After the End

by Brenda Barrett

  She backed out of the yard with a sob and had to stop the car before she entered the main road. She was not feeling strong enough to drive yet. She inhaled and exhaled slowly.

  When she felt strong enough, she turned the car in the opposite direction of the scheme and headed to her parents’ house. She didn't have anywhere else to go right now. Isaiah's place was no longer her place, and Enrique had just given her the boot.

  When she drove up to her parent's cottage, she parked and rested her head on the steering wheel.

  She heard the door open and her mother making happy sounds. "It's Colleen!"

  Her mom was over the moon excited and Colleen realized how infrequently she visited them. She got out of the car and her mother came toward her with a smile on her face, which quickly turned into a frown.

  "You were crying, what's wrong?" And she looked into the car. "Where is that husband of yours?"

  "Which one?" Colleen sobbed, moving into her mother's arms.

  "What do you mean, which one?" her mother asked. "You have one husband."

  "Not me," Colleen said, sniffing. "You guys really need a television up here. So that you can stay connected to civilization."

  "We don't like television," her mother said, looking at her with concern. "Talk to me—you got married to someone else since the last time?"

  "No Mom," Colleen said on a hiccup. "Isaiah is back."

  "Oh." Her mother's mouth hung open. "How?"

  "Colleen," her father called from the door. He had just gotten in from the fields. He was still in his water boots and had a cap pulled low over his brow.

  "Come inside," her mother said, practically dragging her inside. "Colin, you won't believe this."

  "What?" Her father looked puzzled.

  "Isaiah is not dead," her mother said without preamble, pushing Colleen down into a veranda chair. They both sat across from her and looked at her; her mother even leaned forward so that she could hear every detail that came out of Colleen's mouth.

  "Oh chile," her father said when she had stopped talking. "What a pickle."

  "Yes," her mother put her hand on her head dramatically. "So what are you going to do."

  "I was going to tell Isaiah goodbye and stay with Enrique but he booted me out, just now."

  "That doesn't sound right," her mother said earnestly. "That man loves you. I have never seen anyone look at you like that before, almost as if he couldn't get enough of seeing you. It almost made me jealous of the intensity, and I am a big married woman."

  "Of over forty years," her father tacked on, "and I do look at you with love, dear. It's just that my eyes are a fading watery brown and Enrique's are green. Women seem to like that sort of color."

  Colleen smiled; her parents liked to tease each other and she looked between the two of them, feeling in her bones that she could have had something like this with Enrique.

  Thoughts like that brought tears and she blinked them away rapidly. She didn't want to be crying like a wuss. She'd leave that for later when she was alone.

  "I don't know if you read Enrique right," Colleen said to her mom. "He basically just sent me on my way to be with Isaiah."

  "So what about Isaiah?" her father asked. “Is he okay? It sounds like he has been through a tough ordeal."

  "He is fine. He is talking about going back to fishing." Colleen shrugged. "I don't know how I feel about him anymore. The first day when he came back I was so happy to see him."

  She got up and paced the veranda. "I imagined that they were there, the feelings I had. I spent five years grieving for him. I never threw away his clothes. I remembered all our memories with fondness and now that he is back, I feel nothing."

  She looked at her parents helplessly. "Is something wrong with me? I don't even feel sexually attracted to him anymore. I can't go back to Isaiah."

  "Isaiah was youthful love interrupted," Her mother said softly. "Love needs attention in relationships to grow. He was gone for years, and you never got the chance to really experience those times that can make or break a relationship and solidify your bond. I think if Isaiah hadn't gone away you would have grown to love him even more now, but now you have experienced someone other than Isaiah, someone who has broadened your horizons and given you a more mature outlook, and you like that."

  Colleen nodded. "That's right. Thanks Mom, you and Daddy are so wise."

  Her father chuckled. "Well, I don’t know about me being wise. Some of your mother's wisdom has rubbed off on me over the years." He got up. "Are you staying for a while?"

