HIGHER (The Indigo Lounge Series)

by Cox, Zara

  She’d had no idea that her picture had been taken. Had Zach taken it?

  What did it say about her that she’d been so far gone, so singularly focused on him that she hadn’t even realized these pictures were being taken?

  She fingered the charm and tried to keep herself from dissolving into a seething mass of misery.

  Her phone rang and she groped through her purse for it.

  “Hello,” she croaked, then sniffed loudly.

  “Bethany, Christ, are you crying?” Zach demanded hoarsely.

  “No. Yes!”

  “Why?”

  She gave a choked laugh. “Because of you, Zach. You’re turning my life inside out. And I want to hate you for it, but I can’t seem to. I just opened your present, and I…”

  “Did you like it?” he asked with a thread of anxiety that made her breath shudder out.

  “Yes.”

  He fell silent for several seconds. “Baby, it’ll get better. I promise.”

  She wiped at her eyes. “I can’t see how.”

  “Just…you have to trust me.”

  She swallowed and laid her head back against the seat. “It’s my birthday. I want you to do something for me.”

  “Name it.”

  “I deserve an answer to one question.”

  His breath hissed out. Silence held a potent mix of hope and despair. “Okay. One question.”

  “Did you…” she stopped, squeezed her eyes shut and tried again. “Did you mean to kill her?”

  A shuddering breath echoed down the line. Ice cascaded down her spine.

  “Bethany. I think you know by now that my life isn’t that straightforward.”

  “Just answer me, please.”

  He hesitated. “I don’t want to risk you retreating even more that you are right now.”

  “I won’t if what you tell me is the truth.”

  “I’d never lie to you. I may not always be in a position to give you full disclosure but I’ll never lie. Tell me you believe that?”

  “I believe you.”

  She waited, her insides withering with each passing second. Finally, she couldn’t stand it a second longer. “So. Did you?”

  “Yes. And no.”

  “Oh God, what does that even mean?”

  “It means…there was a series of events. Events I can’t talk about. It was a chaotic time in my life, Bethany. A lot of shit happened. Part of it, hell most of it was my fault.”

  “What sort of shit?”

  He inhaled raggedly. She could hear a low rhythmic sound, as if he was drumming his fingers on a surface. “The usual shit that comes with misguided youth and unlimited funds. Insane partying…sex…drugs.”

  Her breath caught. “Was that how she died?”

  The drumming stopped. “Don’t do this, baby. Please. Bottom line is she died. And I was responsible.”

  Anger clawed through her, blanking out the misery for a few relieved seconds. “You know what I should do? I should be more like you. Just take the wall to wall sex and shut off the emotion.”

  “You think I’m emotionless?”

  “I think as long as you have sex you can survive without getting emotionally invested, yes. Did you learn to block it out? Is that what she did to you?”

  “Perhaps it’s what I did to myself, in order to cope.”

  “That’s what I mean. I should do the same. Then we can be two emotionless people, indulging in mindless sex just for pure relief.”

  He fell silent for so long she wondered whether he would end the call. But his breathing remained strong and steady.

  “The idea is not without merit,” he finally said. “As long as the mindless fucking involves each other.”

  She gasped. “Oh, fuck you, Zach.”

  “Yes. Soon. Like yesterday.” Tension throbbed in his voice. “Last night, watching you…it nearly killed me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

  At the reminder of last night, her anger oozed out of her, leaving behind the sticky mess of misery and arousal. She bit her lip against the need to confess that it nearly killed her too.

  “Did you have a good time with your parents?” he asked abruptly, as if he found the subject of sex or the lack of it as tormenting as she did.

  “It was fun, yes.”

  “I like them,” he said again in that snappish voice that told her his tension was still riding high.

  “My mother was charmed by you.”

  He gave a short laugh. “But not your dad?”

  “You’ll probably find him a tougher sell,” she replied and stopped. Zach would most likely never get the opportunity to sell himself to her parents. Lord knew where all of this was going but there was no way she was exposing him to her parents and have a Chris situation happen all over again. Her mother was already half in love with Zach as it was. She sucked in a breath and tried to think of a safer subject.

  “Did you find an apartment yet?”

  “Yes. Would you like to see it?” he invited.

  She yearned to say yes so badly, her vision blurred. But as bad ideas went, that would top it. Besides, she had no desire to keep piling the anguish on herself and seeing Zach’s apartment would trigger a need to wonder what it be like to share the space with him.

  “I’m sure it’s great but no, thanks.”

  “Ok,” he replied.

  Perverse hurt scythed through her at his easy acceptance. “Ok?”

  “It’s not ready to move in yet. Not till the middle of the week. You can come see it then.”

  “I won’t be able to. I’m going back to work tomorrow.”

  “You can still take a lunch break. Or come after work.” That implacable tone was back again. Against her will, thrills of excitement spiked up her spine. “It’s not far from where you work. I can have you there and back in an hour.”

  Again, it struck home hard just how much Zach knew about her life. “It’s my first day back. I’ll probably be inundated and won’t have the time.”

  “Taking a break shouldn’t be an option.” She heard the frown in his voice.

  “In an ideal world. But I don’t mind when there’s work to be done.”

