The Choices We Make (Relentless Book 4)

by Barbara C. Doyle

  Opal, Kennedy, and Addy laugh, pointing at my failed attempt at sliding down this plastic contraption. This never used to be so difficult.

  They walk over.

  Kennedy tweaks my thigh. “I think you filled out a little from all those cheeseburgers,” she teases.

  I roll my eyes. “It’s probably a good thing I don’t look like I did when I was ten, huh?”

  Her eyes flash as she gives me a once-over, and I’m surprised at the look behind them. She takes in every inch of my body, and I watch her doing it in complete silence. I don’t question it, as much as I want to.

  She finally says, “You’re probably right.”

  Before I say anything, Kennedy and Opal are shoving my back as hard as they can. I tumble down the rest of the slide until I somehow manage to flip over the side, landing back-first in the mulch chips layering the ground.

  Addy runs over, staring down at me, a big smile on her face. Opal appears next to her, her hands resting on Addy’s shoulders.

  “You okay?” she asks, biting back a massive grin trying to break free.

  Kennedy kneels next to me, peeling a wood chip from my hair, amusement bright in her colorful eyes. Today they’re lined in purple liner, making the green flecks in the hazel color pop.

  “He’ll survive,” she declares, helping me up.

  Opal helps me brush off my back, getting the dirt off my shirt. I smile in gratitude, but she quickly looks away.

  Addy distracts me from analyzing her reaction by grabbing ahold of my hand again. “You okay, Daddy?”

  It chokes me up hearing those words coming from her mouth. How can she not hate me? How can she forgive me so easily for not being in her life?

  Kennedy nudges my shoulder with her elbow, like she knows what I’m thinking. Her expression is soft, endearing, telling me to stop overthinking things.

  “Yeah, kid,” I rasp. “I’m good. Perfect.”

  Emotion washes over my face, and I sneak a peek at Opal, whose lips are tipped up into a small smile as she looks at Addy. She reaches down and squeezes Addy’s hand, before finally meeting my eyes. She seems happy.

  “So,” I clear my throat. “What do you want to do now?”

  She jumps up and down. “Monkey bars!”

  “Fitting for the monkey she is,” Opal teases, ticking her sides. Addy giggles and squirms under Opal’s skillful touch, bolting behind me for protection. She hugs my legs and peeks between them, waiting for her mom to chase her.

  “Do you like to climb things?” I ask Addison.

  Opal blows out a breath. “She sprained her wrist when she was three trying to climb the willow tree.”

  My eyes widen. “Really?”

  Kennedy and Opal both nod.

  Opal doesn’t look enthusiastic as she replies, “She loves climbing things, trees especially. I think we both know where she gets that from.”

  I smile at the acknowledgment. “You call her monkey because of that,” I conclude.

  Addy tugs me toward the monkey bars, climbing the ladder and reaching up to grasp the top bar. I watch her as she swings confidently from one bar to the next, happy as can be.

  “You next, Daddy!” she insists, her feet hitting the ground on the other side while my heart pitters like a sappy, love-sick fool in my chest.

  After a while, the sky turns a little darker, and Opal warns Addison of the impending rain storm. This cuts our time, giving us only another thirty minutes before we need to head back to our separate homes.

  “Can we go to the tree?” the little pixie asks. Opal smiles a secret smile and murmurs her approval.

  When we all reach the twisting branches of the old Willow tree, I’m shocked at what I find.

  S + O

  I run my fingers against the small letters, remembering the day I carved them. Opal was on my back piggy-back style, her smile radiating in the moonlight. We promised our forever to the stars, immortalizing it into the bark for everyone to see.

  “Mommy comes here sometimes and tells me the story about the prince and princess,” Addy tells me, pointing to the carving. “The prince carved their names into the tree to remember his princess forever.”

  Sounds about right.

  “And then what happened?” I ask, pretending I don’t know how this story goes.

