by Vikki Vaught
“No, I still don’t understand why you say we’ve made love.” Still puzzled, she waited for him to explain what he meant.
He met her gaze, and it had her insides all a flutter. “I’ve fallen in love with you. When I kiss you, I make love to your mouth, and when I rub your back, I make love to your back. I never expected to fall in love, but you had me from the first moment I laid eyes on you. Do you know why I will not want a mistress?”
Overcome by his revelation, she stammered, “N-no.”
Jonathan's face flushed. Could he be embarrassed? “I’m ashamed to tell you this, but I think it will help you understand. A week or so after we met, I went to a brothel. I chose a woman with bright red hair and long legs. She resembled you. While she pleasured me, I imagined it was you. I quickly left and felt guilty. As if I’d betrayed you. I returned to the brothel one more time, and that time I chose someone who looked nothing like you, but it didn’t matter. All I could think of was you. I again, felt that same level of guilt when the encounter ended.”
While a flicker of something—possibly jealousy—raced through her, she found his story fascinating. Lying in his arms felt so pleasant as he stroked her back and arms. Even though he spoke of his sexual escapades, she was not fearful. She actually found his explanation flattering, and part of her was thrilled he loved her.
Jonathan stroked her back gently and kissed her cheek. “So, you see you have ruined me for all other women. If I cannot have you, I do not want anyone else. I hope and pray you will grow to love me as much as I love you. Perhaps then you will change your view on intimacy. But even if it never happens, I would still rather be with you.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Her voice trembled with the emotions bombarding her. “I never thought of falling in love since I knew how I feel regarding intimacy.” She paused. “I know I care for you, but I don’t believe I’m in love.”
“I didn’t expect you to say you love me, but I can’t help but hope you will one day,” he earnestly replied.
“I can’t promise you I will ever be able to make love, but I will say this, you’re the only man I ever want to kiss. I enjoy it when you hold me in your arms, but I’m not ready for anything else, and I doubt I shall ever be. I’m sorry I’ve ruined you for other women.” Then a nervous giggle slipped out. “Well, actually, I’m not. I don’t want you to be with another woman. I suppose I’m selfish.”
Her husband hugged her close. “I’m actually encouraged. I want you to promise me you shan’t worry over any of this. Let us enjoy each other, and we shall let nature take its course. Well now, I need to return to my room and start my day. What time do you want to leave for Bath?”
Kathryn watched as he climbed from the bed and could not help admiring his body. She experienced that odd sensation in the pit of her belly. “I want to be at Madame Bovary’s by eleven.”
“Excellent. Meet me out front at ten, and we shall leave. Now kiss me and send me on my way.”
When they arrived at Madame Bovary’s, Jonathan left them to their shopping. The dressmaker had a myriad of fashion plates designed for adolescent girls. Elaine had fun selecting the styles which would work best and was receptive to Kathryn’s suggestions.
Once they had selected the designs, Elaine chose an adorable pale pink silk for a dinner gown. She also selected fabrics for several day dresses, a new traveling dress, and another riding habit in deep blue.
Jonathan returned for them, and they went to the White Hart Inn for refreshment. After they finished a tasty Cornish pasty, they made their way to the duchess’s house.
Abernathy showed her husband to the study where the men were, and she joined the ladies in the drawing room. “Good afternoon, Mother. I trust you are well?”
“Ah, Kathryn, so nice of you to visit,” her mother replied. “Are you enjoying your new home? I understand Lord Sutherland designated a room for you to use as your studio. Does it meet your expectations?”
“It’s perfect.” After a few more pleasantries, Kathryn turned to Helen and Melody. “Would you care to take a stroll? The weather is surprisingly mild.”
Melody and Helen responded in unison, “We would love to go.”
Kathryn looked at Elaine. “What would you rather do? Go with us or spend time with the children?”
“I shall visit the children.” After making her excuses, Elaine scurried from the room.
