Burn Out

by Cheryl Douglas

  “You’re one of the finest vets I’ve ever seen, Erika. I admire your gift with animals.”

  “I appreciate that.” She knew he was trying to soften her resolve, but it wouldn’t work. She wanted to settle down and have a family some day and that wasn’t going to be possible if she committed every waking hour to her business. She needed a healthy balance, something she’d always pleaded with Evan to find. “But I’m not going to change my mind, Jeff.” She withdrew a magazine from her carry-on and turned on the overhead reading light. “If you have this great vision for a different type of business, no one is stopping you from pursuing it.” Jeff was a valuable member of her team, but she knew other vets out there would gladly claim his job without telling her how to run her business.

  They’d become close during the past year and a half, and she’d come to rely on his support, but she wouldn’t allow him to dictate how she should run her life or her business. He was the one who convinced her that she’d already invested too much time and effort in a relationship that was no longer working, and she was glad she’d had his support to help her get through the break-up, but she was stronger now. She didn’t need his advice about how to handle Evan. She knew she could never go back to the way things were and she didn’t intend to.

  “You know I could never leave you,” he said, squeezing her leg.

  She looked at the hand resting on her leg before she turned her attention to his face. “I like you a lot, but I think we both know the reason our relationship hasn’t evolved the way you hoped it would.” She sighed. “We just don’t have the chemistry.” She could see the tension in his jaw, and she knew he would try disputing her statement.

  “You haven’t even given us a chance. You’re still hung up on that guy, and until you’re willing to move on, no one else can give you what you need.”

  “You may be right.” She set her hand on top of his hand. “I want closure, and I hope that’s what this trip will give Evan and me, but it still doesn’t change things between us. I have to believe if you and I were going to develop feelings for each other, we would have by now.”

  “How the hell do you expect to develop feelings for me when you’re sleeping with him?”

  Luc, sitting across the aisle, raised an eyebrow at Jeff’s sharp tone.

  She smiled at Evan’s father and said between clenched teeth, “Would you keep your voice down? The whole world doesn’t need to know my business.”

  “You think they don’t know already?” he said, gesturing to the people seated around the plane. “He’s here to get you back, and as far as they’re concerned, I’m the only obstacle in the way. They don’t want me here anymore than he does.”

  “That’s not true,” she whispered. “We’re all here for one reason: to see our good friends get married. This has nothing to do with you.” She’d accused Evan of being self-centered, but she was beginning to realize Jeff shared the same trait.

  “What did he say to you earlier?” he asked, shifting in his seat to face her. “When he hauled you away from your friends?”

  Erika didn’t see any reason to hide the truth from him. “He said he’s changed, that he wants to prove it to me.” She would give anything for that to be true, to have a second chance at the life she’d always wanted with a man she still loved with her whole heart, but she couldn’t allow herself to believe his empty promises again. Pinning all of her dreams on him had almost destroyed her last time. This time she was smarter and stronger and she refused to believe his lies.

  “That guy would say whatever you want to hear to get you back.” He looked disgusted when he said, “But as soon as he had you, things would go back to the way they were. You’d spend all of your time alone, waiting for him to come home, arguing with him because he forgot to call or he missed an important date-”

  “You don’t have to remind me why it didn’t work out with Evan. I haven’t forgotten how bad things were.” And no matter how hard Evan tried, he wouldn’t be able to make her forget.

  ***

  Evan watched Erika from across the table, the candlelight casting a glow over her beautiful face as the gentle ocean breeze teased her hair. She seemed happy, carefree, as she laughed and traded stories with their friends, but he knew she was uneasy with the man at her side vying for her attention while her ex-lover stared them down.

  It killed Evan to watch her with someone else. Even though he knew they’d never been intimate, he questioned whether she might be willing to settle for a marriage built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect if it meant she could spare her heart.

  “So, how are things at work, Ev?” Nick asked, bringing the beer glass to his lips.

  Evan saw Erika’s eyes drift to him, waiting for his response.

  He didn’t take his eyes off her as he said, “Actually, I’m in the process of makin’ some changes. Tryin’ to make time for a life.”

  Nick laughed as he slapped him on the back. “It’s about time. You know what they say about all work and no play.”

  “I was the one who suggested it,” Ryan said, linking his hand with Brianna’s. “I hate seein’ him work himself to death.”

  “You’re right,” Evan said, still looking at Erika. “Some things are more important than work.”

  Dominic clutched his chest and grinned. “Damn, I never thought I’d hear you say that, Spencer.”

  “Neither did I,” Erika said, quietly. “Of course, saying it and doing it are two different things, aren’t they?” She brought the wine glass to her lips and broke eye contact.

  “I guess the proof will be in the steps I take to make it happen, right?” He folded his hands over his stomach. “You may not believe me yet, but I promise you I am gonna make it happen.”

  “How do you plan to do that?” Jeff asked, glaring at him. “You gonna become a man of leisure? Live off your daddy’s fortune?”