  “They live happily ever after, of course,” she tells me, giggling like I’m silly for asking. It makes me wonder what happily ever after Opal is talking about, because our story certainly doesn’t have the normal fairytale ending.

  Addy adds, “It’s in the tree, Daddy. The tree can’t lie.”

  She has a solid point. “You know what else can’t lie?”

  She shakes her head. “The stars,” I whisper like a secret.

  She smiles. “Mommy says that, too.”

  I grin. “I bet she does.”

  Her eyes go back to the markings on the tree. Standing on her tiptoes, she struggles to reach the letters. I pick her up and let her sit in my arms. Her palm presses against the bark.

  She speaks to the tree, but I know she’s talking about our story. “Mommy said the prince was famous and had to visit kingdoms all around the world, which is why he left. Is that true?”

  I slowly inhale, shifting her in my arms. “In some ways,” I answer quietly. “But he’s back at his favorite kingdom now. He’s where he’s always wanted to be.”

  She looks from the tree to me. “Really?”

  I nod. “Really.”

  She blinks, a small smile spreading on her face. She wraps one of her arms around my neck, her free hand going to my face.

  “You don’t look like a prince,” she tells me.

  I smirk. “I knew I should have worn my suit.”

  “Princes don’t wear suits!”

  “No?” I gasp. “What do princes wear?”

  “Crowns!”

  I click my tongue, nodding. “How could I forget? I must have lent my crown to somebody.”

  She taps my head. “To your friends?”

  I chuckle thinking about Ian, Dylan, or Ben wearing a jeweled headpiece. Dylan wouldn’t think twice before putting one on, because he thinks he’s the king of everything. Thank God Ashton knocked him down a few pegs.

  “Yeah, I think one of my friends has it.”

  “I have a tiara,” she tells me. “Mommy got it for me for my birthday last year. It was princess themed, and pink, and everything was fluffy.”

  “Fluffy, huh?”

  She nods enthusiastically. “I asked for a horse, but Mommy said we couldn’t get one. I want a pink one, and it has to have a horn!”

  My brows pinch. “You mean a unicorn?”

  “Yes!” she practically yells.

  I laugh, and it shakes us both. I’ve never seen somebody so excited over unicorns before, but then again, I don’t know many six-year-old girls.

  Addy’s attention goes back to the tree. “Can I be part of the story?”

  “You already are.”

  She taps the spot next to the carving. “But I want to be part of this story. Mommy said no matter what happened, we’d always have the story. She said it’s forever.”

  I want to tell her that she’ll forever be part of our story without needing to be added to the bark, but she seems determined to be included. It seems fitting, since she’s who will bring us back together again.

  I swallow. “Want me to add your initial?”

  “I want it with yours, like you have with Mommy.”

  “S and A?”

  She nods.

  I look at her. “I think I can manage that.”

  “Addy? Are you ready?” Opal calls from behind us.

  “I don’t want to go,” Addy whispers, hugging my neck in a death grip.

  I hold her tighter. “This isn’t good-bye.”

  “You’ll visit?”

  “Promise.”

  I let her down, and Opal walks over to us. She takes Addy’s hand, looking at the carving behind me.

  “You k
ept it,” I tell her quietly.

  “It’s history,” she whispers, glancing at me.

  “Thank you for today.”

  She nods. “I want this for you two, to know each other better. You’re good with her. A natural.”

  I wince, unsure about it. “I think I need a little more practice.”

  Kennedy appears next to Opal, holding Addy’s other hand. I envy the connection the three of them have, but I know I’m lucky that Addison has been accepting of me.

  Opal’s free hand brushes mine. “You will.”

  I blow out my breath, peering down at my pixie-sized daughter. “I’ll see you around, okay? I had fun today.”

  She nestles into Opal’s legs, smiling.

  Kennedy rustles her hair, waving Opal and Addy off as they collect their things from the table.

  “How’d I do? Honestly?”

