The Armchair Detective and the Mystery of Mandrake: Series Three

by Ian Shimwell

  DEBSY: What’s he doing here? Don’t tell me – he’s now your latest partner, am I right?

  TRENCH: You could say that – and the great thing is that he driving me around in a beautiful vintage Bentley. Can you believe that?

  DEBSY: Disgraceful.

  TRENCH: What do you mean?

  DEBSY: Talk about consorting with the enemy…

  TRENCH: It could be the only way to save this place.

  DEBSY: And I suppose driving around in a Bentley has nothing to do with it?

  TRENCH: Well… err…

  DEBSY: I don’t know, if you don’t like me – just tell me, and I’ll go.

  TRENCH: Now what are you going on about?

  DEBSY: First Sally-Anne- and now him, what about your ‘old’ partner-in-crime, Debsy all of a sudden?

  TRENCH: If it’s any consolation, you’re my favourite partner, of them all, Debsy.

  DEBSY: Really, Trench? I feel quite… err pleased now.

  TRENCH: And you are still working on this case. So, while we’re alone – what did you think of the new Sade?

  DEBSY: Sade has become a surly sarcastic bitch, if you ask me.

  TRENCH: Don’t mince your words, Debs.

  DEBSY: Well, Sade Thorn, is now at least a prickly character. And I think it’s very odd that she runs a company called Castle Holdings…

  TRENCH: I’m thinking that too… which brings us to Mandrake.

  DEBSY: I’m saying nothing, but if you play with a snake, expect to be bitten.

  TRENCH: I will have to make sure I’m the quickest when the snake decides to strike… Oh, Mandrake and Editor Law, had a good chat?

  EDITOR LAW: This man, Mandrake here is brilliant. He’s an absolute genius.

  MANDRAKE: I am beginning to like your Editor Law, Trench.

  EDITOR LAW: Before our talk, I really believed that Mandrake here was to blame and my newspaper only had barely one and a half days left, but now I know different and have confidence that the Herald will go on – here.

  DEBSY: Oh, he does go on.

  TRENCH: It could be unwise to build your hopes up too much…

  EDITOR LAW: Nonsense, my man here has come up with a detailed plan to unmask the mystery lease buyer and reclaim control…

  TRENCH: I don’t suppose you would mind sharing this plan, by any chance?

  MANDRAKE: I’m afraid we agreed to keep my err… plan between ourselves for the moment.

  EDITOR LAW: Oh absolutely old chap, you can rely on me.

  MANDRAKE: Then, I have chosen wisely…

  EDITOR LAW: But there is one burning question I must ask you, Mandrake – which is more vital and important than I can say…

  (There is an expectant pause.)

  TRENCH: Give him a nudge, Debsy – I think he’s stuck.

  DEBSY: Editor Law, Editor Law. (She nudges him.) Oops, I think I hit him too hard.

  MANDRAKE: Come on man, spit it out.

  EDITOR LAW: Do you… err play golf, by any chance?

  (Whimsical music changes the scene.)

  (MANDRAKE is driving TRENCH around in his Bentley.)

  TRENCH: This Bentley is beautiful, Mandrake.

  MANDRAKE: I’m glad you like it, Trench.

  TRENCH: The wooden dashboard, exquisite.

  MANDRAKE: English oak, mature and beautifully preserved under a polished veneer – rather like myself.

  TRENCH: Yes, very good. Oh, and what’s that button for?

  MANDRAKE: That is to operate the ejector seat.

  TRENCH: (Says concerned:) What?

  MANDRAKE: I’m only joking. It’s to operate the air-conditioning system.

  TRENCH: Air-conditioning in a vintage Bentley?

  MANDRAKE: Let’s just say that I have installed a few additions to supplement this marvellous motor.

  TRENCH: You personally?

  MANDRAKE: Of course.

  TRENCH: I’m impressed. Where are we going, anyway?

  MANDRAKE: John Halls Leasing, which is the main competitor, in this area, of young Sade Thorn’s Castle Holdings.

  TRENCH: You think this John Halls may have taken, I mean will take possession of the Stokeham Herald building?

  MANDRAKE: Possibly, or he may have a clue who does…

  TRENCH: Good thinking… Wait a minute, how did you find out about this John Halls company?

  MANDRAKE: From my chat with your Editor Law. Responding to my questions, he informed me that apparently, this John Halls attempted to take over the lease around five years ago. So, the question is, why?

