HIGHER (The Indigo Lounge Series)

by Cox, Zara

  Something had to give here. And soon. “Forgive me, baby. I just wanted you here with me today.”

  She continued to stare at him for another minute, then she nodded. “But we’re definitely working, got it? I want to give Sheena a progress report by close of play.”

  “We’ll be done by lunchtime. Then I’ll take you to lunch. If you want,” he tagged on quickly when her brow started to rise. “Or we can prolong work and call it a business lunch.”

  She shook her head in exasperation. “Do you not have…I don’t know, other work to do?”

  “My work day is…fluid.” He had nothing planned in his immediate future beyond doing everything in his power to hang onto her.

  Her eyes met his and slowly a wary speculation grew in the mesmerizing depths.

  “How long do you think you can keep this up, Zach?” Again that sadness, that soul-deep echo of pain that cut a jagged path through him.

  “Fight to keep from losing you? As long as I have breath in my body.”

  Her own breath caught but she began to pull away.

  “Bethany—”

  “I need a shower,” she said, her tone more than suggesting that she didn’t need company.

  He dug his feet into the carpet to keep from stalking after her when she headed for the bathroom. Shucking a hand through his hair, he calculated the time difference on the West Coast and exhaled noisily. He was beginning to realize that even if his attorney managed to get the non-disclosure clause lifted he would have to tell Bethany a lot more about his life than Farrah and what had led to the incident six years ago.

  For one thing, there was also the issue of his mother and her lifestyle.

  Compared to the parenting he’d been through growing up, Bethany’s parents were saints. Saints who wouldn’t want him around their daughter when they learned of his depraved past. Of his mother’s proclivities.

  He’d seen the way Bethany had been cut up about her asshole ex, and the way she’d reacted to his bombshell. How would she react if he told her his mother had done worse, and continued to do so?

  The sound of running water hit his ears. He paced to the bathroom door and sucked in a sustaining breath. He needed to give her space. Give her a minute to collect her thoughts—

  Fuck that. He needed her. Being around her made him forget what a fucked up life he’d led until tragedy had propelled him into sickened numbness.

  He entered the bathroom and stopped at the sight of her. Jesus, she was fucking magnificent. Stupid to feel jealous of the water running down her body but rational had flown out the window where Bethany was concerned a long time ago.

  She’d secured her long hair on top of her head and was leaning forward so the water hit the top of her spine. With her hands braced on the wall, he was reminded of their first shower in Paris when he’d lost control and come all over her ass.

  He grew hard within seconds. He must have made a sound because she turned sharply.

  The haunted sadness in her eyes made him grit his teeth. “Shit, Bethany, I can’t stand that look in your eyes,” he rasped.

  “Then fix it,” she replied. Hearing the tears clogging her voice made his chest tighten. “Do you trust me, Zach? Even a little?”

  “I do trust you.”

  She shook her head. “Not enough, obviously.”

  He stalked to the vanity, aware that her eyes followed him. Leaning against it, he crossed his arms. “I signed a non-disclosure clause agreeing never to talk about what happened six years ago. My attorney is working to overturn it.”

  Her eyes widened. “You mean you can’t legally talk about how she died?”

  He nodded. “I’ve been trying but her family aren’t cooperating.” His jaw tightened. “And deep down, I don’t blame them.”

  “Why not?”

  His chest filled with regret, pain and a desperate panic that he was skidding towards saying something that would cost him the beautiful woman in front of him. But he couldn’t seem to stem the flow of his words. “Because, she was doomed the moment she met me.”

  “God, Zach…”

  Ice speared into his soul, throwing him back to a time he could never forget. “She was innocent, Bethany. She had no fucking clue what the real world was like. She was a virgin for heaven’s sake. I fucked her up so badly, even I could barely recognize her in the end.”

  She flinched at his harsh tone and fought to pull back from the brink he was skating toward. He speared a hand through his hair and tried to breathe. Absently, he heard the shower shut off. A moment later, she stood in front of him.