  “She loves you,” she answers.

  “I don’t know how.”

  She wraps her arm around mine as we go to get the basket our food was in. “Opal was honest when she said she’s always made sure Addy knew about you. There was no doubt that she’d love you.”

  “I wasn’t there for her.”

  “Kids are forgiving. They aren’t corrupted like the rest of us. Opal made sure of that. She wants Addy to feel loved in every way possible.”

  “Unlike her experience.”

  “Yep.”

  We walk in silence out of the park.

  “You did good. I wouldn’t lie about that.”

  We stop on the sidewalk, facing each other.

  Tugging her jacket around her, she says, “I know you’re going to be an amazing dad, Bash. You and Opal are going to figure out how this works.”

  “And Noah?”

  She shrugs. “Just focus on your daughter.”

  It’s hard to do that knowing there’s another entity in our dynamic. Addy loves Noah, too. I don’t want him to be competition, he never was before.

  But he never had Opal before, either.

  Fuck.

  “You’re right,” I tell her.

  He left her, I remind myself.

  But so did you.

  Today, Addison’s favorite color is orange. Just like Bash. Normally, I would nod along, but when she realized she didn’t have any orange colored clothes, a meltdown ensued before seven in the morning. Before my first cup of coffee. And there was no calming her down.

  Finally, I called for backup. Unlike me, Kennedy had an orange scarf, earrings, and a necklace that seemed to appease Addison. The rest of her outfit was a mess, but she seemed to like looking like a rainbow threw up on her. Frankly, I didn’t have the time or energy to change her before she had to leave for school.

  Kennedy stayed with me until she had to go to work, leaving me sitting alone in the apartment reliving the nightmare of this morning. Addison rarely had breakdowns, and if she did they only lasted seconds. She wanted so badly to be like her father that I was sure she would start asking for cheeseburgers soon.

  Although, I wouldn’t disagree with her food changes. Ever since she went to the farm with Noah, I had to lie to her about the food I was eating. I miss red meat but I’m trying to be good for her sake.

  My phone buzzes next to me, pulling me out of my tired thoughts. After getting less than three hours of sleep, the bags under my eyes have bags and I’m dreading my shift this afternoon.

  Noah: Hey

  A lump instantly forms in my throat, my fingers gripping my cell tight until my fingertips sting.

  He hasn’t talked to me since he left a week ago. Not a call, text, or carrier pigeon. I make excuse after excuse for Addy’s sake, but I don’t know how long it’ll be before she sees the truth. He’s not coming home.

  Home. I don’t know if he considers this home anymore, and that crushes my heart. He used to tell me wherever Addy and I were, was where his home would be.

  I lick my dry lips before the pads of my fingers dance across the keypad.

  Opal: Hey

  There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t know where this conversation will lead. For all I know, he’s texting me to ask if he can come pack the rest of his things.

  That thought alone produces tears to well in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. He may not be here now, but that doesn’t mean it’s forever. He asked for a break—space. Nothing else. I hold my breath until my phone goes off again.

  Noah: How have you been?

  Sad. Depressed. Angry. Lonely.

  Opal: Okay. Addy misses you.

  I’m afraid to tell him I miss him, but I know he’ll understand just the same.

  Noah: I miss you guys, too.

  I close my eyes, drawing in a small breath.

  Opal: She’s asking when you’re coming back

  Noah: Soon

  Opal: The time apart isn’t making a difference

  Noah: Have you talked to him?

  Opal: I’ve said what I needed to

  Noah: And?

  Opal: And I miss you, and I love you.

  Noah: You know I feel the same way

  Do I?

  Opal: You left. How do I know for sure?

  Noah: I did it for you

  Opal: You promised never to leave me

  Opal: You said you wouldn’t be like him

  Opal: And look where we are now

  He doesn’t reply right away, and I’m glad. I take the time to scrub my palms down my face, brushing my frizzy hair behind my ears.