  TRENCH: Yes, very interesting… Halls is, at the very least, a very good place for us to begin our investigation.

  (Mysterious music changes the scene.)

  HALLS: John Halls at your service. Now, what can I do you for, gentlemen?

  MANDRAKE: Has your company recently taken over the leases of any companies?

  HALLS: Who do you represent?

  TRENCH: I’m from the Stokeham Herald.

  MANDRAKE: And I am from Castle Mandrake, even though I’m representing the Herald, also.

  HALLS: The Stokeham Herald… just let me check my papers for a moment.

  (HALLS rummages through his papers on his desk.)

  HALLS: Ah, yes – here we are. Because of the ever-increasing price of land in town centre prime sites, we made an approach to take control of the lease around, let me see, five years ago.

  TRENCH: (Says quietly to MANDRAKE:) You were right about that, Mandrake.

  HALLS: And only last week, we had another go at acquiring the Herald lease.

  TRENCH: Really? So, you are the mystery buyer we’re looking for?

  HALLS: I’m afraid not, we were beaten to it, by person or persons unknown.

  TRENCH: But how can someone take over a lease, with over twenty years to go – and remain anonymous?

  HALLS: A legal loophole. Always check the small print, where it might point out that the lease-holder is entitled to sell whoever he likes…

  MANDRAKE: Well, thank-you for your time, Halls. That’s a smart brown jacket you are wearing.

  HALLS: You like it?

  (They all get up and shake hands. MANDRAKE falls.)

  MANDRAKE: Sorry about that. I lost my feet – and knocked you.

  HALLS: Think nothing of it, Mandrake.

  (Puzzling music closes out the scene.)

  TRENCH: Right, back to the Bentley. Where are we off to now?

  MANDRAKE: We, Trench are going to luncheon at Maxine’s.

  TRENCH: Maxine’s – now that is posh. Not that I’m complaining, but why there?

  MANDRAKE: Prior to meeting you, and good ole’ Thomas – I tracked Sade Thorn for… err background information. She’s a regular there – so we may bump into her.

  (MANDRAKE opens the door to his Bentley.)

  TRENCH: Wait a minute Mandrake, where’s that piece of paper come from?

  MANDRAKE: Oh, this? John Halls lower right pocket of his wonderful jacket.

  TRENCH: You picked his pocket, why?

  (MANDRAKE climbs inside his car, and TRENCH does the same. They close their doors, and MANDRAKE starts the engine.)

  MANDRAKE: I suspect Halls is hiding something. If Halls Leasing had enquired about the Stokeham Herald only last week, he would have remembered them without ‘checking his papers’ first.

  TRENCH: Perhaps he’s forgetful?

  MANDRAKE: And I’m sure I recognise his face from somewhere…

  TRENCH: He’s not been down your way, has he – at the castle?

  MANDRAKE: No, I don’t think so, can’t place him…

  TRENCH: But, how did you know he had anything in his pocket?

  MANDRAKE: One pocket was loose, and one pocket was fastened twice. Which pocket would you put something important in?

  TRENCH: I see – brilliant, even if it’s a bit naughty. What’s on the paper?

  (MANDRAKE unfolds the paper.)

  MANDRAKE: A hand-drawn map detailing a disused warehouse and a time, eight o’clo
ck this evening. It seems Halls is going to have a clandestine liaison…

  TRENCH: And could it be with the mystery buyer himself..?

  MANDRAKE: Possibly, give me a moment – I’ll be right back.

  (MANDRAKE leaves the car, leaving the engine running.)

  (Mysterious music changes the scene.)

  (We can hear the usual background sounds associated with an extravagant restaurant.)

  TRENCH: That starter was magnificent – but how much will it cost?

  MANDRAKE: Oh, don’t worry about that, Trench. This is all my treat.

  TRENCH: Well, if you insist… Wait – don’t look now Mandrake, but Sade is over there, near the corner.

  MANDRAKE: I know. Sade entered Maxine’s over half an hour ago.

  TRENCH: Well, in that case why don’t we invite her over? I thought you wanted to talk to her.

  MANDRAKE: I do… but she’s waiting for someone. I’d be intrigued to know who that person is.

  TRENCH: Are you sure? Her table is only set for one.

  MANDRAKE: Yes, but look at her eyes – they’re darting to the entrance every other minute, patiently searching for her visitor.

  TRENCH: You know, you’re right you know. She’s just stood up.