  “Did you force her to do anything against her will?” she asked.

  He frowned, his thoughts a jumbled chaos. “Did I…? Probably. Possibly. I was pretty full of myself back then. I had life by the balls and I was squeezing it for all it was worth. I was pretty damn capable of anything. I knew it and made sure everyone around me knew it too. I think I hammered that point home with Farrah most of all.”

  She took another step closer. “How?”

  He tried to shrug but his shoulders wouldn’t move. “She trusted me. I made sure she knew what the consequences would be if she ever betrayed that trust. I…made her choose between her family and me. She chose me. And ended up paying the ultimate price for it.” Pain seared his insides, followed swiftly by a damning ice that threatened to freeze his heart.

  She touched his arm and immediately the ice started to recede. “Zach, I’m sorry.”

  He grabbed her hand and tugged her closer. Her body was drenched from the shower but she was warm, and soft and everything he yearned for, despite knowing deep in his soul that he didn’t deserve her.

  Her arms circled his shoulders and she buried her face in his neck. His breath shuddered out as she held him tight.

  God, he never wanted to let her go. Never.

  “Is that why you’re afraid to trust me? Why you keep pushing me away?” she whispered raggedly.

  “I’m terrified of what you’d see if I open up. That you’d see someone you don’t want to be with.”

  “The person you think you are, did he start and end with Farrah?” Her question cut to the heart of his every fear.

  For several minutes he couldn’t speak. “No,” he finally admitted.

  “But she was the reason you’ve closed yourself off, isn’t she?”

  “I’ve had to. I can’t risk putting anyone else through that. Her family are still grieving over what I did, Bethany. What I can never undo.”

  She leaned back and looked at him. “So you’re going to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself, paying the price by never risking happiness?”

  “I don’t deserve to be happy.”

  Pain clouded her eyes. “Then what am I doing here?”

  The bottom fell out of his world. Numbly, he shook his head. “I…don’t deserve it. That doesn’t mean I don’t crave it.”

  She pulled back another inch. “So you want me to do all the work while you hide behind whatever guilt is consuming you?” Her voice shamed him. Completely and utterly. But still he held on. Letting go was not an option.

  “I’m trying. I’m willing to work for it. Work for you. You told me you loved me in Morocco. I want to deserve that love.” Desperation clawed through him when her expression didn’t change. “Tell me you love me, Bethany.”

  Her eyes darkened and she sucked in a breath. “I…can’t.”

  Pain seared deeper. The earth shifted beneath his feet as pure terror took hold. “Why the hell not? You said it once, I don’t think you can take it back.”

  “I think you were right. I said it too early. You didn’t want to hear it then, remember?”

  “I want to hear it now! Have you changed your mind? Is that it? You’ve caught a glimpse of the monster underneath and you’re beating a hasty retreat?”

  She jerked out of his arms. “Shut up, Zach. Once again you’re presuming you know what’s in my heart and mind. I’m here. Despite what you told me, I’m here with you
. Why can’t you trust in that?”

  “Because I look into your eyes and I see the sadness. I see the pain. I can already feel you slipping through my fingers. You say you won’t run but you sure as hell can retreat. You’re already doing that.”

  She shook her head and glanced down at her feet. He’d thought looking into her eyes hurt. But not seeing her expression hurt even more.

  “You were right. The real world is kicking our asses pretty hard.”

  His bark of laughter ricocheted around the bathroom. “Just say the word and we can get on a plane and head to Bora Bora.”

  “We can’t run away from our problems, Zach.”

  “We won’t be running if we’re together. We’d just be facing them with a much better view.”

  “I can’t step away from my life. Or my job. As much as the sound of Bora Bora thrills me.”

  “So what do you suggest?” he asked before he could think better of it.

  She turned and plucked a towel from the heated rail. Watching her cover her incredible body made him swallow hard and fight to keep from ripping away the piece of cloth.

