Strong (Kindred #1)

by K. A. Hobbs

  “Rice cakes?” he grimaces when I put a bag into the trolley. “Don’t they taste like cardboard?”

  “No they don’t, have you never tried them?”

  “Noooope, I’d rather not chew on cardboard.”

  “Try them, you might be surprised.”

  I pick up Ribena, some Digestive biscuits and also some Starbursts and giant Haribo Strawberries. When we’re done, Carter suggests we get some bits for lunch and go over to Mum and Dad’s. We take everything back to the flat and I phone Mum to let her know we’ll be over with lunch. When we pull up outside, Dad is in the front garden, he looks up and smiles before heading over to open my door like he always does.

  “Hello sweetheart.” he grins, pulling me in for a hug.

  “Hey, Dad. Busy I see.”

  “Keeping the mind busy, nice to see you, Carter.” he smiles, holding his hand out to him.

  “You too, Mr Reid.” they shake hands and Dad shakes his head.

  “Will,” Dad tells him. “Come in, Mum’s making quiche.”

  “We said we were bringing lunch.” I sigh, getting the bags from the back.

  “I know, I did tell her, but she knows how much you love it.”

  Mum is busy in the kitchen, the sound of Will Young’s voice filling the room. I head over and wrap my arms around her from behind and she leans back into me, pressing a kiss to her cheek, I step back and unload the shopping.

  “How are you today?” she asks, dusting her hands off.

  “I’m okay, Mum. Ask me tomorrow and you’ll get a different answer.”

  “I know, how are you Carter?”

  “I’m good thank you, how are you?”

  “Not too bad, better now you’re both here.”

  She smiles and goes back to finishing the quiche. Dad, Carter and I sit at the dining table with a coffee and chat, about everything and nothing and not once is my little situation mentioned. Today isn’t about that, it’s about just being together and being normal. Lunch is perfect and I stuff my face when Mum brings out some cupcakes and cookies she’s made.

  “Mrs Reid, these cookies…” Carter groans round a mouthful.

  “Beth…” she reminds him.

  “Beth, they are the most delicious things in the world, and I’ve eaten a lot of cookies to know a good cookie, and this,” he holds up what’s left. “Is the best I’ve ever tasted.”

  “I’m glad you like them.” she beams.

  Mum loves cooking and looking after people, nothing makes her happier. As it’s nice outside, Dad and Carter put the cushions out on the big comfy chairs in the garden and we spend the afternoon lounging in the sun. Dad asks Carter all about work and Mum and I work out visiting for the next few days. I’ve managed to get them to agree not to come in with me tomorrow, I need to be able to focus and not worry, after the surgery however, I’ve told them I’ll need them more than I think I realise. Mum agrees to wait until Carter phones her before they visit. I can see it upsets her but she accepts it’s what I want and goes with it. When it gets into the evening, I tell Mum I’m going to go home and get everything ready, I want to at least try and have an early night.

  “We’re here for you, sweetheart,” she tells me as we say goodbye. “We’re so proud of you and we love you so much.”

  “Thank you, Mum. I love you too.”

  Dad wraps me in his arms and refuses to let go for a full five minutes, he whispers he loves me and he’s here when I need him. They stand and wave us off and when they’re out of sight I let out the breath I didn’t realise I’ve been holding and sag in my seat.

  “You okay?” Carter whispers.

  “It’s just hit me what tomorrow is.”

  “What do you want to do tonight? Whatever you want to do, we’ll do it.”

  “Take away, ice cream, chocolate and a movie, that’s what I want to do.”

  “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

  “Okay.” I nod.

  “You’re doing amazingly, I’m in awe of you.” he tells me.

  “I don’t have any other choice… And I’m not sure I would be if I didn’t have you, so thank you, Carter.”

