by Vikki Vaught
“A daughter.” Thinking of the sweet-natured child brought a smile to her face. “Angela is almost six and adorable. Mary has a son as well. Roderick was from a previous marriage. Poor Mary has not had good luck with her husbands. Her first husband lost his life in Portugal, and Nelson died of a wasting disease.”
“She must have had a difficult time when she lost your brother. How many nieces and nephews do you have?” he asked.
She laughed. “Ten. I adore children, and I believe that’s why I enjoy painting them so much. I look forward to painting your niece and nephew. They’re both beautiful children. Frankford looks quite a bit like you, did you realize that?”
“You’re right, he does,” he replied. “I’m so grateful Roderick married Allison, and that they have two beautiful children with another one on the way. It makes my decision to remain a bachelor easier.”
Clearly, he loved his nephew and niece, but she detected a twinge of longing in his voice. It was sad that such a caring gentleman had given up on having a family of his own. “From what you shared regarding your ex-fiancée, I understand why you do not want to wed.”
“I still do not understand why you’re so opposed to marriage. I know you feel that a husband would not encourage your pursuit of your art,” he hesitated, then quickly continued, “but if we were to wed…I would never stand in your way.”
Her pulse raced at the thought of marrying him, but alas, it could never be. “You’re different than most men. Of course, this is all hypothetical since we both know you’re not interested in matrimony.”
“You have an incredible gift, and any man who cared for you…would not keep you from your heart’s desire.” His fervent tone and piercing eyes set another wave of bees flitting around her belly. “With your obvious love for children, do you not want to have your own?”
“There is a bigger reason.” She paused. “Something occurred when I was still a child. I shan’t bore you with the details, but I could never consider marriage after what happened…I just could not.”
He took her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry or make you uncomfortable. Please forgive me.”
She swallowed the tears clogging her throat. “I’m fine, but I need to go to my studio now. I shall see you at luncheon.”
CHAPTER 10
Jonathan watched Kathryn as she slowly made her way up the stairs. Considering her reaction and emotional withdrawal at the end of their conversation, he suspected a man had assaulted her when she was sixteen. He could not imagine any other incident that would turn her so strongly against marriage. If he ever got his hands on whoever it was, he would kill him for hurting her.
What will I do when I no longer have a reason to see her?
How will I ever forget her?
His heart ached. While he desired her desperately, it was so much more than physical. He wanted to protect her from harm and help her achieve her goals. He would want her even if he could never have her. He would rather have her friendship than nothing at all. As hard as it would be, he would not go to London. He could never forget her, even if he lived to be a hundred.
Roderick, Allison, and Elaine returned in time for tea. Kathryn was quiet. Clearly, their earlier conversation had upset her. He took the seat beside her. “You’re quiet this afternoon. I pray our discussion earlier did not cause you distress?”
“It is not anything you said.” She blinked several times. Oh, good Lord, are those tears in her eyes? “I started thinking of my life without children of my own, and it made me a little sad. I do love children. When I’m in London, I volunteer at St. Mark’s Orphanage. Melody has volunteered there for years, and she encouraged my involvement.”
Jonathan stroked her hand. “If you ever need to talk, or anything…I want to be there for you. You’re an incredible woman and deserve to be happy. If you would tell me who hurt you, I would take care of him. I don’t need the details to know a man hurt you in some way.”
Her gorgeous, violet eyes filled with tears. “Thank you. You are a dear friend. The man who hurt me died this past winter, so he can never harm me, or anyone else, ever again.”
Jonathan brushed a tear from her cheek. “Ah, then I’m glad he’s dead.” He cleared his throat, determined to raise her spirits. “Let us speak of happier things. Did you get everything ready for the sitting tomorrow?”
Kathryn wiped the rest of her tears away and smiled. “Yes, everything is in order. Did you enjoy playing this afternoon? I listened at the top of the stairs. You do play beautifully. I could listen to you for hours. How old were you when you started playing?”
