by Sabrina Kade
She thinks I have rejected her yet again.
And perhaps I have.
But the selfish part of me is not ready to give her up yet.
I am terrible because knowing all of this; I remain standing close to Prince Korben’s lair. And as the bloody haired human and the sprog faced human rush from his room, and Ellis is alone with Korben’s mate again, I cannot resist eavesdropping.
I half expect Ellis to talk about how she can’t stand me. I would not blame her for speaking about me in this manner. I am not good for her.
I am cruel. I am a killer. I am born and bred to kill and taking a mate would only weaken me. Ellis makes me weak. She stirs up feelings in me, so all I want to do is kill anyone who even looks at her the wrong way. That is not strength. That is a weakness.
Being strong is knowing you can kill and resisting that urge.
Being weak is knowing you can kill and doing it anyway.
My ears perk up when I hear the soft human voices inside.
“It’s crazy, isn’t it?” This is not Ellis’ voice, but Prince Korben’s mate. Blythe. Ellis does not say anything in return to her question, but she presses on, speaking once more. “How far these guys will go to impress the ones they care about?”
My eyes widen. She is talking about Prince Korben. And that is not surprising. Korben has been a fantastic mate to his Chosen thus far. I think he has shown weakness by celebrating the human holiday of Christmas, but I am not going to speak against my prince. He is royalty, and I am nothing more than the blood on his clean hands. Still, though, I wonder what weakness would feel like if I embraced it wholeheartedly. If I allowed Ellis to rule my emotions.
“Yes.” I recognize Ellis’ voice immediately, and there’s shifting within the lair.
I barely catch the movement, but Ellis is now standing and moving toward the lair opening.
Oh, stars. She’s going to see me eavesdropping. She’s going to think I am sneaking around to keep an eye on her. And it does not take a brilliant mind to know that this will not please her. I stumble back a few steps before Ellis pushes the curtain aside and edges out of the space.
“Where are you going?” Blythe asks her.
Luckily, Ellis stops in the frame before turning around. I waste no time and duck around to the nearest curve in the hallway so that she won’t spot me.
This is wrong. I know. I am wrong. I know.
But I listen anyway.
“I have to go see Hujun.”
My eyes widen further. I am not a man who is easily shocked, but hearing Ellis say she needs to see me makes my heart stop. I half expect Blythe to tell her not to go to me. These past few days I have convinced myself that no one thinks I am good enough for Ellis, and I suppose they are not wrong. But her words shock me.
“You should,” Blythe says. “You’ve missed him the past couple days, haven’t you?”
“It’s been hard.”
I swallow and take a peek around the corner. Their words are muffled, after all, I can only understand them clearly with the translation device in my ear, so though I can hear them continuing to speak, I don’t hear everything said.
“Ellis, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure. What is it?”
“You…” Prince Korben’s mate sounds hesitant, and I wonder if she can sense me. I want to be upset with myself. Have I become so weak lately, even a human may be able to detect my presence? But for some reason, I don’t care as much. I need to know what Blythe is going to ask Ellis. I have to hear her answer.
“Do you honestly believe Hujun will Choose you one day? Because as much as I want you to be with the person you care about, I want you to be safe. And I think we’ll be safe here. I just… I don’t want you to waste your time unless you believe he’ll Choose you.”
My heart stops. Safe here. For some reason, I had never considered keeping Ellis safe beyond my assignment. Prince Korben’s been wanting to prove to other Sidyths that we do not have the same belief system as those on the fatherland. But what about when we return? We must return eventually. Am I sticking to my assignment if Ellis must return to her line of work? Will Korben honestly see this as keeping her safe, even after the task is over?
I am keeping Ellis safe now. Whether she wants me by her side or not, I will always protect her… but how long will her time with me last if I do not admit my feelings to myself?
