Alphas for the Holidays

by Mandy M. Roth

  She pulled her arm free and continued to the front. He followed.

  “Did I do something to make you hate me?”

  Hate him? No. But he was working his way there, that was for sure.

  “Listen, I can’t make it right, if you don’t tell me what I did.”

  Make it right. Was that something he’d even really care about? She’d had enough.

  She spun to look at him, staring into his bewildered blue gaze. “Look at me,” she demanded. But he already was.

  Renner squinted. “Okay. I’m looking.”

  “Look at my face. Look at me. Really look at me.”

  He cocked his head to one side, staring at her in a way he hadn’t yet since their reunion. “Have we met before? Is that why you’re mad at me? Because I don’t remember you?”

  She expected her eyes to water, but something miraculous happened. Her anger kept the tears away. Temporary as it might be, she was thankful. She didn’t need to deal with waterworks right now.

  “Just… give me a hint, would ya?” His request was so desperate. Like he was filtering through twenty-seven years of memories and coming up completely blank.

  Beth shook her head sadly, her eyes falling to the floor. “One time, you told me you were afraid of spiders but I didn’t believe you and when I found one in my bed I begged you to kill it, but instead you went and got Ryan and he did it.”

  She peeked up at him. His face was stormy. High pressure had mixed with low pressure and created a swirl of jacked up energy. A tornado of every emotion that had a name. And some that didn’t.

  Beth bit the inside of her cheek to keep from saying more. The truth was out, hovering between them like a hot air balloon that could run out of air at any moment and crash to the ground. All she could do was let this play out and hope it didn’t hurt too much.

  Chapter 3

  Renner couldn’t swallow. He tried twice but his damn throat refused to work for him.

  “Bethy?” his voice left him in a broken breathy rush. It couldn’t be her. His Bethy hated him. And her hair had been blonde. Mostly. With natural dark streaks. And she had freckles. The Bethy from his dreams, the way he imagined her to be all grown up, still had freckles.

  “No one calls me that anymore.”

  Renner shook his head in denial. She’d changed so much. He finally swallowed the lump in his throat. How many times had he hoped to see her again? Just to know if she was okay. To see what had become of her. He’d never ask for more. She deserved better than him. Always had.

  He brought his hand to her cheek, tilting her face up so he could see every feature. Not even her eyes were the same as he remembered. They were bigger, more open. And her lashes were long and dark. Her lips had grown to be full and fucking kissable. Her sweet round cheeks had slimmed some. Her body had filled in, in all the right places, and slimmed in others.

  With his thumb, he rubbed the makeup from her cheek, revealing a spattering of pale freckles. His heart thundered in his chest, and he felt like a boy all over again, trembling in the face of his emotions.

  It was her. It was really her.

  “My Bethy,” he whispered. “It’s you.”

  He couldn’t stop what came next. Through the years when he would wonder about her, he made himself the same promise over and over: if he ever saw her again, he would kiss the holy living hell out of her.

  Before he could think better of it, his mouth crashed down on hers. Pillow soft lips against his hard and demanding ones equaled perfection. Nothing in his imagination had ever compared to what this moment actually was.

  Tilting her head, he pressed his tongue into her hot mouth, teasing a taste of her. She was heat and home and the sensation of her wet mouth turned his knees to jelly.

  His animal prowled beneath the surface of his skin, begging to be let out. He wanted to nuzzle and feel his body move against every part of her soft skin. Wanted to lick and taste every inch. Wanted to memorize her scent and her touch and—

  Renner smelled tears, and with them, the sour note of disappointment, of hurt. These weren’t happy tears.

  He pulled back just enough to see her eyes. They were closed tight, blocking him out completely.

  “How could you do that?” she croaked, pushing farther away.

  “I made a promise.”

  She wiped her eyes, turning her back to him. Damn it, this was bad.

  “A promise to who?”

