The Middle Realm

by Alessia Mattei

  “No, she didn’t. She was not invited.”

  “She’s your best friend,” he said.

  “Was my best friend,” I said.

  “Wow! What happened? You guys were really close, like sisters. You two were practically joined at the hip,” he said, astonished at my sudden revelation. “Is everything okay?” he asked.

  “It is now.”

  As long as I don’t have to see her, talk to her or acknowledge Emma’s existence, I’m fine.

  “What happened that was so bad that it ended your friendship? If you need to talk, I’m willing to listen. I may not be able to help much, but I can be supportive” he said, genuinely concerned.

  It all boiled down to jealousy. Emma was the first person I called when I found out I got the internship. She wasn’t even happy for me. She just shrugged it off. She told me she knew I would get it and not in the way that meant “You’re so talented, I knew they’d choose you because you’re the most talented”. No, she meant it as “Of course, you got it. You’re absolutely perfect and get everything you want.”

  I’m sorry she didn’t get the internship at the ad agency she applied for. Just because she didn’t get hers, she can’t be happy for someone else who landed the internship they wanted. I worked my ass off trying to prove to Balenciaga that I was worth their time. I was tired of her whole “Woe is me!” attitude. She could never be happy for anyone.

  It really hurt me that she wasn’t even proud of me. I was sick of her telling me that every good thing that happens to me happens because I’m perfect. It’s all luck and no hard work. I wish it was just luck. It would make life a heck of a lot easier.

  “I would rather not talk about it to be honest. It’s really complicated. I’ll tell you, just not tonight. Emma is the last thing I want to be thinking about before I go to bed. You understand, right?” I asked him.

  “I understand completely. When you’re ready to talk about it, we can. Until then, I won’t bring it up again. I promise,” he said.

  Alexander is just perfect. I wish I could put him in one of my suitcases and bring him with me.

  “Thanks,” I told him. We kissed again.

  After Alexander left, I found my parents and sister and thanked them for the party. They did a great job, as always. I’ll miss their parties while I’m away. They were awesome.

  Ch. 4

  On my way upstairs I heard Lola bounding up the steps behind me. When we got to the top, she greeted me with a joyful bark and a tail wagging a thousand miles a minute. I sat down on the top step. Lola sat down beside me. She stared up at me with her big brown eyes.

  “Lola, I’m going to miss you so much. I really wish I could bring you.” I said to her as I scratched her behind the ears. Lola is my second shadow. Everywhere I go around the house, she is right there behind me. If I went, say, to the bathroom, she would wait outside the door for me. It took me a while to get used to her following me around everywhere I went. After we first got her, I can’t tell you how many times I tripped over her.

  She would also startle me all the time. For a dog she is quiet. One minute you’re on the sofa reading, the next minute, poof, she is on the floor at your feet. You don’t even hear her come in. She was supposed to be the family dog, but she took a great liking to me. She loves everyone, but she has a special bond with me. Leaving her was going to be hard. She warmed my feet at night when she slept at the foot of my bed. I’ll miss her wet, cold nose when she nudges me in the face after my alarm goes off and I am still in bed. If I could bring her, I totally would. A German shepherd is not the best dog to have, though, if you’re going to be living in tight quarters. She’ll be fine until I get back.

  I went through my nightly routine and then got into bed. Lola took her place at my feet. Physically, my body was exhausted. My mind, though, kept wandering. All my tossing and turning sent Lola to her dog bed by the doors to the balcony. I kept thinking about my family, friends, boyfriend and the life I will leave behind when I go to Paris. What if I never want to come back? What if Emma and I never speak again? I would like to think that eventually we would be on speaking terms again. We’re not in high school anymore. We’re adults now. Besides, she can’t ignore me forever, can she?

  Okay, this is getting ridiculous. I really need to sleep. I have an early flight. I wish I could just turn off my mind with the flip of a switch. Too bad there’s not an iPhone app for that. Man, that would really come in handy right now. Unfortunately, life does not work that way. Instead I will just listen to calming music. I got up and dug my iPod out of my purse and got back into bed. I went through all the albums until I got to Jack Johnson. His music always calms and relaxes me. In a short time I was asleep. If I had any dreams, I don’t remember them. My alarm went off at 3:30 am. As always, it startled me. I am still not used to the stupid thing.

