“You don’t. But whether I’m yours… that choice belongs to you.” His words slurred as exhaustion took over.
Bethany sighed. “You’ve always been mine. My sad boy. Now, get some sleep.”
But he didn’t want to be her sad boy. He wanted to be her man. And when he got stronger, he’d show her how much he’d changed. He’d show her what it meant to belong to a panther.
Renner awoke to the sound of faint snoring. Several moments passed before he realized it wasn’t coming from his own mouth. Opening his eyes, he spotted a tangle of dark hair obstructing his vision. He shifted to his back and was relieved that it didn’t feel like being shredded by glass. A blanket had been draped across his body, but he was cold and uncomfortable. The blood from his wounds was drying and sticky.
Bethany was asleep on the floor next to him, her head touching his, but the rest of her body was far away from the mess. Damn, he had a lot of cleaning to do. But just moving to the shower was going to be a chore until he healed a little more.
He reached to touch her cheek, but lifting his arm was like hauling a load of boulders with a pinkie finger. Impossible.
Dark hair spilled on the floor all around her shoulders making her look like a piece of magic among chaos. She looked so perfect like this, relaxed and unworried. He hated to wake her but he needed help in the shower.
The idea of her playing nurse made him smile. This wasn’t exactly how he’d planned to introduce her to the goods, but then sometimes you had to roll with the punches. Or gunshots. Whatever the case.
“Babe.” His voice was a breathy croak. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “Babe, wake up.”
Her eyelids twitched, and he made another attempt to touch her. He dragged his hand across the floor until he was close to her face. With his thumb, he grazed her chin. Sleepy eyes opened to him. Their color was different, paler, when they were just opening after a rest.
“How are you feeling?” She didn’t move anything but her delectable mouth.
“Like I need a shower,” he answered.
She stared, and he’d give a nut to know what she was thinking. But he didn’t ask. He’d let her make the first move.
“What are you, Renner?”
Ah, so that’s what was on her mind. He’d tell her because if this was going to work, there could be no lies or half truths.
“A shifter. Part animal, part human. A werecat.”
He watched her carefully.
“I had no idea such a thing existed,” she whispered.
“We’re very careful with our secrets.”
“And… when we were kids? Were you born this way?”
Renner nodded.
“Is that why you left?”
“Yes. I started the change, and I couldn’t risk you and Ryan finding out about me.”
She was silent, staring at him with thoughtful eyes.
“Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
“Why?” The skepticism in her breathed words was a knife to his chest. She sat up. “Ren, you and I weren’t anything. We had a few nights where we connected but the next day, I paid dearly for those precious moments.”
She was right. He’d been horrible to her. He’d fought every feeling of connection, of kindness, of love, because he didn’t know how to handle them. Didn’t know how to keep her and keep her safe at the same time.
Renner struggled to a seat, tucking the blanket around his hips.
“Those nights were everything to me. You can’t know what you did for me, Bethy. How many times I’ve replayed those moments with you, wishing I’d get another chance. And now here you are. I know I fucked up. I know. But we were kids.”
Her eyes glistened with tears. Lifting his hand, he swiped them from her cheeks as they started falling.
“Babe…” Seeing her like this shredded him. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m not weak,” she growled, jerking her face away from his hand.
“I know.” She’d proven it time and time again. Tears couldn’t mean weakness. Because he’d been as weak as they came, and he never cried.
Bethany brushed the wetness away and stood. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Slowly and carefully, she helped him to the bathroom and turned on the shower. As steam filled the room, Renner felt a peace fall over him. Things weren’t okay, but maybe just getting everything out in the open was enough of a start.
“How are we going to do this?” Bethany asked, her cheeks turning a deep shade of pink. “Can you shower by yourself?”
Renner braced himself on the counter. His strength was returning, but only in little bursts. He was definitely stronger when she was near, but it would take a while before he could do much on his own. For once he was thankful for his shifter qualities. He’d be dead if he was a human.
Damn hunters. Their presence on the lodge property had surprised him. He’d run into the woods and changed after seeing Bethy with fucking Eagan, but hadn’t expected the danger since there was a zero tolerance policy for hunting in the area.
“You’ve got my blood on you,” he murmured. “Maybe we should share the water.”
Her eyes went wide. “Um… that’s probably not a good idea.”
Renner dropped the blanket he’d wrapped around his waist, and her gaze fell to his partial erection before she turned her head away. The skin of her neck streaked with pink as her blush deepened.
He stepped into the stall, closing the glass door behind him. “I guess you’d better stick around then.”
“I’ll just…” Her voice was breathy. “I’ll turn around and you can let me know if you need me.”
“I’ll always need you,” he muttered under his breath.
As he rinsed the dried blood from his body, he watched Bethany turn and brace her hands on the sink. Never taking his eyes off her, he lathered up, careful to avoid the wound under his arm. Her hair was down for the first time, and it was long and gorgeous, even after being slept on. He wanted that stuff strung out on his pillows soon.
Slowly, her head came up until she was staring at his reflection in the mirror. Her gaze flitted away and then back. Renner slowed his washing. With the knowledge that she was watching him, his erection went from partial to fully sprung.