  “Myself. I swore if I ever found you, I’d kiss you. I’d kiss the hell out of you. I’ve missed you so much, Bethy.” It was the truth, and he prayed she could hear it in his voice because he needed to make this right. He wanted to kick his own ass to Jupiter and back for letting her slip past him these last few weeks.

  She shook her head, but let him turn her around. He stared at her anew. How could he have missed it? How had he not recognized her right away? She’d haunted his dreams for years, yet here she was. If he hadn’t locked them in this room, would he ever have realized she was the girl who kept him going during the hardest time of his life?

  “But… you didn’t find me. I was right in front of your face, Ren, and you didn’t see me. You…” her lip trembled. “You forgot me.”

  He shook his head in denial. But before he could say anything else, the door beeped and the lock clicked back into place. Bethany spun, reaching for the handle, and was out of the spa faster than a blink.

  Renner breathed deep as a sense of loss overtook him. He wasn’t sure how long he stood staring at the door, trying to rein in his emotions and make sense of all that had happened.

  On autopilot, he reassembled the door panel and closed up the place before making his way outside to his bike. Luckily, he didn’t see Layna or Magic anywhere.

  The motorcycle roared to life and Renner guided it down the dirt road, around the main part of the lodge to his cabin. The journey took all of two minutes and didn’t give him time to think at all.

  He unlocked the door of the studio and strode to the closet. Behind the jackets and t-shirts and jeans, there was a tiny wall safe where he kept his valuables. Inside, there was a folder with legal documents, a box containing his great grandmother’s mating ring, a stack of hundreds he’d been saving for a while, a manila envelope, and a scarf.

  Renner took a deep breath and pulled the folded scarf from its place in the wall. He stroked the soft red yarn between his thumb and forefinger, and the material caught on his calluses. He brought it up to his nose. There was a time when he’d taken this scarf out every day, to hold it, scent it, remembering the girl who used to wear it. After fifteen years, it didn’t smell like her anymore. She didn’t smell like her anymore.

  He remembered Bethy’s scent. It was engrained in his mind. Or maybe deeper than that even. But Bethany smelled entirely different.

  Reaching into the safe, he pulled out the envelope, bringing it with him to sit on the bed. Carefully, he opened it, spilling the contents onto his sheets. The first thing he picked up was a small tangle of brown, red, and blue twine. A friendship bracelet she’d made him. He’d been choked up when she gave it to him, and angry at himself for caring too much, so he’d tossed it in the trash while she watched.

  “I don’t wear bracelets, Bethy,” he’d scoffed. “Geez.”

  Later that night after everyone had gone to bed, he’d dug it out of the garbage and washed it off in the kitchen sink. Part of it had landed in ketchup and stained the strands, but he didn’t care. He tucked it away in his pillow case and took it with him when he left.

  He reached for a stack of pictures, sighing heavily. Lying back on the bed, he examined them. There was a time when he used to look at these daily. The one of Ryan and Bethy and him, smiling in front of the Christmas tree was one of his favorites. The Robertson’s had been his family for three years. Wonderful years.

  Until he started the change.

  After Renner’s mother was shot by hunters, the cats sent him to live with humans. It wasn’t uncommon for young to grow up wit
h humans and return to their clan later. In fact, it was the way of the big cats. Young couldn’t change and needed the influence of humanity to help with understanding their dual nature. Or… that was what he was told, anyway. At the time, all that mattered was he’d lost his mother and was ripped away from his sister all in the same week.

  He’d been bitter.

  But the Robertson’s changed all that. Much like his cat home, there was no mister in the family. Just Mama R, Ryan, and Bethy. They’d shown him family, when he had none. Love, when he couldn’t understand it. And patience. So much patience for an angry and confused kid.

  Especially Bethy.

  He stared at a picture of her face. It had been taken close up. The edges were worn from all the times he’d held it. Gently, he ran his thumb over her cheek. Her smile was so big it made her cheeks look like she had ping-pong balls stuffed in them.

  Damn it. He’d completely fucked this up before he even knew it. What was he going to do? He didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he already had.