  "Yes," Colleen nodded, "maybe a day or two. It will give me some time away from my drama."

  "Good," her mother nodded. "We’ll be busy. I have a wedding to prepare for, so you can help me with the cakes and the decoration."

  *****

  Isaiah waited all day for Colleen to come back to him. Surely, Enrique had believed what he told him about last night. He hung around the house all day and then called her phone several times. It didn't ring, just gave him a funny squeaking sound and then cut off.

  He was feeling restless. He walked to his mother's beach restaurant and sat in the same boat that Colleen had been in the night before. Miss Lou found him there, looking at the sky contemplatively.

  She carried a tree stump and sat beside him.

  "You look miserable," she observed.

  "I am. Colleen was supposed to be back here right now; what's taking her so long?"

  Miss Lou sighed. "Isaiah... Isaiah."

  "What?" Isaiah snapped, "I am her husband."

  "I’ve been thinking about this whole scenario," Miss Lou looked out to sea and shook her head, "and I wonder if your father came back after all this time what on earth would I do."

  "Welcome him back." Isaiah frowned.

  Miss Lou glanced at her son sideways. "No, I don't think it would be that easy for me. I like my life the way it is now. It’s been going on without him for too long for me to be comfortable just letting him back in. I make my own decisions, I have my own system of doing things. I grieved for your father a long time ago and laid him to rest in my mind."

  "Colleen is different," Isaiah shifted in the boat. "She loves me."

  "She loves Enrique," Miss Lou rebutted. "And you have to remember that. Boy, she fought loving him, but you could see it on her face at their wedding day. They love each other. And when Colleen makes up her mind about something, whether it is grieving or loving or whatever, she makes up her mind. She stubbornly grieved for you for years…I don't know, son. I think you should cut your losses and don't expect her to come back."

  "No," Isaiah said confidently. "She'll be back. I basically told Enrique how it was between us. I think you'll find that he'll be the one who asks her to leave."

  Miss Lou chuckled. "That guy is not going to give up Colleen without a fight. At their wedding he sang Stay With You. You could see that he meant every word, too."

  "Mama, just stop," Isaiah grumbled. "Whose side are you on?"

  "Yours!" Miss Lou got up. "I love you…don’t want to see you hurt. I am also on Colleen's side. That girl is a really good girl. She is family. Through thick and thin, Colleen has been there for us. She worked and contributed to the house, just as you used to do. She helped me start up the shop.

  "If she comes back to you, good. If not, I still wish her all the happiness in the world. If there is anyone who deserves it, it's her."

  Isaiah closed his eyes. So basically his mother wanted him to be unselfish and watch Colleen as she happily rode off into the sunset with Enrique.

  He somehow didn't think he had it in him to be that magnanimous. While he was on Diablos his one thought had been returning home to Colleen. He was not going to allow a three-month thing that she had with Enrique to keep them apart.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Colleen left her parents’ place a little after midday the next day. She had no idea where she was going to stay; she had no place to live. She wasn't going to Isaiah's place and she doubted that she
was going back to the villa to stay again.

  She guessed she had to take back the car, and she hoped fervently that Enrique was around so that she could attempt to find out why on earth he had so unceremoniously dumped her.

  She drove down the hill and turned on the radio. She was tired of her own thoughts. She had enjoyed the distraction of preparing for a wedding with her mother; she knew now that she really wanted to do catering. Maybe for weddings. She really enjoyed getting everything together with her mom and decorating the small country church and arranging the cake. Her mom had become very proficient at cake decorating.

  When she drove up to the villa, she could sense that Enrique was not there. The place felt empty when she stepped into it, as if all the life force as sucked out. His bag was gone. A sock stuck out at the end of the bed and she bent down and picked it up.

  Sitting at the edge of the bed, feeling lost, she looked around. He didn’t leave a note. He probably thought she had gone to Isaiah and hadn't expected her to come back.

  She heard someone at the front door and jumped up hurriedly. Maybe it was him. Maybe he changed his mind.

