Cressida Cowell_How to Train Your Dragon_04

by How to Cheat a Dragon's Curse

  "It's getting so near to springtime, the ice may start cracking when we're out there. And if it does we're going to need some way of getting back across the Sullen Sea," replied Hiccup, trying not to think about what would happen if the ice REALLY DID melt. That might mean they had to face the Doomfang, on top of all their other problems.

  Hiccup went off to look for One Eye, and explained his problem, and the big Driver laughed sneerily.

  "Look, revolting little Human by, I don't know why you think I might want to help you.

  I am not your mommy. I HATE humans. One thing I will absolutely SWEAR to you.

  I will NEVER, repeat NEVER, waste a tear crying over the death of one of you Human NO-Brainers."

  "Ah," said Hiccup cunningly, "but the antidote isn't just going to save the life of my friend Fishlegs, is it?

  The Vorpent stings dragons as well as humans. Thousands of DRAGONS die of Vorpentitis every year. When I bring back the frozen potato, I shall plant potatoes all over Berk, and no dragon shall die of Vorpentitis ever again."

  Well, that got One Eye, of course, because his hatred of humans was only matched by his love for his fellow dragons, and five minutes later Hiccup was hitching the big Saber-Toothed Dragon up to his sleigh.

  Hiccup told Stoick on the way that he was going to spend the night at Snotlout's house, and Stoick was delighted.

  "Excellent, my boy," roared Stoick, "so you've decided to take my advice, and find yourself a better friend. Well done, Hiccup."

  "So now," said Hiccup, sitting down in the sleigh next to Camicazi, "we can nip to Hysteria, steal the potato, and get it to Fishlegs without my father even knowing we've gone."

  Only Snotlout noticed the small Sleigh-Dragging-a-Boat sneaking out of Hooligan Harbor, on its way to Hysteria on the quest for the Frozen Potato.

  Snotlout hoped that wherever Hiccup was going, it was somewhere dangerous, and that he would NEVER COME BACK.

  8. THE WRATH OF THOR

  One Eye pulled the sleigh across the ice at a crazy speed. Once or twice Hiccup tugged on the reins to try and get him to slow down, but the big Driver ignored him, and so in the end, Hiccup gave up trying. "The quicker we get to Hysteria, the better, anyway," he reminded himself. The burningly cold wind slammed into his face, tearing at his eyelids as they careened across the ice.

  The Hopeful Puffin bounced crazily behind them like an ugly duckling desperately trying to keep up with its demented mother. Luckily, although she was not an attractive-looking boat, she was sturdy and used to the odd knock or two. Hiccup had brought along snacks for everybody that were supposed to last the whole journey, but Toothless finished all of them in the first three minutes, littering the sleigh with crumbs, chicken bones, and nut shells.

  "Toothless c-c-cold...," he wailed. "Toothless H-h-hungry ....Toothless BORED. Ow ow ow ow...Camicazi s-s-sitting on my ta-a-ail....Are we nearly there yet?"

  "We only left five minutes ago!" exclaimed Hiccup.

  "Toothless play I-Spy, " said Toothless firmly.

  At first Camicazi was horribly cheerful, chatting constantly, and singing loudly, her bright blue eyes prickling with excitement.

  But as the long hours wore on, and as they played their fifty-second game of I-Spy with Hiccup translating for Toothless, and as the sky turned pink and grey with the coming of the evening, and as they passed the Mazy Multitudes to their left and began to hear the first moans of the Doomfang under the ice, even Camicazi fell silent.

  Hiccup made One Eye wait for the evening to grow darker before they turned the corner into the Wrath of Thor, so the Hysteric lookouts wouldn't spot them coming.

  For a tense, stomach-churning half hour they waited, until Hiccup judged it was safe, and gave a pull on One Eye's reins to get him going again.

  The gigantic sea cliffs of Villainy and Hysteria loomed above them scarily in the darkness. One Eye bounded into the Wrath of Thor, and the cliffs leapt up on either side of the little sleigh as it raced along, like dizzyingly high prison walls.

