Baby Bargain

by Vivien Vale

  Oh, shit.

  I let out a mascara-ruining sneeze.

  “Everything okay, Becky-beans?”

  “Yeah, yeah! Fine!” I sniff and put the flowers on the table in the hallway. My nose now itches, as well—and my eyes water. With difficulty, I read the card.

  “To my Becky-beans.

  In anticipation of our upcoming nuptials.

  Enjoy your bachelorette soiree without me!

  Dan the Man

  Xo”

  I smile. It may not be his fucking handwriting, and his sweet nothings sound kind of like a robot wrote them, but it’s the thought that counts, is it not?

  He thought of me. That’s more than I can say for all the shitty faceless drunken hook-ups I burned through before I met him.

  “So, your little gift pack just arrived.”

  “Great. Timed it perfectly! Tell me you love it.”

  I open the parcel and discover chocolates. They’re in a black box with gold writing on it.

  Mint.

  Oh.

  I shudder, pushing the chocolates away. I can’t fucking stand mint chocolate. Why anyone would want to ruin a perfectly good piece of chocolate by making it taste like toothpaste is beyond me.

  A quick check of the remainder of the parcel confirms it contains two other treasures: Dan’s black credit card and a business card with some guy’s name and phone number.

  “Dan,” I say, holding the credit card up like it’s something holy. “Your black card—you shouldn’t have.”

  I mean that. Really. Current Becky is a responsible fucking adult who can be trusted with money, but Past Becky? Past Becky had credit debt up to her perfectly waxed eyebrows and would have traded her own mother for a new pair of designer heels.

  I don’t even know if I can trust myself with this thing. Dan’s bequeathing a card of unlimited credit to a reformed shopaholic.

  Shit. He does love me.

  “Anything you want, Becky-beans. It’s your bachelorette party—you should treat yourself without worrying about how much it costs. It’s all on me.”

  I leave the goodies where I’ve opened them and head back into the bedroom. I need to get away from those fucking flowers before I have an asthma attack.

  I sneeze the whole way there.

  “…but I’ll be joining you on Saturday morning at the latest,” I hear Dan say and I wonder how much I’ve missed of what he just told me. “Just in time for the wedding.”

  “Uh…okay.”

  So he’s missing our joint bachelor/bachelorette party.

  And he’s sending me out into Las Vegas, City of Sin, alone with my party-girl bridesmaids and his black card.

  Right. So, this sounds bad. But I can handle it. I am…totally confident that I can handle this.

  Ballin’ Becky is dead, and New Responsible Becky in her cream-colored pantsuit is totally ready to take Vegas by storm.

  “Well…it’s a bummer, Dan. And I’ll miss you, like, obviously. But don’t worry—I’ll behave myself.” I reply. Because I’m going to. Because I have to.

  “About that, Becky-beans,” Dan says. He sounds serious. “I know how your friends are—so there are just three ground rules that I need you to follow.”

  “Okay,” I say, pushing my way back into my wardrobe. Because, like, three isn’t that many. Three is way less than four, and barely any more than two. How bad can it possibly be? “Hit me. I can handle them.”

  “One: no drinking,” Dan says.

  …ouch.

  I think about my bridesmaid Sammi, who has been off the hooch for the last six months while she studies oceanic migration patterns out in the middle of the Pacific, and my heart breaks.

  She was really looking forward to getting hammered.

  But I love Dan the Man, and he only wants the best for me, so I say, “Okay. Done. Next?”

  “No gambling.”

  I suppress a groan.

  I think about Percy, who literally just told me yesterday that her pro poker player sugar daddy had spent the last month teaching her to count cards in Monaco. No gambling! In Vegas!

  The things I do for Dan’s love.

  “Right. And rule number three?”

  “No hooking up.”

  I breathe out a sigh of relief. That, at least, will be easy. Cheating on Dan is the last thing I’d ever do, and my sluttiest bridesmaid, Mysti May, just came back from her honeymoon with her sexy Hispanic billionaire new husband—so at least as far as this rule goes, we’re in the clear.