“I’m not sure if it even matters. I mean, he said once that it’s not a matter of him being attracted to me or not. He wants to keep me safe. And I guess being who we are… or rather… being who I am. I guess I can accept that.”
“Being who you are?” Blythe asks.
“You know. Short. Baby-faced. I know you said I shouldn’t focus on that so much, but I can’t help it. Hujun is huge. He’s manly and beastly, and I’m… I’m probably like a kid to him. That’s why he wants to protect me. And we already know that’s why Korben thought I needed protection. I guess it’s okay.”
“Things could be worse, right?”
“Right.”
I narrow my eyes. For some reason, Blythe’s statement bothers me. Things could be worse. It’s such a relaxed statement it makes my skin hot. Ellis is starting to accept that I may never be able to Choose her. And though this should make me happy, I am upset to hear it. She’s giving up. And why shouldn’t she? I’ve given her no reason to think that I’m going to change my mind. I’ve been teasing and tempting myself more than usual. That can’t be good for either us.
Ellis pushes a hand through her curls and gives a defeated look at Korben’s mate.
I don’t want her to give up on me.
Stars, I am a cruel male.
“So now you’re eavesdropping?” a voice says next to me, and I nearly jump out of my scales, hiding before Ellis or Korben’s mate notices me.
The dirty-faced one glares up at me. Kansas. The one who cares so much about Ellis but gives me no reason as to why.
“Worried she’s moving on?”
I frown. I don’t like what she’s implying, but I make sure to keep my voice low.
“I am merely following my assignment,” I say in a deep hiss. “Prince Korben has asked me to keep her safe and—”
“Are you saying she isn’t safe in the lair with your prince’s mate?” She arches an eyebrow at me, a look I do not care for. Honestly, I don’t care for most of the human women in general.
“I did not say that.”
“Huh.” A small smile flickers across her features before my brother Dash’s head darts out from his lair. Kansas looks briefly startled and turns around to face him.
My brother looks upset.
“You are late,” Dash grumbles, holding his hand out toward Kansas.
“I was talking to Hujun,” she says, flicking her eyes up at me.
“Don’t look at him,” Dash says, and I cock my head to the side, perplexed by his tone. “Come.” He curls a finger several times until she draws nearer. And though I long to see what’s going on with those two, the only hint I get is Dash saying something peculiar right as the curtain closes. “On your knees.” And then he calls Kansas by something that isn’t her name.
She doesn’t sound upset, so I cannot find a reason to go in there and make sure that the dirty-faced one is okay. As long as there is consent – and she went to his room after all – there is no reason for me to involve myself in the relations of others.
I blink slowly, and when my eyes open, Ellis stands before me with wide eyes.
“Hujun,” she says, surprise written all over her features. I love hearing her say my name. She never says it quite the same way twice, and today she says it like Ha-shun. It’s beautiful no matter how she says it. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for Prince Korben.” The lie comes so quickly I don’t recognize it at first. But then I remember what Ellis said. No lies. I clear my throat. “No. That’s not true. I was not looking for him.”
Her eyebrows lift. “Oh?”
“No. I was checking on you.”
There’s a hint of a blush on her full, dark cheeks, but I can tell she does not like it. Suddenly it dawns on me just how much my words can affect her. No other woman made me feel this way. No other woman seemed to feel this way about me. And though a few Sidyths are roaming the mud halls and I can hear Dash barking orders at the dirty-faced human, I feel as though I am alone on the entire planet of Hethdiss with Ellis.
“You don’t have to do that anymore, Hujun.”
“Do what?”
“Keep tabs on me.”
“Tabs?”
She rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to keep looking after me.”
I frown. “Yes, I do.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“I know this. I want to watch over you.”
She stiffens. “As a favor to Prince Korben.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement, and she’s not entirely wrong for making it.
“I am watching you as a favor to Prince Korben, yes. He wants to make sure you are safe.”
“I am no more deserving of your protection than anyone else here.”
