by Liz Durano
“I’m having lots of fun,” I reply as she hands me a beer. “Thanks.”
“I figured, since you told me last night that you were more of a beer drinker, this will take the edge off. You look like you wish you were miles away from here, and with someone else.“
“It’s not that obvious, is it?” I say, chuckling wryly. “I’m sorry, Sophie. I was actually thinking of how to explain to people what Japanese joinery is and why I still do it when modern technology and 3D modeling is taking over the world.”
She giggles. “Liar.”
I grin. “You’re right. I just hope you’re having a great time even if your date is basically moping.”
“I am, but can I say something?” Sophia’s brow furrows and I nod. “It is true, isn’t it? All the talk about you and that doctor? I can see it. You haven’t stopped watching the door since the party started. Is she coming?”
“I hope so.”
“I won’t keep you away from her, Dax, when she shows up. But you still need to socialize a bit. It’s your party, remember?”
I glance at the door again, wondering when Harlow is coming. If she’s coming. It’s already ten and by all accounts, it would be rude for anyone to come this late to an event. But if it’s any consolation, the photographers are all gone, except for two who work for the PR company. But I also can’t be standing in the same spot staring at the door all night. I take a deep breath and nod at Sophie, then we turn away, towards the direction of the reflecting pool and the garden. Maybe Dad is right. Maybe I’m just being foolish about all this, unwilling to wait until all the talk about Harlow and her claim against the hospital dies down. Maybe that’s why she didn’t come.
From the corner of my eye, I see Dad watching me. He’s talking to Clint Caldwell III, the man whose wife introduced me to Madison years ago. His wife, Paige, is here, too, standing with a group of former models like her, now trophy wives to some of New York’s richest men. Is that how Dad wants me to be, too? Does he want me to find someone like Sophie and together, we can live just like he and Mama lived during the beginning of their marriage? But that was before she had enough of it and returned to Taos when she was pregnant with me. And she never returned to Manhattan, not permanently.
By the time we reach the other end of the pool, we’re joined by a few more people eager to congratulate me. I lose sight of Dad, seeing only Clint with Paige standing next to him. Ever the savvy businessman, Dad’s probably working the event, making sure everyone’s comfortable because God knows I just don’t think of those things, not when all I can think of is why Harlow isn’t here.
But she is here, dressed in a red dress that highlights her dark hair and those gorgeous doe eyes. She’s standing at the door leading to the garden and she’s looking around. Looking for me.
“She’s here.” I pull my arm away from Sophie’s grasp. I don’t even care if someone was in the middle of some story about a club we should all go to and meet up after this is over. Harlow is here, and that’s all that matters.
I hurry towards the double doors, slowing down only to tell someone trying to get my attention that I’ll be right back. One of them grabs my arm and pulls me aside to talk about the staircase he wants me to build in his Hamptons estate. It’s the Montauk investor that put my name on the map, and I’m fucked because I can’t ignore him. By the time I’m done promising to squeeze him into my schedule during the week so we can discuss the specifications of what he wants me to build for him, it’s too late. Harlow is gone, and in the place where she stood just minutes earlier stands Dad.
My heart is beating a mile a minute and as I frantically look around, I have a sinking feeling that Dad just told her to go away. I don’t want to blow up, not when I’ve come so far in all my anger management exercises. Either I beat that punching bag at the gym to a pulp or I build things to channel that anger elsewhere, but right now, all I can do is stay as calm as I can. “Where is she? She was just here!”
“You should have known better than to invite her, Dax. Thank God she had the foresight to come late and miss the press line. What if the press saw her?”
“I don’t give a flying fuck if they saw her, Dad. Why’d she leave? What did you say to her?”
Dad’s expression is all business, his eyes cold. “I didn’t say anything she didn’t already know, Dax. I told her that until her divorce is final, it’s in everyone’s best interest that she stay away from you.”
I shake my head, my hands balled into fists by my side. “It’s to your best interests, you mean? To your business?”
“I’m only thinking of your future, son.”