  Evan was sorely tempted to lunge across the table and throttle the man, but he didn’t want to ruin the week his friends had worked so hard to plan. “Living off someone else’s hard work wouldn’t satisfy me,” Evan said, staring him down. “That may work for you, but I need to challenge myself.”

  The color rose in Jeff’s cheeks as he gripped the armrests of his iron chair. “For your information, Erika couldn’t get along at that clinic without me. I’m always there to support her, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for you. Where were you when she needed you, Spencer?” He pretended to contemplate his question. “That’s right, you were only worried about how you were gonna make your next mil provin’ to the world you were more than just your old man’s lackey.”

  Erika grabbed his arm. “Please, don’t do this.”

  Dom chuckled as he rubbed his hands together. “This has been long overdue if you ask me.”

  Evan smirked at his best friend’s reaction. Dom loved a good fight and was often the one to instigate them back in college.

  Lena rolled her eyes at her fiancé. “Can we all pretend to be adults so they don’t throw us out of here on the very first night?”

  “Sorry, Lena,” Evan said, raising his hand. “It won’t happen again.”

  “Excuse me,” Erika said, pushing her chair back.

  Evan didn’t waste any time getting to his feet as he followed her down the path to the beach.

  “Why don’t you just back off?” Jeff asked.

  Evan turned to look at the man over his shoulder. “I could ask you the same question.”

  Chapter Eight

  Erika strolled along the beach trying to catch her breath. It was closing in on midnight, and she was tired. She should have simply excused herself and retreated to her room, but she’d always been drawn to water when she was trying to work out her problems.

  She wasn’t surprised when Evan fell in to step beside her. “What do you want?” she asked, pulling her wrap around skirt up to her knees so it didn’t trail in the water as they walked along the shore line.

  “I just wanted to tell you I
’m sorry for mixin’ it up with him back there. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  Gazing out at the stars, she admitted, “I shouldn’t have brought him.”

  “Why did you?” he asked, slipping his hands into the pockets of the shorts he’d changed into when they arrived at the resort.

  “Maybe I didn’t trust myself to be alone with you for a whole week,” she said, knowing he already knew the reason she’d brought Jeff along. “I’m kind of ashamed to admit I needed him as a buffer.”

  “Did he know that’s why you were bringin’ him?”

  She ran her hands over her upper arms. It was a beautiful night, but the breeze blowing in off the ocean made it feel considerably cooler. “I think so.” He put his arm around her and she let him pull her against his body as they walked. She’d always felt so safe in his arms, and she suspected that would never change.

  “Did you tell him about what happened between us the other night?”

  “Yes.”

  “How did he take it?”

  “He wasn’t happy about it.” She focused on the sand under her feet instead of her body’s reaction to his touch. Falling back into bed with him would be so easy, but she knew that would only give him false hope.

  “You know he doesn’t belong here. This week is about Dom and Lena. We could have a great time together, just like old times. Why don’t I have the jet take him home?”

  Evan was so used to people bending to his will, but she refused to allow him to sway her. “I can’t do that. He’s my friend and co-worker. I asked him here to spend the week with me. If you don’t like it, that’s your problem.”

  The hand on her arm clenched, but he didn’t respond as they walked a few more feet in silence. “I meant what I said earlier. I’m makin’ some changes at Titan.”

  “Don’t do it for my benefit, Evan. It won’t matter what you do; we’re not getting back together.”

  “Who said I’m doin’ it for you?”

  Ouch. “If you’re doing it for yourself, I’m happy for you. It’s not healthy to work so much.”

  “Yeah, besides I’m thinkin’ it might be time to slow down. Buy the house, adopt the dog, find a wife, have a couple of kids. You know, all the things we used to talk about.”

  Her stomach clenched as she imagined some other woman living her life. Pulling away and stepping another foot closer to the water’s edge so she could feel the splash of the water gliding over her feet, she said, “I hope you find everything you’re looking for.”

  He stretched his arms over his head and released a contented sigh. “I will. I’m not worried.”

  She glared at him out of the corner of her eye. Of course he wouldn’t be worried. Women had thrown themselves at him for as long as she could remember. He’d always been rich, gorgeous, smart, and sexy, but now he had the impressive title to make him the ultimate catch. “Just make sure you don’t choose some gold-digger who’s only after your money,” she muttered.

  He laughed. “I have better taste in women than that, don’t you think?”

  She didn’t know if he was serious or just trying to bait her. Either way, she didn’t like it. “I don’t know. It’s been a long time since you’ve had to find a girlfriend. Unless…” She hated herself for asking, but her curiosity wrestled her pride to the mat and won. “Have you been seeing anyone this past year?”

  He shrugged. “I’ve gone out on a few dates. Nothing serious.” Translation – I’ve slept with a few women.

  “Are you thinking one of them might be the one?” It pained her to even ask the question, but if he responded the way she feared he might, at least it would help her move on.

  “I didn’t think so, but…”

  She held her breath as she waited for him to continue. When he said nothing, she clenched the soft fabric of her skirt in tight fists and asked, “But?”

  “That was before you made me believe we didn’t have a chance at a future together.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “Back at the airport you made it sound like you weren’t ready to give up on me. What changed your mind?”

