by Shea,Lisa
She shook her head. “Maybe Rachel is right. Maybe I do tell her what to do, when I should stand back and let her try on her own – whether she succeeds or fails.”
Reynald’s eyes met her own. “That is a challenging thing to do,” he commented quietly.
Sarah dropped her eyes. “It eats me up inside, every day,” she responded. “If she fails … and fails again … and I can see her sinking, not learning from her mistakes …”
Reynald put his hand over hers, giving hers a gentle squeeze. “Part of being an adult is accepting the consequences of your actions and learning that the things you do lead to results you must live with,” he pondered softly. “As a sibling, all you can do is offer to be there to give advice and hope that someday they are of the mindset to seek – and understand – any wisdom you offer.”
Sarah looked up to him, her mind switching gears smoothly, caught by his tone of voice.
“So you would not try to drag your sister back, if she did not wish to go with you?”
Reynald held her gaze for a long moment, his look troubled. Then, finally, he nodded in agreement.
“As much as I long to do so – to bring her to safety, to protect her – I accept that she must make her own decision. I will make myself available to talk with her. I will offer all the advice I can. In the end, though, I understand that she has the free will to listen or to ignore me.”
He took in a deep breath, then turned away. “I also accept, as hard as it is, that she may not even wish to hear my advice. Maybe she feels her own path is so well chosen that none could possibly help her any in mapping it out.”
Reynald chuckled wryly. “Especially since I am not married and do not have a child. By your sister’s reckoning, that means I could not provide any suggestions at all on Abigail’s situation that could be of value.”
Sarah smiled reassuringly. “Abigail does not seem to have that mindset at all,” she confided with a wry smile. “I will do my best to encourage her to speak with you and to hear what you have to say.”
Reynald’s amber eyes were caught on hers, and she could see how much her words meant to him. Finally he spoke, his voice rough. “Thank you. It means more than I can say.”
Chapter 8
Sarah gave her boot a final tug before turning and gathering up her leather bag of medical supplies. She hefted it over one shoulder, then made her way down the quiet hallway to the main dining area. Waves and smiles greeted her from the various tables as she made her way through to the head table. The foursome was just beginning a meal of stewed vegetables, and she eased down beside her father with a smile.
He patted her hand by way of welcome. “Off for a visit this morning, are we?” he asked gently. “Going far?”
“Not far,” she responded with reassurance, taking in a bite of the steaming, fragrant stew. “Just over the hill to Devizes.”
Reynald glanced up. “I was planning on riding to Devizes myself at some point over the next few days,” he commented with interest. “One of the …” he glanced sideways at Rachel for a moment, then continued smoothly. “One of the individuals I want to talk with lives there. I can accompany you to the town, and we can meet up again when it is time to head back.”
Rachel looked up with a frown. “I wanted to ride with you into Burbage,” she huffed in frustration. “Why does Sarah’s trip take precedence over mine?”
Christopher smiled placatingly at his younger daughter. “I will ask Cedric to take you,” he offered. “You always were fond of his company.”
Rachel tossed her hair. “I have long since grown tired of Cedric,” she insisted. “He is stodgy and boring.”
Her mother took a small bite of the vegetable medley. “Be that as it may, today Cedric will be your escort. I will ask him to be more cheerful in your presence.”
Rachel looked down in stony silence, pouting. Sarah finished her food quickly, eager to be on her way. Reynald followed along as she walked to the stables and prepared her horse for the ride.
They fell into the preparation of their horses as easily as long time companions, and Sarah marveled at how comfortable it was to ride side by side along the sun-streamed path, how easily their conversation flowed from the best way to treat cuts to techniques for helping an ill patient relax and calm. At every turn Reynald was intelligent, curious, and open to discussing whatever topic she broached.
When the pair reached Devizes she found it hard to bring the fascinating conversation to an end. She had to remind herself that she was being waited for and forced herself to smile brightly as she waved farewell to him.
“We will meet back here just before sunset?” she asked as she turned her horse’s head.
Reynald nodded in agreement. “As you wish, my lady,” he agreed, his eyes twinkling, offering a chivalric sweep of his hand.
A shiver of delight spun down her spine at the courtly reply. She nudged her horse into a trot down the road to hide her emotions, focusing on the task before her.
Her patient today was Melanie, a young woman who was pregnant with her first child. She was only three months along. Sarah spent much of her time answering basic questions, providing information on handling morning sickness, and soothing the young mother’s concerns.
The time flew by, and soon the sky began to darken outside the window. Bidding farewell to her patient, she mounted and rode back to the meeting point at the edge of the village.
She had just about reached the spot when a woman’s voice called out to her from a house at the side of the road. “Sarah, please hold up a moment!”
Sarah pulled to a stop. “Cornelia! How are you?” She smiled down at the plump woman, admiring her simple but clean periwinkle-blue dress.
“I am fine, thank you,” Cornelia responded, glancing in both directions down the long, quiet dirt road. “I do not suppose you have seen Ralph, my younger brother, on your travels?”