Continuing to hold her hand, he enjoyed the feel of it nestled in his firm clasp. “My mother taught me. She played magnificently, and I was five when I first attempted to learn. I set my music aside when I went to war. I’m glad I’ve started playing again. I find it soothing.”
“I’m glad you found your music again. You have an incredible gift,” she said. “You play as well as Mary.”
Jonathan hesitated. “The main reason playing is so important to me…Kathryn…I have a drinking problem. Since I met you, I’ve tried to stop. It’s been over two weeks since I drank anything stronger than wine. Going into Bath for my sittings helped me realize I needed to quit. While you painted my portrait, I had time to think and realized I’ve abused myself for years, and it’s time it stopped. I hope you don’t think less of me.”
She squeezed his hand. “Never. I’m honored you trust me. I understand how easy it is to need a crutch. After what happened to me, I was in so much emotional pain I started taking laudanum. I came close to losing my life. If Melody and Helen had not intervened, I might have died. It takes a strong individual to overcome such an affliction. I’m proud you’ve realized you have a problem, and that you’re doing something to correct it.”
Jonathan gazed directly into her eyes. “You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever known. I count myself fortunate to call you friend. Again, if you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask.”
“Thank you. I value your friendship more than I can ever say. The same goes for me, if you ever need to talk, I’m there for you.” She glanced around. “Oh, my, everyone has left the drawing room. I shall go to my chamber and rest before dinner.”
As she left the room, he was again overcome by the love he felt for her. Meeting Kathryn had irrevocably changed his life—and for the better.
* * * *
Kathryn started the portrait the next day. She did sketches of the children individually and together. She did the same for Roderick and Allison. By the end of the second week, she was ready to begin. She kept the sessions short because of the children, but they sat for her every day. When she was not working on the painting, she spent time with Jonathan.
They took long walks along the shore, and a great sense of peace and serenity swept through her when she was with him. Kathryn wished she could overcome her fear of men. If she ever did, she could marry someone like Jonathan.
Roderick took Allison and Elaine sailing whenever the weather permitted. She envied their love for each other. Her new friend’s face glowed every time she gazed at her husband. If her uncle had left her alone, she could have that kind of love. She tried to push away the bitterness, but sometimes it was difficult.
The end of the third week, Kathryn was halfway finished with the portrait. The children were very cooperative, and it was making the project go quicker than she’d expected. She would finish by the end of next week. That afternoon, Roderick and Allison went sailing. Since Elaine had a cold, she was too miserable to go. An hour after they left, the sky clouded up, and thunder rumbled in the distance.
Kathryn found him in the music room. “Did you hear that thunder? A storm is coming. Will Roderick and Allison be safe?”
Jonathan smiled reassuringly. “They will be fine. Roderick is an excellent sea captain, and I’m sure he has already turned around. I expect they’ll be home before it gets too bad. How’s the portrait coming along? Do you hav
e any idea when you will finish?”
“I’m more than halfway, so I expect to finish by the end of next week. The children have been so cooperative it’s made it easier than I expected. When I painted Melody’s children, it took much longer. I believe I will go to my chamber to rest, so I shall see you at dinner.” Kathryn turned, but then she turned around, gave him a beatific smile, and left the room with a light step.
When she awoke an hour later, there was a terrible storm raging outside. The windows rattled from the voracity of the storm. She prayed Roderick and Allison had returned. After splashing water on her face, she rushed from her chamber.
She found Jonathan in the drawing room, pacing back and forth. “Have Allison and Roderick returned? It sounds awful out there. The windows in my room were rattling.”
His jaw tightened. “Not yet. I’m hoping they pulled in somewhere to ride out the storm. I’m growing concerned, but I keep reminding myself that Roderick is skilled. I pray the storm weakens soon, and then I’m going out to look for them.”
