BRAKING HARD To Load

by Bloom, Cassandra

That’s now how it’s supposed to happen; not how you’re supposed to kill someone.

  It’s supposed to be certain, confident—solid.

  But then why does everything feel so shaky?

  Something grows cold inside me and I glance down, seeing my hands covered in blood, the gun no longer occupying my grip.

  But how?

  I shot him, right?

  How did I get his blood on my hands like this?

  I glance back to his body, seeing it disappear and suddenly a heavy weight is in my hands. I glance back down at my hands, seeing that I was suddenly holding my brother’s head—bloodied and missing a large portion of skull, but still him; he’s there, alive, looking back at me with what’s left of his face—his lecherous stare made all the worse by all the blood and missing parts.

  I stare in horror, begging my mind to let me drop his head. To not force me to stare at him any longer. I can’t stand this! I need to be free. I try and close my eyes, but as I’ve seen, my mind and body are no longer one in the same. And so I stare. I stare into my brother’s dead eyes. And, as dead as he is, I still feel the accusation, the hatred, burning from those cold depths.

  Suddenly everything feels so cold…

  So cold.

  I’m cold.

  I watch as my brother’s head disappears, and I wait for the relief to come.

  It doesn’t.

  The room disappears around me and I’m left inside a dark abyss, a nothingness that seems to want to swallow me whole. A black dread fills me and I scream for help. I scream until my lungs ache, begging for help. Begging for…

  I woke up with a start in Jace’s arms, my mind reeling at another nightmare of Mack’s death. I’d thought I’d gotten a handle of things, but apparently not as much as I would’ve liked. Taking a deep breath, I slid out of bed and went to the bathroom, pressing some cool water to my face. I hated how bad things had gotten, hated how sick I suddenly felt after such an amazing day yesterday. I closed my eyes, working to relax and slipped out of the bathroom. I saw that Jace was awake, staring at the empty part of the bed where I had been moments earlier.

  “Jace?” I said, my voice soft.

  His eyes were wild, and he glanced over at me. I wondered if he truly saw me, his look was lost, and I recognized it instantly. I slid back into bed, moving my hands to his face as I guided him to look at me. To truly look at me. I held him tight, helping to calm him, to soothe his own troubles even as my own continued to twist inside me. I had to be strong for Jace, had to be strong for everyone. Things would get better, I just had to continue to stay strong, right?

  “Mia?” he finally said.

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “I thought…” he started and then shook his head.

  Whatever he had been about to say seemed to have bothered him, and I decided not to push him to speak. Whatever he had been about to say might’ve also bothered me, and right now I was barely holding on with my own nightmares. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him against me. He leaned in, taking a deep breath as he wrapped his arms around my waist. We sat like that together, staying quiet. I closed my eyes, cherishing the moment with him, calming my own nerves.

  Then, just like that, Jace’s phone began to ring.

  We both paused and then, finally, Jace slid from my arms and moved towards his cell phone, sliding his thumb down and answered.

  “Hello?”

  I was surprised at how quick Jace has transitioned to business mode. I knew instantly that he was talking to Danny and glanced at the clock, seeing that it was barely past ten in the morning. Our little break was officially over, and business was about to resume. But it wasn’t just business, was it? This was life or death kind of work. This wasn’t some nine-to-five job, there were lives at stake and a little slip-up didn’t just mean paperwork wasn’t going to be filed on time. I took a deep breath, hating how afraid I felt again. I looked up, watching as Jace continued to pace, his responses short and in no way revealing to what was being said. After a brief moment, he hung up and glanced back at me.

  “What was that about?” I asked, deciding I’d initiate the conversation.

  “It was Danny,” he said as he began to get his clothes together.

  “I know who it was, Jace,” I said as I moved from the bed to stand beside him. “Talk to me, Jace. Please.”

  “It’s just business,” he said as he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “He’s got the guys together. We’re going to take down the third house.”

  “Right now?” I asked, tilting my head.

