I shrugged at Raelya who nodded at me encouragingly before politely averting her eyes. I stripped off my clothes and tried to turn into a wolf. At first it felt ridiculous. Here I was, a grown woman, standing in a hotel room with two relative strangers and a recently-made friend, naked as the day I was born, trying to turn myself into a wolf. Yeah, that didn’t sound crazy at all. At first I just thought about shifting. Turn into a wolf! I commanded myself mentally. Become the wolf! I clenched my fists and strained as if that would somehow make me magically change shape. Wolf time! Nothing happened. Wolf-related song lyrics came to my mind unbidden as I started to get embarrassed about standing there trying to change my shape in the buff, but even Warren Zevon was no help to me.
Just as I was about to admit defeat, the wolf inside me surged to the surface and this time, I felt her more clearly than I ever had before. She was really there; she was really real. I felt the part of my soul that was wolf rushing to join with the human part, and the two halves came together suddenly, feeling as natural as taking a step. Absorbing the wolf into the woman was like having an emotion: it just happened and I could feel it near-tangibly in my chest as it rose inside me, altering my perceptions and everything suddenly shifted around me. The bed in front of me rose several inches in height as the pile of the carpet grew more textured and detailed. I shook my head once at the brightness of the lamps that hit my eyes suddenly as if they had somehow become brighter, and I glanced quickly around at all of the noises that had just gone up in volume as if someone had just turned a microphone onto the world. The hum of the lights, the roar of the mini-fridge, and the relative hurricane of human breath, chests rising and falling so loudly it was a wonder anyone could think or talk over such a clamor.
I jerked my head from one side to the other, initially confused at the rapid changes around me. I wondered what was going on and why everything had just become so different. Then I glanced down, spotted my paws, and hopped a foot in the air in surprise. I was a wolf!
Raelya glanced down at me and smiled, cooing out a happy sound as she dropped to her knees and embraced me. “Dakota… well done! You are…” She settled back and smiled at my face. “You are adorable!” River’s head whipped around suddenly and she lifted her forearms in front of her chest, making her hands into fists and grinning wildly. I think Steph would have called that “Squeeing”. River pushed past Sky and dropped to the floor in front of me. She peered into my eyes and nodded, seeming to agree with Raelya as she peered at my face.
I glanced up at Raelya and tried to ask, “I am?” but all that came out was an awkward sounding wolf-noise. I jerked my head back in surprise. I glanced at Raelya who laughed softly, then looked up at Sky.
Sky turned to me as if hearing my unspoken request, and his voice filled my mind just as it had before. No, werewolves can’t speak as humans can. Though, commonly, you can communicate with other wolves through body language.
I thought back toward him. Do my thoughts still make sense?
Yes. He responded. Your thoughts are still human thoughts, though they are blended with the wolf’s instincts so they can come off somewhat differently.
I glanced back up at Raelya and tilted my head. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I wondered why she thought I was adorable and that was the gesture I found myself making when I stopped thinking about how to ask with words.
Raelya grinned at me and ducked her head toward the bathroom. There was a full-length mirror on the back of the door, so I trotted over to look myself over. Raelya opened the door for me. I approached the mirror and peered at myself. I was a wolf. An admittedly cute wolf, with a light cream-colored undercoat and very dark brown on my back and around my head. My face was medium gray around my eyes with fluffy white fur around my cheeks, nose, and mouth. But the thing that really stood out was a series of little dark-brown dots that lined up in an arc under each of my eyes.
I turned my head one way then the other, then flopped my ears down, back, then back up. I flicked my fluffy tail and turned in a circle. I was a wolf. A real wolf. And it was awesome.
Raelya closed the door as I stepped back toward the others, smiling. Or I guess, my mouth was just hanging open a little, but it felt like a smile to me. I glanced up at River and Sky happily. River glanced at Sky excitedly then hugged me without further ado. She squeezed me once then started petting me all over my head and neck. It felt awesome. I turned my head this way and that as she gave me the same treatment as one might give beloved dog. I leaned my head into her touch as she scratched behind my ears; that felt amazing! No wonder dogs liked that! And I turned my head to put her fingers right on the spot she’d brushed that had felt the best.