  MANDRAKE: And there’s a figure in the doorway.

  TRENCH: Where?

  (TRENCH gets up awkwardly, taking the table with him – and brings it crashing down.)

  TRENCH: Whoops.

  MANDRAKE: Trench.

  TRENCH: Sorry. The tablecloth must have snagged on my belt.

  MANDRAKE: And the mysterious visitor has vanished.

  TRENCH: And, if that wasn’t enough, Sade’s spotted us and is coming over.

  SADE: Trench and Mandrake. An unlikely partnership but, all the same, good afternoon gents.

  MANDRAKE: Miss Thorn, a pleasure.

  TRENCH: Sade – who were you meeting?

  SADE: Two questions: who says I was meeting anyone – and is it any of your business?

  MANDRAKE: Two answers: we know you were waiting for someone – and it could be vital to our business.

  SADE; Still playing games, Mandrake? Well, thanks to your twisted behaviour in the past, I have moved on – and become the high-achiever you see standing in front of you. If it wasn’t for your new friend, Trench – you’d never be able to afford to dine at a place like this.

  TRENCH: Well, no – hang on a minute.

  (MANDRAKE suddenly barks like a dog. A small but sharp intake of breath can be heard from SADE.)

  MANDRAKE: Only a flicker, Sade – but a flicker of panic was still there. Are you sure you’ve ‘moved on’?

  SADE: You startled me, that’s all. Goodbye, I have work to do.

  (SADE leaves them.)

  TRENCH: Wasn’t that a bit harsh?

  MANDRAKE: Maybe… but I suspect she’s also hiding something – and to save the Stokeham Herald, we haven’t the time to ask nicely…

  TRENCH: All right, but what have we learnt, apart from maybe Sade’s still scared of dogs, if only a little bit?

  MANDRAKE: I know something about her visitor.

  TRENCH: Did you catch a glimpse of him?

  MANDRAKE: Not really, but he was wearing a dark, green hat…

  (Mysterious music closes the scene.)

  (The engine noise of the Bentley suddenly dies right down.)

  TRENCH: Hang on, the Bentley’s still moving, but I can hardly hear the engine.

  MANDRAKE: Ah, that’ll be because I’ve just operated the ‘hush’ controls.

  TRENCH: Another one of your optional extras?

  MANDRAKE: You could say that – and just did. Right, we’re right outside the boarded-up warehouse – and it’s nearly eight o’clock.

  TRENCH: And there’s Halls. He’s just appeared from around that corner. It’s dark but, thanks to the street lamp, I can clearly see him.

  MANDRAKE: And let’s hope we have more success identifying his visitor.

  TRENCH: Quite. Wait, shouldn’t have Halls become suspicious when he realised his map was missing?

  MANDRAKE: Not in the slightest, Trench – that’s why I nipped back. I placed the map outside Halls’ office, to make it look like he dropped it on his way out.

  TRENCH: Now, that is clever – and devious, Mandrake.

  MANDRAKE: Thank-you.

  TRENCH: It seems Halls’ mysterious guest has arrived, but the street lights’ shadow is partially hiding him.

  MANDRAKE: Yes, but I can just make out a dark green hat.

  TRENCH: The same hat as Sade’s unidentified visitor at the restaurant.

  MANDRAKE: I should have realised, of course…

  TRENCH: You know who that is?

  MANDRAKE: Yes – and he’s now facing the light.

  TRENCH: It’s… him. I don’t understand…

  MANDRAKE: Neither do I. But I sacked him months ago – could that be his motive..?

  (Troubling music changes the scene.)

  OLD TOM: So, how is Mandrake’s butler, sorry estate manger involved in all this?

  TRENCH: Well, Mandrake claims to have sacked him months ago.

  OLD TOM: Yes, so he claims…

  TRENCH: And why does Marlowe still wear a green hat?

  OLD TOM: If he wanted to remain anonymous, the hat may have given him away, so why wear it? Now Trench, what has it been like working with Mandrake?

  TRENCH: You were right old timer, he is brilliant. His razor-sharp wits uncovered John Halls’ secret meeting with Marlowe in the first place.

  OLD TOM: And by association, Sade’s attempted rendezvous with the ex-estate manager.

  TRENCH: Hmm, Mandrake’s methods are uncompromising. He will ruffle feathers to get what he wants – and he does drive a rather sensational car.

  OLD TOM: But, what does my old colleague really want?

  TRENCH: To save the home of the Stokeham Herald?