  “Yeah, you wanna come?” he asked, his eyes looking hopeful.

  I was shocked to see that it meant so much for me to come. I smiled and nodded, leaning forward and kissing his cheek. With that, I began to get dressed as well, glad that Jace actually wanted me to come along. I knew how big that was for him, with how dangerous this could be and was glad to see that he trusted me.

  “You got your gun and pocket knife I gave you?” he asked as he holstered his own gun beneath his jacket.

  “I do,” I said as I lifted my purse to show him the contents.

  “Wanna ride with me?”

  “Of course,” I said as I shook my head. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Didn’t know if you wanted to drive yourself,” he said as he shrugged his right shoulder.

  With nothing more to say, we turned down the hall and headed towards the elevator. I glanced over, wondering if Danny and the men he’d gotten together had already left for the next location.

  “Are we meeting them there?” I asked as I stepped into the elevator beside him.

  “Yeah, Danny gave me the location through text,” he said.

  “Where is it?” I asked, curious if it was going to be another abandoned building.

  “Some apartment building, I guess,” he said and shrugged. “They seem to be choosing old abandoned places that haven’t been occupied for years.”

  “Cheaper and easier to stay under the radar,” I said.

  “Yeah, that’s exactly what I think too,” he said, glancing over. “Let’s go prove how not under the radar they are, yeah?”

  ****

  It took barely twenty minutes to take out this building, clearing out the area and destroying any remaining product that we didn’t want getting back into the Carrion Crew’s hands. I was honestly shocked at how well we all worked together, and it was nice to see Jace taking the leader role he was obviously so meant for. The Crows all took instruction amazingly and it was obvious that they respected Jace as their leader.

  When we’d finished with the third location, Jace had suggested we go back to the shop and order pizza for the evening. I was glad to see that it wasn’t going to be all work and I could tell that the others were excited to have the evening to relax. As we drove back to the shop, I was surprised to see a few guys standing out front.

  What was going on?

  Were they here to attack us?

  Jace told me to wait and I watched as he stepped over to the guys, his hands on his hips to show that while he wouldn’t attack right away, he wasn’t against it if he had to. Danny stepped over to me and glanced my way.

  “Probably just some new recruits,” he said.

  “Have the Crows been getting a lot of recruits lately?” I asked, raising my eyebrow at that.

  “Since everything that’s gone down with the Carrion Crew? Oh yeah, big time. A lot of them are actually high-tailing it out of there ‘cuz of Papa Raven. Apparently, he’s been acting crazy—well, crazier than usual, I guess—and, as it turns out, gang members aren’t too interested in sticking with a gang when the leader goes around offing his own. Obviously, along with his mind, he’s losing power… and quickly, at that.”

  “But that’s good for us, right? I mean, more recruits for us and less for the Carrion Crew is good, isn’t it?” I asked, sensing an edge to his voice that I didn’t like.

  He frowned and gave a halfhearted shrug. “Yes… an
d no.”

  “How so?” I said as I turned to look at him, worry beginning to grow deep within my chest.

  “Well, it puts Papa Raven in a unique position, I’m afraid. He’s lost a lot—and I do mean a lot!—and now, with a great deal of his own members beginning to switch sides, he’s running out of things to lose. And a man without anything to lose is a dangerous man, Mia. It strips away a lot of weaknesses and offers up nothing but unpredictability. We don’t know what he’ll do and how far he’s willing to go to get what he wants.”

  “But without any help, he can’t do much, right?” I asked, dread beginning to grow inside me.

  “He’s not totally without help,” he said, “and it’s not like he didn’t do plenty of damage back when the Carrion Crew could be counted on your average man’s fingers and toes.”

  I bit my lip at that. “So what do we do now?” I asked.

  Before Danny had a chance to respond, Jace was walking back and drawing our attention. The others, who’d been following him up to that point, paused and stayed back at the entrance. We both looked at him, seeing that his shoulders had relaxed, and he even had a smile on his face. The sight of the smile pushed away all remaining nerves I might’ve had, and I forced myself to relax, smiling back.