Sky shook his head quietly and Raelya knelt down to join River in fawning over me. Raelya placed a hand on my back softly and I turned to face her, smiling my wolfy smile. She leaned her head down and bumped her forehead against mine and I found myself returning the gesture. It felt right. It felt wonderful.
River petted me extensively for a while before Sky finally straightened up and gestured at her, catching her attention. She pouted but stood up. “Well it seems that everything is as it should be now.” He smiled at me honestly and took his sister’s hand.
I glanced at Raelya then trotted over behind the far bed and tried to become a human again. Sky folded his hands politely and turned away. Raelya brought my clothes over and laid them on the bed. “It is opposite of becoming wolf. Try to find the human part of you and focus on that. You have to make them separate again.”
I tried following her advice and found it was more difficult than it sounded. I would think about myself standing up and being a person again, but the wolf would surge in me and I’d find my mental image of my human form shifting to the colors of the wolf’s fur. I shook my head and shoved the wolf down, mentally pushing her to the floor beneath me and begging her to let me go. The wolf seemed reluctant to allow me to separate us. I didn’t blame her. A part of me didn’t want to separate from her either. We had only just started and I wanted to feel everything out more than I had. But for now, I needed to thank people and I felt awkward trying to do so on four legs.
I shoved the wolf down and finally managed to put my will on top of her. I put my feet down beneath me and suddenly stood up on two legs, slightly shocked at the suddenness of the change. The pain rippled through me like a hammer blow to the chest and I gasped at the unbelievable aches that spread out across my body. “Ooowww!” I whined as I caught my balance. “Ow ow ow ow ow!” Raelya glanced at me sympathetically and I rubbed at my shoulder which was stinging more sharply than the rest. “Wow… that is… really not comfortable.” I dressed hurriedly as Raelya smirked quietly.
“You get used to it.” She informed me, staring pointedly at the wall in front of her.
I huffed as I pulled my shirt on. “It didn’t hurt much the first time…” I thought about that curiously. “Or maybe I was just too stunned to notice.”
Raelya shook her head. “The change to wolf is less painful than the change back. Though you are probably right; it was likely partly the shock that distracted you from it.”
I stepped over to Sky and River and stuck a hand out at them. “Guys, I can’t tell you how grateful I am for your help.”
Sky shook my hand with a smile as River saluted me. “We’re happy to help. I’m really glad we were able to fix it.”
I grinned. “Me too. For the past few weeks, I’ve felt like the lamest werewolf of all time.”
Sky seemed amused. “I can imagine. But at least that’s over now.” He glanced at River then smiled back at me. “River obviously just wanted to pet a werewolf.”
I laughed. “Her motivations are revealed!”
River shrugged innocently and we all laughed.
Sky wished me well and I thanked him again. River hugged me, then waved and walked out, the door opening before her without so much as a gesture or a glance. Sky informed me that he’d arrange my flight home and then he and his wife would e
scort us back to the airport safely. He also agreed to let me know what he found out from Mr. Ayadeen about what my Nan had done. I saw him out and closed the door behind him, then turned back to Raelya.
“I’m a real wolf now, yes?” I grinned at her excitedly.
Raelya came over to me and hugged me softly. “Yes, you are real wolf now.”
I laughed and hugged her happily. “I feel so much more… right! So much more alive!”
Raelya smiled at me softly. “A whole part of you was missing. And now you are together. It is how you should be. So of course, it feels right. You are one with wolf at last.”
I smiled back at her. “And one with pack at last…”
Raelya gazed at me longingly, and I felt a pull toward her: a desire, and a calling to be closer. I leaned into her as she leaned into me. She hesitated, our lips almost touching, then pulled her face away. I pulled away at the same time and smiled at her, pushing the feelings down hard. “Before all this…” I stepped past her and started packing my bag. “I felt so alone. Now that I can feel the difference… the connection… I realize how horrible it was.”
