SEALed With A Kiss: Heroes With Heart

by Low, Gennita

  “I’m wondering if I should take myself out of the rotation for a cycle.”

  “Oh yes? Wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?” Kyle asked as he sat on the edge of his desk.

  “I’m having trouble sleeping. I’m having the same dreams over and over again.”

  “What kind of dreams?”

  “This lady with red lips—”

  “Shit, you got that dream too?” Cooper hooted. “I’ve been married two years, and I still get that dream.”

  Luke tried to chuckle along with them. He decided to try a more direct approach so they’d take him more seriously.

  “Before my transfer I was dating this girl.” He looked up at Coop and Kyle and saw nothing register in their expressions. “Things got pretty hot and heavy, you know. I got her pregnant, so I was going to marry her. I mean, I loved her and all, but when I found out I got her pregnant, I had to marry her.”

  “Um hum,” Kyle nodded.

  “We’d gone down to Florida to visit her folks. Had a nice family weekend down there, and we told them about the engagement, figuring we’d have a little time to talk about the baby.”

  “Okay, so far I get you. So what does this have to do with you not sleeping now? Something go wrong?”

  Luke nodded his head. “I’d started having trouble sleeping that last deployment. A real fuckin’ hellhole. We were training Afghan soldiers, and I just had this thought, this fear I couldn’t get out of my head, that this was the one that was going to get me. But I came back, and felt, you know.”

  “Survivor’s guilt,” Kyle said.

  “Yes, some of that.”

  Luke stared down at the bubbles in his beer glass. Cooper was chewing ice from his mineral water. Kyle had barely touched his beer.

  “I fell asleep on the way home and crashed the car. She died there, Kyle. Died in my arms.”

  It was the same every time he told the story. His eyes would ache something fierce, but the tears wouldn’t come until he closed his eyes. And that was usually when he was trying to sleep.

  “I’m real sorry to hear that, Luke. I didn’t have any clue that was your story. So what’s going on now?”

  “I thought the transfer would help. My sister lives in San Diego, sir. I seemed to be doing pretty good,” Luke continued.

  “I had no complaints. You did your job, from what I could tell.” Kyle sighed. “So, this woman you’re dreaming about, the one with the red lips?”

  “It’s not her. But the red is significant.”

  “Go on.”

  “I don’t know who the woman was. She wasn’t my, my—the girl I was going to marry.”

  “Say her name.”

  “Camilla.”

  “Okay, good.”

  “I—well, until last night as a matter of fact—I’d never seen her face. I just used to dream about the red lips. I was dozing off, dreaming that dream, when young Carson got hit. You remember that?”

  “Yes, two days before we came home.”

  “Yes. Well, the lack of sleep was catching up to me. He let me take a little catnap, and that’s when he was hit.”

  “And you took out the bad guy.”

  “That I did. Without thinking, I did it. I can live with that part.”

  “Good.”

  “He died in my arms, just like she—Camilla—did. Just like her. I felt the blood, saw him pass over. I was there. Nothing I could do to stop it. I just witnessed it. And I was numb at the time, but now I have the nightmares, Kyle. I’m not sleeping more than an hour here and there.”

  “And what does that add up to?”

  “At the most, maybe four hours sleep.”

  “And that’s not enough. You try using some meds?”

  “No.”

  “I’d get you some, Luke. You’ve got to get your sleep.”

  “But now it’s more than sleep. It’s mood swings. I can be so incredibly happy one minute, and the next, I’m like in the pits of Hell itself.”

  “When are you up for extension?” Kyle asked.

  “Eighteen months. Was going to re-up when I went over the next time, but now I’m wondering if I should sit out a cycle.”

  “You get to a doctor, first. You know we’ve just started those groups. Don’t want you with the inactives. You stay with the active duty SEALs.”

  “I understand.” He took the last sip of his beer. “Do you think I should wait out a rotation?”

  “That’s not for me to say. You’re telling me all this…which is the right thing to do, by the way…so thank you for being proactive. We like that. But I’ve not seen anything to indicate you’re not able to perform your duties. So we get you checked out. We do some PT evaluation. Your eyesight and hearing okay?”

  “I’m fine in that department.”

  “You getting fucked regular, like?”

  Luke wasn’t quite sure he’d heard Kyle correctly.

  “Sir?”

  “Any things going on in your sex life you’re not happy with? I gotta ask.”

  “No. Nothing’s wrong, Sir. Except—”

  “What?”

  “I feel a little too needy in that department.” He’d never told himself this. Was this what was scaring him?

  “Shit, Luke,” Cooper interjected. “That’s just normal. We all got that.”

  “I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Luke replied.

  “Then you get someone strong.”

  Luke promised Kyle he’d check himself in for a complete workup, including a psych evaluation. He got medication to help him sleep, and he began feeling better after a solid month of ten-hour nights. He stayed away from dating. He stayed away from complicated.

  But he thought about Julie every day. She was the first thing he pictured in the morning, how she’d looked that sunny morning in the motel room. And she was the last thing he saw at night before the medication kicked in.

  “I don’t do uncomplicated. I like it rich and complicated. Entangled. And I want to be sorely missed when I’m gone.”

