Lucy & the Lieutenant

by Helen Lacey

  She sat on a chair by one of the pool tables. “I just wanted to be with you tonight.”

  Brant pushed himself off the table and dragged a chair beside her. “I wanted to be with you, too,” he said as he sat. “But it was your first time, Lucy...and that should mean something.”

  “It did,” she whispered. “At least, it did to me.”

  Guilt hit him squarely between the shoulder blades. “Look, of course it was...great. You’re beautiful and sexy...and it’s obvious I’m attracted to you.”

  She raised her hands. “But that’s all it is, right?”

  “I haven’t deliberately misled you, Lucy,” he said soberly. “I try not to mislead anyone.”

  “You’re not serious?”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means,” she said quietly, “that for the past couple of weeks you’ve been courting me and haven’t even realized it.”

  His back stiffened. “That’s not true. I only—”

  “Pizza and a football game?” she reminded him. “Comforting me when I had a bad day at work? An impromptu Thanksgiving dinner? Text messages? Phone calls saying how much you missed me? Really...what did you think you were doing?”

  He stilled. Was she right? Was he so blind? He liked her...a lot. But the idea of it being more than that made his head ache.

  “I guess... I guess I wasn’t thinking,” he admitted. He took one of her hands in his. “Did I hurt you? The first time can be—”

  “You didn’t hurt me,” she said and pulled her hand away. “And you’re working yourself up about it for some reason of your own. I made a decision tonight, Brant...and I made that decision because I am twenty-seven years old and know exactly what I want.” She got to her feet. “Yes, I have not had a lover before tonight. And maybe I didn’t tell you that exactly, but I’ve told you plenty about my life and the kind of person I am. I was a geek in high school, remember?” she said with emphasis. “I was a bookworm. I didn’t have boyfriends. I didn’t have a date for the prom. And I told you I didn’t date in college. What did you think that meant? That I was amusing myself with one-night stands instead?”

  “Of course not,” he said quickly. “I only—”

  “I didn’t deliberately set out to be a virgin at twenty-seven. And even if I did, I’m sure that doesn’t quite make me a candidate for Guinness World Records.”

  “That’s not what I meant to—”

  “I was grieving my mom,” she said hotly. “I was still coming to terms with the accident. And the truth is, I was so messed up, I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. And then when my roommate was attacked it shut something off inside me and all I wanted to do was become a good doctor. That’s all I concentrated on. That’s all I wanted. Not a date. Not a boyfriend. Not sex.”

  She was breathing so hard her chest rose up and down and Brant was instantly aroused. She walked away, hands on hips, clearly irritated. He stood and followed her around the pool table.

  “But you want that now?” he asked. “A boyfriend? Sex?”

  She stopped walking and turned, glaring at him. “You’d make a rotten boyfriend.”

  He couldn’t help grinning. Even when she was madder than hell she was beautiful.

  “You’re right about that.”

  She looked at his chest and then her gaze rose to meet his eyes. “So, I should probably leave.”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  She scowled and still looked beautiful. “You’d let me go so easily?”

  “I never said it would be easy.”

  She seemed to sway closer. “None of this is easy, is it? Feeling. Wanting. Maybe...” she said as a hand came up and touched his chest. “Maybe it’s not meant to be easy. Maybe the struggle is what makes it worthwhile.”

  “Maybe,” he agreed and placed his hand over hers.

  “So,” she said softly. “What do we do now?”

  Brant clasped his hands to her hips and lifted her onto the edge of the pool table. “Now,” he said as he settled between her thighs and wound his arms around her, “I guess we do this.”

  She sighed, all resistance disappearing. “For how long?”

  “For now. For as long as it lasts,” he said and kissed her.

  He knew that Lucy was thinking forever.

  And that was something Brant didn’t believe in.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lucy didn’t want to think...or imagine...that six days into their thing she actually had a boyfriend. But Friday night, after they’d spent two hours in bed together and were now in her kitchen, eating enchiladas and drinking coffee, she figured she could call it a relationship. Of sorts.

  When they were together Brant was attentive and charming and certainly seemed unable to get enough of her. They made love a lot. He arrived at her place every afternoon at five thirty and was always gone by midnight. They ate dinner, watched television, talked about mundane things and regularly had hot, uninhibited sex that turned her sensible brain to mush. But he never slept over and always called her the following morning to see how she was.

  She was on day shift at the hospital and got to sleep in until eight every morning to combat the fatigue she felt, which meant a mad rush getting showered and dressed and to work on time. But she didn’t care. She was wrapped in a lovely kind of bubble that had everything to do with the fact that she was crazy in love with Brant and adored every moment they spent together.

  “I have the weekend off,” she said and sipped her coffee.

  Brant looked at her over the mug in his hands. “I know.”

  She half smiled. “Did you want to do something tomorrow? Or Sunday?”

  “I have the kitchen going in at the tavern this weekend,” he said quietly. “And the new chef is arriving tomorrow, so I’ll be tied up both days. Plus, I want to try and see Uncle Joe. I’ll let you know, okay?”

