The Merchant of Tiqpa: The Bathrobe Knight's Sequel

by Charles Dean

  “That’s why it pains me to tell you the trials are not over,” he continued. “That the changes we started when we decided not to merely repair scraps, but create a future, still have a great way to go. But I cannot do this without your continued faith that we are doing the right thing and we are on the right path, that, at the end of the day, you believe the sacrifices I am asking you to make are worth the bounty we will reap once they are completed.”

  The stranger paused to let his words settle into the crowd. His eyes scanned over everyone, sometimes lingering on one person a bit longer than another, but never stopping their back-and-forth motion as he worked to engage the crowd. Then, as if out of nowhere, he pulled out a smooth, golden stone and held it up on a flat palm for everyone to see. There were gasps of astonishment from many people, and some openly broke out in quiet whispers as they turned to the person next to them.

  Even though Eliza had never seen one, and had never in her life expected to, she had heard the tales of it growing up. Legends said that there were only a few in existence throughout the entire world, and that some long-forgotten god had created it as a means of saving his chosen people from certain destruction at the hands of some equally long-forgotten catastrophe. Some legends said that they were created by another god as a cruel joke, that they had been a means of vengeance against a people that had abandoned him and chosen to worship another. Whatever their source, there was no one, nowhere, who wouldn’t immediately recognize it for what it was: A Golden Creation Stone.

  “Do you all know what this is?” he asked. “Do you know what will happen if you agree to follow me when I activate this Creation Stone?” he pressed. “This is where our path lies,” he said, closing his fingers around the smooth stone and gripping it as tightly as he could within a fist. “This is the tool we will use to create a future where we are more than the pawns of kings and the food of evil men. It is the item that will give us the power to manifest our destiny.

  “I am going to use this Creation Stone here and now before you. I have been set upon this path by a higher providence and I cannot stray--but you can. That’s why I am here to ask you, do I still have your faith? Your trust? Will you, knowing the dangers and hardships you will have to endure, cast aside your comfort yet again and come with me?”

  People began shouting their answers at him even before he finished speaking. “Yes!” they shouted at him. There was no disagreement, no uncertainty or lack of answer from anyone in the group. Even those in the hallway who could not hear the speech were shouting ‘yes’ to not be left out of the fervor.

  A golden hue flared out from the stone, a dazzling brilliance that spread out from his tightly clenched fist and escaped from the cracks between his fingers. It streamed out and crushed every bit of darkness in the room. Shapes and details vanished under its intensity, leaving only a dazzling brilliance visible to anyone with their eyes open. Then, suddenly, the light receded, and only the stranger was standing alone on the stage once again.

  When she could finally see again, Eliza stared in wonder. Where once stood a crowd of people with blue, green, and brown eyes, with red, blonde, and brunette hair, there now stood a room full of dark-haired people whose red eyes shone throughout the cavern. His speech hadn’t been a lie.

  What have we done?

  Reliquary

  The Monster Manual:

  Electric Eels: (used as weapons) The eels, while seemingly useless other than potential underwater holiday decorations, were instrumental in the early stages of multiple underworld civilizations. Given that there was no way to use forges underwater, wars were often fought with nothing more than the rocks they would find underwater as the best potential weapon. That was before the eel’s handy electric savagery was pioneered, after which, the devastating wars the eels fought to clear away and control their domain was brutal, even by some Earth-Walker’s standards.

  Knight-Clubber: Ever wonder why a Knight-Clubber is always grumpy and coiled up angrily? It’s because they secretly desire a hand with which to fist bump, but know that this will never be more than a wish. There’s also the fact that they’re perpetually nursing a hangover from the night before.

  Long-Armed Seahorses: They’re called seahorses, but in reality, they much more closely resemble a very malformed and unattractive dragon, which is why at one point they were almost called sea-dragons, only to have their name change immediately vetoed by every other monster race.

  Piranha Priests: The church of the Piranha first began by spreading food to everyone they could to create converts, just like many churches on earth. Unlike other churches though, the food is generally still alive.