  When she hurried into the passageway she saw that it was Gloria.

  "Oh Miss Colleen," Gloria said, frightened. "I thought nobody would be home today."

  Colleen slumped her shoulders.

  "I thought y'all went to foreign," Gloria said. "I heard from management that I should remove the food from the fridge and all that."

  Colleen shook her head. "No, don't. I am still here."

  "So you want me to restock then?" Gloria asked and then grumbled about management miscommunication. She wheeled in the supplies.

  "No, don't bother to restock, I will only be here for a couple of days," Colleen said, heading to the back veranda and out of Gloria's way.

  She called Enrique. His phone went to voicemail and she paced a bit. She called him again and then felt a cold despair wrapping its tentacles around her. Was he deliberately trying to avoid her?

  He had practically rushed them to the altar and now he had rushed them apart. She couldn't bear sitting and looking out any longer. She needed to do something definitive, like clear her clothes out and all the other things she had left at Isaiah's. It was time she did. High time.

  *****

  Colleen drove to his house. Dan was lying on the veranda, reading a novel.

  He sat up when Colleen drove up and came to meet her at the gate with a grin on his face.

  "Colleen, you are back!"

  "No." Colleen watched as all the joy seeped out of his face. "Sorry to disappoint you."

  "But Isaiah said you'd be back." Dan frowned. "He was so certain yesterday that you'd come back. "

  Colleen gazed at him, it seemed as if he had grown taller over the summer. He even had a little fuzz above his top lip.

  "Dan," she said solemnly, "I am not coming back."

  "But why?" he asked.

  Colleen sighed. "Come on, help me pack."

  Dan followed her reluctantly.

  "Where is Isaiah?" Colleen asked, opening the door. She looked around the small space. Untidiness reigned. She had forgotten that about Isaiah, and how much it used to annoy her. She picked up a half-wet towel from the floor.

  "He went out with the guys this morning," Dan mumbled. "He should be back soon; they didn't go far. He said he is still trying to find his sea legs."

  Colleen nodded. "You nervous for him?"

  "Yes, somewhat," Dan nodded, "but he went with two other boats. He promised Mama that he would never go out alone again, just in case something happened, like the last time."

  Colleen nodded. "Good."

  "You were going to tell me why you can't come back," Dan urged her.

  Colleen went over to the dresser and took down the pictures of herself that she had stuck in the corners of the glass.

  "Because I love Enrique," she said, "and he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Isaiah is back but he's like a stranger to me. I don't know if you understand."

  Dan sighed. "I do, kind of. It’s like you have to get to know him all over again. He's drinking. He never used to do that before."

  Colleen looked at Dan in alarm. "Really? The other night he was tipsy I thought that was just a one-time thing."

  Dan shrugged. "Mama said that she was concerned about it. I overheard her talking to him about it yesterday. He was drunk, I think. Mama told him that he can't get himself drunk because of you."

  Colleen winced. "That's good advice. Take down that suitcase for me, Dan."

  She pointed to a suitcase and Dan took it down. She silently packed while Dan watched from his vantage point on the bed. She remembered when she was to get married how she had sentimentally looked at every garment; now she stuffed them into her bag without any thought to them. When she finished packing she cleaned the whole place. She and Dan talked about his plans for school.

  "I can't believe you are going to Pre-University," Colleen said. "Little Dan Reid will soon be Dr. Dan Reid."

  Dan grinned and then he turned serious. "Are you ever going to forget me?"

  "Never," Colleen said firmly. "We'll still keep in touch. I am still your big sister, remember."

  "Even when Isaiah gets married to somebody else?" Dan asked slyly, watching for her reaction.

  Colleen smiled. "Even then."

  "So you are really over him?" Dan asked. "I am just making sure."

  "Yes," Colleen said, "a part of me will always feel fondly toward Isaiah. He was my first boyfriend and I share the dubious distinction of being his first wife and his first widow."

  Dan laughed and Colleen joined him.