  “Oh...sure.”

  He drank his coffee and then stood, collecting their plates. “There’s a game on if you’re interested?”

  Football? She was learning to like the game and if it meant cuddling up on the couch with Brant, all the better. She nodded. “I was thinking, if you’re coming over tomorrow why don’t you stay the night and we could go into town Sunday morning for breakfast?”

  He stilled and stared at her. “We’ll see.”

  Code for “no chance.” Right. Lucy wondered if he was worried about being seen with her. It was a small town and people talked. Although, since his truck had been parked outside her house every night for close to a week, she figured they had probably been outed already. Of course, Kayla had called every day, and Brooke and Ash, who were a little more discreet, had been texting her off and on for two days. Colleen had been noticeably absent and Lucy figured the woman was giving them space.

  “If you don’t want to spend the night, just say so.”

  His gaze sharpened. “That’s not what I said.”

  She shrugged. “Actions speak louder than words.”

  She immediately saw the gleam in his eyes. “They certainly do.”

  Lucy smiled, caught her bottom lip between her teeth and felt a familiar surge of desire pulse through her body. “Prove it,” she said and got up and raced into the living room, well aware he would be ten paces behind her.

  By the time he caught up she was turned on and ready for him. He hauled her into his arms and kissed her hotly. She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around his waist. They made it to the sofa in three seconds flat and began stripping clothes off in their usual hurry. She straddled him and linked her arms around his neck.

  “Contraception,” he said raggedly.

  Lucy dug into the pocket of her robe, extracted a foil packet and then rattled it between her fingertips. “Voilà!”

  He sm
iled against her mouth and kissed her hotly. “Sweetheart, you never cease to amaze me.”

  Lucy’s heart surged. It was the first endearment he’d ever called her and she liked it more than she’d imagined. They made love quickly, passionately, as if they couldn’t get enough of one another. It was hot and erotic and mind-blowing. Afterward, Brant grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around her shoulders.

  “It’s cold in here. I’ve let the fire burn down too low,” he said and hooked a thumb in the direction of the fireplace. “Remind me to stock up your firewood next week.”

  His consideration warmed her heart. He was caring and kind and she loved him. And had almost told him so a dozen times in the past week. But she always held back. He wasn’t ready for any kind of declaration.

  Lucy nuzzled his neck and pressed herself against his chest. “Thank you.”

  They watched the football game, fooled around a little on the sofa and by eleven-thirty he bailed. She gave him a lingering kiss in the doorway and watched through the front window as he drove away. As usual, once he’d gone, Lucy experienced a kind of aching loneliness. She knew it was foolish. Knew that whatever she was feeling, Brant was certainly not on the same page. He liked her. He wanted her. But that was all he was good for. She’d tried getting him to talk more about what had happened in Afghanistan, but he would shut her down every time she broached the subject. She knew he’d been to see Dr. Allenby again, but had no idea if he was making any progress or if he’d made another appointment. Despite how close they’d become, there was a restless kind of energy around him that was impossible to ignore. It had her on edge...and waiting for the inevitable fallout.

  Strangely, he didn’t text her Saturday morning and by ten o’clock she gave in and sent him a message. He replied about half an hour later, saying he was tied up and would speak to her later. It left her with a heavy, uneasy feeling in her heart.

  Kayla and Brooke dropped in to see her at lunchtime, carrying a pizza and a six pack of pear cider.

  “It’s about time you came up for air,” Kayla said with a grin as they all headed for the kitchen. “By the flushed expression, I take it everything is going well?”

  Lucy shrugged. She wasn’t sure she wanted to have a post mortem about her relationship with Brant. It felt...disloyal. That was stupid, of course, because Kayla and Brooke were her closest friends and she could always rely on their support and understanding. But she’d essentially always been a private person, and being with Brant on the most intimate level was not something she wanted to discuss or dissect.

  “Yeah...fine,” she said and grabbed plates from the cupboard. “How are you both?”

  Brooke, certainly the most diplomatic of the pair, gave her arm a gentle squeeze when they all sat. “We’re worried about you, that’s all.”

  “I’m fine,” she assured them. “I promise.”

  Kayla’s perfectly beautiful face was marred with a frown. “We don’t quite believe you. And we’re here if you need to talk.”

  She knew that. But, strangely, the only person she wanted to confide in was Brant. She liked the way he listened. She liked the way he stroked her hair when she’d talked about her mom and the accident and how helpless she’d felt. She liked how there was no judgment, no condescending advice...only his deep voice assuring her the pain and hurt would eventually pass. The irony was, it was exactly what she wanted to say to him. They were both broken in their own way. Sure, she’d moved on and seen a therapist and didn’t have bad dreams anymore, but a part of her would always grieve for the years she’d lost with her parents. And Brant understood that grief better than anyone ever had.

  Sometimes when he’d dozed a little after they’d made love, she’d witnessed his restlessness. He had bad dreams, she was sure of it. She hadn’t said anything to him about it, but knew he was certainly reliving the horror of what he’d seen in the war. And it broke her heart that she couldn’t help him through his pain.