  Tiger-Ants: Cute, fluffy, and deadly, these tiny little swarmers are known to devour their prey alive. Their victims may meet an unwanted fate, but at least their messengers will be cute.

  I’m Not a Racist, but:

  Dryad [Covenant of the Grove]: When one mocks a person for hugging tree, it’s often because of an unwarranted showing of affection towards an almost-inanimate object. But no one would make fun of a Dryad when they do it--not just because these trees sometimes hug back, but because these jolly green or blue giants have such a hulkish exterior that rarely would anyone want to anger them.

  Bonus: +5% Power, Nature manipulation, Nature creation

  Human [Human]: One look in the mirror will tell you everything you need to know about this often-frumpy, weak-muscled, overlooked race. Even in the real world they lack many characteristics gamers would value on a stat sheet, but for some reason they always seem to prevail. Be wary of doubting or underestimating the tenacity of the meek and cunning.

  Bonus: +1 stat point per level

  Minotaur [White-Horn]: More bull than man, these lumbering giants may have many myths and stories revolving around how they were made, most with jokes about someone’s mother looking like a cow, but that doesn’t change the fact they are a massive force to be reckoned with on the battlefield. Favoring the axe and their brute power, they can cleave through most lines with little to no effort.

  Bonus: +5% Movement Speed in combat, +20% Movement Speed out of combat, +5% Power, +5% Damage when wielding axes, can’t wear shoes.

  Naga [Orcas]: The half-man, half-anacondas often complain that they don't want none unless it’s a meat bun. Hun. These creatures are known to devour every fruit in the garden, especially the apples.

  Bonus: +5% Combat Speed, Can breathe underwater

  Nymph [Covenant of the Grove]: The female counterpart to a Dryad. Nothing to see here. Move along, now.

  Bonus: +5% Power, Nature manipulation, Nature creation

  Satyr [White-Horn]: Satyrs don’t kid around when it comes to magic. These half-goat men are experts at manipulating nature and traversing rough terrain. With enough of them in an army, one is sure to control the weather--just don’t expect to keep your lawn.

  Bonus: +10% Casting Speed, +25% Movement Speed over rough terrain, +5% Cold Resistance.

  Vampire [Black-Wing]: Arguably the suckiest race in the game, Vampires have learned to embody the true spirit of a bat man. They thrive on the night and draw the life force out of any foe within reach during combat. With their large, dark, black wings, Lifesteal, and affinity for the night, the Vampire is a terror in the skies when the sun sets.

  Bonus: Flying, +5% Lifesteal on Melee Attacks, +5% Increased Damage during nighttime.

  Incubus/Succubus [Black-Wing]: It’s always a common joke that a woman is a man’s worst enemy, or the other way around depending on who is saying it. And, by that logic, this race fits right in. An innate charm serves to disarm opponents of the opposite gender during combat. That said, there are far worse ways to die than in the presence of a sexy foe.

  Bonus: Flying, +5% Damage against opposite gender, +5% Damage bonus with whips.

  Dragon-Wing [Black-Wing]: There are few things more ferocious than a full-grown, fire-breathing, battle-worn dragon. Unfortunately, this is just a cheap knockoff version. They have a great deal of health like t
he dragons they take their name from and are excellent at resisting fire. Even if they aren’t actually dragons, they do make great dragon hunters.

  Bonus: Flying, +10% Vitality, +25% Fire Resistance.

  White-Wing [Sun God Empire]: The White-Wings are what people first wanted angels to be: humans with giant sets of wings. This race has mastered prison fighting and learned to wield the shiv with expert dexterity. Contrary to all the chicken jokes though, they do not run from fights.

  Bonus: Flying, +10% Damage with daggers, -10% Damage with all other weapons, +5% Armor bonus when wearing low-weight armor.

  Fire-Walker [Sun God Empire]: Love the fresh smell of napalm in the morning? Fire-Walkers sure do. They may have given up smoking cigarettes, but they’ve permanently solved the lighter issue. With feet always on fire and flames shooting out of any body part, Fire-Walkers have trouble handling normal weapons and developed their own unique crafting system to compensate.