  “No problem,” I say, beaming at the cream-colored pantsuit—which suddenly doesn’t look so frumpy after all.

  “And Becky-beans?”

  “Yes, Dan?”

  “I want you to make sure you wear your engagement ring the whole time. It cost a million dollars, remember—that’s how much I love you.”

  “But…that’s four.” The words are out of my mouth before I can fucking stop them.

  “What?”

  Dan sounds irritated. I can tell that the big Dan the Man brain of his is already moving on to something work-related.

  “Love you, Dan. See you Saturday.”

  I’m about to hang up but Dan has one very last thing to add.

  “And Becky-beans…”

  I sigh. I hate when he calls me that.

  “I’ve left you the name and number of my step-brother. He’s there when you are. Call him if there’s anything you need. Beware, though—he’s an asshole. I don’t want you interacting with him if you can help it…but I’m going to be difficult to reach. Emergencies only, okay?”

  “Got it.” I’m only half listening again. My eyes have wandered from the cream-colored pantsuit and landed on the absolutely most perfect Viva Las Vegas dress.

  “I believe in you, Becky-beans. I know you’ll make good decisions even if I’m not there to look out for you.”

  “Uh-huh.” I nod. The dress is red. Strapless. It’s got a huge side split, a suggestive cut out on the right side of the abdomen and it’s so fucking short it barely covers my ass.

  “You’re going to be a Hardbottom soon, Becky-beans. I love you.”

  I try not to think about Dan’s terrible last name as I make heart-eyes at the dress.

  I’ll be a Hot-bottom in this little number, is what I’ll be.

  “Love you, too,” I say into the phone, but Dan’s already hung up on me.

  I hesitate as I reach for the dress.

  Good choices. I need to make good choices.

  I snatch the dress up and toss it on top of my suitcase, throwing in the pantsuit as well.

  I can make good decisions. I know I can. And if I look like a hot piece while doing it…well…

  It’s my bachelorette party, for fuck’s sake!

  Dan’s rules are rough, but they’re fair.

  The girls will be bummed, but they’ll understand.

  I slip Dan’s black card into my purse as I sit on my suitcase, which is the only way I can get it zipped. Along with it, I pick up the business card from the package. It has the name Liam scribbled on it and along with a phone number.

  For emergencies only. Not that I’ll need it.

  I’m going to be a good Becky. The best Becky. A brave new Becky, hitting up Vegas like a responsible fucking adult instead of a hot fucking mess.

  But Dan’s step-brother’s number…I slip that card into my wallet as well.

  Just in case.

  Becky

  10:09 AM THURSDAY

  I met Persephone Owens during my first-ever college party, an occasion on which she saved my life.

  Of course, the way Percy tells it, she didn’t realize I was choking on beer from a keg stand gone wrong. No, Percy thought I was motioning for her to come make out with me. She just ended up giving me the Heimlich on top of mouth-to-mouth in the process.

  We’ve been friends ever since.

  I pick my way through empty beer bottles
and broken glass as I rush to the sound of Percy’s voice bellowing from a bedroom:

  “MY PUBES! HOLY FUCK, MY PUBES!”

  In the attached bathroom, I find Percy laying in the bathtub, handcuffed to the hot water tap. She’s wearing a bikini top, a fez, and more curves than I can count.

  And yeah, her pubes are definitely aflame, probably thanks to the fact that she smells like she bathed in vodka last night and there’s a smoldering cigar rolling around on the edge of the tub.

  “Fuck’s sake, Percy!” I grab a half-finished can of Red Bull off the bathroom counter and dump it on her. Percy sighs and relaxes in relief as the flames are extinguished. “And they call me a fire-crotch.”

  “That’s the last time I fall asleep smoking,” Percy says.

  I snort. Like I haven’t heard that one before.

  “Percy, what the fuck did we do last night?”

  “No idea.” Percy scratches her head with her free hand then sets about dislocating the fingers of her cuffed one. The cuff slides right off and brings back a wave of nostalgia with it. Last time I saw her do that, we were in the back of a police car during spring break. “But shit, I’m hung-over this morning.”