  His phone buzzed in his pocket. A text from Magic.

  My office. Now. No bullshit.

  Renner sighed, stuffing the picture in the pocket of his t-shirt. This was going to be fun. If fun was walking on a bed of embers.

  “Explain yourself, asshole.”

  As expected, Magic was in a mood. Renner didn’t blame him. This whole stunt was, in hindsight, epically stupid.

  “I don’t know what happened. I did everything like I told you. You should have been able to unlock it from the computer.”

  “Not that, dickhead.” His gaze went to Layna and back to Renner. Apparently, he was going for a record for name calling. “I want to know why my masseuse was in my office giving notice.”

  Renner felt the blood rush from his face, and his sister’s glare was burning a hole in the side of his head.

  “She’s leaving?” Renner’s words were reedy.

  “No, because you’re going to fix this. I can’t find another masseuse until after January and we have to get through the holiday season.” He pointed a harsh finger at Renner. “This is on you, asschunk. What did you do to her?”

  Renner narrowed his eyes. “Asschunk? What, are you just making stuff up now?”

  Magic placed his palms on the desk, standing, and leaning forward. His expression was chilly. “I had to change because of you,” he seethed. “You better talk.”

  Renner stood too. “You had to change because you’re a shifter and you wait until your body’s out of control. That’s your problem, not mine.”

  Layna stood. “Okay, enough.”

  “You keep your problems to yourself,” Renner hissed, ignoring her. “I have enough of my own.” He reached in his pocket, retrieving the picture of Bethy and tossing it on Magic’s desk.

  “What’s this?” Magic picked it up, squinting to stare at it.

  Renner glanced at Layna. Took a deep breath. And then let the words tumble from his mouth. “It’s Bethy. Bethany. Bethany is Bethy.”

  Magic’s gaze jumped from the picture to Renner. “Bethy? Your mate?”

  Renner nodded, rubbing his palm over his chin. His mate. It was the word he’d been running away from since he was a tiny young. The women in his family had been trapped by their matings and he never wanted to do that to anyone. He was nothing like the abusive prick that sired him, but still. To belong to another person, to have all your choices taken away, for the rest of your life… no woman deserved that.

  “Ren?” Layna breathed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t know. I didn’t… recognize her.”

  “Bullshit,” she snapped. “Didn’t you scent her?”

  “I haven’t seen her since we were kids. Her scent has changed. Her everything has changed. I’m just as surprised as you are.”

  Magic held the photo inches from his nose. “Are you sure it’s her, Ren? I don’t see it.”

  “It’s her.”

  “Let me see that.” Layna snatched the picture from Magic and examined it closely. “Mother of fucking hell, Renner. That’s definitely Bethany. Did she recognize you? Does she remember?”

  He nodded.

  Layna’s expression paled and her voice softened. “How could you not know? She… she’s yours, and you didn’t even notice? After all these years of pining after her?”

  “I don’t know, okay?” Renner ran his hand through his hair, pulling. He needed to move so he paced the small space of Magic’s office. “I just don’t know.”

  “Okay,” Magic said. His voice was calm, thoughtful. “Listen, we can sort this all out in the morning, after we’ve all had some sleep. Bethany gave me a week. You’ve got to talk to her, Renner, get her to stay.”

  Renner chuckled, sadly. He wanted to cry but he never did that. The last time had been at his mother’s funeral. “I’d love to, but she won’t listen to me. She’s hurt. If I talk to her, she’ll run.”

  Magic ran a thumb over his bottom lip.

  “I’ll do it,” Layna said. “Let me talk to her.”

  Magic nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

  Renner turned to leave. He needed to change. Run. Climb. He needed to be his animal for a while. The panther could deal with these fucked up emotions. It was only fair.

  “Ren,” Magic said, stopping him with his hand on the door.

  “Yeah?”

  “You can’t…” He stopped, but Renner knew what the rest of the sentence was. Have her.