The storm raged for several hours—long after dark. Finally, it ended at ten, although, it was too dark and muddy to begin a search for them. Kathryn sat with him, but eventually, she fell asleep on the couch.
At daybreak, Jonathan’s voice broke through her haze of sleep. “Kathryn. Since it’s getting light, I’m going to look for Roderick and Allison. Why do you not go upstairs and sleep for a few hours?”
Worry lined his face. Speaking with more confidence than she felt, she declared, “You’ll find them safe. I’ll keep Elaine and the children entertained while you search. Be careful. It’s bound to be muddy and slippery. I shall pray you find them safe.”
After Jonathan hurried from the room, Kathryn went to her room, but she did not go to bed. She rang for Sarah and had her prepare a bath. Since she’d slept in her clothes, a bath would help relieve some of the tension over Roderick and Allison’s absence. She prayed he was right, and they had taken shelter somewhere else along the coast.
Once she was dressed, she went to breakfast, but her nerves were too overwrought to eat. At nine, she checked on Elaine and found her asleep. Then she went to the nursery and checked on the children. They had just finished their breakfast, and their governess had started their lessons, so she did not disturb them. She went to the drawing room to wait for news.
Elaine came down for luncheon with a runny nose and red eyes. “Where is everyone? I haven’t seen either of my brothers today, and I looked for Allison but could not find her anywhere.”
She had to tell his sister something. “Jonathan is out looking for Roderick and Allison. They never made it home last night. They must have taken shelter from the storm along the coast. Your brother will send word when he finds them.” Tears welled up in Elaine’s eyes. “I know it’s frightening, but I’m sure Roderick and Allison are fine. The best thing we can do is pray. Would you like to pray together?”
Elaine nodded, and they knelt and clasped hands. Kathryn bowed her head. “Dear Lord, please let Jonathan find Roderick and Allison safe. Keep them in your loving arms until he finds them. Amen.”
Kathryn led Elaine to the couch, and after they were seated, pulled the distraught girl into her arms. Exhausted from crying, Elaine fell asleep at three. She continued to pray for their safe return, but as each hour passed, it seemed less likely they would be found unharmed.
Elaine, still miserable from her nasty cold and exhausted from worry, went to bed early, but she made her promise to wake her when everyone returned. When Jonathan arrived an hour later, his disheveled clothing and red-rimmed eyes showed his fatigue.
“Have you heard anything? You must be exhausted. I sent Elaine to bed an hour ago. Poor child cried all afternoon, ever since I told her Roderick and Allison were missing.” Kathryn sat on the sofa twisting her hands, but she needed to be brave.
His anguished eyes met hers. “I’ve ridden from one coastal village to another, and no one has seen them. I gathered some fishermen in the area, and we’ve searched everywhere. I’ve left word at the villages with my directions, so if they hear anything, they shall contact me.”
She concentrated on keeping the fear from her voice. “Please, sit with me.”
Jonathan sank onto the sofa next to her. “We called off the search once it grew dark. I fear something has happened to them, and I do not know where else to look. We shall search again at first light.”
“Have you eaten?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I could not stomach the thought of food.”
“You must eat, or you will be of no use to your brother and wife when you find them. Let us go to the kitchen and find you something, and then you need sleep. I noticed your limp. Your knee is bothering you, is it not? What can I do to help?”
Lines of fear etched his face and deep circles circled his eyes. Kathryn wished she could say something to ease his worry, but until Roderick and Allison were found, nothing would help.
Leaning against the cushions of the sofa, he wearily replied, “I’m too worried to eat. I’m going upstairs, and Hatton can treat my knee. Then I shall try to sleep. You look exhausted as well. I cannot imagine you found your rest on that sofa last night. How is Elaine? She must be worried sick.”
She touched his hand. “She is, and she’s still battling her cold. I convinced her to return to her bed. She wanted me to wake her when you returned, but since you do not have any news, there is no need to disturb her sleep.”