  When we get home, Carter phones for Chinese while I get in my pyjamas. We spend the evening finishing off our Harry Potter marathon and eating way too much food. When I climb into bed later that night, the fear for what tomorrow holds is so strong, I struggle to breathe for a while. I text Carter and he appears in my doorway seconds later.

  “You okay?”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “What can I do?” he asks, walking over to sit on my bed with me.

  “A hug?”

  “That I can do.”

  I lay back in bed and he lays down next to me, I don’t hesitate to roll into him and he wraps his arms around me. I feel a little calmer just being in his arms, I try not to think about that right now. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and I must fall asleep because I wake up and it’s light outside and when I roll over, Carter is still sleeping beside me.

  Today is the day my life is going to change forever. I don’t know what life is going to be like from this point on, but I feel a little more ready to face it than I did yesterday. I get up and head for a shower, I’m nil by mouth so I can’t have breakfast and the way my stomach is churning, I wouldn’t be able to anyway. When I head back into my bedroom, Carter is awake and laying there looking at the ceiling.

  “You okay?”

  “You shouldn’t be worrying about me,” he smiles, propping himself up on one elbow. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m scared, I feel sick and I feel like I might burst into tears any minute… All perfectly normal feelings I guess.”

  “I’d say, yes.”

  “It’s happening today, Carter,” I walk over to my bed and sit down. “Thank you for being there for me.”

  “I told you, I’ll always be here.”

  I just nod and kiss his cheek before standing and walking over to my dresser, I pull out a pair of my comfiest jeans and a clean t-shirt, wanting to be as comfortable as I can be today.

  “We need to leave in half an hour.” I remind him.

  “I know, I just wanted to make sure you’re… Well, as okay as you can be today.”

  “I’m okay.” I reassure him.

  “I’ll go get showered and ready then.”

  I watch him leave the room and blink away tears.

  I’ve got a long way to go and crying now won’t help me get there.

  I will beat this thing.

  I will beat it.

  I lay there, eyes firmly closed just listening, so completely consumed with pain and fear and I can’t do anything about it. I know Carter is next to me, I can hear him breathing, I can feel his hand wrapped around mine. I know he must be worried, scared why I haven’t woken up yet, but I just can’t bear to open my eyes and make the dark, cold reality of what I’ve just been through real. If I keep my eyes closed, I can pretend I’m just sore, that I haven’t just had my future taken away from me, the future I hoped I would have and never dreamed I wouldn’t.

  I can pretend that I didn’t go to sleep a normal woman and am now waking up missing a vital part of myself, the very part that makes us able to create a little life and someday become a mother. Don’t think about it now, Carmen.

  Too late.

  The tears fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks and a gut wrenching sob escapes past my lips making me so glad I’m in a private room so that no one will have to see this.

  “Hey.” Carter’s soft voice floats over to me and makes everything so much worse.

  It is real.

  So very, very real.

  “Carmen? Open your eyes for me beautiful, it’s okay, I’m here.” he whispers softly to me and I feel his warm hand on my cheek wiping away my tears.

  I open my eyes slowly, willing them to adjust to the bright lights. Everything is so clinical; machines beeping, white walls and the sickly smell of death in the air. It doesn’t actually smell of death of c
ourse, it’s just my imagination, I’m very much alive and the pain I’m in is proof of that. I turn my head slowly and there he is, sitting so still like he’s afraid to move. A small smile tugs at his lips and he sighs in relief.

  “You’re awake, I’ve been going crazy just sitting here.”

  “I’m awake.” I croak, my voice hoarse.

  “Can I get you anything?”

  “Some water would be great.” I try and smile, really I do, but nothing happens when I try to get my mouth to move.

  “I’ll be right back,” he stands and leans over me, dipping his head and resting his lips on my forehead. “You’ve done it, beautiful, now you can rest, it’s a long road ahead but I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

  He doesn’t give me a chance to reply, just straightens up and walks towards the door and out of sight. I close my eyes again and take a few deep breaths, everything is all too much right now. The light, the nothingness, the weight of the blankets on top of me, why do they feel like they weigh a ton? I stay, laying in bed and repeating the same thing over and over again in my head; it will be okay, you did it.