  I got up and started getting ready. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I then put on a little eyeliner and mascara. Lola sat in the doorway watching me the entire time. She understood that I was leaving. I grabbed the clothes I laid out last night from the chair. I pulled on my dark skinny jeans, my Muse band shirt, my favorite Alexander McQueen cardigan coat and my comfy riding boots. It was going to be a chilly morning, so I grabbed my Harry Potter scarf.

  I then put on the jewelry I always wear, my Tiffany dove pendant and charm bracelet. When I reached for my Cartier ring with the green quartz, it was not on my nightstand where I put it last night. For some reason I took it off, which I never do. My parents surprised me with it when I graduated form Parson’s.

  I started to cry. I looked everywhere. I looked under my bed. Behind my dresser. In my nightstand drawer. My mom came in to see what all the noise was about.

  “Savannah, why are you banging and slamming all those drawers? Are you trying to wake up the entire neighborhood?” she said as she pulled on her navy sweater.

  “Sorry. I was looking for something. Did I wake everyone up?” I asked.

  “No, everyone is already awake. What are you looking for anyway that you have to tear your room apart?” she asked.

  “Oh, just an earring,” I lied.

  “Is it one of your good earrings? If it’s costume jewelry, just forget about it. If it turns up, great; if not, no big deal.” She said as she picked up our cat, Boo Radley off the floor. Of course he had to start squirming, as he always does when he is picked up.

  “It was from Target, but I really liked that pair,” I lied again.

  My mom put Boo Radley down and walked to the bathroom. She wanted to check herself in the mirror. She flipped on the light. While she was in there I grabbed Boo Radley and sat on my bed. I was really hoping she wouldn’t notice that I’m not wearing the ring.

  As I sat there, I looked around my room. All my stuff has been packed away and will be shipped off to Paris. My walls looked so bare without my band posters and movie posters, without the pages ripped from fashion magazines I taped up against my dad’s wishes. All my books and framed pictures were packed away as well.

  My mom called out from the bathroom, “Savannah, I really wish you wouldn’t leave your good jewelry sitting out on the bathroom counter. I know how much you love that ring. You don’t want it falling down the drain. That’s how your sister lost that beautiful vintage bracelet Aunt Katie got her last Christmas. Come put it on right now.”

  “Okay. I won’t put it on the counter anymore. When I take it off I’ll put in the jewelry box.” Thank God she found it. I don’t remember taking it off and putting it on the counter. Maybe I did it in my sleep. Who knows? All that matters is that I didn’t lose my ring.

  “Savannah, are you ready to go? Did you pack everything? Can I call you father to come

  get your bags and put them in the car?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I got everything. He can bring them to the car,” I said as I polished my ring with my sweater. That was close. If I lost the ring, I would never hear the end of it.

  My dad came up and got my things. Boxe
s had already been shipped off to Paris. I offered to help, but he said he could handle it. I followed him down the stairs. Lola was right behind me. While my dad went out the front door to the driveway, I headed to the kitchen. My mom and Arianna were at the table. After I sat down, my mom got up and poured me a cup of coffee. She then placed a plate with a doughnut in front of me and commanded me to eat it.

  I started taking small bites of the doughnut. I was not hungry at all. I had to force it down. When I’m nervous, I can’t eat. This morning I have no choice. I have to eat or I’ll pass out. The coffee went down no problem.

  I remember in my sophomore year of high school when I passed out during Mass in the chapel. It was Monday morning and I had been running late that because my alarm had gotten unplugged somehow. I’ll never know how it got unplugged. I think it may have been Sam. Or maybe it was a ghost. Or the boogeyman. It probably was one of the animals.