“How are the children? he asked.
“They’re fine,” she assured him. “I spoke with Miss Mills and she’s keeping them busy. I told them Roderick and Allison were away visiting friends, since they wanted to know why Allison did not visit them the night before.”
“I know I should not ask this of you, but may I hold you for a minute?” Kathryn opened her arms, and he pulled her to him. Clearly overcome, he began weeping.
She held him close and rubbed his back in a soothing manner. After a few minutes, he calmed. “I’m sorry. I know tears are unmanly, but I’m terrified. He’s not only my brother, he’s my best friend. If something has happened, I could not bear it.”
She continued to rub his back, trying to offer comfort. “Let me help you to your room. Here, lean on me, and we shall get you upstairs.”
They finally made it to Jonathan’s bedchamber, and Hatton was there to help him. Kathryn kissed his cheek, then left him alone.
When she reached her room, the floodgates opened, and she cried until she had no more tears. She’d sent Sarah to bed hours ago, so she twisted and turned until at last, she unfastened enough buttons to remove her gown. Once she was in her nightclothes, she returned to Jonathan’s room. She just could not leave him alone when he was hurting.
Kathryn knocked on his door and heard him say, “Come in.” When she entered, he stood bare-chested with a pair of loose sleeping trousers slung low on his hips. Taken aback, she could not help noticing his amazing chest. Some of the handsome models she had seen were nothing compared to him. That tingly sensation started in her belly again. He grabbed his dressing gown and quickly pulled it on. “Did you need me?”
She approached and gazed into his eyes. “I wanted to make sure you’re all right. I know how worried you are. I thought you might want company until you fall asleep.”
“Thank you, Kathryn, but you must be tired as well. Please return to your bed. I shall be fine. I took a dose of laudanum, so I should sleep.” He gently touched her arm, and she turned to him. He pulled her close.
Kathryn laid her head on his chest. “I want to be with you. If it were my brother or sister who’d gone missing, I would not want to be alone. Let me just stay until you fall asleep.”
“All right, but I must lie down. My knee is killing me.” Jonathan crawled into bed, pulled the covers up, then closed his eyes. Kathryn sat in the chair by his bed, and soon she heard his breathing grow slow and deep, but for some reason she did not want to leave. She leaned her head against the chair, c
losed her eyes, and fell fast asleep.
CHAPTER 11
When Jonathan opened his eyes, Kathryn’s beautiful face laid in repose, all aglow in the soft lamplight. She had fallen asleep in the chair. Her head rested against the cushion, her mouth slightly open, and she snored softly. He wanted to gather her to him and never let her go. He looked at the clock, and it was five in the morning. It would be light soon, so he climbed from his bed, went to Kathryn, and gently touched her shoulder. She looked so peaceful, but she had to return to her bedchamber before Hatton arrived.
She slowly opened her eyes and smiled. “Is it morning yet?”
He gently stroked her cheek. “Almost, sweetheart. You need to go to your chamber. Hatton will arrive any minute, and you do not want him to find you here. Let me escort you to your room.”
She blushed an enchanting shade of rose as she stood. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. No need to trouble yourself. I shall make my way on my own. Will you leave soon to continue your search?”
“As soon as I’m dressed. Promise me you will find your rest. I may need you later, if anything…happens.” Icy waves of foreboding crept along his spine at what he greatly feared may have happened to Roderick and Allison.
“I promise to try.” Kathryn rose on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek before leaving his room. He watched as she went through the door and took a deep breath. What an incredible woman.
God’s nightgown. I love her so much.
How he wished she could return his regard.
At that moment, he would give anything to win her love.
Hatton arrived seconds after she left. He did not mention anything, so perhaps he did not see Kathryn. Jonathan limped to the washstand and washed as Hatton laid out his clothes. He did not bother to shave. He glanced at his reflection, and while he looked unkempt, he had more important things on his mind.
