Burn Out

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Are you worried he might revert to the same guy you left?” Brianna asked, biting her lip.

  “It’s crossed my mind.”

  Erika finished her examination and input the information into the computer before slipping the stethoscope around her neck and turning to face Brianna. “I love him, Bri. I want to be with him, but not if it means I’m going to start feeling the way I did toward the end of our relationship. I never want to feel that way again.”

  Brianna sat down in the vinyl guest chair, cradling her cat in her arms. “Have you talked to him about your concerns?”

  “Yes, and he assures me that he made all of these changes because he was tired of working all the time. He said he’s ready to move on to the next phase of his life… with me.” A look of skepticism passed Brianna’s face, making Erika feel uneasy. “You don’t believe him?”

  “I don’t know what to believe,” Brianna said, settling Coco back into his carrier. “I know he would do anything for you, and being apart from you was torture for him, but…”

  “But what?” Erika asked, leaning over the table. “Please, whatever’s on your mind, I just need you to say it, Bri. This is my life we’re talking about here. I don’t want to get hurt again and I don’t want to hurt him. If you have some insight that could help me make the right decision, I need you to share it.”

  Brianna hesitated, as though she was wavering between her loyalty to two people she considered close friends. “If he could change for anyone, I know he’d make the effort for you.”

  Erika’s heart sank as Brianna confirmed her fears. “He can’t do this for me. This lifestyle change has to be what he wants or it’s never going to work.”

  “I know,” Brianna said, lifting her head to meet her eyes. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Evan could see Erika was under a lot of stress by the tense set of her shoulders as he watched her finish up with her last patient. He sat back in the guest chair in her lobby, watching her instruct the pet owner on how to administer medication to his Akita. Evan pretended to read a pet care magazine to pass the time until he could corner her for the kiss he’d craved all day.

  “Um, listen, Erika,” the man said, leaning an elbow on the counter.

  Evan set the magazine down on the chair beside him. As far as he knew, most of her patients called her Dr. Carlton, not Erika.

  “I was wondering if you’d like to go out for dinner this weekend? I mean, I had a great time at the game last month…” He shrugged. “And I just thought you might like to go out again?”

  Evan glared at the back of the man’s head, holding his breath as he waited for her to respond. They’d never defined their relationship or talked about seeing other people, so he had no idea whether she would agree to go out with someone else or not. One thing was for sure, if she did show an interest in someone else, he would have to find a way to put a stop to it.

  “Thanks,” she said. “But I have plans this weekend.”

  He glanced at a glossy flyer advertising the benefit that weekend. “Ah, this is where you’ll be, huh? We could make it Friday or Sunday, if Saturday doesn’t work for you. Or even better, I could take you to the benefit; that is, if you don’t have a date?”

  Evan had to give the guy credit for persistence, not that he could blame him. Women like Erika rarely came along twice in a lifetime. He was a fool for not putting a ring on her finger when he had the chance. Then he wouldn’t have to worry about losers like this guy coming on to her every day.

  Erika darted a quick look over the man’s shoulder and her eyes landed on Evan. “Actually, Glen, I’m kind of seeing someone.”

  Kind of seeing someone? Is that how she defined their relationship? Evan raised an eyebrow when her gaze landed on him again. A faint blush stole over her cheeks and he couldn’t help but smile. She was obviously uncomfortable, having to ward off another man’s advances in front of him. He would make it easy for her by telling her where he felt they stood.

  “Oh, is it Jeff?” Glen glanced down the hallway toward the offices and exam rooms. “’Cause I heard he wasn’t working here anymore.”

  “He isn’t. It’s not Jeff.”

  Deciding to put her out of her misery, Evan stood up and walked towards them. “It’s me.”

  The man perused Evan from the tips of his custom-made shoes to his Armani suit. “I get it now.”

  “Good,” Evan said, putting his hands in his pockets as he rolled back on his heels. “Glad I could clarify the situation.”

  “Evan,” Erika said between clenched teeth as she tried to maintain a smile for her client’s benefit. “Why don’t you head on over and get the dogs while I finish up here?”

  He smiled. “You want me to get Chloe, too? We can drop them off at your place before we head over to my parents’ house. It’s the old man’s birthday and my mom’s havin’ a little get together. Just family and a few close friends. Naturally they want you there.”

  She looked at him as though he’d lost his mind. “You’re just telling me about this now? I don’t even have a gift for your father.” She pulled her pink scrubs away from her body. “I was in surgery today. I need a shower, a change of clothes…”

  “No worries,” he said, ignoring the man watching their exchange with interest. “We’ll pass by your place on the way.” He bent to kiss her cheek, knowing she would lecture him about the gesture later. “Let me get the dogs while you…” He gave her client a cursory glance. “Finish up here.”

  “Fine,” she said, glaring up at him.

  ***

  Evan pulled into his parents’ driveway two hours later, feeling frustrated and confused. He didn’t know what happened to the woman who had kissed him good-bye that morning, but he wanted her back in place of the quiet, pensive female occupying the seat beside him.

  Cutting the engine, he turned to face her. “Okay, what’s goin’ on with you?”