  “We agreed on a question a day in Marrakech. I want that back on the table.”

  His chest burned but he nodded. “Okay.”

  A sheen of tears filmed her eyes. “Thank you.” She turned away.

  When she reached for the doorknob, he jerked upright and crossed to her. Once again that feeling of unraveling assailed him. His heart pounded with despair and desperation.

  Catching her wrist, he stopped her from leaving the bathroom. “Baby?” His hands slid up her arms to cup her shoulders.

  “Hmm?”

  He breathed in then exhaled noisily. “Don’t let the love die. When the time comes, when I earn it, I want to hear you say you love me like you did in Marrakech. If it’s not too much, can you promise me that?”

  “Yes. I promise.”

  His breath shuddered out and he trailed his mouth down her neck. “Thank you.” He stepped closer and heard her breath catch. “God…thank you.”

  He slid one arm around her shoulders and pulled her back into him. She smelled heavenly of soap and warm, alluring woman. His cock jerked against her ass and she gasped.

  “Jesus, Zach, how can you be hard even now?”

  He laughed against her smooth throat. “You have no fucking clue how hot you are if you don’t know that I can’t help it around you.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  They worked through lunch and ended up ordering from the executive Michelin starred chef who came as part of the building’s concierge services.

  He picked through Bethany’s initial plans, firing questions at her as they ploughed their way through a double-grilled steak with fries and salad and a chilled glass of Chablis.

  He tried to keep things business-like but the knowledge that she wasn’t wearing any panties beneath the suit dress she’d insisted on wearing again, played havoc with his thought processes every time he allowed himself to dwell on it. Which was every three seconds.

  “Zach?”

  He fought to refocus. “Hmm?”

  “I asked what you thought of Romania for the second trip.”

  “Not at this time of year.”

  “Okay. How about Rio?” she ventured.

  “How about Reykjavik?” he said.

  “How about Rome?”

  He grinned. “Do names beginning with R turn you on, Peaches? Or do you just like the idea of getting down and dirty in the Holy City?”

  A cute little blush reddened her cheeks. “Stay on point, Zach. Besides, there won’t be any down and dirtying since I’ll be right here in New York.”

  “Ah, I hate to burst your bubble but you’re coming on the trip.”

  Her eyes widened. “I’m what?”

  He struggled not to lean forward and kiss the surprised O from her swollen mouth. “Part of the contract terms stated one member of Neon had to be present on the trip. I asked for you.”

  She stared at him in silence. His nape began to prickle. “And where will you be during this time?” she asked quietly.

  He noted a hopeful wariness in her eyes and dared to think she wanted him to answer one way only. “I’ll be right there with you.”

  Her breath shuddered out. His heart soared.

  “Does that please you, baby?”

  She wrinkled her nose but he was happy to see the shadows retreating. “Technically, it shouldn’t. Business and pleasure. Bad idea.”

  “Fuck technical. And don’t pigeonhole us. We’re unique.”

  She laughed and he raised a brow. “It’s the second time I’ve been called that this week,” she supplied.

  “Really.”

  “Don’t give me that look. I’m a unique little snowflake.”

  A dark feeling rushed through his gut. He plucked his reading glasses from his face and tossed them onto the table.

  “Who called you unique?” he asked, struggling to keep his voice even. He must have succeeded because she smiled, popped a fry in her mouth and chewed.

  “The guest list coordinator at Shades.”

  “Right.”

  She slowly stopped chewing. “You’re jealous? For fuck’s sake, Zach, he was gay.” He started to relax. “I think.”

  His stomach clenched hard. “Christ. If this were the Middle Ages I’d keep you chained in my tower so no other man could see you,” he half joked.

  She laughed. The sound filled him with a joy that knocked the breath out of him. “So you think you can tame me? Maybe I’d be the one to keep you chained up. And naked for my use whenever the urge takes me.”

  God, why did that idea make him so damned hard?