“Perhaps that is your opinion.” I shrug, and she starts to move by, and I immediately turn and start to follow. I hear Dash. I don’t like what I hear, but I continue to remind myself that I should not get involved. The human has come to his lair on her own accord. The different desires and wanting’s for humans is none of my business. But would Ellis feel the same way if she thought something was amiss with the dirty-faced one? She would certainly make it her business. She is strong and protective, and these just a few of the many qualities I like about her. She puts the happiness of others before her own. An admirable trait.
“You don’t have to follow me,” she calls over her shoulder.
“I am aware. I will follow anyway.”
She is being difficult, but she does not stop me, quickening her short paces.
“If you are trying to outrun me, I think you should know it is useless.”
“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.”
My eyebrows furrow. I am not quite sure what she is saying, but I can understand the underlying sentiment. I am bigger than her. She cannot escape me. And for the for the first time, I enjoy trying to keep up with her.
“We do not need to go back to the Gathering Room quite yet,” I try next, hastening my step so I can fall in line beside her. She tries to move more quickly, but it causes me no discomfort to remain by her side. She is practically jogging while I continue to walk at my normal, steady pace. “We could go outside. Or at least to the opening. You like to go on walks.” Or, at least, she used to.
She frowns, not saying anything at first, and I worry I’ve already lost her again.
But she said she wanted to see me. And as much as I want to point that out, the words will not come. I am watching over her, yes. I am keeping her safe, yes, but I will not allow her to think that I am trying to get her in business for any other reason.
“I guess a walk wouldn’t be awful.”
She falls silent after this particular statement, and briefly, my pulse picks up. Ellis’ words and actions have always had some reaction over me but not so strongly. Not like this. As though I am meant to… no. I must not think of Choosing her as a mate. Having a mate will weaken me.
Ellis is just testing me yet again.
When we’re standing outside of the lair opening, I am relieved Iriel is just finishing up his shift. There is a young looking human next to him with hair almost as pale as my own, and a bit longer than Azan’s. She’s looking up at Iriel as though he is the most interesting Sidyth in the galaxy, and once again, I am not sure if I approve of this pairing. Despite Iriel remaining with Prince Korben and the rest of us, there is something about Iriel that makes me nervous. I remember how he wanted to challenge Prince Korben for his mate, if for no other reason than he thought he was entitled to one. And now he has found an easier target. This one does not have the same, intelligent eyes as Ellis, or the same mature shape as Korben’s mate. Also, her eyes appear blank at times, as though there is not much going on in her head.
Iriel has his hand on her hip when Ellis and I round the corner, and Ellis stiffens next to me.
“Everything okay here?” she asks, rushing forward. “What did you do?” Her eyes intensify when they meet Iriel’s. He is not intimidated though nor should he have reason to be. Ellis is almost a head shorter than the white-haired woman by Iriel’s side.
“Everything’s fine,” the pale-haired one says. “Relax, Ellis.”
Ellis shifts, sticking close to her side. “He was touching you, Phoebe.” Finally. I can put a face to a name as the conversation continues. Not that Iriel has much to say. He merely smirks and lumbers over toward me as though I am his friend. But I do not trust him. Anyone who challenges my prince in any way is no friend of mine.
Those who participated in the dividing certainly know their place now.
“She’s a feisty one,” Iriel says in a voice low enough that the human’s translators cannot pick up his words.
I narrow my eyes. He is not clarifying who he’s speaking about. Does he talk of Ellis? Does he talk of the blank-faced Phoebe?
“You know,” Iriel continues, “I was not sure if I liked the idea of bringing Human Whores here. For one, Korben did not order nearly enough unless we share.”
“There is enough for any who are interested here,” I remind Iriel in a low hiss.
He continues as though I have not spoken. “Some have become quite possessive of their mates.” He juts his chin off into the distance where the rain falls at a steady pace. “Azan would kill anyone who tried to seek pleasure from his mate.”