“No, you’re not. You still see me as that kid on the playground who got teased because I couldn’t read, and they were right. I couldn’t, not then. But guess what, Dad? That kid grew up and these days, he reads just fine. He reads every detailed report you send him. He even makes his own decisions,” I say as I make my way towards the elevator, doing my best not to punch the Down button in my anger.
“Dax…”
“We’ll talk about this later,” I say as I feel Dad stand next to me in front of the elevator doors, the numbers creeping up on the monitor. “If Harlow will have me, I’m staying with her, so apologize to the guests for me, will you?”
Chapter 29
Harlow
“No offense, Dr. James, but I hope you’ll understand if I don’t allow you to see my son. This party is the only one we hold every year and I want him to get the recognition he deserves as an award-winning craftsman, not as some dick for hire your husband has painted him out to be. Why are you even here?”
“Your son invited me, Mr. Drexel.” He didn’t even need to introduce himself before he launched into his tirade. Dax has his deep blue eyes and baritone voice.
He scoffs. “It doesn’t even matter if Dax invited you. He hasn’t been thinking straight since he met you and now, you being here will only bolster the rumors that your husband was right. What are you going to tell him? That after all this time, all the talk about you must have died down so you and Dax can be together again?”
No, I was going to tell him that I’m pregnant. But it will be a cold day in hell before I tell anyone but Dax that fact. “Dax is old enough to think for himself, Mr. Drexel. He was old enough to decide for himself when he first met me, and he’s old enough to decide now where he wants our relationship to go.”
“Relationship? What you have is no relationship, Dr. James. What you did have was a fling. A fling.”
“With all due respect, Mr. Drexel, but even if it were, I’d rather hear that from your son than from you. He’s also not a boy whose future you can decide on your own. He’s a man.”
“Of course, I know he’s a man, Dr. James. His mother raised him to be one. But can’t you see how damaging your presence will be to his reputation tonight? Now that your husband has ruined yours, are you so intent on destroying Dax’s, too? And to think that even all this is just a piece of theater for everyone concerned courtesy of our PR company, just so no one will laugh at him for being your boy toy, or whatever it is your husband has painted him.” Daniel exhales, exasperation written on his face. “Did you know how hard it was for Dax to grow up hearing kids make fun of him for being dyslexic? Oh, yes, he was. Could barely read a word right. They called him stupid, a moron, and a retard. But look who’s laughing now? None of them can hold a candle to what Dax has achieved with his craftsmanship, and I’m not about to let you destroy everything he’s worked hard for.”
He’s right, of course. Any talk about Dax and me may have died down in the tabloids, their attention focused on someone else more exciting, someone who’d respond to their allegations and not hide behind her office doors or rent some tiny studio apartment. But that doesn’t mean my presence here wouldn’t resurrect it back again. Behind Daniel, I spot a photographer making his way towards us, a camera with a long lens cradled in his hands.
“If you really cared for my son, you’d leave now, Dr. James.”
>
I don’t wait to hear any more, not because I’m letting Dax’s father bully me into leaving, but because I want Dax to get all the attention he deserves. Do these people even know the masterpiece he built in Taos? That beacon of hope in the middle of nowhere that saved me?
I turn around and head to the elevator, knowing I came here without thinking things through. I simply let my emotions get the best of me. Surely, Old Harlow would have considered how her presence would impact Dax’s career—and whatever was left of hers. Like Daniel Drexel, Old Harlow would have known just how important one’s reputation is in today’s world.
I’d been lucky enough to have missed the press line at the lobby, a red carpet in front of a backdrop featuring the Takeshi and Drexel Woodworking & Design logo. I actually have the least likeliest of people to thank for my tardiness, for she’d been waiting for me outside the office and I did not have the heart to turn her away, even if she was the woman Jeff left me for.
Leilani is a pretty little thing, and now on her second trimester, she’s showing big time. I had to beg Kathy to give us some privacy so I could hear what Leilani had to say. But if I had thought Leilani had come to apologize, I was wrong, even though an apology was unnecessary. My marriage had crumbled long before she came.