  He shifted to adjust his crotch and laughed under his breath at the futility of trying to control his body around her. “I like the idea of you as a marauding warrior princess. I like the idea of being exclusively yours even better,” he added.

  Laughter slowly faded from her eyes. The atmosphere thickened with hope and pain and sex and desperation.

  Christ.

  She glanced down at the papers spread on the table and cleared her throat. “So Rome gets your approval?”

  “Throw in a quick stop to the Amalfi Coast and it’s a go. I have a place there. We can stop in for lunch.”

  She nodded and made quick notes, studiously avoiding his eyes. “Okay. Next stop…how about Kenya? Your guests can watch heartless predators rip their prey to shreds. We’ll call it nature at its worst or the circle of life tour or something?” Her voice was dark with anguish.

  “Bethany.”

  “Sorry, bad joke.” She chewed on her lower lip for several seconds. “I still think Kenya would be awesome.”

  “Okay. If you like.” His shoulders moved restlessly.

  She started to argue but pressed her lips together and made some more notes.

  “Or we can do Thailand instead?”

  “The islands or Bangkok?” he asked, hoping she would look at him.

  She kept her gaze on her notes. “I’ll work on both, the guests may prefer bright lights to laid back, especially since the tour is abbreviated.”

  He thought for a moment. “Source out events for both. We’ll let the guests decide which they prefer.”

  “Great. It’s settled then. Are you sure you don’t want me to work on the other trips?”

  “I’m sure. It’s already taken care of.” Whether Bethany would like what he had planned for them on those remaining trips was something he didn’t want to think about just yet.

  “I’ll liaise with our contacts in Italy to get a few venues sorted out.” She positioned her laptop on her thighs and fired it up. “Kenya and Thailand I’ll have to plan from the ground up.”

  He picked up his glass and drained the last mouthful of wine, grimacing at the suddenly sour taste. He knew very well the taste wasn’t the problem. The wine had tasted exquisite only minutes ago, when his blood buzzed with contentment at just being with her and trading jokes.


  That his body was psychosomatically reacting to Bethany was no surprise. She was under his skin. In his blood. Embedded in his mind in a way that made him reel inwardly thinking about it.

  “Bethany,” he found himself saying her name just to feel that intense connection again.

  “Just a second. I’m checking to see if Sheena has sent the list of guests.”

  “Bethany,” he murmured again.

  “Zach, please. Just…let me do my work.” The husky plea shredded him.

  He forced himself to stay silent but his gaze didn’t stray from her. After several minutes, she lowered the laptop shut. “Thirty-six guests have accepted the invitation. We need to narrow it down to the required twelve. I’ve sent the details to your tablet.”

  Setting his glass down he rose. “I’ll take a look tonight.” He held out his hand. “Right now, we’re taking a break.”

  Ten minutes later, after she’d brushed her hair and against his protests, pulled on her underwear, he met her in the hallway, ushered her into the elevator and hit the RT button.

  She glanced from the lit button to his face. “We’re going up? I thought yours was the Penthouse?”

  He smiled. “It is.”

  “So…”

  He kissed her as the elevator stopped and the doors slid open. In the mid-afternoon sunshine, the helicopter gleamed black and indigo.

  Bethany jerked to a stop. “You have a private chopper at your beck and call?”

  “You should know by now that I love my toys, Peaches.”

  She rolled her eyes and he threaded his fingers through hers, insanely pleased that she was once again looking at him.

  They would work through this. As long as she stayed with him, he had to believe they would succeed.

  He helped her into the back of the chopper, and secured her seatbelt as she looked around the plush, cream interior. Her eyes flashed with excitement and he found himself grinning.

  “You like what you see?”

  “What’s not to like?” She caressed the soft leather next to her thigh and he mock frowned.

  After securing his own belt, he picked up her hand and put it on his thigh. “You know, we can see the pilot but he can’t see us. Wanna make out?”