  Anyways, I was in a rush to get to the bus stop on time. I skipped breakfast. My mom said I would pay for it later. She was right. I hate it when parents are right. Mass was first thing in the morning. Right before communion, I blacked out. Emma somehow caught me before I hit the wooden floor of the chapel. She said my other friends didn’t even try to catch me. It’s good to know my friends cared.

  I later woke up in the nurse’s office. Emma was sitting in a chair by the cot flipping through a Readers Digest. I looked over to see Sister Mary Anne at her desk. She got up and gave me fruit and oat bar and a small carton of orange juice. She then lectured me about the importance of eating a proper breakfast and then sent Emma and I on our way to our British Literature class.

  So basically this morning I had to force myself to eat now or I would embarrass myself later.

  “So, are you excited?” Arianna asked.

  As I was about to answer Arianna, my mom sat down next to me and started playing with my sweater. You know how moms are. God forbid there is a wrinkle or a small stain or a loose thread hanging from somewhere.

  “Savannah, your sweater is all wrinkled. You can’t travel with a sweater full of wrinkles. My kids will not walk around wearing wrinkled clothing. I’m sure Mr. McQueen would not be happy that you let his gorgeous sweater fall into its current rumpled state,” she said.

  Arianna started to laugh. I gave her a nasty look and she stopped.

  “Mom, chill out. I’m fine. I look neat and presentable.”

  “All right. I just want you to look good. I have your best interests at heart,” she said.

  “I know. I appreciate it,” I told her. She then kissed me on the forehead.

  “I’m going to miss you so much” she said.

  “I know.”

  “Savannah,” Arianna said, “ you never answered my question. Are you excited? What are you feeling right now?”

  Thank you, Mom, for disrupting Arianna and my conversation over a freaking sweater.

  “I’m feeling many different emotions right now. I’m excited, nervous, a little sad, anxious and scared. I can’t believe it’s actually happening. It’s just now starting to sink in that I got the internship,” I said.

  Again with my mom trying to fix the sweater somehow. This is getting ridiculous. “Mom, stop. There’s nothing wrong with the sweater. You can stop trying to fix it now,” I said, trying to bat her hand away.

  “It’s totally normal to be feeling that way,” Arianna said, very matter of fact “You’re not going to see us for a while. Who knows when you’ll see us again after today? Lola and Sammy might forget about --“

  My dogs would never forget about me. Lola and Sammy loved me too much to ever forget about me, right? I really wish she would just stop talking.

  “Arianna, that’s enough,” my dad yelled to her as he walked in to the kitchen after having put my bags in the car. Thank you, Dad. You’re timing is impeccable.

  Ch. 5

  Does Arianna really have to remind me I’m not going to see my family for a while? I know I’m not going to see them again for a while. Great. Now I’m crying. Thanks, Arianna. She always manages to set off the waterworks. I was trying hard to hide that I was crying. I was not very successful. My dad noticed.

  “Look, Arianna. You made you sister cry.” He said as he stood at the counter stirring his coffee. “Apologize to her, please.”

  “I’m sorry, Savannah. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I wasn’t trying to sound mean.”

  “It’s fine. Next time think before you speak. Filter your thoughts before you say them out loud,” I told her. She smiled.

  “Guess what?” she asked.

  “What?”

  I really hope this is not something that will make me cry again.

  “In honor of your internship, I bought a Balenciaga handbag. I have to support the fashion house that will make you famous. You could become a household name, like Marc Jacob, Alexander McQueen or Zac Posen,” she said proudly. My younger sister will use any excuse to buy a new handbag. It was a sweet sentiment on her part, I had to admit.

  “Thanks. I don’t know if I’ll become a household name. But I like that you want to support the company,” I told her.

  “I’m Team Balenciaga all the way. I think I’ll order some more pieces from Net-À-Porter this weekend. Viva la Balenciaga!” she said.

  We all laughed.

  My dad looked at his watch. “Oops! I lost track of time. We need to leave in a few minutes,” he said.

  “Savannah, make sure you have your passport. Arianna, put the dogs in the laundry room,” my mom said as she put the cups and plates into the sink.

