Among the Lemon Trees

by Nadia Marks

  Costandis took a deep breath and reached for another cigarette. He passed one to Alexis and then continued with his story. ‘You see, her family had given the word that in two years’ time Xanthi would be married to the son of a rich family, a friend of her father’s. What could we do? If we wanted to be together I had to steal her, we had to run away.’

  ‘Yeah, sounds familiar.’ Alexis sighed, folding his arms behind his head as he looked up at an impossibly starry sky.

  ‘It sounds so funny now to say steal!’ Costandis laughed. ‘I wonder if any other nation in the world, apart from the Greeks, steal each other! But it’s hardly theft when the person you’re going to steal wants to be taken! Anyway, can you believe what they did? Giving the word without even asking her! She was beside herself. In the end, we decided that instead of running away with no money and nowhere to go, I would leave first and before the two years were up would send for her.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Alexis said again and flicked his cigarette overboard into the black night, ‘sounds familiar.’

  ‘So how about you, my friend?’ Costandis asked cheerfully. ‘Did you leave your home to see the world, or was it for the love of a beautiful girl too?’

  Of course after his long confession, Alexis had expected Costandis’s question, and he knew that it was only fair to reciprocate, but the prospect of talking about his love for Ourania made him anxious and his palms moist with nerves. He hadn’t even uttered her name out loud for so long, the mere thought of saying it made his heart beat faster.

  He knew he could never tell anyone that Ourania was his first cousin, the subject was taboo and he valued his friendship with Costandis too much to risk jeopardizing it. The story Alexis told was like his friend’s, a common enough love story from the islands – he was not deemed suitable by Ourania’s family to be her husband, so they too had no alternative but to run away in order to be together.

  Apart from confiding in each other, the two friends took Uncle Georgios into their confidence too and sought advice and guidance from him. He was happy to assume a paternal role for both boys.

  Their main area of concern was where they should set up home once the time was right to send for their sweethearts. They had to make a decision, they had to be organized and plan carefully. One possibility they discussed was to stay in Cardiff with Georgios, but then again they both wanted to return to Greece. During his time on the ship Alexis had proved to be something of a linguist. He’d picked up with relative ease a fair amount of English, Italian and German, making it possible to live anywhere; but the call of the homeland was beckoning them both.

  Uncle Georgios was of the opinion that the northern Greek city of Thessalonica was the best place for the two young men to start their new lives. Apart from being a large port, which would enable the girls to reach it with greater ease from their particular islands, Thessalonica had always been a welcoming city to immigrants and refugees alike. As Georgios explained, it would be an easy way to start afresh, a new beginning with no questions asked.

  So Alexis, with hope in his heart and unaware of the events that were developing back on the island, had written to Ourania to explain the plan. He asked her to start preparing herself for the journey that would change both of their lives forever.

  Back home, Ourania was in emotional turmoil. She too had only ever wished for one thing – to spend the rest of her life with Alexis. But now, just as her wish was about to come true, she wasn’t sure she wished it any longer. Confusion reigned in her head and in her heart. Alexis was the love of her life, the man she had pledged to spend her future with, but her sister was her flesh and blood, her soulmate, her best friend, and she loved her more than she could say. Going to find Alexis meant she would be following her own happiness; but how could she ever be happy knowing that she had abandoned Calliope? How could she leave her sister like that? It was an agonizing decision, and for the first time in her life Ourania had no one to turn to.

  Calliope and Aphrodite were the only ones who knew about her secret and she was sure that if her sister knew what she was thinking, she would put up a fight and urge her to leave. As far as Calliope was concerned she wanted her sister to be happy, and the plan remained the same – Alexis was going to send for Ourania sometime soon. The only thing that had changed was that now she would not be joining them, not then, not ever.

  The more Ourania turned things over in her head, the more she thought her head and heart were going to explode. Finally, one day, propelled by an overwhelming desire to talk to someone, she found herself knocking on her Thia Aphrodite’s door.

  Although surprised to see her there, Aphrodite welcomed her with civility. She took Ourania’s hand and invited her into the house. She had forgiven both her son and her niece for what she considered their sin and felt that as long as the two were kept apart, there was nothing to fear.

  ‘Come, sit with me,’ she told Ourania and patted the embroidered cushion on the intricately carved oak-wood divan, a piece of heavy island furniture handed down by her grandmother as part of her dowry. Ourania looked visibly distressed.

  ‘Tell me,’ Aphrodite said hesitantly, guessing that her niece must have come to see her with news from Alexis. ‘Have you heard from the boy? Is he all right?’

  ‘Oh yes, Thia, he is fine,’ Ourania replied and then started to cry. Although the two women avoided being alone together, Calliope’s accident had brought the families closer, and Aphrodite had been spending most days in her sister’s house doing whatever she could to help.

  ‘What brings you here, Ourania mou?’ the aunt said and reached out to take the girl’s hand. She knew her niece was devoted to her sister and that she had been badly affected by her condition. ‘How is Calliope today? Has something happened?’ she asked gently.