  She lets out a roaring burp that reverberates within my own head like a thousand hammers on a kettle drum.

  “That makes two of us,” I wince, tossing her a towel.

  “Nice tiara, slut,” Percy says back, catching it.

  In the kitchen, Not Dan is still totally there, totally naked and, yeah—still totally gorgeous.

  And still totally off limits.

  “Fuck me,” Percy swears as she lays eyes on him. “That’s an open offer, by the way.”

  “Sorry, love,” Not Dan says, sliding her over a cup of coffee. “I’m a married man.”

  Oh god. A married man. That makes it, like, a billion times worse.

  “He says I slept with him last night,” I hiss at Percy when his back is turned.

  “Nice,” she hisses back, slapping me on my ass.

  “No, not nice! Bad, Percy! So bad!”

  “Oh. Does that mean I can fuck him then, or—”

  “Did I not tell you to leave?” I ask Not Dan, who is currently doing dishes while we gawk at his perfect ass.

  “Doubt it,” he says over his shoulder in that sexy British accent of his. “Women tend to prefer me coming rather than going.”

  “I’d prefer you gone,” I say, turning to Percy again. “What happened to Sammi? Mysti May?”

  “Present,” a slurred little Texan voice pipes up from behind the kitchen island. Mysti May emerges in all of her blue-eyed, blonde-haired glory, looking topless, sticky and well-fucked.

  “Coffee,” Not Dan says, wheeling around to her with a mug. I can’t help but notice that he doesn’t look at her tits—though he makes a point of admiring mine, even as I cross my arms over them in a huff.

  “Well, aren’t you just sweet as pie?” Mysti May gratefully accepts the coffee, then looks down at her bare chest. “So…just wondering…do y’all know why I’m so sticky?”

  Percy and I both eyeball Mysti May’s exposed torso, which is completely smeared with unidentifiable white stuff.

  “Could be cum,” Percy suggests.

  Mysti May pulls a face and lowers her mouth to lick her shoulder.

  “Whipped cream,” she verifies.

  “Well, you smell like pussy,” says Percy.

  “Perhaps something to do with the showgirls?” Not Dan suggests helpfully.

  “Leave,” I hiss at him, but he only chuckles and returns to dish duty.

  Because of course he does dishes. Dan doesn’t even know how to work the dishwasher.

  Percy and I peer over the kitchen island and spy three showgirls still passed out at Mysti May’s feet. They’re in various states of undress, and also covered in whipped cream.

  “Guess we know what you did last night,” Percy says, winking at Mysti May.

  “More like who you did,” I add, even though my own supposed shame-fuck is still walking around the apartment nude, so I can’t really talk.

  “I would never,” Mysti May swears. “For one thing, I’m happily married to Alfonso, as you’ll recall—”

  Percy and I both groan. Alfonso is Mysti May’s husband, and I don’t think she’s gone an hour without mentioning him yet this trip.

  “And for another, I’m simply not into women,” Mysti May adds. “That’s just not how we do things in Texas.”

  “But what happens in Vegas…” Percy smirks, pausing to take a huge gulp of her coffee. “Stays out of Texas. Bitchin’ coffee, by the way.”

  Not Dan turns and flashes her a billion dollar grin.

  “Okay,” I say, putting a hand to my throbbing head and thinking fast. “We need to figure out what happened last night before I like, lose my fucking shit. You two—” I look at my two blonde, half-naked bridesmaids and sigh. Where the fuck is Sammi? She’s the level-headed one of us. She’ll know what to do. “Find Sammi. Figure out what the hell happened last night. I’ll take care of…”

  Our eyes collectively slide back over to the mighty fine ass of Not Dan at the sink.

  “Yeah,” Percy says, smacking my ass again. “I bet you will.”

  We break. Percy and Mysti May disappear to hunt down Sammi, and I step over the three showgirls to try and convince Not Dan to get the fuck out of my suite before, well—

  Before I either break down crying out of shame or whatever drugs I must have done last night kick back in, and I throw myself at him again.

