Left Hanging

by Cindy Dorminy

  “Yep.” Her uncooperative hair falls in her face, causing her to blow the locks out of her eyes.

  I hold her hand and push the lancet to my finger, but I let her finger cover the blue button. “Push the blue button.” The lancet clicks. “Ow!” I yell and laugh.

  The kids scream. Stella grins at me. A cute little dimple appears on her cheek. Together, she and I let a tiny drop of my blood fall onto the test strip.

  I point to the “start” button. “Push that button right there.”

  She does as instructed. I take the safety lancet with the retracted blade and place it in an old soda bottle that is clearly labeled DANGER.

  I hold a gauze pad on my finger and remove Stella’s gloves. “Very good.”

  She bounces from one foot to the other, enjoying the praise. The other kids crowd around me.

  The machine beeps and displays 120. “Not bad, but I need to give myself one unit of the sugar police. Who wants to give me a unit of insulin?”

  All hands shoot up again.

  I let a kid named Calvin give me insulin through my pump, but I’ll bet he’s more interested in using it like a video game.

  I gasp in mock shock. “You did it.”

  “Cool,” he replies. “What happens if I push the button again?” He reaches for my pump, but I shove my shirt down and stand up from my “crisscross applesauce” position before he can send me into insulin shock.

  “Let’s don’t find out.”

  Jennifer claps her hands together. “Class, can everyone say thank you to Dr. Theo?”

  “Thank you, Dr. Theo!”

  “It’s time to line up for PE.” All the kids jump up and rush toward the door. “John, it’s your chance to be the line leader.”

  John fist-bumps my sister and leads the class into the hallway and out of sight.

  I follow Jennifer back to her desk. “They’re a funny bunch.”

  “Oh my God. I thought I would die when they asked you those questions. Do you have chronic dry eye? That was too spondicious.”

  Here she goes again with those made-up words. I sit down on the edge of her desk and wipe my face. “What does that mean?”

  She rolls her eyes. “I’m surprised you don’t know what it means.” She piles her hair on top of her head and runs a clip through it. “It means what you think it means. It’s really up to you. That way, I’m relieved of all liability.”

  I crunch up my brow. “Ooookay.”

  She pulls out two water bottles from a mini refrigerator under her desk and hands me one.

  I take a swig from the bottle.

  “Do you think you’re going to like being back in Nashville?”

  “I think so.” Especially after this morning’s turn of events.

  “I know I’m glad you’re back. Do you plan on going to Dad’s church now that you’re back in town?”

  I nod. “Absolutely. I’ve missed his sermons.”

  His teachings have really saved me from a lot of crap over the years. They didn’t keep me out of trouble, but they did help me through it all. And surprisingly, none of us kids ended up like typical PKs, which is short for preacher’s kids. I guess the closest any of us came to being a hellion was Tommy, and he’s the smartest one of the bunch. Sallister University can’t even intimidate the genius of the family. Last, but certainly not the least, is the baby of the family, Heather. So far, she has made it to graduate school without going wild.

  Jennifer and I sit in silence. I can tell something is on her mind, and I’m sure she can tell my mind is weighted down also. We’ve always been good at reading each other.

  “How was today?” she asks.

  There she goes, trying to read my mind. One time, I scratched the bumper of her car, and before I could even confess, she was asking me what I did. Our connection can be pretty freaky at times. She should moonlight for the psychic network because she could make a killing.

  “Good, I guess. I didn’t really do anything except get my schedule and go through orientation, get my blood drawn.” Thinking about who drew my blood makes my heart skip a beat. Simmer down. You’re not in middle school anymore. If I tell her about what happened, she’ll go all matchmaker on me.

  “So the long hours start when?”

  “I’m on call next week.”

  She snarls.

  “And… I’m also going to pick up some night shifts in the ER for extra money.” I cringe and lean away from her, waiting for the lecture. “But it’s for a good cause. You remember. Doctors Without Borders.”

  “Still, those long hours are not healthy for you. It messes up your sugar levels and gets you all befizzled.”

  I shrug. “I’ll try to stay un-befizzled. Besides, I knew from the get-go it was going to be rough.”

  “Yeah, but you’re through with your residency. Why didn’t you take a job as a pediatrician and be done with it?”

  “Because with this fellowship, I can do research and get my specialty in endocrinology. You know, maybe make things better for kids like me in third-world countries.”

  “My brother is a hero.”

  I snort. “I’m no hero.” I play with the label on the water bottle.

  “So, why aren’t you happy?” She sits on her knees like a first grader would.

  “Oh, I’m happy, I guess. I don’t know. Jeez, stop reading my mind.” I run my hands through my hair. It’s probably standing on end after the day I’ve had. “You know, Mallory moved here with me, but not really with me.”

  She groans. “Is this the same Mallory that you have nothing in common with? The one that doesn’t understand why Mama buys her clothes from the thrift shop or works for the Legal Aid Society?”

  I peel the label off my water bottle. “Yep.”

  “Wait, you told me y’all broke up.” She makes a rolling gesture with her hand, signaling for me to explain the nonsense to her.