  OLD TOM: I find that very hard to believe. It’s very late – and dark. We have only one day left to rescue the Herald.

  (TRENCH finishes his tea.)

  TRENCH: It’s surprising how good that cold tea and stale cake was , even after the gastronomical delights of Maxine’s.

  OLD TOM: Whatever you do, Trench – don’t become lost in Mandrake’s world, however delightful that may seem. Remember how dangerous he can be…

  TRENCH: Yes, of course, I’ve not forgotten that… err never.

  OLD TOM: Good, now let’s look at the pressing questions: Why Sade Thorn run a company called ‘Castle Holdings’ – coincidence?

  TRENCH: And has she really changed so much?

  OLD TOM: What’s her – and Halls’ involvement with Marlowe?

  TRENCH: And Mandrake seems to distinctly remember Halls, but from where?

  OLD TOM: So, who is the so-called mystery buyer, one from the above or all four or even someone else? Where is messes Mandrake now?

  TRENCH: We followed Marlowe to an err… pub. Mandrake insisted on talking to him alone, so I came here.

  OLD TOM: So, was he questioning or colluding with his former employee?

  TRENCH: We’re back to those questions again, aren’t we?

  (There is a moment’s silence.)

  TRENCH: Old Tom, you’ve gone very quiet. What’s wrong?

  OLD TOM: I wonder… Could Mandrake be somehow plotting his most outrageous scheme yet..?

  (A longer piece of mystery music indicates the end of Act Two.)

  Act Three

  DEBSY: Your new best buddy has just pulled up in the car park. So, what’s the Bentley-mobile like?

  TRENCH: Pretty wonderful, really Debsy. Do you know it has a ‘hush’ control which virtually silences the engine, even when it’s moving? And air-conditioning too. Oh, and don’t tell anyone, but it also has an ejector seat!

  DEBSY: You’re kidding.

  TRENCH: Well, at least Mandrake was, err… I think.

  DEBSY: So, I suppose you’re enjoying yourself, Trench? And having lunch at Maxine’s must ha
ve been a real strain.

  TRENCH: It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it…

  DEBSY: Or fiddling while Rome burns? I’ve seen you with Mandrake – if he says ‘jump’, you say ‘how high?’

  TRENCH: And without co-operating with my new ‘buddy’, we might all be for the high-jump… Anyway, have you been busy ‘holding the fort’, while I’ve been investigating?

  DEBSY: Yes, I’ve finished this week’s features. Oh, there’s one article you need to complete from last week – even though we might not have a newspaper to put it in tomorrow.

  TRENCH: I’ll attend to that now. (He starts typing.)

  DEBSY: And I’ve had time to do a spot of investigating of my own.

  TRENCH: Really?

  DEBSY: I visited Castle Holdings Limited.

  TRENCH: Speak to Sade?

  DEBSY: Nope, I spoke to the receptionist. Dishy guy actually.

  TRENCH: And?

  DEBSY: The company was formally known as Stokeham Leasing – and only changed its name when a certain Sade Thorn took charge.

  TRENCH: How interesting…

  (MANDRAKE enters the office.)

  MANDRAKE: Greetings children.

  DEBSY: Hello adult.

  TRENCH: I’ll be with you in a minute, Mandrake. Just finishing this article.

  DEBSY: Err… can I ask a question?

  MANDRAKE: Of course, dear – fire away.

  DEBSY: I know this sounds daft but… (She lowers her voice.) Does Trench’s Old Tom actually exist?

  MANDRAKE; Hmm, an amusing yet curious pondery. You’re asking if this ‘Old Tom’ and my old colleague, Thomas are one and the same person?

  DEBSY: If you like.

  MANDRAKE: It’s a question for your partner here to address, not for me.

  TRENCH: (Who stops typing.) Finished. Now what was that about?

  (EDITOR LAW bursts into the room holding a piece of paper.)

  EDITOR LAW: I’ve just received this.

  MANDRAKE: What is it?

  EDITOR LAW: A letter.

  MANDRAKE: (Who sighs, deeply.) I can see that – but what does it say?

  EDITOR LAW: We are all summoned to a meeting here today at three o’clock in my office, the cheek of it. There the new owner of this building will be revealed. The Stokeham Herald’s final hours are approaching…

  MANDRAKE: Come on then, Trench – we haven’t much time left…

  TRENCH: Right, coming.

  (TRENCH scrambles to the doorway.)