“As he should.” I turn towards Iriel. “Have you Chosen this pale-haired one?”
“Chosen her? She is human, Hujun.” He chuckles. “I am simply enjoying my time. She is fun for now, but what happens later? Maybe another human will catch my eye.” He turns towards Phoebe and Ellis, and a smile crosses his features. “The one who hangs out with you is certainly… um… youthful. Light in your arms like a sprog, only with a woman’s features. It is a nice combination, yes?”
A hiss rises from my throat. Ellis and Phoebe turn, but I only have my attention locked on Iriel.
“You will leave her be.”
“Ahhh… yes, yes. Prince Korben thinks she is vulnerable because of her size—”
“You will leave her be because I told you, Iriel. Not because of anything Prince Korben told me, you, or otherwise.”
Iriel’s brow lifts in surprise. “Have you grown possessive of this one, Hujun?”
I swallow hard. “I suppose one could say this is true.”
Iriel’s expression shifts. “So, you are possessive of her, and yet, have no intention of Choosing her as a mate?”
“I will not be taking any being as my mate.”
My voice must have risen too much because Ellis turns to turn me with a hurt expression. Stars. Moons.
“That does not mean I do not want her by my side,” I quickly amend, making my voice loud enough to carry to her translator. I am speaking to Iriel, but my words are for Ellis. “She is a strong human, and she is kind above all else. She thinks only about the happiness of others. Any Sidyth here would be honored to Choose her.”
“So why don’t you let me get to know—”
“And though I must say I am not interested in Choosing, I am interested in keeping her safe. I enjoy her company.” I swallow hard, feeling the heat of her piercing gaze. “She makes me stronger in ways I never thought I could be strong before.”
Iriel’s frowning. “I must say, that’s the most I’ve heard you speak in many risings and fallings of the moons.”
“I apologize if my amount of words offends you.”
“I’m not offended.”
Iriel and I blink before turning our chins down toward the human who’s standing between us. Ellis. My heart pounds heavily in my chest when I realize just how mu
ch I’ve missed her. I’ve missed her keen muddy eyes, and her full, tanned cheeks. I’ve missed her trembling lips and her sharp, yet softly spoken words. I’ve missed the way she looks at me and the way she talks to me. I’ve missed how important she makes me feel. And though she is still afraid of Sidyths in general because of Yayk, she has rarely shown fear for me. Yayk’s attack didn’t chase her away from me. I did. And now that she’s back, I don’t want anyone to think they can have her. They wouldn’t know how to treat her. They don’t understand the delicate balance of making her feel safe without making her feel like a child.
No woman has made me feel like this before.
Maybe weakness would not be such a bad thing.
“Is this the place to have a gathering?” Another one of my brother’s voices rumbles out suddenly, breaking the silence. Ellis blinks, and I turn, finding Drazal staring at Phoebe. Drazal is one of my younger brothers here, with a face that could pass for a sprog’s like Ellis’, but his eyes are deeper set and darker golden. It is not a human face, but it is an attractive one, so I am happy to realize Drazal recognizes Ellis is not available for his attention. He strolls up to the four of us, frowning when his eyes land on Iriel. “What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the second lair tonight.”
“I was finishing up my watch shift,” Iriel snarls. “I was just on my way.”
“Have a good trip.” Drazal’s harsh face shifts when he looks at Phoebe. “Now that Iriel’s shift is finished, I would be more than happy to accompany you back to the Gathering Room.”
“Actually,” Phoebe says. “I was going to head to the second lair myself. If that’s okay with you, Iriel.”
Drazal hisses, dark eyes narrowing. “The weather is not good,” he says.
“You worry about such wasteful things, Drazal. I suppose that’s the sprog in you. But do not worry, I will protect her, brother.” Iriel smiles, nudging Phoebe outside into the rain. “Thanks for your concern.”
“Thanks,” Phoebe tries to call over her shoulder.