Raelya steadied herself with a breath and nodded. “We are pack creatures. Wolves desire to be with pack.” She turned and went to the other bed and started packing as well. “I am happy for you, Dakota.”
I smiled, swallowing the thick longing to be near her. “I’m happy too.”
33
Homecoming
The flight home was generally uneventful. Raelya and I chatted about werewolves, shifting, and the legends surrounding our kind. She told me that the full moon did call to us, but that resisting the change on those days was like resisting a really bad craving most of the time: difficult, but not impossible, especially as long as you didn’t neglect your wolf’s need to run and hunt for too long. She told me stories about shifting and running with the pack, and managed to get me excited and hyped about getting home and truly becoming one of them on my first hunt.
“Ralof will want to see you change. Then he will probably take us all running together. You will love it.” She told me. I knew she was right.
Part of me wanted to talk to her about the big revelation of my past and the unbelievable journey I had gone on in my mind to get to it. Part of me just wanted to cry and deny the idea that my Nan was involved. Part of me wanted to hide from the facts and go back to the way things were before I’d learned the truth. But as I’d learned all too well in the short time since I’d Awakened, you can’t unsee the truth. There was no going back. Nan had betrayed my trust and changed the course of my life. Because of her, I’d been denied my pack, my true family, the full potential of my existence, and even half of my own spirit, my wolf, for over a decade of my life. That was a big, hard rock to swallow.
But I kept the conversation lighter because I didn’t want to break down and start blubbering on Raelya’s shoulder in a crowded plane. My mind kept drifting back to the memories I’d recovered, and the years of emptiness Nan’s choice to sever me from my wolf had caused me but I kept pushing them down. I’d talk that out later, no doubt. But not here. Not now.
A few hours later, we emerged at the Nashville airport, tired but happy and generally ready to be home. A three-hour drive still stood between us and our destination, but I was determined to be better company this time than I had been before. I didn’t let Raelya down on the ride home. I told her funny stories about my favorite shows, and generally avoided thinking about anxiety-inducing fact that my grandmother was some kind of magician who had separated me from my true self long ago.
I distracted myself and my driver for a few hours, and then finally, we were pulling into the crunchy gravel drive of the pack house. I practically leapt from the car and stretched my muscles tiredly. Raelya hopped out and we grabbed our luggage and headed for the door. The door opened before we reached it and Ralof and Elisa poured out to greet us. Raelya was swept up in a hug by Elisa and Ralof came over to me, clapped his hand on my shoulder and smiled broadly. “Welcome back, Dakota. How was the trip?”
I grinned. “Eventful.” Andrei and the three younger wolves all came outside, along with a couple of others I didn’t know yet. But it didn’t matter. I knew they were pack. I could feel it. “But all’s well that ends well.”
“So?” Elisa released Raelya and stepped over to me. “What did you find out?”
Ralof gave me a curious expression as well. I glanced at Raelya then around at the others who had all come out to greet me, and I felt a frown creeping onto my face. “I found out where I need to go next.”
Ralof tilted his head. “Oh? Where do you need to go?”
I took a deep breath and resigned myself to the ugly task ahead. “Over the river and through the woods.”
Ralof frowned and eyed me thoughtfully. I gave him a faint smile, then started past him toward the house. “Dakota?” He put a hand on my shoulder and the comfort of my Alpha’s presence was magnified now that the wolf and I were no longer separated by a dozen years and a powerful spell. I almost slumped against him, but his warm confidence steadied me.
I looked up to meet his eyes. “Yeah?”
Ralof smiled at me gently. “I can feel her excitement. I know you are tired, but surely you can introduce us before you settle in to rest?”
I glanced around at the others who were gathered around, eagerly watching, waiting to see my wolf. Elisa stood with her arms around Raelya, her good eye alert and watching me. Raelya smiled encouragingly at me from beside her. “Of course.”
