Witch Is How Berries Tasted Good

by Adele Abbott

To be fair, the countryside around the hotel was beautiful, but by far the highlight of the walk was when Kathy stepped in a cowpat.

  “It’s not funny, Jill!”

  “Sorry.”

  “Did you see that before I stepped in it?” She looked at me, accusingly.

  “Of course not. I’d have said something.” Snigger.

  “It’s probably time we turned back anyway.” Jack checked his watch.

  “I wonder what we’ll be having for dinner.” Peter let Kathy put her arm around his neck while she tried to clean the worst of it off her shoe.

  “Gruel probably,” I suggested. “Made from rats’ innards.”

  “Shut up, misery chops.” Kathy was now back on both feet. “You’re just scared that you might see a ghost.”

  “I’ll have you know that I’ve seen more ghosts than you’ve had hot dinners.”

  “Really? Well, something tells me that you’ll be screaming like a little baby if you see one this weekend.”

  “We’ll see about that.”

  ***

  “This ‘gruel’ looks delicious,” Jack said, as the four of us sat down for dinner.

  He was right; the roast dinner looked amazing, and as I was soon to discover, tasted even better.

  “Good evening, everyone. I’m Efren, but everyone calls me Effie. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you earlier, but I had to make my twice-weekly trek into town for supplies. Have any of you encountered our friendly ghosts, yet?”

  “Pah,” I scoffed, under my breath. That earned me a disapproving look from Kathy.

  “Do you really have ghosts?” The question came from the blonde who was seated at the only other occupied table. She was young—no more than twenty-two, and looked like she’d just fallen headfirst into a makeup counter. Her partner, a man at least twice her age, had gravy stains on the collar of his yellow shirt. I could only assume he must have been auditioning for the part of Colonel Mustard in an upcoming movie. Nothing else would have explained the gold suit and shoes.

  “We most certainly do have ghosts,” Effie (the male version) said. “You’re bound to see Joe and Mo before you leave.”

  “Joe and Mo?” I laughed, which this time earned me disapproving looks from everyone at my table.

  “That’s just what we call them,” Effie said.

  “They’re not dangerous, are they?” Blondie looked genuinely scared.

  “No, they’re very friendly. They won’t hurt you, but they might make you jump.”

  “I’ll keep you safe, Kittie.” Colonel Mustard put his arm around his younger companion.

  Just then, Effie (the female version) joined her husband. “Don’t let Effie keep you talking. I wouldn’t want your dinner to go cold. There’s sticky toffee pudding for dessert, so make sure you leave a little room for that.”

  By the time we’d finished our meals, I was full to bursting.

  “That was amazing,” Peter said, as we all made our way upstairs to our rooms.

  “That Kittie was a bit much, wasn’t she?” I said. “All that giggling?”

  “She’s young, Jill.” Kathy gave me that disapproving look of hers. “It’s hard to believe it, but you were young once, too.”

  “What do you mean: were? I’m still young.”

  “You’re twenty-eight going on seventy.”

  “What was that guy with Kittie wearing?” Peter said.

  “He looked like he was about to head out on safari.” I laughed. “I hope they’re not on the same floor as us. We’ll never get any sleep with that giggle of hers.”

  “You won’t sleep anyway,” Kathy said. “You’ll be too busy looking out for ghosts.”

  “Joe and Mo?” I scoffed. “They sound more like a comedy act. I think I’ll sleep just fine.”

  ***

  I was having the most fantastic dream: I’d been hired to work in the quality assurance department at a custard cream factory.

  “Jill!” Jack shook me awake. “Did you hear that?”

  “I didn’t hear anything.” I rolled over. “Let me go back to sleep. I was just about to test a batch of custard creams.”

  Just then, a scream came from out on the landing.

  “You must have heard it this time.” He jumped out of bed.

  “That’s one dream I’m never getting back.” I grabbed my dressing gown and followed him out of the door.

  Standing there, were Peter, Kathy, Kittie and Mustard. Judging by the look of terror on Kittie’s face, she must have been the one who’d screamed.

  “What’s going on?” Jack said.

  “There’s a ghost in our bedroom.” Kittie pointed to the open door.

  “She’s right.” Mustard, who was now wearing gold pyjamas, put his arm around her. “I saw it too. Go and see for yourselves if you don’t believe us.”

  “Okay, we will.” I started towards their room, but then realised I was on my own. Kathy, Peter and Jack hadn’t moved. “Aren’t you three coming?”

  “I don’t think we should all go in there,” Peter said.

  “I’ll stay with Pete.” Kathy grabbed his hand.

  “What about you, Jack?”

  “I—err—I’ll stay with the others.”

  “Right. So, let me get this straight. You three intrepid ghost hunters are okay with me going in there by myself, are you?”

  Their silence spoke volumes.

  Sheesh!

  The bedroom was cold, but no colder than ours. I put that down to the skinflint owners rather than the presence of a ghost. After searching the room for a few minutes, I came to the conclusion that I was the only one in there. I was just about to re-join the others when I heard something.

  A sneeze.

  That was no ghost.