Sarah shook her head no. “I apologize; it has been weeks since I have run into him. Is he missing?”
Cornelia’s eyes perked up at motion far down one end of the road, but her shoulders quickly slumped again. “It’s not him,” she sighed. Her gaze returned to Sarah. “He has only been gone two days. I am sure he is off gallivanting with friends. You know how wild the younger folk can be, when summertime heats the earth.”
“I will let him know to come home, if I see him,” promised Sarah dutifully. “How is your sister?”
“Dorrie is fine, thank you. She and Walter are quite happy together, and I hear from her often. She keeps telling me I should move closer to her, but my husband’s family is here, as is my own.”
Her voice edged with crispness. “I tell her that she and Walter should move back home again, but of course, they will not. It grieves me greatly.”
Heat rose to Sarah’s cheeks, but before she could respond, Cornelia added, “Speaking of which, how is your sister?”
There was the sound of quiet hoofbeat, and Sarah looked up to see that Reynald had pulled alongside her. His gaze moved evenly between the two women. Sarah flustered, caught between defending her sister as always and being blanketed by the embarrassment of what had happened.
“My sister is well,” she finally responded, striving to keep her tone neutral.
“Any hope of Rachel going off to the convent, to join Tanya’s mother?” prodded Cornelia, her eyes sharp.
Sarah flushed. She should speak out for her sister - but what could she say? The idea that she could not do so in good conscience shamed her. “No,” she responded shortly, dropping her eyes. She knew she should introduce Reynald, but she could not. Every bone in her body told her to ride away before she said something she regretted.
Cornelia pursed her lips, looking over at the newcomer with open curiosity. “I am sorry to hear that,” she finally replied with a bitter edge. “Have a good ride home,” she added, then turned to head back into her house.
Sarah nudged her horse into motion, sure that her cheeks must now be a deep crimson color
. She turned her eyes to the side of the road, keeping her face turned away from Reynald’s sharp gaze.
To her relief, Reynald did not say anything at all – he simply rode at her side, matching her pace. As the miles rolled on, Sarah’s composure returned. She took in several deep breaths, rolling her shoulders.
“It is not as bad as you may think,” she began, her eyes flickering sideways to meet Reynald’s. “You might even say it was a sort of a misunderstanding.”
“Things often can blow out of proportion,” agreed Reynald with an even look, “when people do not take the time to learn the whole truth.”
“I was only sixteen,” continued Sarah, thinking back in time. “Rachel was fourteen.”
“That can be a rough age,” mused Reynald. “One can become caught between wanting to be independent and not having the experience to make wise choices.”
Sarah nodded, the words beginning to flow more easily, her comfort with him drawing her to speak where normally she would have stayed silent. “Rachel was always bright, but she would sometimes act before she thought things through. She was just at the age where she wanted to come and spend time with my friends at our more ‘adult’ get-togethers. She had always followed me in the past, so I suppose this was no exception. I swore to my mother that I would keep an eye on her; keep her out of trouble.”
“As always,” commented Reynald quietly.
Sarah nodded. “One of the men in our group was older – twenty one – and charming, in a rakish sort of way. He was the special beau of my good friend Dorrie. His name was Walter.”
She looked down for a moment. “I have to admit that I had a crush on Walter at the time, but I never acted on it in the slightest way. To me, the fact that Dorrie and Walter were a couple meant that he was completely off limits. It would have been the ultimate betrayal for me to have gone after him.”
She sighed. “I explained all of this to my sister before she began joining our group. I told her who the various members of our circle were and how each was related to the other. She knew how I felt about Walter. She knew that he was a taken man.”
She rode along in silence for a few moments, and Reynald did not seek to break the quiet. It took her a while to gather the strength to continue.
“One evening, I came home late, after dark, from visiting with a patient. I had been assisting old Marigold with a case she had, to learn more about midwifery. When I got home, Rachel was not there. She had not returned from her visit to Roundway to see a friend. My mother was supposed to meet up with her there and escort her home.”
Her eyes shadowed. “I was furious with my mother, more than I had ever been before. I thought my mother had forgotten to pick up Rachel. I had images of my poor sister waiting, abandoned, at a dismal, dark crossroads, hoping plaintively for someone to come to her aid.”
Sarah ran a hand through her hair, her lips pressed tight together, then took a breath. “I yelled at my mother in a way I had never imagined I would. How could she forget my sister like that? I was all set to race out to rescue her myself.”
She shook her head. “To my surprise, my mother did not even flinch at my tone. She seemed to take it in stride. She explained that she had gone to retrieve my sister – and that my sister had not been there. That it appeared that my sister had instead gone off to a tavern with Walter.”
Sarah looked down at her hands. “She was just fourteen years old. What was she thinking?”
Reynald’s voice came in a low, tense rumble. “What was he thinking?”
Sarah glanced at Reynald in surprise. In all her years of going over the story in her mind, she had never looked at it in that way.
She moved on with the tale. “My mother and father went to fetch Rachel home. I kept myself apart, and could not bring myself to defend her as I usually had. She had betrayed my trust. For the first time, my complete devotion to her had a chink in it. This had been a man important to me for several reasons, and she had thrown it all aside for … for I do not know why.”