  She folded her arms, scowling as she looked out the passenger’s window of his Jaguar. “You were rude to Glen.”

  “So?” He tried to keep a straight face when she glared at him. “Gimme a break, baby. The guy was comin’ on to you right in front of me. What did you expect me to do?”

  “You didn’t have to be so…” She struggled as though she was searching for the right word. “Obtuse.”

  He laughed, covering his mouth with his hand when she shot him a scathing look. “Okay, fine. I’m sorry for bein’ so… obtuse.” He pinched his lips together to keep from laughing again. “Are we good now?”

  “No,” she said, looking like a petulant child. “You could have given me a little more warning if you wanted me to attend this party with you.”

  “It’s not a party. It’s just a little family dinner.”

  She looked at the dozens of cars lining the massive driveway. “Yeah, it sure looks that way.”

  “Come on,” he said, reaching for her hand. “You know everyone here. It’s no big deal.”

  “It’s a big deal to me,” she said, withdrawing from his touch. “You used to do this all the time.”

  He sensed they were finally getting to the heart of the matter. “What are you talkin’ about?”

  “You’d call me at the last minute and tell me I needed to be ready in an hour. You had to attend some party and you just expected me to drop everything and go with you.” Raking her hand through her hair, she said, “I have a business to run, Evan. I have a life that doesn’t revolve around you anymore.”

  Ouch. “Fine, I’m sorry I didn’t give you a little more notice, okay?”

  “No, it’s not okay.” She closed her eyes and tipped her head back on the leather headrest. “I hated that life, being paraded around from one event to the other, smiling and making small talk with people I didn’t know or even care to know.”

  “I had no idea being with me was such an inconvenience,” he said, his temper rising to match her foul mood. “You should have said somethin’.”

>   “Don’t do that,” she said, opening her eyes and rolling her head to face him. “Don’t make it sound like I didn’t want to be with you. I did. That was the problem. I never got to be with you, just you.”

  “I don’t know what you want from me,” he said, throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m bendin’ over backwards tryin’ to accommodate you-”

  “That’s the problem,” she said, reaching for the door handle. “You’re doing all this because you think it’s what I want, not because it’s what you want.”

  Muttering a curse, Evan reached for the door handle. He had no choice but to follow her when she rounded his vehicle and ran up the steps.

  His mother greeted them, pulling Erika into her arms with an excited squeal. “I’m so glad you came,” Marisa said, squeezing Erika before holding her at arm’s length.

  “Thanks for having me.” Erika held out the gift she’d insisted on stopping for: a bottle of Luc’s favorite scotch and a dozen of the cigars he was only allowed to smoke outside. “Where’s the birthday boy?”

  Marisa laughed as she threaded her arm through Erika’s. “He’s mingling. Come. He’ll be so happy to see you.”

  Evan raised his hand at their retreating figures. “Nice to see you too, Ma. Don’t worry, I’ll get my coat. A drink? Sure, I’d love one,” he shouted across the foyer.

  Marisa turned and stuck her tongue out at him over her shoulder.

  Their long-time housekeeper, Shirley, approached. Patting him on the back, she smiled. “I’ll take your coat, my boy.”

  “Thanks, Shirl,” he said, bending to kiss her wrinkled cheek. “You always were the one to look after me. That’s why I like you best.”

  She laughed as she hung his coat up in the closet. “I see Erika is back.” Beaming, she clasped her hands under his chin. “I couldn’t be happier for you two.”

  “Thanks.” Shirley had always been like a member of their family, so he knew he could tell her anything. “I’m still not sure she trusts me, though.”

  Slipping an arm around Evan’s waist, she led him away from the party toward her domain: the kitchen. “You need to give her some time, honey. She has every reason to be a little gun-shy after what happened last time.”

  “I know,” he said, sighing. He sat down at the breakfast bar as Shirley took a tray of puffed pastries out of the oven. “But how the hell do I erase the past?”

  “You can’t,” she said, smiling. “Every fight you ever had, every lousy thing you ever did to hurt her is right up here,” she said, tapping her finger against her head. “We women never forget.”

  “Great,” Evan said, rolling his eyes. “Thanks for the pep talk.”

  She laughed as she offered him a platter of appetizers and a cocktail napkin. “That doesn’t mean you won’t make new memories. She’ll learn to trust you again, in time, and you’ll form a new relationship. The past will be just that: the past.” She slipped the glasses hanging on a chain around her neck in place as she adjusted the setting on the stove to add a fresh tray of appetizers.

  A young uniformed server walked in to the room. She was young and pretty with a blonde ponytail and bright green eyes. “Oh, excuse me,” she said, blushing when her eyes landed on Evan. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”

  “That’s okay,” Shirley said, handing her a platter. When the young girl hesitated to leave, Shirley said, “Go on, there’s more where that came from.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” she muttered, rushing away.

  Shirley rolled her eyes. “You and your brother always attracted girls like flies to-”

  “Uh uh,” Evan said, holding his hand up as he chuckled. “My virgin ears.”