  “Dare I hope that statement applies to us, too?”

  “There’s a Kenny Rogers song that I could sing to you right now but I’m not sure you’d get the message.”

  He laughed and her heart turned over at the sound. “I’ve never heard you sing, baby. Bet you’d be good at that, too.”

  She sighed and shook her head. “I’m getting off this insane rodeo ride, Zach.”

  “I’ll let you, for now. But it’s only a matter of time before you’re riding me again, baby. So saddle up.”

  Chapter Nine

  Her first day back at work was frenetic. Sheena Malcolm, her boss, asked about her Aunt Mel, then looked in turn skeptical and anxious when Bethany gave the highly sketchy details of her aunt’s phantom illness.

  Sheena tugged on the sleeves of her Prada suit and lingered outside Bethany’s cubicle. “You won’t need to return there anytime soon, will you?” she asked, with a thin sniff.

  The pain that had found permanent residence beneath her breastbone kicked her hard. “No, I imagine not. Aunt Mel is expected to make a full recovery.” Keeping her fingers crossed behind her back that karma would be kind to her, she held her breath until Sheena retreated to her glass-walled office.

  At lunchtime, she grabbed a sandwich from the deli on the first floor and returned to her desk to pick at it. Her phone beeped intermittently with messages from Zach but she ignored them. She needed all her concentration to get through the pile of work on her desk.

  By four, she’d planned a Michelin culinary crawl for corporate heads of a Wall Street investment giant, chased down the last RSVP for an art gallery opening, and sent out the itinerary for a Napa wine tasting stag event she was organizing for an Internet mogul.

  Her feet ached, her back ached and her heart ached from tripping over itself every time s
he heard the faint beep of another incoming message.

  At six, she finally gave herself permission to read Zach’s messages. They contained more of the same, relentless pleas.

  Persistent. She had to give him points for his persistence.

  She was reading through the last message, and fighting not to blush at the blatant description of what he intended to do to her once their hiatus was over, when the phone blared to life, causing her to nearly drop it.

  “Have you finished for the day?” The deep, sexy voice attacked her senses without mercy.

  She swallowed hard before she could speak. “Just about. And hello to you too, Zach.”

  “Hey, Peaches. Come downstairs. I’ll give you a ride home.”

  She jumped up and nearly toppled over when she tripped over her discarded shoes. “You’re here? Why?” she blurted.

  “I was in the neighborhood,” he answered vaguely. “I’m double parked so you need to be quick.”

  She floundered. The nearest window that overlooked the street twenty floors below was in Sheena’s office, and no way was she going in there to find out if Zach was really double parked or whether, as she suspected, he was bluffing.

  She also wanted to tell him she didn’t need a ride home but the words stuck in her throat.

  As if sensing her battle, he sighed. “Come down or I’ll have to come upstairs and get you. I don’t think you’ll want that.”

  “Blackmail, Zach?”

  “Friendly suggestion. Now tell me you’re on your way.”

  Her belly flipped over. “I’m on my way.”

  “Good girl.”

  She stepped into her shoes and gathered up her stuff. Gary Wright, the other partner of Neon, walked past as she turned off her computer.

  Normally, he was aloof and avoided eye contact with the staff, leaving Sheena to do all the hiring, firing and general ball breaking.

  This evening he stopped and slanted her an almost smile.

  “Good to have you back, Bethany.”

  She glanced at him in surprise. “Umm…thanks.”

  He nodded and she could swear she saw his gaze assessing her briefly before he looked towards Sheena’s office.

  As if she was on some silent bat signal, Sheena burst out of her office at that moment. The large plant at the side of Bethany’s desk precluded Sheena from seeing her until she was almost at her cubicle. “Gary, we have an appointment at ten tomor—” she said excitedly, only to stop when she saw Bethany. “I didn’t know you were still here, Bethany.” She exchanged glances with Gary.

  “I was just leaving.”

  Sheena nodded. “Well, have a great evening. And see you tomorrow.”

  Bethany was still mulling over the strange scene when she walked through the revolving doors and exited into the warm July evening.

  Zach was indeed double-parked on the busy street. In the driver’s seat, Philip kept the engine running.

  The sight of him made her footsteps falter. He leaned against the side of his town car without a care in the world. Black designer slacks caressed his lean hips and his dress shirt and dark lightweight jacket emphasized his mouth-watering torso and broad shoulders.

  The casual kerchief tucked into his breast pocket gave him a debonair air that was so jaw-droppingly powerful, a full body shudder raked her.

  He really had no right to be so insanely gorgeous. His rugged good looks were attracting every single passing female glance. Jealousy tore through her as she noticed one particularly brazen female actually stop, stare, and smile a come-fuck-me-hard smile that made Bethany want rip her face off.

  “Are you going to stand there all night, slaying passers by with your eyes?” he drawled.

  She was in no mood for his mockery. “You should’ve stayed in the car. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with your female appreciation sidewalk traffic jam.”

  He straightened and held the door open for her. She found it infinitesimally gratifying that his gaze never once strayed from its intense focus on her. “Your grouchiness is cute. Step into my cave, and I’ll see if I can make it better.”