  “New recruits?” Danny asked.

  “Yup, more of Papa Raven’s old gang,” Jace said, and then he turned to me, an eyebrow raised. “You okay? You looked… I don’t know, upset or something a moment ago.”

  “I’m fine,” I said, hoping that it was convincing enough for him and then added, “I was just worried they weren’t here to make friends.”

  “Well, no worries there. They are here to make friends, so to speak, and I just invited them to join us for dinner,” he informed us with a wide, genuine smile. “Wanna go inside?” he asked, holding out his hand to me.

  I nodded, ignoring the hand and opting to take his entire arm before letting him lead me and the others inside. He introduced the others to the rest of the team and me. I took a deep breath, still trying to calm my nerves. Even though I’d begun to feel better, a part of me was still concerned with what Danny had said.

  How far would Papa Raven go to win?

  And how far would Jace go to make sure he didn’t?

  THIRTEEN

  ~JACE~

  The club was filled, nearly bursting with new activity from all the new recruits, and I couldn’t be more impressed. I couldn’t be happier, long as I was being honest with myself—and, frankly, how could I not be? We’d had new recruits coming to us in droves as the news that he Crow Gang was getting a lead on the Carrion Crew continued to spread. A good number of them were the actual members of the Crew—a lot of these, ironically enough, I even recognized as prior Crow members before that—but, with the streets abuzz with talk of what was happening in the city’s underbelly, more and more people seemed to be stepping forward to reclaim the city—our city!—from a group that was openly hellbent on turning it inside out and creating a veritable hell on earth. I had to admit that I was glad to see how large we were getting, but a part of me was terrified as well. Having these new members joining was great and all, but I wasn’t sure how much I could trust them. When I had mentioned this to Danny, admittedly nervous that he’d either laugh at me or read me some sort of irritated riot act, he had actually agreed with me; had even gone so far as to making sure the new recruits weren’t getting any of the more serious jobs.

  Even still, with all the new recruits and all the issues seeming to be resolved, we still had no clue on Papa Raven’s whereabouts.

  The fourth location was our last hope at finding anything remotely related to where Papa Raven was. This location had had the most activity, apparently from what Danny’s sources had said. I had to hope that this would be the place where we’d find what we were looking for.

  “You okay, Jace?” Mia asked, her eyes locked on mine and filled with concern.

  “I’m fine,” I said, and worked to offer her a reassuring smile.

  “Well, good! ‘Cuz we’re about to take down the last of those Carrion scumbags and I can’t have ya gettin’ all mopey on me now,” Danny said as he crossed his massive arms across his broad chest.

  I gave him a reassuring nod, one that was almost enough to fool me, and a smile to match. “I’m not,” I said in a solid tone that in no way betrayed me. “Don’t worry about me.”

  I glanced over at the group we had: Danny, Mia, Candy were at the front along with Erik, Luka, and Marcus joining again to help. We’d also brought about six others along with us too and I wondered if we should’ve thought to bring more.

  Too late now, I supposed.

  ****

  The drive had been quick, and I hated how upset I felt at not getting a chance to really open up on the bike. Mia had taken Candy with her in the car and while I understood the reason, I still felt a bit lonely on the bike by myself. As I slid off, stepping towards the rest of the group, we looked over at the building. An old church stood before us and I couldn’t help but shake my head. Tyler would be the type to use an old building that had been meant for worship and coming together as a base for selling drugs and weapons. The thought sickened me and the urge to stop them grew that much stronger.

  It was time to end this game he was playing on us.

  “Ready?” I asked the others.

  “Ready when you are,” Erik said.

  “Just waiting on your orders, boss,” Marcus said, giving me a grin.

  The rest fell into agreement and I nodded, stepping forward. I glanced around at the group and then back at the church. There was no way they weren’t expecting us and it would be useless to try and be stealthy. I grinned, a plan forming that I knew the group would all be behind.

  It was the perfect plan.