Reynald met her eyes. “So Walter and Dorrie moved away?”
Sarah nodded. “They were married soon afterwards, and they live quite happily in Bisley. I try to see Dorrie when I can, but there is still a bit of… well, uncomfortable feelings between the families because of the situation.”
“I imagine it also caused a rift between you and your sister,” commented Reynald.
Sarah sighed at the memory. “It was as if a line had been crossed. I still do not think my sister understands at all why it mattered to me. To her, she was better at ‘courting a man’ than I was, and she felt sure I was upset to have lost. However, to me, he never should have been approached. He was sacrosanct. That she could have done that …”
She shrugged. “I suppose I still have that wide eyed doll image in my mind, of how my sister was when we were young. Perhaps I would have her stay that way forever. It is an unfair thing to ask of anyone.”
“You were not asking her to stay young and immature,” pointed out Reynald quietly. “You simply were asking her to match your own levels of honesty and respect for others.”
Sarah looked up to him. “Is that even a fair thing for me to ask?” She sighed in confusion. “Every one of us has different measuring sticks, different values we feel are important. My sister thinks nothing of lying blatantly to our parents. She routinely leaves out important parts of her life when talking with them, lies of omission. She says she is justified in doing this because they will not support her unconditionally in her choices. She does not want to have to listen to their criticism or suggestions, so she does not tell them anything they might disagree with.”
Sarah ran a hand down her horse’s mane. “I, on the other hand, simply tell the truth. If my parents disagree with my choice, I accept that and move on. I would never want my parents to lie to me, to claim they felt one way when they really felt another. Nor would I want to hide things from them. They are my family after all, and they would undoubtedly find out what was going on later for one reason or another. Lies rarely survive for long.”
She sighed. “However, if I am honest with myself, even I keep some things from them. I do not tell them the names of my patients, for example.”
Reynald watched her face with consideration. “That is a reasonable exclusion. You are protecting the privacy of the women you work with. I understand that.”
Sarah met his gaze. “Still, what if something happened to me? What if I fell and was hurt on the way to someone’s home? My parents would have to track down where I was going in order to find me. They would know the truth eventually. Also, after all, once a woman births a child it becomes known soon enough. It is not an eternal secret. Would it really be that wrong to tell my parents – and perhaps the guards – as a balance for my safety?”
“Then where do you draw the line of who you trust to tell?” pondered Reynald.
Sarah nodded. “Everybody draws a line somewhere. We all draw those lines in different places. So perhaps it is unfair of me to say that others around me must choose to maintain the exact same lines I have chosen for myself.”
Reynald thought about it for a while. “Still, there are some general guidelines that society as a whole has adopted. I can kill someone who is trying to attack me – but I cannot ride down the road and kill a random stranger because I want his possessions.”
“Most situations are not quite that cut and dried,” responded Sarah with a chuckle. “Nobody dies when Rachel creates a false impression.”
Reynald’s eyes held hers. “Her honor is diminished – and your ability to trust her is lost. That is not something to be dismissed lightly.” He paused for a moment, then added, “Especially if she has allowed her own desires to override any concerns about your emotions.”
There was a long stretch of silence, and suddenly Reynald spoke up with a lighter tone. “Here we are, safe and sound.”
Sarah looked up and saw that the walls of her home were coming into sight. She was astonished agai
n at how quickly time seemed to fly by when she was with Reynald, and how much she enjoyed talking with him.
Reynald’s eyes stayed on her, and when he spoke, his voice was rich with respect. “I have to tell you, Sarah, I have not had conversations like this with any other woman before.” He paused for a few moments before adding, “You are quite a companion.”
Sarah was caught off guard by the praise and by the echo of her own sentiments toward him. She turned to steer her mount into the stables, dismounting and handing the reins over to Lou, who was patiently waiting within.
She turned to find Reynald standing close to her, his dark curls almost tinged with gold in the glow of the sunset. She could smell the musk of his aroma, the leather of his armor, the tantalizing hint of cedar that clung to him. Her chest, suddenly, felt as if it were caught in iron bands.
“Thank you for the escort,” she offered throatily, her eyes caught by his.
His hand moved up to her cheek, cupping it for a moment, and Sarah thrilled in every movement of his finger along her cheekbone. His voice was soft and rich when he spoke.
“Someone, after all, should look out for you.”
He held the gaze for a heartbeat, then turned quickly and walked toward the keep.
Sarah forced herself to stand still, to wait until he had entered the building, before moving slowly after him.
Chapter 9
Sarah stepped into the main hall with a dancing step, breathing in the fresh morning air, her eyes sweeping toward the head table – and her heart fell in disappointment.
His chair was empty.
Her step seemed to drag as she moved to take her place.
Her mother’s eyes twinkled as she greeted her daughter. “Your sister is off visiting friends, but I am sure she will be back soon,” she reassured Sarah. The grin on her lips indicated that she knew well who it was Sarah was really missing.