  Well, the little lady had gotten her way. Trouble was, there was no fuckin’ way she would ever know about it. It wasn’t fair.

  But it was the way it was.

  Chapter Six

  ‡

  Julie hadn’t talked to her brother in weeks, not since he’d announced his engagement.

  “We’re about to start having rehearsals. You ready for prime time, sis?” Colin asked.

  “Doesn’t Stephanie have some gorgeous friends who want to be her bridesmaids? I don’t want her to think she’s stuck with me.”

  “Nonsense. She’s got five of those already. Besides, I think…outside of her…you’ll be the prettiest gal there.

  Julie remembered trying on the beautiful light pink gown Stephanie had chosen for her bridesmaids, and how elegant and regal it had made her feel. She wrote a reminder note to herself to schedule her hair, the final fitting, and to go hunting for the right bra to give her the cleavage without looking like she was poured into a too-small dress.

  Julie and Colin’s parents were planning and hosting the wedding, since Stephanie had lost her mother had in a commercial plane crash when she was in high school. Her father had been in the military, and had been killed overseas some years before that.

  “So, when’s the rehearsal?”

  Colin gave her several dates, including the bridal shower and bachelorette party. She wasn’t that close to Stephanie, and didn’t feel she should intrude on a private party with her girlfriends, but since Julie’s Mom was going, she’d make sure they left after a respectable showing, and she’d see to it her mom got home safely.

  School would be out the week before the parties and rehearsals, giving her time to take care of all of the final arrangements, and to give her parents a hand with entertaining the out-of-town guests and decorating the house and garden for the ceremony.

  She had also arranged to rent a cottage from one of her friends so she could have peace and quiet when she needed a break.

 
; She had to admit, she was looking forward to it. She’d been in a funk for the past thirty days, ever since the wonderful night and then the huge disappointment with Luke.

  This was a welcome distraction as she planned her summer. It would be nice to spend a week up north, where she grew up. Get her summer vacation in gear. Shed the cobwebs of loneliness. It had been more challenging this year, thanks to a couple of whacko parents, but the kids were great, and more exceptional than usual, and that’s why she was there, anyhow.

  After her phone conversation with her brother, Julie glanced over at the brochures for vacation packages she was considering. She used to hate summer vacation, since she’d had no idea what to do with the time off. No man on the horizon. She began taking her summer trips in the middle of the hiatus so she wouldn’t feel so lonely. And here it was again, another trip to Fiji, Hawaii or the Greek islands…by herself.

  But that was better than staying home all by herself.

  The last day of school, her car already packed and gassed up so she could leave straight from school, she turned in her year-end paperwork that morning, and stopped by the principal’s office for an update on a disgruntled parent issue.

  Dr. Connors frowned when she knocked on his door. “Come take a seat.” He stood, pointing to the wooden armed chair in front of his desk. “And close the door, please.”

  Julie felt her throat constrict. She did as she was told.

  “I’m not making much headway with the Millers—Mr. Miller more than the Mrs.”

  “They need to get that child into counseling.”

  “Yes, I understand. They are willing to give her extra tutoring, but they do not want her staying back a year. You recommended she pass?”

  “As a matter of fact, no, I didn’t,” Julie answered. “My reasoning is noted in the girl’s report card, which I turned in with the rest just now.”

  “I’m going to have to ask you to alter them. The classroom incident aside, I don’t need angry parents complaining to the school board. That would mean consequences for all of us.”

  Julie was feeling uncomfortable that her union representative wasn’t present to hear this and to give her advice. She wasn’t sure her principal was on her side, or on the side of the parents. Julie felt she was the only one on the side of the student. Her parched tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Taking a deep breath, she finally asked the question she’d been dreading for the past five minutes. “Dr. Connor. Am I going to be fired?”

  “No. Of course not. Not today, anyway.”

  It was just like him to wiggle out of saying something he didn’t want to, which should have made her feel more comfortable, in that there wasn’t a planned trajectory to remove her from her job. But that didn’t make her feel very secure, either.

  “So they’re still talking about suing the school.”

  “And me personally, and you personally.”

  “Me?”

  “You are the one who they allege said things to their daughter in front of the whole class.”

  “Which is completely untrue, and I have student witnesses who are happy to dispute it. I would never say those vicious things. Those words aren’t even in my vocabulary, Dr. Connor.”

  “Their attorney claims you are holding a grade or expulsion notice over their heads,” he said solemnly.

  “Their attorney? So now they have an attorney?” Julie could not believe how the lie the student had told her parents had managed to escalate to such a degree. And she partly blamed her principal for not acting more quickly. He’d elected to wait until the family had sent their third letter to his office.

  “I’m sorry but we’ll be dealing with this all summer. I’ll be in touch.”

  “You want me to get the paperwork on the year-end evaluation?”

  “No, I’ll find it. I’ll call you if I need anything else.”

  “Dr. Connor, I’m going up north today for my brother’s wedding. I won’t be around for another week at least. Probably ten days.”