  A reluctant smile twitched her mouth.

  She slid in and he followed quickly. He slammed and locked the doors. The glance he sliced her held a touch of anxiety, as if he was afraid she’d bolt. It was certainly something she’d considered when she’d stepped out of the building and seen him again.

  His ability to capture and hold her attention to the exclusion of all else had always bothered her. Being with Zach was like holding a live electric wire. It was only a matter of time before she experienced another profound shock.

  Right now though, with the soft seats beneath her and the cool air-condition of the plush car washing over, moving her exhausted body would’ve taken some effort.

  She slid her shoes off as they moved into traffic.

  Zach’s gaze fell to her exposed feet and back to hers. Before she could guess what he intended, he lifted one foot into his lap and pressed his thumbs deep into her throbbing muscles. Memories of her Shanghai foot massage washed over her and she just managed to smother a moan.

  “Feel good?”

  “You know it does,” she accused darkly.

  His smile held a trace of satisfaction and that healthy dose of anxiety. He continued to massage her soles, his fingers moving expertly over her tight, stretched muscles.

  Bethany found herself easing back into the seat. When she sighed, he looked over at her.

  “Everything okay at work?”

  She eyed him. “Sure. Why do you ask?”

  “You looked slightly bemused as you stepped out.”

  “Oh, that. Yeah, Gary, my other boss who has barely said a word to me since I started working there, actually engaged in conversation with me tonight. And he actually said something nice. And Sheena was acting weird too.” She shrugged.

  Zach’s hands stilled for a moment before they resumed the massage. “Did they say anything in particular?”

  She relaxed deeper into the soft leather seat and sighed as the air-conditioning cooled her skin. “Not really. It was just weird, is all.” She laughed. “Maybe they missed me. The amount of work waiting for me certainly indicates so.”

  “Don’t sound so surprised. You’re a valuable asset to any company, I’m sure.”

  “Hmm, a foot massage and compliments. Anyone would think you wanted something, Savage.”

  His answering smile looked a little strained. He shifted in his seat. Her foot settled deeper in his lap and she understood why.

  Zach was hard. And hot and straining his pants. The car swayed into a turn and her heel grazed his length. He hissed out a breath.

  Molten grey eyes connected with hers. Slowly, his hand slid from her sole to her ankle, caressing up her leg.

  “Zach,” her protest was feeble enough to be completely useless.

  “I want to make you feel good, baby. Let me.” His hand slid higher, cupped her calf and massaged her bare skin.

  Heat scythed through her. Her pussy clenched hard, her need so acute it became a pain lodged between her legs. He reached the sensitive area at the back of her knees then pressed his fingers deep.

  She jerked but when she tried to withdraw he held on.

  “Up.” He indicated her other foot.

  She considered refusing. Then she considered how unhappy her foot would be if it didn’t get the same boneless relief her other foot had just received. It was really a no brainer. Besides, she was fully clothed, in a moving car in the busiest city in the world.

  Yeah, keep deluding yourself.

  Zach’s smile grew even tighter around the edges when she raised her other foot and placed it in his lap. His erection was granite-hard, and his chest rose and fell in harsh breaths.

  Bethany wanted to ask why he was torturing himself so much, then thought the better of it. She knew why. She was suffering the same deep, dark hunger. Their chemistry defied reason and she’d known the moment she’d entered the car that a version of thi
s would play out.

  They watched each other, their breaths growing more frantic with each passing second as his caress deepened and slowed.

  When his hands slid under her black skirt, her whole body shuddered in response.

  Sure, expert fingers grazed her inner thighs. Her nipples peaked and throbbed painfully as her breasts swelled against her pink shirt.

  Wetness oozed between her thighs, soaked her panties and infused the air between them. She knew the moment Zach smelled her arousal.

  He shuddered and gritted his teeth. “God, I need to make you come!” He brushed her skirt higher. “Will you let me?”

  “Zach…” Another feeble protest barely worth the effort.

  But he took it seriously. He slammed his head against the headrest, squeezed his eyes shut and gripped her thigh hard enough to leave marks by morning.

  “You should know, I can’t even jack myself off anymore. You’ve ruined me for everything, Bethany. Even my fucking masturbation. I hope you’re pleased with yourself.”

  Against her will she felt laughter bubbling up her throat. She pressed the curves of her feet over his erection and was rewarded with a dark, hungry growl. “I’m glad you didn’t jack it until it fell off.”

  He grunted a half laugh, then immediately sobered. “You’re cracking jokes. Dare I hope that this is a step forward for us?” he probed gently. His eyes were full of hope and the grip on her thigh trembled slightly as he stared at her.

  “This isn’t really funny, Zach. This last week hasn’t been a walk in the park for me. I hurt. Very much. It’s been…the pain has been unbearable,” she whispered. A part of her wondered why she was opening herself up to him like this, making herself even more vulnerable than she already was.

  But then hadn’t she been like this with Zach right from the beginning? Being this close to him was like walking around with her nerves exposed. She felt raw. She’d felt naked with him from the moment she’d laid eyes on him.

  She stared at his gorgeous, haunted face and tears welled up in her eyes.