  “I know.”

  He slammed the door a little too hard as he walked out. Stalking past the front doors, he barely made it to the edge of the woods before he busted through his clothes with the change, giving his worries over to his cat.

  Chapter 4

  Beth shuffled into an empty room at the spa, exhausted. She’d made it through her first client but she’d need a caffeine IV to get through the entire day. Sleep had been elusive last night, and her nerves were on edge, wondering when or if she’d run into Renner again.

  Then there was the job. She hated leaving it. Magic paid her well, and she was still paying off student loans. And her car. And Josie’s car.

  Damn it. What was she going to do?

  It was the busiest shopping season of the year. Surely she could find a job in retail. Then in the spring, she’d find another resort in need of her services. She’d make it work. She had to. Staying here would only bring heartache.

  Beth brought her fingers gingerly to her lips. Renner’s kiss was like a brand. It didn’t want to go away. Even now, twelve hours later, she could still feel the sensation of his lips, the scruff of his day’s beard growth, the gentle hands on her face…

  A knock sounded on the door before it opened slightly, a blond capped head peeking around. “I’m doing yoga in five. On the terrace,” Christina said.

  Beth nodded.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, fine.” Beth feigned a smile. “Just tired. Didn’t sleep well last night.”

  “Do you need some time? I can get Mason to run the front.”

  “No, no. I’m fine. Really.”

  “You sure?”

  Beth nodded. “Sure.”

  Christina checked her watch. “Okay, then. I’m out. See you later.”

  Beth waived Christina off and made her way to the front desk. Her next appointment wasn’t until eleven thirty. She thought about calling her mom and telling her what had happened. Or even Ryan. Surely they’d want to know what happened to Renner.

  The spa door opened and Layna walked through. She and Renner had the same dark golden skin and dark hair. Even their eyes were similar. Except Renner’s were a deeper blue.

  Renner’s sister approached the counter, resting her elbows on the polished wood. She stared at Beth but didn’t speak.

  “He told you.”

  “Question is why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Tell you your brother used to live with me when I was ten? And then what? Beg you not to tell him who I was? No thanks. I wan
ted to ignore that little confrontation as long as I could.” Beth busied herself shuffling papers and stacking them in the corner.

  “So you’re quitting because Renner found out who you are?”

  “Shh. I haven’t told Christina yet.”

  “Yeah, well I had to hear it from Magic. So. You have some explaining to do.”

  Beth sighed, staring at her friend. “It’s hard to explain, okay? We… he… there’s history between us.”

  Layna crossed her arms, canting her head. “Oh, yes. I’m aware of that.”

  “You are?”

  “Of course. I know all about Bethy. Bethy this, Bethy that, Bethy hangs the fucking moon and shits stars. That’s you, right?” She gave an amused laugh.

  “What are you talking about? Renner never thought anything like that about me. He…” Beth’s voice choked out the next words. “He actually hated me when we were kids.”

  Layna shook her head sadly. “Oh, honey. It isn’t what you think.”

  Beth frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I just mean…” Layna stared out the window at the overcast sky, tapping a finger along her bottom lip. “It’s been a lot of years since Renner was in foster care. What you think you know, and what actually is… might not be the same.”

  Beth’s frown deepened. “Okay.”

  Layna turned her gaze back on Beth. “Look, you should stay. We need you here, and I like having you around. Renner will leave you alone. I’ll make sure of it.”

  “Did Magic send you in to tell me that?”

  Layna pursed her lips. “Yes. But it’s still true. And I mean it, you don’t have to worry about Ren. I’ll tell him to back off. He’ll listen.”

  What to do? The prospect of job hunting before Christmas was daunting. But staying? Staying could be catastrophic for her heart. Could she handle being around him again? It was different when he didn’t know who she was, when she could do her job and hide in her room avoiding him. Now everything had changed.

  “I’ll think about it, okay?”

  Layna sighed. “Yeah, okay. Think about it. I’ll see you at dinner?”