For an instant, I was nervous, uncertain of what to do. Then I met Ralof’s eyes again and his presence steadied me. I started laughing like an idiot as I stripped off my shirt in the middle of a circle of relative strangers. Not one of them batted a lash, though as I pulled off the rest of my clothes, Andrei whooped at me encouragingly, and Steph gave a cheerful little chirp. I barely had time to blush as I shed my clothes and dropped smoothly onto all four wolfy legs.
This time, I was not distracted by the immensely disorienting experience of just having journeyed through my past, or having my mind invaded by a pair of powerful psychic twins, so the pain reverberated through me resoundingly. I cried out as I changed, making an awful sound that shifted from human wailing into a pained howl as I steadied myself on four legs, shook myself off, then looked up at my pack who stood around me making a joyful racket. I realized, a beat later as the pain cleared away, they were cheering me.
When everyone had finished admiring me and patting me on the head and back, Elisa shooed them all inside, leaving me alone with Ralof. He scooped up my clothes and carried them for me, gesturing for me to follow. He led me around to the back yard, dropped my clothes on one of the benches near the fire pit and sat down. “Change back so we can talk.”
I did as my Alpha commanded. I shifted back to my human form with a strangled cry of pain that left me gasping on the ground in front of him. “Oooowww. Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, that hurts.”
Ralof tilted his head, a confused expression crossing his face. “Holy… what?”
I shook my head as I started pulling on my shirt and pants. “Nothing. Anyway, so…”
“Tell me what happened.”
I took a deep breath and started from the beginning. Ralof seemed a little confused when I started with describing the airport. I realized as I was telling him about the black suit agents that he hadn’t heard about our run in with the Templar yet at all and I suddenly felt a little bad for not calling him. As soon as I mentioned the cross, he straightened, his expression growing dark. He let me get as far as our boarding the second flight before suddenly coming to his feet and growling angrily.
I shrank a little but his anger was not directed at me. He paced to the side, then looked back at me. “Templar? In Dallas?” He wrinkled his nose in the silent semblance of a snarl. “Raelya… She is hurt?”
I nodded, frowning. “She said it was not bad and that she’d be okay. Her arms were all torn up though and they looked pretty
bad to me, but Sky healed her so I think she’s okay.”
Ralof frowned toward the house then settled back down. “If it were not all right, Elisa would have told me by now.” He seemed to be reassuring himself with that.
“I’m sorry, Ralof…” I lowered my head.
“Hmm? For what?” he seemed honestly confused.
I peered up at him cautiously. “For getting Raelya hurt.”
Ralof shook his head and patted me on the shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Dakota. I sent Raelya to make sure you were safe. It is good that I did. She can take care of herself, and you needed protecting.”
I nodded. “I know, but… I just feel bad that she got hurt protecting me.”
Ralof squeezed my shoulder steadyingly. “Dakota.” I glanced up at him and he held my gaze. “It is not your fault. We are pack. Pack protects pack. You will get hurt protecting pack one day and you will not resent your pack for it. You will not blame your pack. You will only blame the ones who tried to hurt them.”
I smiled helplessly. “Thanks, Ralof.” I choked on a half-laugh-half-sob. “You… You know you’re really good at making me feel better.”
Ralof smiled kindly. “It is part of being your Alpha.” He glanced toward the house fondly. “It is not just about being in charge, Dakota. It means that you are all mine to protect, to care for, to love as my own brothers and sisters, as sons and daughters. You are all my family and I would gladly die for you.”
I slid closer on the bench and hugged him as tears slid down my cheeks. Ralof hugged me back and held me quietly for a moment until I calmed down. I shuddered out a laugh as I straightened back from him. “Sorry… I just… I can’t believe how incredibly warm and happy it makes me feel to… to be a part of this pack… to be a part of this… family.”
Ralof ruffled my hair. “No need to worry about that. It is a good thing. And you will get used to it.”
I pulled my legs up and leaned on them. “Maybe.”
Awakened (Auralight Codex: Dakota Shepherd Book 1) Page 25