  Ourania did not answer. She couldn’t. She sat, hands folded in front of her, weeping silently, choked by the tears that filled her huge brown eyes and fell down her cheeks and onto her lap. She continued to cry for a long time, her aunt patient by her side, until her tears stopped and her voice returned.

  ‘No,’ she finally said sharply, looking up at her aunt. ‘Nothing has happened! Nothing at all!’ she continued with the same forceful tone. ‘Calliope is the same. But I wish something had happened. I wish a miracle had happened and that my sister could get up and walk again and run and dance and skip and swim like before, but no, Auntie, nothing has happened! Calliope will stay a cripple all her life and there is nothing any of us can do!’

  There was anger and sadness and defiance in her words, and once she finished talking Ourania’s tears returned again. Aphrodite reached across and, taking both of her niece’s hands in hers, spoke gently.

  ‘God is merciful, Ourania mou. This was Calliope’s fate, and you must always remember that everything happens for a reason.’

  ‘What possible reason could there be for this to happen to my sister?’ she said angrily.

  ‘It’s not for us to say, Ourania mou,’ her aunt replied softly.

  ‘The only possible reason I can see,’ Ourania continued, pulling her hands away from her aunt’s, ‘is to make sure Alexis and I are kept apart! I know you say that we have sinned, but if God is merciful why does he punish poor Calliope?’

  ‘God is merciful, Ourania, do not lose your faith. Calliope is not being punished.’

  ‘If this is not punishment then what is it?’ Ourania said with bitterness.

  ‘Calliope has a strong spirit and a good heart. She will become even stronger now. She will overcome this.’

  ‘Calliope didn’t need this to be strong, she is the strongest of us all!’ Ourania threw back at her aunt. ‘In any case, my sister won’t have to overcome this alone! I will always be with her. If what you say is true, that everything happens for a reason, then maybe Alexis and I were never meant to be together.’ She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and stood up to leave. Walking towards the front door Ourania suddenly hesitated and turned back. She stood tall and proud while Aph
rodite continued to sit, and with a trembling voice that seemed to belong to someone else she spoke again to her aunt. ‘No matter what happens, Thia Aphrodite, you must know this. I love Alexis with no shame, and with all my heart, no matter what you, or anyone else says, and even if we can’t be together I will still love him for as long as I live!’

  After her outburst, Ourania rushed out of her aunt’s house before she broke into more tears and ran all the way to the beach to her secret hideout. For months she’d had to be strong for Calliope and had kept her sorrow hidden. Finally it welled up and could no longer be held back. Sitting alone in the cave she cried without constraint, without limits, letting her tears flow. She cried for her unfortunate sister, she cried for herself and for Alexis, and she cried for their doomed love.

  Ourania sat hugging her knees in the cool darkness of the cave and let her mind form thoughts she’d never allowed herself to think before.

  What if her aunt was right, she wondered with despair, and what if Calliope was being punished for her and Alexis’s sin? She believed in God, but she did not want to believe in a God that punished love. After all, wasn’t God supposed be the personification of love? Why could loving another person be sinful and why was physical love so terrible that someone had to be punished? Her thoughts were jumbled-up, contradictory, confused. She always prided herself at being logical, informed, not allowing primitive island superstitions to take hold of her. She scolded her mother if she gave into such meanderings, so why was she now being tormented by such irrational thoughts herself? There was no possible logic or reasoning in any of this. She loved Alexis, that she was sure of, and nothing would diminish that. If this was a punishing God then she did not love Him.

  As she sat cocooned in the familiar twilight of the cave with Alexis’s aura all around her, Ourania came to a profound conclusion. She realized that her love for Alexis had not diminished one iota, but she also realized, with astonishment, that what had diminished was her desire to go and find him if that meant leaving Calliope behind. Her love for her sister was greater than her desire to seek her own happiness with Alexis. It wasn’t a matter of guilt, it wasn’t only a matter of duty; it was a matter of choice. It wasn’t that she should not leave her sister, it was because she didn’t want to leave Calliope. She was choosing to stay.

  Gradually a calm washed over her. She had no idea how long she sat in the cave but when she eventually left it was with a heart full of love for the two people who meant more to her than anyone else in the world. Her torment of indecision was finally over. She was content that she had made the right decision. She hoped that Alexis would forgive her.

  7

  Greece, the Aegean, 1999

  In less than twenty-four hours Anna had learned more about her family and her own history than she had in all her years. Her father’s words were cutting deep into her soul, redefining the knowledge of who she thought she was and the people around her. Ourania and Alexis’s story had been unimaginable. Perhaps she thought she ought to have felt affronted on her mother’s behalf to learn of the love between the two cousins. A forbidden love her father secretly harboured for a woman whom Anna’s mother considered a good friend. But how could she condemn them in the face of such adversity and such love?

  ‘Oh Papa, did Mama know about Thia Ourania?’ Anna asked through her tears. ‘I always thought my mother was the love of your life. There was so much sadness for all of you, how did you live through it?’

  ‘There were many times after Ourania made her decision not to follow me that I wondered how I managed to live on,’ Alexis replied, his voice breaking. ‘But we do live on, Anna, life finds a way.’

  ‘How did you manage to love my mother after your love for Ourania?’ said Anna, her head a jumble of questions. ‘Or ever love again at all?’