Jeff had gotten someone else’s test results, she told me. The baby is his. Just talk to him, please. Or his lawyer. Tell him I never… I never cheated on him. Then she handed me an envelope from her doctor’s office, begging me to give it to him, although it was Kathy who took it from her hand. The poor woman couldn’t stay away and I’m glad she stepped in. Old Harlow would have ripped that envelope to shreds in front of Leilani and told her to go to hell, but I’m pregnant now, and hormones are making me soft. Or maybe I understand what she’s going through. Besides, it’s not unusual for test results to get switched up at the doctor’s office; I had called Dr. Teves twice to confirm my own. For Leilani’s request, all I have to do is pass the envelope to my lawyer to pass to Jeff’s, and the rest would be up to him. Besides, right then, I had problems of my own, like being late for Dax’s party. I’d been in such a rush the moment I got home to shower and change into something that fit that I even forgot to put on any jewelry.
But it’s too late to worry about such things. There were no photographers at the press line and right now, the only one left in the lobby is the doorman, and he nods at me as I hurry towards the door, the tears threatening to fall. But I manage to keep it all in until I reach the sidewalk, and like a dam breaking, the tears come. But I need to take hold of my emotions for I can’t let anyone see me falling apart like this. So I keep walking, deciding to go back to being Old Harlow again with that armor that kept everyone away.
But there’s also something I can’t deny. Something happened on the outskirts of Taos where I almost ended it all. It’s where I was able to let the pain of losing Marcus go, even though he’ll always be with me until my last breath. It’s where my life began again, and where new life was born. It’s also where I fell in love with a young man who’s far from the boy everyone thinks him to be. Even me.
But I’m not too proud to admit when I’m wrong.
I don’t hear Dax’s voice until he’s right in front of me, out of breath yet looking gorgeous in his tux. He’s removed his bow tie, and his shirt is unbuttoned, revealing that hollow at the base of his neck that I loved to kiss, and the hint of curling chest hairs I’d trace with my fingers until he’d grip my wrists to stop me because it tickled…and turned him on.
Dax runs his fingers through his hair, blowing air through his lips as he stares at me. “Harlow… you look absolutely beautiful.”
His words make me blush even though his presence makes my heart pound and I can barely breathe. How can he say I look beautiful when the dress can barely fit me? It’s tight around the waist and for crying out loud, it’s like I gained five pounds just from eating that chorizos con huevos y papas for lunch.
“Whatever my dad said, I apologize.” Dax closes the distance between us and cups my face in his hands. I can smell his cologne, mingled with that of his own man-smell. I don’t even care which pheromones they are anymore. He just smells so good.
“But he’s right, Dax. Me being at your party could have damaged your reputation. You’re already infamous as it is.”
He chuckles, shaking his head as his thumb caresses my cheeks. Then he holds my face up towards him, his smile replaced with a frown. “I don’t care about fame, Dr. James. Or infamy, for that matter.”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out.
“What?”
Oh, great! I can’t believe socially inept Harlow struck again and without warning. Why couldn’t I have just said it while we were alone? Instead, we’re out here in the middle of Fifth Avenue, blurting out secrets better left reserved for another time. Preferably alone. But it’s too late for that now.
“I’m pregnant,” I continue. “Six weeks. Going on seven.”
It takes him a moment to recover from the news but Dax grabs me and kisses me. Then he laughs right in the midst of the kiss, our breaths intermingling. His beard scratches my face, but I love it. I missed it. I cling to him as he kisses me again, his tongue slipping between my lips and I love how he tastes on my tongue. All man… and all mine.
Cars honk around us and pedestrians snicker, some saying, Get a room! But I don’t care. I’ve stopped caring about a lot of things lately, mostly of what other people think. It used to be the only thing that mattered to me, even if it left me miserable inside. But I can’t live like that anymore. I want to be happy… really happy.