Once the ladies were in the park, Kathryn turned to Helen and Melody. “I have something of a dilemma, and I need your advice. Jonathan told me he’s in love with me. I’m not sure I want that. It makes me feel a higher level of guilt, since I can’t return his regard. By the way he talks he thinks I shall eventually change my mind regarding intimacy, but that will not happen. What should I do? I care deeply for him, but this is a little frightening.”
Helen spoke up. “Kathryn, I think it’s wonderful. I know your feelings on intimacy, but over time, you will grow to trust Jonathan. Perhaps, you will change your mind and want to umm…be with him. I assume he’s kissed you several times. Do you enjoy his kisses?”
Kathryn sat on the park bench, leaving room for Melody and Helen to join her. “He has, and I’ve enjoyed them. He’s insisted we share a bed. At first, I didn’t want to, but he convinced me it would help us grow closer. I didn’t think I would relax enough to fall asleep, but I’ve actually slept peacefully. He makes it all seem so natural I find it hard to object.”
Melody tapped her chin. “I think it’s smart of Jonathan to insist on that, and it’s a promising sign you’ve been able to sleep. It shows you trust him. I believe that is essential in a loving union.”
She absently glanced at the fall leaves swirling in the wind. “I do trust him. A warm, tingly sensation rushes through me when he kisses me, and I find it pleasant. Could that be desire?”
Helen grinned. “It’s definitely desire. That’s very promising, Kathryn. Has he touched you?”
“He rubs my back and strokes my arms, and I felt the same sensations.” She hesitated. “I find myself wondering what it would feel like…if he touched me in more intimate places. I’m sorry. I probably should not bring this up, but I’m so confused. I need your advice.”
“Sweetheart, we love you, and yes, it’s a bit uncomfortable to talk of these things, but if it will help you, it’s worth a little discomfort,” Melody assured her. “I think all of this is very promising. The next time he kisses and touches you, moan or sigh deeply, and he’ll know you’re responsive.”
Should I try that? “I’ve suppressed my responses because I didn’t want him trying other things, but now I think I’m ready to experience more. I’m glad you’re staying for a few more days.”
Helen hugged her. “All I will add…you may already be falling in love with him. You would not be responding to his kisses and touches unless you were emotionally attached.”
“You may be right, but I’m so afraid.” She groaned. “Oh, this is all so confusing.”
She squeezed Kathryn’s hand. “I understand, but try to move beyond your fears. I denied my feelings for Matthew for months, and even after I realized I loved him, I still waited before I told him. Life’s too short. None of us know how long we have. Look at what happened to your husband’s brother and his wife. Don’t be afraid of love. Now, shall we return and join our men?”
As Kathryn traveled back to St. John’s Wood, her conversation with Helen and Melody filtered through her mind, and she decided to try to do as they suggested. She trusted Jonathan enough to know that if she became uncomfortable he would stop. While she still had her fears, she was encouraged that perhaps with time she could change her view regarding intimacy.
Elaine interrupted her musings and chattered the entire way home about her new gowns and how she could not wait to wear them. Kathryn was glad she had gotten Jonathan’s approval for Elaine to have her gowns made by Madame Bovary, and she felt he would be pleased with the result. She settled against the cushions as she listened to her husband and h
is sister laughing and teasing each other, and the rest of the trip passed quickly.
CHAPTER 21
When Kathryn arrived, she made her way to the schoolroom to visit with Frankford and Jane. She spent an hour reading to them and then went to her room to dress for dinner.
Once she had donned her dress and Sarah finished arranging her hair, she glanced at the cheval mirror. As she smoothed the bodice of the gown, she took in the décolletage which showed her breasts to advantage. The deep gold silk caressed her skin and, the color complemented her complexion. Satisfied with her appearance, she left her room.
As she descended the stairs, Jonathan stood waiting. His eyes glowed with appreciation. “Darling, you’re stunning. Is that a new gown?”
They entered the dining room, and she took her seat. “I picked it up while I was at Madame Bovary’s. I’m pleased you like it. I believe you will be pleasantly surprised with the dresses Elaine ordered. They’re perfect for her. It was a challenge to choose appropriate gowns, but Madame Bovary had several designs which worked perfectly for her.”