  A moment later, there was another sneeze, and then the sound of footsteps. I followed the noise, and put my ear against the wall opposite the bed. Someone was behind there, and I had a sneaking feeling I knew who it was.

  “Come out, you two, the game’s up.” I knocked on the wall. There was no reply, so I knocked again. “You have five seconds to get out here. One, two, three—”

  One of the wooden panels slid open, to reveal two figures dressed in white.

  “Effie and Effie, I assume.”

  They removed the sheets from over their heads. “How did you know we weren’t real ghosts?” Mr Effie said.

  “Let’s just say I’ve had a certain amount of experience with ‘real’ ghosts.”

  “Are you a psychic?” Mrs Effie looked impressed.

  “Something like that. Why are you doing this?”

  “We were on the verge of bankruptcy. The bookings had all but dried up, but then we came up with the idea of rebranding as a haunted hotel. Business has improved dramatically since then. I know you wouldn’t think it judging by how few people are here this weekend, but that’s only because we had a last-minute cancellation for a party of eight. What are you going to do? If you post this on the review websites, we’ll be finished.”

  “It’s okay. I won’t say anything.”

  “Honestly?” Mrs Effie gave me a big hug. “Thank you so much.”

  “Jill! Are you okay?” Jack shouted through the door.

  “Get back in there.” I ushered the two Effies back into the secret passageway. Once they were inside, and the wall panel was closed, I called out, “Help! Please, someone, help me!”

  Jack came charging into the room, followed by Kathy and Peter.

  “You should see the look on your faces.” I laughed.

  Chapter 12

  It took a while, but I finally managed to convince everyone that there were no ghosts and nothing to worry about. Kittie, in particular, took some persuading, but tiredness eventually overcame her, and she retired to bed with Mustard.

  “So?” Jack said when we were back in our room. “Did you really see any ghosts?”

  “Now you want to know? You didn’t seem very keen to come into the haunted bedroom with me.”

  “I
would have, obviously, but I thought it would be better if I stayed outside to look after the others.”

  “That was very noble of you.”

  “Come on, tell me, were there any ghosts in there?”

  “No real ones.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s just as I predicted. The whole thing is a not-so-elaborate hoax. It was just the owners, wearing white sheets.”

  “How come we didn’t see them when we came into the room?”

  “There’s a secret passageway behind the wall. That’s how they get in and out of the bedrooms.”

  “Why didn’t you tell the others?”

  “I felt sorry for the Effies. From the sound of it, this place was on the verge of bankruptcy before they came up with the haunted hotel idea.”

  “I always knew that, under that tough exterior of yours, beats a heart of gold.” Jack gave me a kiss.

  “Don’t kid yourself, Buster. I still haven’t forgiven you for letting me go into that room alone.”

  “Is there some way I can make it up to you?”

  “There most certainly is, but we’ll have to keep the noise down or Kittie will think the ghosts are back.”

  ***

  What the—?

  Something had woken me again. Jack hadn’t stirred this time; he was still sleeping peacefully. Had I just imagined the noise? Maybe it was just a dream.

  Then I heard it again: A scraping sound which seemed to come from out on the landing. This was getting beyond a joke. I’d felt sorry for the Effies, which is why I hadn’t dobbed them in to the others. When we’d gone back to bed, I’d foolishly assumed they’d leave off their ridiculous haunting escapades for the rest of the night, but apparently not.

  I climbed out of bed and tiptoed out of the room, so as not to disturb Jack. Out on the landing, the noise was much louder, and appeared to be coming from the stretch of wall close to the stairs.

  “Hey, you two!” I tapped on the wall. “Knock it off!”

  The panel began to slide open, and I was all set to give the Effies a piece of my mind when two ghostly figures appeared. Real ghosts this time.

  “Oh?” I stepped back. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

  “Sorry if we woke you,” the man said. Standing next to him was a woman who gave me a little wave.

  “Who are you two?”

  “I’m Ras.” He gave a little bow. “Short for Rasputin.”

  “And I’m Cassandra, but everyone calls me Cas.”

  “Ras and Cas? What are you doing here?”

  “We’ve been here for two-hundred years: first alive and now dead.”

  “You lived here before you died?”

  “That’s right. The house was much grander back then, wasn’t it, Cas?”

  “Much. All of the people who have owned it since then have let it go. It breaks my heart to see it like this.”

  “Have you ever thought of moving to Ghost Town?”

  “We tried it for a couple of months,” Ras said. “But we couldn’t settle, so we’ve lived here ever since.”

  “That’s right.” Cas nodded. “How do you know about Ghost Town, anyway? And how come you can see us?”

  “It’s a long story. I’m actually a witch.”

  “You’re not that what’s-her-name, are you?” Cas scratched her head. “I read about her a little while ago. Gooder, that was it. Jill Gooder. Is that you?”

  “Yes, but I’m Jill Maxwell now. I recently got married.”

  “It’s such a pleasure to meet you, Jill. We’d heard rumours about a sup who could travel to Ghost Town, but we weren’t sure whether or not to believe them. What brings you here?”

  “I’m here with my husband, and my sister and her husband. Did you know that the owners are now promoting this place as a haunted hotel?”

