imagine it would take much to convince them that this guy has been harboring fugitives."

  "Can it. Green and Scaly," Massha ordered, puffing herself up to twice her normal size. "Vilhelm's been nice to us so far. and I won't listen to anyone threaten him, even you. Just remember that you'd still be cooling your heels in the slammer if it weren't for him. Either he helps of his own free will, or we look elsewhere."

  Aahz gave ground before her righteous indignation. "Are you going to let your apprentice talk to me that way? "he demanded.

  "Only when she's right." I shrugged.

  "I say, Aahz," Chumley intervened. "Could you possibly curb your normally vile manners for a few moments? We don't really need one more enemy in this dimension, and I, for one, would appreciate the chance to extend my thanks to this gentleman before he throws us out."

  When he's working, Chumley goes by the name of Big Crunch and does a Neanderthal that's the envy of half the barbarians at the Bazaar. On his own time, however, his polished charm has solved a lot of problems for us...almost as many as Aahz's b
luster has gotten us into.

  "Oh, come on in," the Dispatcher grumbled. "Enter freely and of your own accord and all that. I never could turn my back on somebody in trouble. Guess that's why I've never traveled the other dimensions myself. They'd eat me alive out there."

  "Thanks, Vilhelm," I said, slipping past him into the office before he could change his mind. "You'll have to forgive my partner. He really isn't always like this. Being on death row hasn't done much for his sense of humor."

  "I guess I'm a little edgy myself," the vampire admitted. "Strange as it sounds, I've been worried about you folks...and your motor-mouthed friend who's been keeping me company hasn't helped things much."

  I did a quick nose count of our troop.

  "Wait a minute," I frowned. "Who's been waiting for us?"

  Now it was Vilhelm's turn to look surprised.

  "Didn't one of you send out for a werewolf? He said he was with you."

  "Aahh! But I am! My friends, they do not know me yet, but I shall be their salvation, no?"

  With that, I was overwhelmed by a shaggy rug. Well, at least that's what I thought until it came off the floor and threw itself into my arms with the enthusiasm of a puppy...a very large puppy.

  "What's that?!." Aahz said, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Skeeve, can't I leave you alone for a few days without you picking up every stray in any given dimension?"

  "That," in this case, was one of the scroffiest-looking werewolves I'd ever seen...realizing, of course, that until this moment I'd only seen two. He had dark bushy eyebrows (if you'll believe that on a werewolf) and wore a white stocking cap with a maple leaf on the side. His whiskers were carefully groomed into a handlebar mustache, and what might have been a goatee peered from beneath his chin. Actually, viewed piecemeal, he was very well-groomed. It's just when taken in its entirety that he looked scroffy. Maybe it was the leer...