“I appreciate your help,” he replied. “I realize she’s growing up, but I do not want her looking too mature. There are unscrupulous men out there who would love to get their hands on her. I just want to protect her.”
Kathryn shook her serviette and draped it across her lap. “I’m relieved you’re so protective. My parents were always gone, and Nelson and Henry were away at school most of the time. I was too ashamed to tell anyone what was happening, but a more involved parent would have realized something was wrong.”
Once the footmen served the quail and stepped away, Jonathan replied, “I agree. That’s why I watch Elaine closely. I know she’s impetuous and could be led astray. I’m relieved you will be with me when she has her come-out. You’re aware of the dangers an accomplished rake can be to an innocent young girl. Since we’ve finished our dessert, shall we go to our sitting room and read, or adjourn to the music room?”
“I enjoy hearing you play,” she replied. “It’s soothing. I wish I had taken my music lessons more seriously, but I was so wrapped up in my art I found them a bother. Of course, I enjoy singing and have a passable contralto voice.”
“Excellent. Let us select songs you know, and I shall accompany you.” They spent an enjoyable evening, then went upstairs together.
When they entered their sitting room, Kathryn went to her bedchamber, and her maid helped her undress. Sarah left her hair loose instead of in her usual braid. Her husband had mentioned on several occasions how much he loved her hair, so perhaps he would enjoy seeing it down again.
She slipped between the sheets and waited for Jonathan to join her. Soon she heard him knock and enter her room. She caught her breath as he came into view. He must have taken a quick bath. His hair was still damp, and the scent of sandalwood soap permeated the room, and her pulse quickened. When she realized he did not have his nightshirt on under his banyan, gooseflesh danced along her arms.
He approached and climbed in beside her. “Your hair is even lovelier than I remembered. Would you mind if I touch it?”
She cast her eyes down. “I left it loose for you.”
Jonathan ran his fingers through her curly locks and watched it fall onto her breasts. His breathing grew shallow, and his eyes smoldered with desire. A few nights ago, that would have frightened her, but now she found it tantalizing. He reached for her, and she went willingly into his arms.
When he leaned in to kiss her, she eagerly returned it. She sighed as he nibbled her bottom lip, then he slid his tongue inside. A shiver ran through her, and she parted her lips to allow him further access. She placed her hand on his chest; his heart beat rapidly under her touch. Her heartbeat accelerated as well.
Her belly knotted with anticipation when he teased her tongue with his. She groaned as Melody and Helen had suggested, and he stroked her breast. Her nipple grew taut.
He trailed kisses from her neck to her breast. Nuzzling her silk night rail out of the way, he slowly drew her nipple into his mouth. A jolt of electricity shot through her lower body, and she moaned. His hand pulled her night rail to her waist, and she gasped. He touched her bare skin. His hand shook as he ran it up her leg.
Kathryn trembled as he parted her thighs and touched a spot she was not even aware existed. More sensations burned through her body. A coil tightened inside her as he stroked the tip of his finger over her cleft, but when he slid a finger inside, her body went rigid.
He immediately pulled away and lowered her gown. “I’m sorry. I do not want to scare you. It means a great deal to me that you trusted me enough to allow my touch.”
“I enjoyed it until you did that last thing. Can we do everything except that?” she breathlessly asked.
Jonathan gazed into her eyes. “We can do whatever you’re comfortable with. I’m glad you found it enjoyable. May I kiss you again?”
She could barely breathe. “Please.”
He kissed her softly. Then, while raining kisses over her face, he gently kneaded her breasts. Soon her breathing quickened, and her heartbeat escalated. She moaned from the incredible feelings racing through her. His kisses grew in intensity, and she followed his lead. He continued fondling her breasts with gentle touches. A rush of desire pulsed deep inside her body.
They lay for quite some time as he softly stroked her breasts, arms, and back, then slowly, he raised his head and smiled as he pulled her close. “That’s enough for tonight.”