  “We did, but she got a job in town, anyway. She hates this city, but I know what she’s up to. This is her way of accidentally-on-purpose bumping into me all the time. I’m glad it’s over, but I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life.” Alone isn’t the right word. Being alone at times is therapeutic. Being lonely sucks.

  “You don’t have to be alone. You’re a great person.”

  “Well, I told her again it was over and if she was hell-bent on moving to Nashville, she needed to get her own apartment.” I think back to when I first told Mallory my plans. If I didn’t have such quick reflexes, I would still be picking linguini out of my hair. “She was so pissed.”

  “That’s a good first step.”

  “Yeah. Eventually, it was going to end, anyway. Mallory—most girls, really—always made me feel like I was a stick-in-the-mud for not wanting to party.” Thanks, diabetes.

  “Well, their loss.”

  I nod. “I know. You’re right.”

  “Now that Mallory’s out of the picture, you never know what might happen. You know, when one door closes…”

  “Preach on, sister.”

  She taps my water bottle with hers. “So, what’s up?” She nudges me with her shoulder.

  Of all the people in this world, Jen is the only one who could help me figure out this crazy situation I’m in. And even though I risk her mothering me to the brink of insanity, I need to talk to her. Here goes nothing. “I saw someone I knew in college. I was convinced she was the one.”

  She leans back to study me and crosses her arms. “How come I didn’t know about this girl?”

  I grin. “I don’t tell you the really good stuff.” But my grin fades as I think about Juliet… Darla. I can’t get that face, those dark eyes, her silky dark hair, and that gorgeous mouth out of my mind. I finally got one little snicker out of her today, and it almost transforme
d me into a wet noodle. “It brought back a bunch of memories.”

  “Good memories?”

  I nod. The best.

  She rubs my arm. “What’s wrong with that?”

  “I think I really freaked her out. She went from being shocked to angry to sad all in one minute. It was a very strange tilt-a-whirl of emotions. I couldn’t keep up. At one point, I thought I was gonna have to call a code on her.” Maybe she thought it was a one-night stand, and she was upset because I had the nerve to stir up old thoughts and feelings. Except it wasn’t that. At. All.

  Jennifer stares at me for the longest time before she is able to form words. “Does this have anything to do with the stain on your shirt?”

  I chuckle as I remember the earlier incident. “Yeah. It was like she was terrified when she saw me. I could have sworn she felt the same way I did.”

  “Well, it’s been a while since college. Maybe things have changed.”

  “I hope not.” I look up at my sister, but her eyes stay fixed on the floor. “Now, you spill it. What’s on your mind?”

  She becomes fidgety all of a sudden. “Can we table that for another day?”

  “Are you exputtered?”

  She stands without responding and adjusts a stack of class worksheets.

  I love rattling my sister. “Chicken.”

  She blushes. “Get out of here. I need to go too. Matt and I are leaving for a cruise tomorrow.”

  “Ah, yes. Is this a ‘make a baby’ trip?”

  She bites her lip. “He wants a baby so badly, but I don’t know if I’m ready. I mean, I always thought I was ready, but now that we’re seriously talking about it, it makes me nervous.”

  Whoa. I didn’t see that one coming. “What? Sis, you’d make a great mom.”

  She blinks a tear away. “Thanks. I needed to hear that. It’s such a big step. I’m around kids all day long, so you’d think the thought of having one at home would be a no-brainer.” She nudges me with her shoulder. “Now, get out of here.” After she gives me a hug, she pushes me toward the door.

  Seeing her on a regular basis is going to do a world of good for my sanity. I give her a hug before I leave her classroom.

  Jen pokes her head out of her room. “Hey, Theo, tell me this girl’s name, and I’ll pray for the two of you.”

  I can’t keep from smiling. “Her name is Darla.”

  She gasps and covers her mouth. Before I can ask why she has a deer-in-the-headlights stare, she slams the classroom door. She needs a vacation in the worst way.

  I really should ask what that reaction was all about, but if I do, I’ll never get any rest before my grueling shifts at the hospital start tomorrow. And I’ve got a cute wellness nurse I need to get reacquainted with.

  Chapter Eight

  Darla

  I love this place. It makes me think of the soda shops in the old fifties movies with its black-and-white square-tile floor, Naugahyde booths, and old jukebox in the back corner that still plays forty-five rpm records. I choose chocolate-mint ice cream in a chocolate-dipped waffle cone, my all-time favorite. Yum. It is frozen heaven covered in sinful decadent chocolate. It’s Stella’s favorite place too. It’s a shame she’s in after care. I’ve made the mistake of picking her up before she had adequate playground time, so she’ll just have to miss out this time.

  I settle into a booth near the back of the store and lean over the Formica table, letting the yummy goodness slide down my throat and hoping it will melt my cares away. What a day!

  I guess I did not handle Theo’s reappearance very well. I think it would have been easier if he had been smug or curt like his email was. But he was as cute and friendly as he was seven years ago. And that has me waxing and waning between wanting to lather his dimples with kisses and wanting to smack that smug smirk off his face.

  My phone buzzes, announcing a text message. It’s Jennifer.