  Carter appears again a few minutes later with a nurse who is smiling at me. He takes a seat in the chair next to me and reaches for my hand, the moment our fingers connect, warmth floods my body and the smile I was fighting to find pastes itself onto my face. I look at Carter and he looks and me and right in that moment I know I’ve found someone incredibly special, someone who is nothing but good and kind, someone who would give up all his plans to be with a girl he only met a few weeks ago, to be her friend and her strength. I don’t know who sent him to me, but I’ll be forever thankful to them.

  “How are you feeling, Carmen?” the nurse asks.

  “Sore, sick, tired, scared…”

  She looks at me with sadness in her eyes, the kind of sadness only another woman would understand. She busies herself looking at my IV and other machines before she looks at me again, it seems almost like she was trying to compose herself a little before she spoke.

  “All perfectly normal sweetheart, Carter said you were thirsty, can I get you some water?”

  “Please.” I smile.

  “You’ll need to take it easy, little sips to start off with, the anaesthetic can make you sick and we don’t want that. How is the sickness? We can give you something to help that if you’d like?”

  “I’m okay for now, just really thirsty and sore.”

  “I’ll go fetch you some water and I’ll get the doctor to come in and see you.”

  She leaves and there’s that nothingness again, except it’s not as heavy anymore because I have Carter beside me. I turn my head to look at him and see he’s frowning and his eyes look pained and worried.

  “I’m okay, you know.” I croak.

  “Are you? I’ve been so worried, you’ve been asleep since they brought you back here over an hour ago, they said you’d wake up when you were ready…”

  “And I did, didn’t I?”

  “I was so scared you wouldn’t… I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”

  “Please don’t, Carter,” I turn my head away so I’m not looking at him. “I can’t cope with that right now, I have to… I have to get over this hurdle first, okay?”

  “Look at me,” he whispers. “Please look at me.”

  I turn my head again, I try to hide everything I feel; the weight pushing down on my chest, the pain, the overpowering need to scream and cry and ask the question no one can answer; why me? He leans on the bed and squeezes my hand, he looks at me like he can feel everything I can right now and it scares me.

  “I’m so proud of you.” he smiles.

  That does it.

  The dam breaks and everything comes flowing out, I can’t stop it, it happens so suddenly and with such force I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to force everything away, everything is just too much; the smell, the beeps of the machines, Carter’s words.

  Everything.

  “I needed to tell you, you needed to hear it.” he leans over me, and rests his head to mine. “I needed to tell you.” he repeats again.

  “Hold me, please?” I sob, desperate to feel his arms around me, to be able to soak in his heat and I hope some of his strength too.

  I feel so weak right now, everything is so far out of my control. I’m supposed to feel relieved, I’m supposed to feel better, but I don’t. I feel weighed down by fear and anxiety that I don’t hold a single card to my future right now.

  “Try and get some sleep.” he whispers to me.

  I close my eyes and beg for the darkness to take me, I don’t want to be awake right now because when I’m awake it’s real, and I don’t want it to be real.

  When I wake up, Mum and Dad are sitting beside my bed and Carter is hovering by the door looking stressed and on edge. I close my eyes and ready myself for what I’ve got to face.

  The reality.

  “Hey Mum, hey Dad.” I croak, my throat still so sore.

  “Sweetheart,” Mum half sobs, taking my hand and squeezing it. “How… How are you feeling?”

  “I’m okay, or at least, as good as I can be.” I try and smile and I think I manage it.

  “Can I get you anything?” Dad asks, leaning forward.

  “I’m good, you both okay?”

  “We’re better now you’re awake.” he smiles, kissing the hand Mum is holding.

  “You can sit down, Carter, I’m okay.”