  “Yes.” Ras raised an eyebrow. “They’re an embarrassment, walking around with those sheets over their heads.”

  “I just don’t get it. If they have a couple of real ghosts in residence, why do they feel the need for this pathetic charade of theirs?”

  “Probably because they have no idea we’re here.”

  “Really? How come?”

  “We don’t like to intrude, so we’ve always kept ourselves to ourselves. You’re the first one to discover us.”

  “In all of this time?”

  “Yes, it was quite a shock when you called to us just now, and even more of one when we realised you could see us. It is nice to make contact with someone else after all this time, though. It can be quite lonely.”

  “I’m sure it can, but I’ve just had an idea that might help to alleviate your boredom.”

  I shared my thoughts with them, and they both seemed enthusiastic about my proposal.

  ***

  The next morning, I was up bright and early.

  “What time is it?” Jack managed to open one eye.

  “Just gone seven.”

  “It’s too early. Come back to bed.”

  “I thought I’d take an early morning walk.”

  “A walk? You? Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

  “I’m fine. Go back to sleep. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

  I found the two Effies in the dining room, laying the tables ready for breakfast.

  “Morning, you two.”

  “Morning, Jill. We’re really sorry about last night. You aren’t going to tell anyone, are you? It would ruin us.”

  “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me, but there is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “If you want a refund, I’m sure we can sort—”

  “No, it’s not that. Do you remember last night when you asked if I was psychic?”

  “Are you?”

  “Yes, and I’ve discovered something rather interesting.”

  “Oh?”

  “You obviously don’t realise it, but this hotel really is haunted.”

  “Sorry?” They both looked confused.

  “It’s true. After you’d left last night, I made contact with two real ghosts who have lived here for more than two centuries.”

  “How come we’ve never seen them?” Mrs Effie said.

  “Do you believe in ghosts? Either of you?”

  “Of course not,” Mr Effie said.

  “And that’s precisely why you haven’t seen them. They won’t appear to non-believers. After I’d sensed their presence, I did some research on this property.”

  “We’ve checked Google ourselves, but weren’t able to find much about the history of the place.”

  “As a registered psychic, I have access to records not available to the general public.” How did I make this stuff up? “Anyway, I discovered that this building was once a grand house owned by a couple called Rasputin and Cassandra. I believe it was their ghosts that I encountered last night.”

  “Do you think they might be prepared to make themselves visible to us?” Mrs Effie said.

  “I’m sure they will, but only if you truly believe. I suggest you open your minds to the possibility that ghosts exist. If you can do that, then I’m sure Ras and Cas will reveal themselves to you.”

  “Ras and Cas?”

  “Err—I—err—I’m just guessing that’s what they’d have called themselves. Rasputin and Cassandra are quite a mouthful.”

  “Think about it, Effie.” Mr Effie turned to his wife. “If we actually had real ghosts, we’d be at full occupancy every night of the week.”

  “I’ll leave you two to think about it.” I started for the door.

  “Thanks, Jill. Is there anything we can do by way of a thank you?”

  “An extra sausage on my breakfast wouldn’t go amiss.”

  ***

  “Why don’t we resolve this once and for all, right now?” Jack said.

  “Are you serious?” Peter laughed.

  “Why not? There’s no time like the present.”

  We were almost back at Washbridge, and the two guys were debating who was
the better ten-pin bowler. I’d had no idea that Peter used to play regularly before he and Kathy got together. Apparently, he’d won a number of trophies in local competitions.

  “How come this is the first I’ve heard of this?” I turned to Kathy.

  “Pete likes to keep his light under a bushel. All his trophies are in the loft somewhere.”

  “So?” Jack pressed Peter. “Are we going to play today or what?”

  “Kathy.” Peter leaned forward. “How would you feel about me going to the bowling alley with Jack?”

  “It’s okay by me. I can drop you there on our way to pick up the kids, but you’ll have to make your own way home.”

  “Great!” Jack said. “Best of five frames?”

  “Hold on a minute.” I turned around to face Jack. “I don’t remember you asking if I minded.”

  “I know you don’t mind, sweetness.” He leaned forward and gave me a kiss.

  “Just don’t sulk if Peter beats you.”

  “Like that’s going to happen.” He laughed.

  After we’d dropped off the two big kids at the bowling alley, Kathy called Peter’s mum to let her know we were on our way over to pick up Lizzie and Mikey. When she’d finished on the call, it was obvious from her expression that something was wrong.

  “What’s up?”

  “Lizzie has been a bit off it, apparently.”

  “Sick?”

  “I don’t think so. Just very quiet as if something has upset her.”

  “Why don’t I get in the back seat? I can have a chat with her on the drive home, to see if I can find out what’s wrong.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  As soon as we arrived at Peter’s parents’ house, I could see what she meant about Lizzie. Normally, she would have come charging down the driveway, full of beans, and keen to tell us about her weekend. Instead, she walked slowly, head bowed, towards the car. Mikey had no such issues. He was as loud as ever.

  “Lizzie, come and sit in the back with me.” I held the door open for her.

  On the journey home, Mikey talked non-stop to his mother. That gave me the chance to have a quiet word with Lizzie.

  “What’s wrong?”