  ‘Love has no limits, Anna mou, it’s what keeps us alive. I want you to know I loved your mother deeply, and she never knew about Ourania. What would have been the point, apart from to cause pain?’

  ‘But how could you love truthfully with such passion more than once in a lifetime, Papa? How is that possible?’

  ‘I loved them both truly and with all my heart, but there are many truths in life, my girl, and there are many ways of loving. Life has a habit of surprising us, Anna mou.’ Alexis’s eyes, fixed in the distance, were looking into the past. ‘You see it was out of our control in the end. As much as Ourania and I wanted to be together and we tried to make it happen, it wasn’t meant to be then. There are some things in life that are bigger than all of us.’

  Anna wondered if she could ever possess the courage like her aunt to forsake her own happiness for someone she loved. She could only ever imagine doing that for her children. The question of loyalty had been a constant companion to her ever since she arrived on the island. How could Max, after all these years, contemplate an exit from their life? And for what? Didn’t family, history and loyalty count for more than an ephemeral emotion and selfish gratification? As her father had said, weren’t some things in life much bigger than ourselves?

  She wasn’t sure if she could have been as selfless as Ourania, but she definitely knew she could never have inflicted the pain that Max had inflicted on her. Seeing her father and her aunt together now, their love still evident and enduring, fuelled her anger about Max’s betrayal and disloyalty. A thought started to take hold. Had she finally stopped loving him? Had her anger taken over from love? Part of the reason for coming on the island was to give them time apart, time to think, and possibly find a way forward. But as much as she still cared for the life they had shared, their children, and their past, she found his actions unforgivable and she was now plunged into more emotional discord.

  Talking with her father had been a revelation. His wisdom and depth about matters of love astounded Anna; he was the last person in the world she would have ever contemplated having a discussion with about the many ways of loving, but perhaps, Anna thought, Alexis was right. Who knows? Perhaps even Max had a right to fall in love with someone else. She had never of course entertained such thoughts but right now she couldn’t be sure of anything.

  Nicos had stirred new feelings in Anna and the realization that she, like Max, was capable of a strong connection with someone that wasn’t her spouse blurred her otherwise clear mind about such matters. Could she have done that if Max hadn’t betrayed her? She didn’t think so. But her total sexual surrender to Nicos, so out of character, caused her to question herself. When Max told her that he was in love with someone else, she was devastated, uncomprehending. How could he be in love with a stranger? she kept asking. But didn’t she now have feelings for someone she hardly knew too? How was that possible? Though as she was now rapidly finding out, many things that were unimaginable before seemed to be possible now.

  ‘So, Annoula mou.’ Alexis’s weary voice brought her out of her thoughts. ‘Life sometimes doesn’t always go as planned. Ourania’s choice was final and I had to respect it.’

  ‘What did you do then, Papa?’ Anna asked, hoping Alexis wouldn’t give in to his fatigue and stop talking.

  ‘I will tell you, Annoula, I promise, but be patient. There is still much to tell, but first let me breathe and then let me rest for a while.’

  Alexis rose from the table and made his way to his bed. A few minutes of rest always did him the world of good. Sleep is a sacred occupation for the Greeks, Anna mused. This was something she had learned from an early age. Siesta was considered essential, especially in the summer months after the midday meal. For Alexis it was a way of life, even in London. Anna remembered fondly how her mother would scold her and her brothers if they made too much noise when their father was taking his rest. In later years when Anna was a teenager and couldn’t get enough of sleep, often sleeping past midday, her mother would be protective of her too. If friends called at the weekend Rosaria would ask them to call back. It never ceased to amaze them. ‘My mother thinks I am a lazy layabout if I stay in bed later than nine, even on a Sunday,�
�� was a common complaint.

  When several of Alexis’s English friends also questioned this habit of his, considering it a terrible waste of valuable time, he’d explain with a chuckle, ‘It revives the body and sharpens the mind, my friends, you should try it sometime, you might enjoy its benefits!’ As a child Anna too thought of it as a waste of precious playtime, but now she also relished the opportunity.

  Following her father’s advice, Anna took herself off to a shady part of the garden where a breeze always blew from the sea, and lay on a blanket under the lemon tree. She closed her eyes for a while and waited for Alexis to get up and continue with his story.

  Storgé

  (στόργἡ storgé)

  means ‘affection’ in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient texts, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family.

  8

  25 July 1939

  My darling Lexi, light of my eyes,

  I have been thinking about you every minute of the day and night, and I have been agonizing about writing this letter to you. First I want you to know that my love for you is, and always will be, wider than the ocean that separates us and vaster than the sky that unites us. I want you to know that I will love you forever and ever and you will stay in my heart as long as I live. My dearest love, I know that this letter will break your heart in two as mine already is.

  You know that being with you and spending the rest of my life with you has been the only thing that I have ever wished for, and I know all too well that you have spent the last two years trying to make it possible for us to be together. But alas, my love, Fate has played such a cruel trick on us. Your mother says it’s all God’s will, and that everything happens for a reason, but I do not know of any reason that my poor sister should be punished like this, or why you and I have to be separated.