  “You did,” he said, brushing a hand across her cheek to remove a strand of hair plastered across her lips. “I don’t know why, but somethin’ clicked. I laid on the bed in the plane for a long time thinkin’ about what we had, what I want…”

  “And?” She was determined not to cry. This was a good thing. He was finally willing to let her go so she could get on with her life. “What do you want?”

  “Like I said, I want to settle down.” He reached for her hand. “We had some amazing years together, but I know we can’t go back. You can’t trust me with your heart again, and I understand why, but I hope that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends?”

  She swallowed the lump in her throat, determined not to let him see how much this hurt her. “You want to be friends?”

  “Sure.” He lifted a shoulder. “You and Lena are still tight. Dom’s my best friend. We’re bound to cross paths, you know, when Dom and Lena have kids. There’ll be baptisms, birthday parties, holiday get-togethers. Our lives are linked, whether we like it or not, right?”

  She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She was grateful the breeze was drying her tears before they could fall.

  “I think what happened the other night happened for a reason, so we can both find closure.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll always care about what happens to you, and you know that if you ever need anything, you can always call me.”

  “I know,” she whispered, burying her head in his chest. She didn’t expect it to hurt so much, but this felt more final than the first time they broke up because this time he was letting her go instead of the other way around.

  He tipped her head up and brushed away the tear that escaped. “Please don’t cry.”

  She sniffled. “I know it’s silly. We’ve been broken up a long time, but…”

  “It’s hard to say good-bye.” He kissed her forehead. “I know, I feel the same way. You deserve to be happy. I wish I could’ve been the guy to make you happy, but since I’m not, I hope you find what you’re lookin’ for, baby.” He inclined his head toward the restaurant at the top of the hill. “Just make sure it’s not with that loser.”

  She smiled through her tears. “Don’t worry. I know Jeff’s not the man of my dreams.”

  “He’s out there, you know,” he said, brushing her hair off her face. “And you just might be closer to findin’ him than you think.”

  ***

  Walking Erika back to her room and kissing her on the forehead when he wanted to plunge his tongue deep inside her mouth and initiate the kiss his body craved was the hardest thing Evan had ever done, but he knew it was necessary.

  His time on the airplane had helped him to come to some important realizations. He didn’t want her to acknowledge she was still in love with the guy he used to be. He wanted her to fall in love with the man he hoped to become.

  He meant it when he told her he was ready to change. When they got home, he intended to restructure the business and hopefully bring Trey on board, so he would have more free time. He would buy the house in the family-friendly neighborhood, adopt the dog he’d always wanted… and he knew just the place to take him while he worked all day. Erika’s veterinary clinic had an excellent doggie daycare facility and if she happened to see him coming in to pick his dog up at promptly six o’clock every day, she would have to realize he wasn’t the same workaholic he’d been when they were together.

  Climbing the hill to the bars and restaurants lining the path, Evan spotted his Uncle Trey on a lounger. “Hey there,” he said, nudging his leg. “I thought all the old folks had turned in by now.” He laughed when Trey opened one eye and gave him the finger.

  “Sierra headed up a little while ago, but I needed to wind down for a bit before I turned in.”

  Evan claimed the spot next to him and looked out at the vast ocean. “It’s a beautiful sp
ot, isn’t it?”

  “It sure is.”

  “Erika and I always talked about gettin’ married somewhere like this.” He sighed. “I gotta let go of the past if I expect to move forward, but sometimes that’s easier said than done.”

  “I hear ya.” Trey opened his eyes and turned his head to look at his nephew. “It’s gotta be tough, seein’ her here with someone else.”

  “She’s just passin’ time with that guy. I know it’s nothin’ serious.”

  “Still, it’s gotta sting.”

  “I guess.” It felt like the right time to pitch his idea, and he knew his brother wouldn’t mind if he talked to Trey without him, so he said, “Listen, Ryan and I were talkin’ about you the other day.”

  “Oh yeah? What about?”

  “Just wonderin’ how you’re enjoyin’ your retirement.”

  “There are things I love about it, but I can’t deny I miss some things about the music biz. I’m still writin’ songs, but it’s not the same.”

  “We had an idea.” He held his hand up. “Just hear me out before you say anything. You know I’m swamped, and I could really use some help.”

  “I hear Ryan’s really been steppin’ up lately. That true?”

  “Yeah, he’s been great, but I need more help.”

  “I’m listenin’.”

  “We’re lookin’ for someone with experience to work with the new artists. You know, listen to demos, schedule preliminary meetings to see if they sound as good live, advise us, and work with the artists once we’ve signed them.”

  “You have record execs who do a lot of that stuff already, Ev.”

  “Yeah, but a lot of the artist development falls on my shoulders, and let’s face it, our execs are just a bunch of suits interested in churnin’ out number one hits. I want someone who knows the music biz inside and out. Someone who understands what these artists are goin’ through, what the fans want, how to make people fall in love with them. I want someone who can encourage the artists to stay true to their vision, ‘cause we both know that’s the only way fans are gonna buy what they’re sellin’.”