  She looked at her friends and felt their sympathetic stares through to her bones.

  “I’m fine, like I said. It’s early days, that’s all.”

  “Good,” Kayla said and sighed heavily. “We just weren’t sure if you knew about the woman he was with this morning.”

  Her back stiffened. “What woman?”

  “I saw him at the coffee place next door to O’Sullivan’s. They were talking. It looked serious.”

  He was with another woman. And it looked serious.

  Lucy wondered if there had ever been a bigger fool than her. But she pasted on a smile and shrugged. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.”

  Her friends didn’t look too convinced. Heat burned the backs of her eyes and tears threatened to spill.

  “I’m in love with Brant,” she said honestly.

  Brooke patted her arm again. “Yeah, we know that.”

  “I’ve never been in love before,” she admitted, aware her friends knew it already.

  Brooke offered a gentle smile. “Does he love you back?”

  Lucy shook her head, suddenly hurting all over. “I don’t think he believes he’s capable of loving anyone.”

  And knowing he believed he was that hollow inside made her heart ache.

  * * *

  Saturday lunch at his mother’s wasn’t generally a chore, but Brant was in no mood to be put under the microscope by his parent or his brother. He planned to stop in for an hour before he got back to the tavern to tackle the painting. He’d had half the kitchen installed at the tavern that morning and the contractors were coming back the following day to finish the job. He’d also interviewed the new chef and discovered the thirtysomething single mom had excellent credentials and stellar references. She also had nowhere to live, since she was relocating from Montana with her young son, and Brant had assured her he would help her find suitable accommodation. His apartment above the tavern would do the job, and since he hadn’t planned on making it his permanent residence, he needed to think about getting a real home of his own. A house, with a yard and a porch and a maybe a swing set out back.

  As soon as he had the thought, Brant shook himself. He had no place in his life for yards and swing sets. That was the kind of life his brother had. Not him.

  Only...he kept thinking about it. About yards and swing sets and Lucy Monero.

  “Everything okay?”

  His brother’s voice jerked him into the present. Grady and Marissa had forgone a honeymoon and instead planned to head to Nevada with her father, Rex, after Christmas to meet her newly discovered extended family. Brant hadn’t been home for the holidays in six years and suspected this one was going to be filled with the usual family gatherings and gift-giving.

  “Fine,” he said and met his brother’s gaze for a moment. They were in the living room, watching a game on television. “How’s married life?”

  “Amazing.” Grady grinned. “You should try it for yourself.”

  He wasn’t about to admit that he’d thought about it many times over the past week. About as often as he’d thought about ending his relationship with Lucy. Damn...he didn’t want to think of it in terms of being a relationship, but how could he not? She’d gifted him the most intimate part of herself and the responsibility of that gift was wreaking havoc with his integrity and moral compass. Lucy wasn’t a casual kind of woman. Lucy Monero was the marrying kind. If he kept seeing her that’s where they’d end up. He was sure of it. And he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Having sex with her was addling his brain. He felt weak. Out of control.

  He stared at the television and spoke. “I’ve done something really stupid.”

  Grady glanced sideways. “And what’s that?”

  “Lucy.”

  His brother chuckled softly. “Yeah, I heard. Mom’s over the moon. But you know it might just turn out to be
the smartest thing you’ve ever done.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t give her what she wants.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Everything,” he replied.

  “And why do you think you can’t give it to her?” Grady asked, more serious.

  He exhaled heavily. “Because I’m not made that way. I don’t know...maybe I was once. But...”

  “The war changed you?” Grady said. “No surprise there. It would change anyone.”

  Brant nodded. “I’ve been talking to Dr. Allenby...you know, at the veterans home.”

  “How’s it going?”

  He shrugged. “He knows his stuff. He’s easy to talk to and doesn’t push too hard. But I’ve talked to army shrinks before and it hasn’t made any difference. What’s in here—” he put a finger to his temple “—is there forever. I can’t escape it. I can’t deny it. I’m just trying to camouflage it so I can lead a normal sort of life.”

  “And Lucy?” Grady prompted.

  “She rips through that camouflage without even knowing it.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Or maybe she does. I don’t know. All I do know is that when I’m around her I feel... I feel so damned...”

  “Vulnerable?” his brother said and sighed. “I hate to break this to you, but that’s got nothing to do with you being changed somehow by what you experienced in the war.”

  Brant frowned. “Then what is it?”

  “It’s because you’re in love with her,” Grady said frankly.

  Every part of him stilled and he quickly dismissed his brother’s words. “I’m not. I just feel...responsible.”

  Grady’s eyes widened. “For what? She’s not pregnant is she?”

  Brant scowled quickly, looking around to make sure his mother or sister-in-law weren’t nearby and spoke quietly. “No. But she...” His words trailed off. He wasn’t about to betray Lucy’s confidence, as much as he felt like spilling his woes to his brother. “It’s private and not up for discussion. But let’s just say that she...surprised me.”