  He looks at me, then at my parents and walks forward, there aren’t any more seats so he props himself on the bed next to me, I smile and he smiles too.

  “I’m going to go ring Mom if you’re okay? I said I’d let her and Lex know how you are.”

  “Go, you must be starving, you haven’t eaten for hours.” I smile.

  “Actually…” he grins, leaning closer. “I ate some of those cardboard things, not so bad.”

  “You must have been desperate.”

  “I’ll be half an hour, give you some time alone with your parents, I’ve got my phone if you need me.” he presses a kiss to my forehead and then stands up and walks out.

  I watch him until I can’t see him any more, without him with me, the room feels a little darker, a little colder and the pain a little worse. Everything is so much more bearable when Carter is with me, the things I know I wouldn’t be able to cope with alone, I seem to find strength to fight. I turn my attention back to Mum and Dad, knowing they need to be convinced I really am okay.

  I’m just not sure how to do that.

  I walk out of the hospital and take a huge lung full of fresh air. Everything inside is so stifling and I welcome the cold bite of the wind. My legs feel shaky, my heart is pounding and I feel sick. That long ass hour waiting for her to wake up was the worst time in my life, there were so many awful thoughts running through my head the whole time. When she did finally open her eyes, the relief was unlike anything I’ve ever known, as I rub a hand over my face, it dawns on me.

  I love her.

  I’m in love with her.

  “Shit.”

  How did I not realise?

  I figured I just found her attractive, I want to help her, to be there for her when she desperately needs someone. When did it all get so complicated? So deep? I shake my head and wake up my phone, bringing up Lex’s number. It rings three times before she answers.

  “Carter, is she okay?” she asks in way of a greeting.

  “She’s okay. Sore and tired but she’s smiling, seriously, Lex, she’s the strongest person I know.”

  “Can I come see her?”

  “Not just yet, she’s only been out of theatre for a couple of hours, her Mom and Dad are with her… I’ll let you know okay?”

  “Okay…” her voice sounds so small, so sad.

  “She’s okay, Titch, I promise.”

  “I’m just scared for her, I can’t imagine what she’s going through.”

  “Hey, it’s okay. You sound like you nee
d a hug,” I smile, Lex loves a hug. “I could do with some company tonight, fancy that dinner?”

  “I’d love it, Carter. I can come over?”

  “There’s a pub close by, we’ll go for a beer.”

  “What time?”

  “Seven? I’m pretty sure they’re going to kick us out soon so she can rest.”

  “You’re amazing, you know that?”

  “I’m really not.”

  “You are. You’re being incredible for Carmen when she needs you… and you only just met. Carter…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you love her?” her question takes me by surprise, it shouldn’t. Lex notices everything.

  “Yeah… I do.” I admit honestly.

  “I thought so.”

  “I’m nuts aren’t I?” I run my hands through my hair, not knowing what to do.

  “Why?”

  “We’ve just met and she has all this going on.”

  “Even more reason to fall in love, this whole thing just reminds everyone, life’s too short. Don’t be scared, don’t hide it. I’m pretty sure she likes you too.”

  “I best get back, can you tell Mom? I can’t really cope with another phone call right now.”

  “You got it. Be strong for her Carter, she needs you.”

  “I know. I’ll see you later.”

  I hang up and stay squatting outside for a while longer, my stomach is aching from being so hungry, I’ve not eaten anything really since before five this morning and it’s now almost three. I head inside and grab a bag of chips, a muffin and a coffee and practically inhale them I’m so hungry. I make my way back up to the ward and notice Carmen’s door is closed.

  “Is something wrong with Carmen?” I ask the nurse who’s been looking after her.

  “No, the doctor is in there with her, she asked you to go in when you got back.” she smiles.

  “Okay.” I nod.

  I feel unsteady on my feet, I have no idea what they’re telling her on the other side of the door, but she wants me to be there. I knock then turn the handle, as I step in, four pairs of eyes look at me and I feel a little nervous.