  I hoped.

  ****

  What had been a perfect plan was definitely not one.

  The plan had been simple enough in execution: we all go in together, forming a line of offense, and go in, guns blazing. Unfortunately, the Carrion Crew were also ready, guns blazing so-to-speak. As soon we got inside, we were also assaulted by a sudden spray of bullets. I watched as we lost two of our own as the others scrambled to hide. I muttered a curse, seeing that Mia and I had been forced onto either side of the building. I hated being separated from her and I would make them pay. I began to shoot, taking out men left and right.

  Just how many were there here?

  I watched with pride as the others took out men as well, shooting them down and I saw that our numbers had definitely begun to outweigh the others. But we still hadn’t come across the leader. I frowned, looking around the room and watched as a guy moved out from behind a large statue of Jesus on the cross. I sneered, seeing that they really hadn’t cleaned up the inside, having kept most the interior from the church’s previous state. Narrowing my eyes, I realized that the guy who’d stepped out was the leader, recognizing him from the photo Danny had of the four men.

  Time to end this! I thought, a wave of premature victory crashing over me as I began to rush towards the leader…

  Then I heard Mia cry out in surprise.

  Life has offered me quite a bit of low-blows and unexpected clusterfucks during my time in its grips. Falling down the stairs as a kid when I was certain there was an inch-or-so of floor still to be had. Getting the snot royally beat out of me because I was advertising the crisp new twenty-dollar bill that the tooth fairy had left under my pillow. Catching a high school girlfriend of all-but three weeks in the backseat of the school’s star soccer player’s Honda. Then there was all that business with my father, my brother, and my pregnant wife getting systematically wiped-out by the Carrion Crew.

  Yup.

  I’d faced my fair share of blood-chilling happenings.

  But hearing Mia scream in the heat of battle…

  Time suddenly stopped. The air seemed to drop twenty degrees. The air in my lungs and the blood in my veins suddenly felt thick and useless.

&nb
sp; And everything changed for me.

  I was nearly there, nearly close enough to reach out and touch the leader, his own face a mask of shock and fear, but Mia’s cry stopped me.

  With nothing else to steer my movements but that sound, I turned towards back, helpless not to help. With time still creeping—Just as it always does in moments of death… I thought—I saw in perfect clarity a large man standing over Mia; saw his face twisted into a grotesque sneer of lust.

  I heard myself snarl in response to the sight, felt the distant burn in my calves as the muscles of my legs cried out in protest as I pushed myself on, rushing forward like a madman possessed, and drove my shoulder squarely into the center of the man’s back, throwing him off of Mia as I heard the last of what he’d been saying.

  “There it is, baby; right… fucking… there!” he was saying in between grunting breaths. He had an arm hooked around her, keeping her stapled beneath him, and he’d managed to tear her pants open and worm his hand into her panties. Though I couldn’t gauge how far his probing finger had made it, Mia’s pained, disgusted face and his pleasure-soaked own were enough to tell me what the “it” he was referring to was. “Feel that, whore? Yeah, I know you feel that, slut! C’mon! Tell me how much! T-Built always said you was a ripe, juicy whore, and I see he was right—yeah?—so you give me a price and I’ll give you a—”

  He didn’t have enough time to finish that statement as I began to pummel the back of his head with my fists. He squawked in surprised, groaned under the force of my first few punches, and finally growled. I wasn’t sure if the last sound was in response to the pain or in being interrupted, but either of those cases was enough to spur me on further.

  “Fuckin’… touch… her!” I heaved between labored breaths before driving my elbow down between his shoulder blades.

  I felt something snap under the force, thought momentarily of a giant rubber band, and decided I liked the feeling. I did it again.

  The man howled, bucked, and worked to turn over onto his back. He made it halfway, exposed the right side of his face to me, and I promptly drove my fist into the feral-looking eye that moved to stare up at me. My fist screamed from the impact with the giant man’s skull, but his eye was already swollen shut for my effort. That, I figured, was a decent enough trade.