  Noah: You’re right. I messed up

  Opal: Yeah. You did.

  But I still love you.

  Noah: Open the door?

  My breath catches as I peer up at the door. I swear I can feel his presence, so I quickly unlock the deadbolt and swing the door open.

  Noah’s forehead is resting against the wall, eyes staring at his phone. When he glances up, his eyes look as tired as mine.

  “You’re here,” I whisper.

  He straightens. “Yeah.”

  I draw in my bottom lip, unsure of what to say. He should be at work by now, drinking coffee while going over his second case for the day. Instead, he’s here with me.

  “I took the morning off.”

  My lips waver. “You mean your dad told you to go home once he got a look at you?”

  I wince when I say ‘home’.

  He chuckles. “Yeah. I just … I came here.”

  My heart thumps in my chest. “For good?”

  His lips twitch, jaw hardening. “For now.”

  For now.

  I cross my arms over my chest. “You can’t keep doing this to me, Noah. I tried telling you there’s nothing going on between Bash and me, and you won’t believe me. You left. You gave me time to decide if I wanted out of this … of us. And I don’t. Yet here you are, looking as exhausted of fighting this as I feel, telling me you’re not staying.”

  “Opal—”

  “No!” I clench my fists tight. “No, Noah. You promised me that you’d never hurt me. When you came into my life you knew how scared I was of this. But you let my worst fear come true anyway. You knew, but you did it anyway. I just—” When my voice shakes, I force myself to stop.

  To stop talking, stop feeling, stop everything. I love Noah despite this, and that’s what makes my chest hurt more.

  “You should come back when you know you’re going to stay,” I whisper, blinking back tears. “Because I won’t have you in Addy’s life if you’re not here to stay. I told Bash the same thing. Break my heart all you want, Noah Fuller. But don’t you dare break hers.”

  “Opal, please.” His voice cracks, but I don’t let him finish. Instead, I grip the door in my hands.

  Slowly closing it, I tell him, “Get some rest. You look like you need it.”

  His sad eyes are the last thing I see before the wood separates us once again.

  When he can no longer see me, I put my back to the door and clench my hands to my chest, hoping to press my heart back inside of my chest where it t
ries seeping out of the hole that has formed.

  I feel something smash against the door, a foot or fist, which forces me to jump away. Shortly after, it’s followed by a long string of hushed curses.

  But it doesn’t take him long to walk away.

  Again.

  ***

  The days pass in a blur, while I ghost through my shifts on autopilot. Roy and I skirt around each other, exchanging as little words as possible. He knows when I’m in a mood.

  When Addy gets back from school, Roy cuts up some fresh strawberries for her, passing her a plate full and a glass of water for an afternoon snack. He compliments her outfit, causing her to beam. I notice she’s missing an earring, and cringe hoping it’s in her backpack. Kennedy doesn’t buy cheap jewelry, and I’d hate for Addy to have lost a piece.

  At five o’clock, Kennedy shows up from work and takes Addy upstairs to make dinner. She doesn’t seem to mind the missing earrings. Although, I’m going to offer her money regardless. Like everyone else, Kennedy is wrapped around Addy’s little finger. She wouldn’t be mad even if she managed to lose a diamond.

  When eight o’clock rolls around, I help Roy close, cleaning off the tables and setting the chairs on the top. He sweeps the floor then mops it. I count the register and write down the amounts before doing the nightly deposit in the safe in his office.

  “I saw Noah, kid. You doing okay?”

  I hang my apron up. “I’ll survive.”

  “I know you will,” he agrees. “But that’s not what I asked you. You’ve been silent all day unless you’re dealing with customers and bottling that up won’t help you one bit.”

  I roll my eyes. “Yes, Dad.”

  He gives me a look. “If there’s anybody who can work things out, it’s the two of you. But you both need to swallow your pride and actually try. No circling around the other’s feelings.”