  “Oh please,” she said, swatting him with her tea towel as her brown eyes twinkled with amusement. “Now, where were we?” she asked, propping a hand on her broad hip. “That’s right, I was giving you advice on how to fix this mess with Erika.”

  “Tell me, oh wise one,” Evan said, popping a mini spinach and cheese tart into his mouth. “How am I gonna get the girl?”

  “Time, patience, understanding…”

  Evan groaned. “You know those aren’t my strong suits.” He grinned. “I was thinkin’ diamonds, furs, and a sports car. That should work too, right?”

  “Get out of here,” she said, pointing to the door. “If you’re not going to take me seriously, I have work to do.”

  He slid off the stool and bent to kiss her cheek. “You know I love you, Shirl.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said, waving her hand in the air. “Now get out there and mingle before your father comes in here and gives us both hell.”

  ***

  Unable to stand the tension between them another second, Evan cornered Erika by the bar. “Havin’ fun?” he asked. He’d seen her talking and laughing all evening. The only person she seemed to be making a concerted effort to avoid was him.

  “Sure, you know I always have a great time with your family.”

  She’d always fit in seamlessly, confirming Evan’s belief she was meant to be a part of his life. “How ‘bout me?” he asked. “You still enjoy yourself with me?” He hated that he needed the reassurance, but given her attitude the last few hours, he had no idea where they stood.

  “You know I do,” she said, looking at him over the rim of her wine glass as she brought it to her lips. “That’s never been the problem for us.”

  “Then what the hell is the problem?” he asked, raking his hand through his hair in frustration. “’Cause I really thought we were on the right track, but tonight, it feels like we’re right back where we started. I hate this.”

  “You think this is what I want?” she asked, her eyes filling with tears as she turned her back to the crowd. Taking a deep breath, she said, “This is exactly what I was afraid of. I didn’t ever want to feel this way again.” She pressed her palm to her flat stomach. “I have this…”

  “What?” he asked, bringing his hand to her face. “You know you can tell me anything. What the hell happened to make you feel this way? I thought we were in a good place this morning.”

  She looked at him closely, causing his stomach to lurch.

  “Were we, or is that just what you wanted me to believe?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

  He was getting the impression she may have talked to someone in the know… Ryan, Dominic…? “Whatever it is, you need to tell me so I can try to make this right.”

  He could tell she was getting emotional. To save her the embarrassment of breaking down in front of their friends and his family, he set her wine glass down on the bar, took her hand, and led her into his father’s study. Closing the door, he brought her into the circle of his arms. “Okay, now you need to tell me what happened to make you start doubtin’ us again, sweetheart.”

  A tear slid down her cheek as she tipped her head back to look at him. “I love you so much. I’ve always loved you, but I can’t go back to the way things used to be, no matter how much I want this to work.”

  “I’m not askin’ you to do that,” he said, brushing away her tears with his fingertips. “I would never hurt you like that again.”

  “I know you wouldn’t do it intentionally,” she said, lowering her head. “But neither of us can say for sure it won’t happen.”

  “If you’re askin’ for an oath written in blood, I’m afraid I can’t give you that,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. When it didn’t produce the smile he’d hoped for, he slid a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” His actions the past weeks had proven that, but he didn’t think laying it all out there now would help his case. Maybe later, when their relationship was more stable, she would appreciate the lengths he’d gone to just to earn another chance with her, but today clearly wasn’t the right time to take that risk.

  She slipped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. “I know that, but I’m scared, Ev.”

  “What are y
ou afraid of? Nothin’ can hurt us. We’ve been to hell and back the past couple of years and we’re still standin’… together. Doesn’t that prove that nothin’ can change the way we feel about each other?” In his mind it did, but she clearly wasn’t convinced.

  “I knew you were driven and ambitious when I met you. I loved that about you.” She stepped out of his arms, sighing as she started pacing the length of the room. “But when you took over Titan, you became a different person. It’s like you were obsessed with success. You were determined to be the biggest and best, and you didn’t care what it cost.”

  “That’s not true,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets when it became obvious she needed space to work through her confusion. “I was never willin’ to sacrifice what we had for that company. I know you thought I was and it may have seemed that way, but that was never a price I was willin’ to pay, baby. You gotta believe that.” If he couldn’t convince her, he knew their days were numbered.

  “You can’t change who you are,” she said, looking utterly miserable. “You’re a perfectionist. In your mind, no one can do what you do as well as you can.”

  He couldn’t deny that he took pride in a job well done and he loved his career, but it wasn’t enough to fulfill anymore. “I can’t just walk away from Titan. That’s not an option.” He wouldn’t do some things, not even for her. He had a vision for that company and he knew getting there would be his life’s work.

  “Let me ask you something,” she said, pausing mid-step to look at him. “If you and I had no chance of reconciling, what would your life look like? Where would you be right now? I mean, would you still be in the condo? Would you be working right now instead of here with me?”

  The moment of truth. “I told you on that beach in the Bahamas that I was ready to make some changes.”

  “Yeah,” she said, tipping her head. “You said you were ready to settle down and have a family, but were you just telling me what you thought I wanted to hear?”