  Sorry. Family stuff came up. Can’t make it.

  I type a brief response.

  No worries.

  That’s a bummer. She never misses one of our sessions. I start to put my phone back in my purse, when another text comes in from Jennifer.

  Give Stella a hug for me.

  Aww. Crunching the last bit of my waffle cone, I scoot out of the ice cream parlor to go pick up the coolest kid on the planet. I’m sure I can talk her into an ice cream. My day has definitely been a two-cone kind of day.

  By the time I get to the school gymnasium, Stella is deep into a game of foursquare with her after-school buddies. Her hair flies through the air each time she leaps to get the ball before it bounces away from her. When she sees me, she abandons her game and skips to me.

  “Mommy, I’m not a first grader anymore.”

  She wraps her arms around my legs, and my heart swells with joy. Theo should be here. He should want to be here.

  Stella tugs on my arm. “I lost my lunchbox again.”

  This makes the fourth one she’s lost this year. “Stella, you’re supposed to put it in your backpack after lunch so you won’t misplace it.”

  She runs over to the corner of the gymnasium to retrieve her backpack. Papers and artwork hang out, barely staying in the bag. Any minute, graded homework assignments will be littering the gym floor.

  “It’s full and…” Her lip quivers. “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean to lose another one.”

  If losing another lunchbox is the worst thing she ever does, I think I’ve got it made. I kneel down in front of her and kiss her cheek. “It’s okay. It may not be lost. Let’s see if the custodian is still here to let us into Mrs. Silva’s room.”

  Her breath hitches. “She’s still here.”

  “No, she’s already left.”

  Stella shakes her head. “She came in here a second ago and gave me a big hug.” There goes that lip quiver again. “I made her cry.”

  Jennifer is still at school, but she told me she had family things to take care of. Huh. It’s not like her to lie to me. I plaster on my happy mom face. “I’m sure you didn’t make her cry.”

  “Do you think she’s upset that I lost my lunchbox?”

  I wrap my arms around her little body. I could stay like this all day. “No, baby. I think she’s sad because she’ll miss you, that’s all.” At least I think that’s why. “Come on. Let’s find that lunchbox.”

  Stella races me down the hallway, and when we get to her classroom, she bolts through the door. Jennifer jumps. She wipes her eyes and turns away from us, erasing the whiteboard that has nothing written on it.

  She clears her throat. “Hey.”

  Stella skips over to her desk and peeks inside. “Mommy, I found it!” Beaming with pride, she holds out her Finding Nemo lunchbox.

  “Yay. That deserves ice cream.”

  Jennifer bites her lip while diverting her gaze into a box of books. “Sorry about bailing. I had…” She’s a terrible liar.

  “Family stuff. I understand.” I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt because she seems very upset about something. Maybe she did have family stuff, and it didn’t go well. “You okay?”

  She stares at the box. “I’m not sure. How are you?”

  Stella tugs on my shirttail. “Mommy, ice cream?”

  “Why don’t you finish your foursquare game, and afterward, we’ll get that ice cream.”

  “Okay. Bye, Mrs. Silva.” She hugs Jennifer’s waist.

  More tears fall from Jennifer’s eyes. She crouches down and envelops Stella in a whole-body hug. “I…”

  Stella pries herself away from the hug and runs out of the classroom.

  Jennifer faces away from me and wipes her face.

  “Do you get this emotional at the end of every school year?”

  She sniffles. “Yes, that’s all it i
s. I’ll miss them so much.”

  Jennifer is usually perky and fun. I’ve never seen her this emotional, but I’m sure saying good-bye to twenty people in one day would take a toll on me too.

  She readjusts the books in the box for the third time. “You? Anything new?” She nibbles on a fingernail, never making eye contact.

  I laugh as I pace the room, checking the hallway to make sure Stella isn’t anywhere nearby. “You could say that.” I know Jennifer bailed on me earlier, but I need to get an unbiased opinion on today’s events, and it looks as though she might need a good distraction. “Did I ever tell you about Stella’s father?”

  She drops the book in her hand. “Uh, you never said anything, and I didn’t want to pry.”

  I pick up the book and hand it to Jennifer. “We met in college, and I knew right away he was the one for me.”

  She looks like a fish on dry land, trying to suck in a mouthful of water. “Oh. What happened?”

  I sit in Stella’s little chair and think back to my night with Theo. “It’s complicated.”

  She picks up some artwork that a child left behind. “Is he involved in Stella’s life?”

  “Nope. He didn’t want anything to do with her.”

  Her back stiffens. “Why?”

  “He had a girlfriend, and he told me to leave him alone.”

  She stuffs the artwork in the trash can. “That’s awful. Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. But now, he’s back in town, and I don’t know what to do.”

  She picks up her purse and glances at her watch.

  I guess this conversation is over. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have thrown all that on you. You’re clearly stressed about something. This is very insensitive of me.”

  “Oh, Darla. I’m sure it will be okay.” She hugs me and mumbles something I cannot make out. “I need to go, but… I need to go.”

  I nod. “Thank you so much for this year. I’ll make sure Stella visits you from time to time.”