  While they were laughing Isaiah walked up to the house.

  "What's all of this, Colleen?" Isaiah asked curiously.

  "Okay, I am going," Dan said, walking past Isaiah.

  Colleen picked up the garbage bag from the floor. "This is for the trash."

  "No, I mean, are you moving in or out?" Isaiah looked confused. "You took down our pictures," he accused in the same breath.

  "I am moving out, Isaiah," Colleen said, heading for the garbage receptacle at the gate.

  Isaiah looked at her helplessly. "But why? I told Enrique that you wanted to come home. He was supposed to let you go. What did he do? Offer you money to stay?"

  "I don't like what you are implying," Colleen said fiercely and then she stopped. "When did you talk to Enrique?"

  "Yesterday morning," Isaiah said. "I was helping you to make up your mind. I told you I would."

  "You are crazy," Colleen gritted out, "crazy! What did you tell him?"

  "I told him that we were fooling around and stuff," Isaiah shrugged. "I may have told him that."

  "Oh no," Colleen groaned. "Thanks a lot, Isaiah."

  Colleen walked down the walkway.

  Isaiah frowned. "Colleen, don't go!"

  Her heart turned at his heartfelt appeal. She spun around and said softly, "We've always been friends, haven't we?"

  "Yes," Isaiah said eagerly, "through thick and thin, from kindergarten, when we were this little." He indicated with his hand.

  Colleen walked closer to him. "I love Enrique. I want to spend the rest of whatever life I have left with him; I know that for a certainty. If I stayed here with you I would be miserable; I would be yearning after him. I can't go back to how I was. How we were," she said pleadingly. "I don't want to. And even if I am not with Enrique, I wouldn't even want to be here either. I grieved about you a long time ago and for a long time. It's like there is nothing left. I am all grieved out."

  Isaiah blanched at that blunt statement.

  Colleen walked up to him and kissed him on his cheek and then looked him in the eye. "You be careful out at sea, Isaiah. I never want to hear that you are missing or dead again. It hurt like hell the first time. Goodbye Isaiah."

  Isaiah swallowed and then, seeing the absolute determination in her gaze, said, "Bye Colleen."

  *****

  Colleen
went home and it started to rain just when she entered the driveway. She stood in the rain, her tears mingled with the raindrops. "That's it," she sniffed when she went into the house, taking off her wet clothes piece by piece--her last few tears for Isaiah Reid shed.

  After her shower she called Maureen.

  Maureen was so elated to hear from her that she felt a pinch of guilt.

  "So, you are back with Isaiah, aren't you?" Maureen said, as if it were a done deal.

  "No." Colleen sighed. "What's the name of that lawyer you used for your divorce?"

  Maureen was silent for so long, Colleen wondered if she was still on the phone.

  "Her name is Janet Murphy. I can't believe it." She started sobbing. "I can't believe it."

  "Gosh, Maureen," Colleen said to her friend. "What are you crying about?"

  "Delayed reaction," Maureen said, her voice muddled. "I guess I am shedding a tear for all of us…the past, our present. This screwed-up thing called life that throws curve balls at us at every turn. I'll call Janet; she'll get in touch with you. So, is Enrique at home with you?"

  "No," Colleen sighed. "That's another story."

  *****

  Enrique was standing in his office, looking down at the cars below. He had just come out of a meeting with a client and then he had another meeting scheduled and then he would take a trip to some far-flung place in the world, as far away as his mind would allow him to go.

  "Enrique," Lia pushed her head around his door. "I need you to sign off on a couple of things."

  Enrique nodded. "Sure." He didn't look up.

  "I can't believe Colleen chose the other dude. He must be one fine specimen of a man."

  Enrique turned bloodshot eyes to Lia. "No calls, okay? Especially from Jamaica. I need a moment."

  "Sure." Lia nodded sympathetically. "Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

  Enrique laughed dryly, no humor in his tone. "You could turn back the hands of time or you could stop calling her name around here."