With his hands, he smoothed the lather from his neck, moving downward over his pecs, and slowly, slowly across his abs. Her eyes followed eagerly.
He took the tease farther, gripping his erection and stroking twice before starting the whole process over. Neck, chest, abs, stroke. On the third pass, he kept stroking while she watched, open mouthed. If he was stronger, he’d strip her and drag her under the water with him and lick her into submission.
She squeezed her eyes closed. “I’m uh… going to find some clothes. I’ll be right back.”
Renner leaned back against the tile wall to catch his breath. He grinned, watching her go. He was a cat. He was good at waiting. He’d wait, and when she was ready, he’d pounce.
Bethany stopped just outside the bathroom to catch her breath. She was in trouble. So much trouble. Watching Renner wash was the most erotic thing she’d ever seen. All she’d wanted to do was jump in the shower with him and take over the stroking. She could make him feel good. No doubt about that. It was what she did for a living.
But what would happen after that itch was scratched? There was too much between them—both spoken and unspoken—to chance a random encounter.
Looking down at her ruined shirt got her back on track. He needed her to have her head on straight, not be a raging hormone ready to hump him when he’s down.
In the closet she grabbed two t-shirts and some sweatpants from the shelf. As she turned to leave, she spotted the half-open safe. She would’ve just kept going but a flash of red caught her eye. Moving the door aside, she saw it was a scarf. Her scarf. She’d lost it the winter before Renner left.
Pulling the knit material from its place caused a waterfall of memories to flutter to the floor. Picture
s. Of her and Ryan and mama. And Renner.
Crouching on the floor, she shuffled through them. They were from mama’s album. The big one she kept under her bed. Had Renner taken these things when he left? A picture of Bethany smiling like a goof was the most worn. It was faded along the edges and looked like it had been touched a lot.
She frowned. What did this mean? Renner had pictures of her. And had kept her scarf. Kept these things in his safe. Like they were prized possessions.
He hadn’t forgotten her.
Layna’s words replayed in her mind. It’s been a lot of years since Renner was in foster care. What you think you know, and what actually is might not be the same.
Accepting that he’d loved her when all she’d felt was hate… well, it wasn’t an easy thing to come to grips with. And now what? What did they have now? Did he still have feelings for her or was he only making amends for the awful things he’d done as a child?
“Beth!” His voice calling from the shower made her jump.
She piled everything back in the safe and ran back to the bathroom. Renner sat on the ledge that formed a seat at one end of the shower, head in hands.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, throwing the door open and stepping in. She crouched in front of him, oblivious to the water crashing down around her, soaking her clothes.
He lifted his eyes to stare at her. “Nothing. I just needed to get you in here.”
Bethany frowned, standing to leave, but Renner grabbed her hips, bringing her between the crook of his legs. His arms banded around her and his face pressed into her belly. She tensed, knowing he was feeling the part of her body she was most ashamed of. His grip tightened, and she couldn’t help herself. She let her hand cradle his wet head.
Renner pulled back enough to lift her shirt to her breasts. He placed tender kisses on her tummy and it felt so good she struggled between wanting to push him away and draw him closer. Wanting him to stop and wanting more.
Before she could decide, he popped the button on her pants and had them down to her ankles. Bethany gasped at the sudden burst of air on her lower half. She wanted to run away. Slap him. Hide. But the look of ownership and wonder on his face stopped her. Anchored her feet to the tile floor and lit a fire between her legs that the water from the shower could never put out.
Gently, he ran his fingers through her short curls seeming surprised. He lifted his head and his gaze was so hot it could incinerate. Up in smoke, from just one look. “I like this.” He gave it a light tug that sent a zing to her core. “I like this very much.”
His erection jerked as if to confirm his words.
“What are we doing?” she breathed.
“Showering.” He stood, carefully. He was probably in pain but she couldn’t tell from the determination on his face. “Arms up.”
She obeyed, and with one swift move, her shirt joined her pants on the floor, leaving her in only her bra. But his eyes zeroed in on the front clasp, and with a flick of his finger, he’d opened it, exposing her to him fully.
“Fuck,” Renner croaked.
The urge to cover herself was almost unbearable but the curiosity to see what he’d do won out.
His fingers trailed from her throat, down between her cleavage, and over the roundness of her stomach, barely touching. Chills broke out on her skin and her breath came in bursts.
She should put a stop to this. Wait until things had settled and he wasn’t recovering from a near death experience. But would he even want her then? Or was this just recompense? Life threatening catastrophes had a way of making people jump into things they weren’t ready for.
But what about the things she’d found in his closet? Maybe he meant what he’d said about her before he’d fallen asleep.
You’re mine.
“You watched me. Now I’m going to watch you.” His voice got very quiet. “Watch while you rub soap all over this luscious body. Pay special attention to these.” He palmed a breast, squeezing before he sat back on the bench.
She shook her head. How could she bathe in front of him? She was too conscious of her flaws.
Renner handed her the soap. “Fair is fair, Bethy,” he husked.