  Bonus: -50% Damage with non-glass weapons, cannot wear shoes, +10% Damage with glass. weapons, Fire Manipulation, Fire Creation, Fire Crafting.

  Demon [StormGuard Alliance]: No one knows where they came from or when they arrived, but this mysterious race of red-eyed, black-haired human look-alikes is feared and respected by those who know better.

  Bonus: Locked stat growth, unique abilities, unusually high stat growth

  Canine [Were-Beast]: Between dodging flees, chasing carts and harassing friendly delivery men, it’s a wonder the Canines ever manage to get anything done. One might be better off just adopting them and providing them with a little kibble, belly rubs (their favorite) and a scratch behind the ears rather than trying to fight one. It’s best to let sleeping dogs lie, especially when they’re engrossed in their favorite activity: sleep. Never try to discount their incredible loyalty and teamwork in battle. Where one Canine might be deadly, five are nearly unstoppable. Don’t press the pack.

  Bonus: +1% to Power, Speed, Vitality for every friendly Canine, including self, in the party [Up to 8% max]; +10% Movement speed; -20% Movement Speed when near fire hydrants.

  Feline [Were-Beast]: Few people know that Felines were actually a race of aliens that came to Tiqpa to enslave humanity after losing a galactic war with the laser pointer-wielding dog people. While these dogs have nothing to do with the Canines on Tiqpa, the grudge still remains. They are also often mistaken with their more feral, less civilized Panthera cousins.

  Bonus: +5% to all stats when traveling alone, +5% Speed, +5% Damage with daggers, movement produces 50% less sound.

  Panthera [Were-Beast]: Lions and tigers and Pantheras, oh my! These night time thugs come with built in jump suits that are pre-striped or dotted, hunting down their prey and turning them into homicide victims before they even had a chance to notice something was amiss. While they may seem like the perfect Ninjas, very few of them ever pounce on that opportunity instead choosing to rush into battle claws first.

  Bonus: +5% Power, +5% Movement Speed in combat, +15% Damage on initial hit, +20% Movement Speed out of combat, has night vision, movement produces 50% less sound.

  Reptilian [Were-Beast]: Before pondering the nature of a Reptilian, know that they pondered it first. After all, they spend most of their time forming questions regarding philosophical rhetoric and contemplating the nature of the universe. These cold-blooded theorists will generally explore the mysteries of the universe alone, unheard by men or reason, over a cup of black tea served with crumpets. Unfortunately, no man has ever seen this side of them. The few Humans that have ever made it into their dwellings are usually found in the morning skewered on a freshly-planted spike in the gardens outside their homes.

  Bonus: Can breathe underwater, +5% power, +5% to speed, +5% damage with all melee weapons. -25% Fire Resistance, -25% Cold Resistance.

  Simian [Were-Beast]: These staff wielding pranksters tend to barrel headfirst into everything and are always up to monkey business from the day they are born--which is why Simian parents have long refused to give up the right to punish their children. After all, even though spanking the monkey sounds bad, a monkey that has never been spanked would be a nightmare for the whole town. Be careful: their uncles are everywhere and can throw a wrench into even the best laid plans.

  Bonus: +10% Damage when wielding staves, +5% Speed, +25% height when jumping.

  Ursine [Were-Beast]: Making a pun about ‘bear’ arms might seem harmless and amusing until one is actually faced with a pair of real bear arms. When around this race that defined the gun show in terms of muscular fortitude, jokes should be made as little as possible. Respectable, pink shirt-wearing businessmen and frat boys have been advised to not do anything fishy or jump around them.

  Bonus: Hands act as a weapon equivalent to level (Damage and Strength will vary based on stats and class), +10% Power, +5% Vitality.

  Earth-Walkers [Jotunn Kingdom]: Every wingless bi-ped in Tiqpa can be considered an earth walker to some degree, but in reality they just walk across the earth. Only the Earth-Walker truly walks with the land. Each step he makes, the earth follows, each thought he has, the ground listen. While they claim to be a part of the Jotunn kingdom, the only thing they follow is the earth that follows them.