  “Fine. No worries.” He rose and extended his hand, which Julie shook, hoping he couldn’t feel her nervousness. “Have a good wedding!” His cheery smile, plastered quickly onto his face, made her stomach churn.

  Shaken, she found it a struggle to stay focused and drive safely during the ten-hour trip up to her parent’s home in Sonoma County.

  She solved the problem by listening to the seductive voice of her favorite narrator reading the latest novel from a romance series she loved. It was the perfect way to spend the hours on the road. It put her in the middle of an intense relationship with a strong guy who loved hot sex and wanted to protect her. She became the heroine. It was a pleasant fiction, feeling loved so intensely. She knew her fantasy life was good for her. And it certainly went a long way toward easing the uneasiness about her job, and helping her set aside her heartache over Luke.

  She wished her real life was more like this audiobook love story. And it had seemed so possible during that magical night with Luke. There was something about him, and she couldn’t figure out what, exactly, that was so damned close to the hero in this audio romance. A hero who struggled with something from his past that had damaged him.

  Julie wondered about that damage. She wondered what it was that haunted Luke. They’d barely spoken that urgent night…a night that still left her breathless every time she dreamed about it.

  And yet, something had felt so right about being with Luke.

  And at the same time, there was something so wrong about him.

  The long driveway that wound to her family home through clusters of oak and madrone trees was a welcoming sight. As she climbed the hill, she could see the valley floor below. Up north, the geysers were spewing steam, and the horizon was turning pink, indicating there would be a nice salmon glow at sunset.

  Her mom came out to greet her before she could get to the front door.

  “Julie, so glad you’re safe. The guest room is all ready for you.”

  “No, Mom. Remember, I told you? I’m staying at a friend’s house while they’re in Europe. Besides, you’ve got tons of relatives coming from the east coast who arrive this week, right?”

  “Next week. I just thought that you could stay here. One night? Just one night?”

  She always had a hard time saying no to her mother.

  “Fine. But just one night. I need a little time to relax and clear my head. Yesterday was the last day of classes, you know.”

  “Not to worry. Your dad will be so happy to see you.” Her mother picked up her duffel bag and hitched it over her shoulder. “Colin and Stephanie will be here to go over some details after your dad gets home.”

  “Great.” That meant another late night, Julie thought. Not exactly what she wanted, but she’d just have to get caught up on her rest tomorrow night.

  The rehearsal dinner was a catered affair. The warm, early June evening was perfect for eating on the patio under the stars. Julie’s parents’ home was built in the middle of vineyards, overlooking a small lake. They had sent small boats holding votive candles sailing out from its grassy banks just before the sun set. Crickets had begun to chirp. An occasional frog mouthed off, telling her it would be a full-chorus night.

  Stephanie looked radiant, as she always did. Colin was working to keep some of his five groomsmen away from her, and Julie enjoyed seeing him so possessive, but happy. She hoped some day this would be her fate…having friends and family share in a glorious celebration of love, here in her gorgeous childhood home.

  One of the groomsmen was running late, so they sat around the patio sipping wine until they heard the doorbell ring.

  Julie decided she’d play hostess and ran to answer, leaving her parents to mingle with the guests and deal with the caterer.

  She threw the door open, caroling “It’s about time you got here, Mr. Sixth Groomsman, we’ve been waiting for you so long that everybody’s had a bit too much wine, and…”

  Luke Paulsen stood on their doorstep.

&nbs
p; He was dressed in baggy jeans and a light blue shirt. Though he was dressed casually, there was no mistaking the muscles beneath the cotton fabric, muscles that bulked out his magnificent chest, making the shirt spread deliciously over his breastbone. A trail of light brown hair lingered there, daring her to be inappropriate. It had been at least a month since she’d run her fingers up that chest, up the side of his massive neck, and pulled his lips to hers with consuming need, but she remembered so vividly, it was if she’d just left his bed.

  Her need was no less right now, standing in front of this irresistible man without touching him.

  His hair was slicked back a bit from a recent shower, emanating the faint scent of soap and just a little aftershave. But his blue eyes bored into her, making her knees wobble. She felt so light-headed she could almost float up into the night sky.

  He was obviously surprised, too, but a wild, kind of feral look crossed his face, an involuntary lifting one corner of his lips. His chest expanded as he inhaled hard enough to suck her right into his arms, which she refused to do.

  She’d steeled herself for the possibility of running into him in San Diego, but she’d never thought she’d find him standing at her front door. For an instant she thought perhaps he had found her, was coming to the house to apologize for his behavior in San Diego, but then it dawned on her.

  Luke was the sixth groomsman.

  Chapter Seven

  ‡

  “Julie,” he said hoarsely. “What are you doing here?”

  She exhaled, aware that dark circles had begun to gather, narrowing her vision, because she’d been holding her breath. “I live—lived here. This is my parents’ home.”

  She could see he was troubled. “Then Colin is your brother.”

  “Yes.”

  “Stephanie is my sister.”

  The knowledge that this marriage meant Luke would soon become part of her family sent panic from the base of her skull down to her toes. This man, who had at first brought her unspeakable passion, who had awakened something deep inside her, and then rejected her, was here to participate in the union of their two families.