Kathryn smiled and closed her eyes. She felt so safe. She was overjoyed she’d taken Helen and Melody’s advice. She’d enjoyed everything they did except when he’d slipped his finger inside her. Then she’d grown a little fearful it would hurt, so she’d stiffened up. But, he’d immediately stopped, so she could trust him. She was grateful she’d listened to his plea to marry him. Smiling from the euphoria coursing through her, she slowly drifted off to sleep.
* * * *
Jonathan held her for a long time after she fell asleep, basking in his success. It had been the hardest thing he’d ever done when he stopped their love play, but it was the right thing to do. He’d maintained a tight rein on his passions. His patience would bring much greater rewards later. He was amazed she’d responded so passionately. He’d taken a huge risk, pushing a little further than she was comfortable with, but if he did not take a chance, they would never reach his ultimate goal.
When she’d tensed when he’d taken his exploration further than she could handle, he’d been sure he’d made a huge mistake, but then she asked him if they could continue. It brought him to his knees. He’d continued to stroke and pet her until she was close to climax, but fearing it would be too much for her, he’d carefully brought her back from the brink.
As he continued to lie with her in his arms, hard as stone and filled with so much passion it was painful, he’d still done the right thing. Eventually his body calmed, and he fell asleep.
Jonathan awoke with her body pressed against him spoon fashion. Her sweet little bottom nestled against his loins. His arm was around her waist, and he was in paradise. He did not waken her because he wanted to enjoy having her against him.
When she awoke and felt his cock stiff against her derriere, she would pull away. It was only their third night together, and he’d expected it to take weeks, or even months, before he could touch her beautiful body, and yet it had happened last night.
He felt her wiggle and stiffen. “Good morning, my love. I love waking up with you in my arms. Turn around so I can give you your good morning kiss.”
She gently kissed him, tentatively parted her sweet lips and invited him in. While he kissed her deeply, she hesitantly probed his mouth with her tongue.
It was the most erotic experience of his life when he felt her untutored attempts to return his passion. While they kissed, he stroked her breasts. He held his breath, expecting her to pull away. She did not. She rubbed up against him instead, so he slipped his hand inside the neckline of her nigh
t rail and took her nipple between his thumb and forefinger and gently squeezed. Her nipple pebbled as hard as a small stone.
“I want to see your breasts.” Although she blushed, she nodded her consent. He slowly unbuttoned her gown down to her waist. Pushing it apart, he gazed at her plump breasts. She had pretty, dusky pink areolas. Lowering his head, he sucked her puckered nipple into his mouth. She moaned as she pushed against his hand.
Her passionate response to his ministrations drove his desire, and he pulled her gown until it reached her red curls. God’s nightgown, she’s gorgeous. He took a moment to catch his breath, then touched her bud of desire. He flicked it with the tip of his finger, and she trembled in his arms.
He wanted to bring her to satisfaction for the first time, so he continued to rub until he heard her gasp and whimper. He looked at her, and she had a most satisfied smile on her gorgeous, flushed face.
Her lovely violet eyes filled with wonder. “What did you do? That was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever experienced.”
He pulled her close. “That, my dear, was sexual fulfillment. I’m pleased you can experience pleasure. Thank you for trusting me, and I promise you have nothing to fear from me.”
“I do trust you.” His heart soared, and hope soared.
“Thank you.” He stretched, then released her. “As much as I love lying with you in my arms, I must arise.” He rolled out of bed, leaned forward and kissed her nose. “I shall see you at tea. If you have need of me, I will be in my study most of the day.” Then smiling, he turned and walked from the room.
When Jonathan entered his chamber, he had the stiffest erection he could ever remember. He needed to find his own release, so he took care of business and breathed a sigh of relief.
How in hell will I do this every night?
He was determined to find the strength somehow. The expression of wonder on her pretty face when she reached her fulfillment had touched him to the very depths of his soul. Her cheeks, flushed with passion, were fulfillment enough for him. It was the first time he’d ever pleasured a woman without any thought of his own sexual gratification.