I want to wake up every morning next to the man I love. I want to go on hikes with him amid the piñon trees and breathe in clean New Mexico air. I want him to teach me how to fish the way his mother taught him, cuddle up with him as we watch old movies, and then make love till morning. I want to watch our children grow up, knowing they’ll have to settle for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until I learn how to cook as good as his grandmother. I want Dax Drexel. No, I love Dax Drexel. And even though rational me would argue and say I don’t need a man, I do. I need this man like the air I breathe—although, at this moment, I’d gladly trade all the car exhaust of Manhattan for Taos.
I pull away. “You wanted to know if I was or I wasn’t, and that’s why I came—”
He frowns. “Is that the only reason you came? To tell me that?”
I run my hand along his beard. How I’ve missed doing this. “No, I wanted to thank you for the box in person. And…”
“And?”
“I want us to be together again, Dax. And not just because I’m pregnant. I want you to be with me because of me first, and not because I’m pregnant.”
“Oh, Harlow, can’t you see?” Dax traces my cheekbone with his index finger; his gaze is pained. “I’d stay with you even if you weren’t. I know it must scare you being pregnant like this, but no matter what happens, I’ll be with you. Good or bad, I’ll be right here. I’m not leaving you ever again. Well, unless you say no, then that would be considered stalking.”
I laugh, his words bringing fresh tears to my eyes and a giggle. How words can hold so much power, both to wound someone and then heal them, too. And in Dax’s case right now, even make me laugh all in one breath.
“I don’t care if people say it’s too soon for us to be together, or that what I’m about to say to you is not real. But it’s never been this real,” Dax continues. “I’m not a child. I’m a man, and right now, I know what I want. I know who I want. You. It doesn’t even matter if I’ve only known you for five or seven days, or whether we started out on the wrong foot. What is important is that we want to be together. Don’t we?”
As I nod, I see him frown. “What’s wrong?”
“Where is the gun? Do you still have it?”
“I returned it when I got to Texas, where I bought it,” I reply, pausing as I remember the words he’d said to me just before he walked out of the Pearl that day. “You
were right, Dax. I needed help, and I am getting help. I’ve been seeing a therapist since I got back. Twice a week. It’s why I never contacted you all this time. I needed to sort out my own stuff before… before anything else.”
Dax sighs, leaning his forehead against mine though he doesn’t say anything. He just closes his eyes and breathes deep, as if he’s inhaling the air between us, taking whatever he can. Pheromones maybe, but really, I don’t care. “I can’t be an island anymore, Dax,” I add as he opens his eyes and gazes at me.
“I felt like an island without you, Harlow, and I hated it. It’s lonely.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I love you.”
I stare at Dax, soaking in the words he just spoke out loud even though he said them long before this moment, taking the form of words he carved on the box he made for me. This time, I don’t even think twice. There’s no reason for me to analyze anything else, not when it comes to what my heart wants.
“And I love you right back, Dax Drexel. And I don’t care what the world says, whether you’re too young for me or I’m too old for you, or whether all this is happening too fast. I love you.”
Dax draws a ragged breath and without saying another word, he pulls me into his arms. I feel the beating of his heart as I rest my head on his chest, feeling my body melt against him. Up until this moment, nothing has ever felt so right, the future I’ve been searching for right here in his arms. And just like the first time when Dax held me at the Pearl, when all the armor that was Dr. Harlow James, the transplant surgeon, fell away, all that’s left of me is Harlow James, the woman. A ridiculously happy woman.
Chapter 30
Dax
I don’t remember how we got from that sidewalk to Harlow’s new apartment, but I’m not complaining. We’re in bed, and I’m wearing only my boxers and nothing more, my dick tenting the sheets every chance it gets. And Harlow’s not helping. She teases me with her fingers tracing circles on my chest and abs. Absence has certainly made my heart grow so much fonder for her. It’s also made my abs rock hard from all the workouts where I’ve channeled all my pent-up frustrations from missing her, but she’s here now in my arms, and I’m not letting her go ever again. I want to make love to her, but there’s still so much we have to say to each other.