This was going to happen. The look on his face didn’t leave room for argument. And she had watched him. She could do this. She just had to believe that when it was all over and he felt better, he wouldn’t destroy her like he had when they were younger. History repeating itself on a grander scale is what she couldn’t handle.
Beth took a deep breath and stepped under the spray of the faucet.
Chapter 8
Renner held his breath as Bethany began working the soap into a thick lather. He’d imagined her naked many times, but put the reality and the fantasy side by side, and reality blew the fantasy out of the fucking water. His girl was gorgeous. Her curves narrowed slightly at the waist and flared at the hips. He couldn’t wait to slip between those thighs and thrust home. And her breasts… they were more than a handful.
She closed her eyes as her hands smoothed soap over her arms and stomach, avoiding those twin mounds that had him riveted.
His erection ached now, but he didn’t have the energy to take her the way he wanted. It would have to wait.
“Open your eyes,” he commanded. She did, but they were wary. She was afraid he’d hurt her like he had before. The mere idea broke his heart. He’d show her he’d changed. “Look what you’re doing to me, Bethy.” He grasped his hardness, stroking for an ounce of relief.
Her eyes glazed over and her mouth came open. All he could think about was sliding something in between those full lips. It didn’t matter what. His finger. His tongue. His coc—
She grabbed her breasts, squeezing and worrying her rosy nipples.
His recovering panther purred at the pleasure of watching, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to claim her. Needed to be inside her while they both came. Needed to bite her. Mark her. For fucking life.
“Come here, mate. Now.”
“Your eyes,” she murmured, stepping beneath the water and washing away the suds.
“It’s my cat. Does it scare you?”
She shook her head.
“Good. Now come here. I need to feel you. Taste you.”
“Ren, maybe we shouldn’t—“
When she was close enough for him to reach, he pulled her hips flush with his mouth. “You smell divine.” He swiped his tongue once through her folds and her gasp rang in the air. “You taste like fucking magic, woman. Fuck.” He reached out and cranked the water off. “I have to have you. Now. On the bed.”
“But your wound…”
“Will hurt like hell tomorrow, but I don’t care. I need to be inside you, Bethy.”
He stood, opening the door and reaching around her for a towel.
“Are you sure?” The quiet tone of her voice caught his attention.
Renner turned, grabbing her face and nudging her back against the tile. He kissed her long and deep, letting everything he felt come through that single connection with her. “I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life.”
She nodded, looking nervous. “I don’t… I don’t do casual sex. You should know that.”
He touched his forehead to hers. “I don’t either. Not anymore.” She was it for him. For the rest of their lives. He’d never bed another woman.
Renner led Bethany to his bed, kissing her down until he hovered over her. He tasted her skin as he worked his way down to her nipples. The pain in his side was screaming but he wanted this, needed this moment with her.
He grazed one of the hard nubs with his teeth and she let out a delicious moan. He sucked it between his lips, wringing more frantic sounds from her. Her hands flew to his hair, pulling. As he made his way lower, closer to the prize, he nuzzled her belly, kissing and nipping while she squirmed with pleasure.
When he was finally crouched between her legs, he sat back to look at her. She was breathtaking like this, splayed out on his sheets, slick with arousal
and trembling with need.
“Renner?”
He met her eyes and the question there made his chest tight with regret. “You’re beautiful, Bethy.” He licked his lips. “Don’t ever doubt it.”
He didn’t wait to hear her response. Instead, he put his mouth to her sweet spot, licking, sucking, savoring. Her hand in his hair pulled, but he wouldn’t be persuaded. He’d bring her to the top and push her over before claiming her.
His tongue worked her out while he carefully thrust a finger inside. Her breathy moans urged him on, and when her thighs began to tremble, Renner increased his attention, using his thumb to rub circles over her swollen nub. She was close.
“That’s right, sweet baby. You’re going to come apart for me, and then I’ll finish inside you.”
Another lick and she exploded, crying his name.
Rising up, he kissed away her moans. His wound ached like a mother, but his need for her was stronger. Claim. Mark. He needed to know she’d always be his. Needed that reassurance.
“I’m going to mark you, Bethy. As my mate. Do you understand?”
She tossed her head against the sheets still writhing beneath him.
“It means you’ll belong to me. Always. Do you want that?”
Her foggy gaze cleared with his words. “Is this a panther thing?”
He nodded.
She brought her hand to his face, tracing the furrow of his eyebrows. “I don’t know what I want. This is happening so fast.”
Disappointment slammed him in the chest, but he couldn’t blame her. Everything she thought she knew about him had been upturned over the past few days. Now he had to make a choice. One that could alter their future. Cats didn’t ask before they marked. They just took what they wanted. It was one of the reasons the Ouachita clan lived by the code, because they realized what a violation it was to take away someone’s choice.
He could mark her now. Lock in the mating. Keep his Bethy forever.
Or…
He could wait until she was ready. If she was ever ready. Make the mating mutual. And have a chance at convincing Magic to change the code.
Fighting his animal’s urge was nearly unbearable. Sweat broke out on his brow. His legs trembled with the desire to plunge into her.
Alphas for the Holidays Page 28