  Bonus: Ability to control and manipulate the earth underneath them. +10% Vitality.

  Grendel-Kin [Jotunn Kingdom]: After an incident with one of their ancestors, they often avoid disturbing drunk people in taverns. Despite their uncouth exterior and general refusal towards basic hygiene, this race of fishermen, in contrast with their Jotunn brothers, are generally very well reserved and polite people. Their hospitality is as unrivaled as their smell.

  Bonus: +50% resistance to poison, +5% speed.

  Jotunn [Jotunn Kingdom]: Unexpectedly, this giant race of long-armed, hairy people is often known for their wit and sense of humor, not their incredible strength. Their love for discourse, immunity from hatred and ability to get under everyone’s skin has slowly created a need for strength and martial discipline to defend themselves against extinction. This has inevitably led to their dominance of both politics and culture within their land. Be warned at all times when you hear the true troll’s battlecry: “You mad bro?”

  Bonus: They even lift. And never skip leg day. +10% to strength, Immunity to mind-based crowd control effects, all other crowd controlling effects are halved.

  The Cast of Characters:

  Alex: Once just a simple scout, Alex is now the lead representative for the people of Valcrest. He commands the troops of the StormGuard Alliance in Darwin’s absence.

  Ash: The friendly neighborhood Ash. An omnipresent GM that may or may not be able to read minds.

  Bianca: An overly-flirtatious Succubi in the Blue-Phoenix Brigade that’s the exact same as Bianca except with shorter hair. She often organizes schemes when no one is looking.

  Darwin: A video gaming demon who has been trapped in the world of Tiqpa, forced to level up and survive as he attempts to find his way home.

  Eliza: A sword-wielding Demoness with an agenda of her own. She is as violent and deadly as she is graceful and beautiful.

  Gary: Tiqpa design team leader. The only thing worse than his choice in clothes is his uncomfortable insistence on bad jokes and inappropriate comments.

  Katherine: An overly-flirtatious Succubi in the Blue-Phoenix Brigade that’s the exact same as Bianca except with longer hair. She often organizes schemes when no one is looking.

  Locke: The Bathrobe Knight may have become the king, but the king may always confer new knights.

  Portia: Claiming to be Darwin’s sister, this mysterious figure leads him to discover the creation stone needed to convert the people of Valcrest into Demons. Later she is seen traveling alongside Qasin, claiming that her goal is to reach and rescue her brother. Oops. I mean, the leader of the Holy Alliance.

  Reginald: Apathy and genius are often said to go hand in hand, but so rarely does ‘energetic troll’ join the list in such a perfect way. This well-to-do medical student is a
healer both in and out of game. The perpetual brunt of everyone’s joke, Reginald actually comes up a good idea every now and then. Has strange love for sneakers that no one quite understands.

  Sampson: A giant axe-wielding Minotaur in the Blue Phoenix Brigade whose function seems to be breaking apart enemies and holding together the group.

  Sparky: Real name unknown because this two-syllable moniker has usurped the noble Dragon-Wing’s title before it was ever spoken. An overly confident Dragon-Wing takes her role so seriously that even method actors are jealous. This charismatic shield takes the position of defender far more seriously than anyone else.

  Tubal: Thankfully Shakespeare’s been dead so long that I don't have to worry about him filing a lawsuit against for me stealing his character.

  Inventory of Items:

  Band of the Faithful: +10 to Spirit, +10 to Concentration, 5% reduction in damage from the elements.

  Bond of the Sun God: Indicates the favor of the Sun God, to whom all things owe life. When worn, grants the user +20 vitality.

  General Sun’s #13 Special: The Sun God himself was said to have come down and chosen the leader of the mighty White-Wings, his most beloved race. In order to ensure that his reign was long and his achievements were great, the Sun God gave him leather armor fit for the king of kings, able to make the user invulnerable to the slings and arrows of all assailants. But then again, if you’re reading this, then that means he died, and the armor probably wasn’t as good as it was said to be. In fact, someone probably made it a long time ago and then made up the story to go with it. Either way, it’s still a great piece of armor.