  He turns away from the sink as I come to his side. He’s still got a massive hard-on—and there’s not a woman alive who wouldn’t be happy to watch a man like him doing chores for her.

  But if he’s after a tip, I can’t oblige.

  “So, love.” He’s smiling at me, and for a moment, I let myself drown in those blue eyes. “Have you changed your mind about that quickie, then?”

  I roll my eyes, which unleashes giant waves of pain in my fucking head. Note to self: keep body movements this morning to a minimum.

  “I think you should put on some clothes on leave.” I try to sound polite, firm, and in charge of the situation.

  Truth is, I’m fucking none of those things. Any second I’ll dissolve into tears, and then I’ll just be a blubbering mess.

  Dan once said something about his belief in my ability to make good choices.

  This guy, though? He’s got bad choice written all over him.

  “I heard you the first time, love,” he says, drying his hands on a dish towel. “It’s just not a message I want to hear.”

  “And what is it that you think you’re going to hear from me?”

  He shrugs. “Something about how you’ll have mad, passionate sex with me, I suppose.”

  I almost chuckle. Almost. I have to admit, the man is fucking good.

  Just my type, in fact.

  Except, I’m getting married in two days.

  And he’s married already.

  I’ve fucked up. Holy shit, I’ve fucked up hard.

  “You’ll be waiting a while,” I retort, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him toward the door.

  “Hallway sex?” He chuckles, falling into step at my lead. “Kinky little tart, aren’t you?”

  “What you do in that hallway is your own business,” I say, pushing him and his sexy, naked ass out the door. “I just won’t be joining you.”

  “Shame,” he pouts. The places on his chest and shoulders where my hands touch feel like they stain my skin with sex and shame. “And here I was, thinking we could—”

  What exactly he was thinking we could do, I’ll never know, because at that point, I make the only good decision I’ve made all day:

  I shut the door in his face.

  When he’s gone, I find myself staring at my hands, remembering the way his body felt against my palms. Hard and warm and like I’d kill just to touch h
im again—which is bad.

  But as I’m looking at my hands, I realize something even worse.

  My million dollar engagement ring is gone.

  That’s it. I’m finally ready to break down and cry at how fucking bad I’ve fucked my fucking life up.

  My bridal suite is trashed. I’ve cheated on my fiancé with a big-dicked British dude—and with no recollection of it. There are three whipped-cream covered showgirls passed out in my kitchen. Percy has burned off half her pubic hair, Mysti May is in denial of her own sexuality and Sammi—my only level-headed friend—is nowhere to be found.

  And now my wedding ring is missing. Great. Fucking Great.

  So yeah, I nearly cry then and there. I’m about to turn on the waterworks and let the tears fall.

  But that’s when I hear it again:

  Bzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

  “RUN!” Percy bellows, and I watch as she and Mysti May flee across the suite, pursued by the biggest, sparkliest vibrator I’ve ever seen. Yeah, shit’s pretty much fucked.

  We need to find Sammi, and I need to call Dan. Like, now.

  Do you want to know what happened to Becky next? The Other Brother is available now in Amazon

  Hey there my lovely readers!

  Thank you so much for picking up my latest release! I’m so excited about this new book. There's nothing I love more than a good baby romance. I had so much fun helping Daniel and Rose find their way to their HEA in Baby Bargain. It definitely isn’t an easy road. This book is especially fun with all the zany side characters and family members Daniel and Rose have to deal with. Crazy cousins, meeting the parents shenanigans, and a twist at the end. I may or may not have borrowed from real life when I created some of these fabulous characters. (Hi Mom! Haha)

  There are also quite a few twists and turns in here that I know you’ll never see coming. My favorite thing about this book is that it's super sweet at times, sooo romantic, but also so totally naughty.

  This was one of those books that I almost hated to see come to an end because I fell in love with the characters along the way. Rose is one of my favorite characters I’ve written this year, and I hope you love her as much as I do. And of course Daniel is so crazy hot and sexy as well. Don’t you just love it when an alpha male billionaire finds his perfect match and she totally rocks his world? I sure do!