  “We had better get going,” my dad said.

  I grabbed my purse and my carry-on and followed my family to the car. Arianna and I got in the backseat. I put my bags between us. My mom and dad got in, and my mom turned on the GPS, just to be safe. We knew how to get to the airport, but with construction detours, we needed it.

  We once got lost on our way to Disney World. My dad thought that renting a car and driving there would be much more fun than flying. Back then; cars didn’t have GPSs, so we had to use a map. Unfortunately maps don’t show the best way to reroute. We got lost in Atlanta. When we finally got into the park, we missed a turn somewhere -- don’t ask me how -- and somehow ended up leaving the park. As you can see, whenever my family has to drive long distances, the GPS is vital. This morning it was just a precaution for any roadwork that may take us out of the way.

  After driving for a while, my mom turned on the satellite radio. She went though several channels and found nothing we could all agree on. She then went through the CD compartment. It was full of CDs. There had to be a CD we can all enjoy together. She started naming off the CDs.

  “We have The Beatles’ greatest hits, Abba, John Mayer, the soundtrack to Moulin Rouge, Disney hits, Michael Buble, Carrie Underwood, Journey, Queen, one of the Harry Potter soundtracks, Madonna, the Bravery, Maroon 5, AC/DC, David Bowie, the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, the soundtrack to Wicked, the Bangles, Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash and Bjork. Which one do you guys want to listen to?” she asked.

  “To be honest, none of them,” Arianna said. “How about we just talk instead?”

  “That’s fine with me,” my dad said.

  “So what should we talk about?” Arianna asked.

  I knew what my mom wanted to talk about. She had gone to lunch with some girlfriends yesterday. I know some serious gossiping went down. She wanted to gossip some more. She had to get it out of her system. She felt a long car ride was the perfect time to do so. My mom doesn’t seem like the gossiping type at all. But once you get her started, there’s no stopping her.

  “As you all know, my girlfriends and I went out to lunch yesterday --

  “If this is gossip, I would really rather not listen to it. Save it for when I’m not around,” My dad said.

  “Oh, Carl. There’s nothing wrong with a little gossip form time to time. It never hurt anyone,” she said.

  “I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it. Ho
w about we talk about more pressing matters. Savannah, was Emma at the party last night? I don’t remember seeing her. You did invite her, right?” he asked, looking at me in the rearview mirror.

  I was really hoping to avoid the Emma topic. She’s not even here, yet everything is all about her. Well, that’s what it seems like. Why does it even matter that she wasn’t there? It’s no one’s business except mine. It was my party so I had a right to invite whoever I wanted. I can’t even believe he brought this up. How about we talk about the weather or sports or anything other than Emma. I would expect a question like this from my mom but not from my dad. Why does he care anyway? I’ll just try to divert the talk away from Emma.

  “That’s really no one’s business. This is between Emma and me,” I said, “ Some John Mayer is sounding pretty good about now. Mom, why don’t you pop the CD in,” I tried desperately to change the subject.

  “You can’t stand John Mayer,” Arianna said.

  “Well, I want to give him another chance.”

  “Savannah, it is my business. Stop trying to change the subject. Now tell me, why wasn’t Emma at the party?” he said, staring at me again in the rearview mirror. I really wish I could have disappeared. My dad doesn’t know about what happened with Emma and I. Since Emma’s parents don’t treat her as well as their sons, my parents kind of see Emma as another daughter. So our fight was not good. Hence my dad being so on the defensive.

  “Carl, leave her alone. It’s none of our business,” my mom said.

  Thank you, Mom. She knows when to intervene.

  “No. Emma has always been one of her close friends. I don’t remember seeing her. Then again there were a lot of people at the party. Maybe I missed her somehow,” he said.

  “Dad, Emma was not at the party,” I told him.

  “Why was she not there? Was she sick?” he asked.

  We had only had the fight two days prior to the party. I hadn’t told anyone about it; I was too upset. Arianna figured something had been wrong between Emma and me. She tried to talk to me about it, but I refused and she backed off. This was between Emma and me.