  The eyes of dragons shine in the dark, and so One Eye's great eye acted as a searchlight, showing them the way. The ice in the narrow gorge was so clear that it was almost

  transparent, and in the beam of One Eye's eye, you could see right through it, as if it were a two-meter-thick pane of frosted glass, down into the sea below. How interesting, thought Hiccup as he looked over the edge of the sleigh; I can even make out a shoal of mackerel down there ...

  The mass of tiny fish went on forever, swimming slowly in their millions way down below them, until suddenly they fled, shooting away like tiny sparks in an explosion, as a great dark shape, infinitely large, suddenly appeared under the ice. It was the gargantuan shadow of a dragon the size of an underwater mountain, and it easily kept up with the speedy little sleigh, its long tail lazily powering it along, its wings nearly brushing the edges of the Wrath of Thor as it beat them slowly to swim underneath.

  "Issa D-d-doomfang!" whispered Toothless into Hiccup's ear. "Let's go h-h-home..."

  Hiccup gazed downward in fascinated horror as the great dragon turned its head to one side and Hiccup

  VIKING DRAGONS AND THEIR EGGS

  The DOOMFANG

  The Doomfang is a gigantic predator of the Open Ocean, very rarely seen by humans. It is armed not only with fearsome fangs and claws, but also a strange blue fire that "freezes' its victims to death.

  STATISTICS

  COLORS: Always as black as your darkest nightmare.

  ARMED WITH: Terrible jaws and fangs. Also have unusual frozen fire breath, with blue flames that kill by FREEZING you... 30

  RADAR: Yes...... 10

  POISON: None......0

  HUNTING ABILITY: Unbeatable skills......30

  SPEED: Very, very fast......25

  FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: Terrifying.....30

  found himself staring into an enormous, bloodshot, green dragon eye, as long as the sleigh itself.

  It was as if all the green in the world, of peas, of grass, of spinach, of leaves, of beans and frogs, had been concentrated in that one eye and given it the intensity of a pure green acid. It was like looking straight into the sun at midday, through a great green microscope, and Hiccup was so dazzled he nearly fell off the sleigh, until he was brought back to his senses by a terrible THUD! and the ice below them jumped up like an earthquake. The sleigh jumped too, and One Eye soared briefly into the air with a complaining yowl.

  THUD! went the ice again as the Doomfang butted his head against the thick transparent wall. With terrified relief, Hiccup realized the ice was so deep that it was holding strong, although it was now shot through with tiny little white cracks.

  The sleigh raced toward the entrance to Hysteria Harbor like a mouse streaking toward a mouse hole. The dragon followed, the ice thudding underneath as they went, with terrible blows from its battering-ram head. When One Eye turned into the harbor, he was going so fast the momentum from the boat behind almost turned them around in a great screeching circle. The sleigh balanced wildly on one runner, before slamming back down and carrying on.

  Hiccup looked over his shoulder. The Doomfang was too large to fit through the narrow harbor entrance. It pushed its great head through and Hiccup could see, though not hear, its huge mouth opening in a roar of rage, its paw with the terrible talons tearing at the water. It blew out a great gush of underwater blue flame that shot out underneath the speeding sleigh and streaked forward in a straight line right up to the shoreline, almost as if it were a bright blue road telling them where to go.

  "He's not pleased," joked Camicazi as the sleigh raced along the bright blue road. "That is one Doomfang in a VERY BAD MOOD." "Let's hope the ice holds long enough for us to steal the potato and get out of here," shivered Hiccup. "That creature would kill us with one snap of its jaws!"

  When One Eye finally came to a plunging halt at the ice's edge and Hiccup clambered out of the sleigh, his legs wobbling like jellyfish, the evening had become night. The bright blue road had turn
ed palest turquoise and was gradually fading entirely.

  The harbor, thank Thor, was entirely deserted. Pulled up onto the rocks, half-buried in snow, were hundreds of Hysterical boats. Even in their snow-covered state, you could tell these were ghost ships, that hadn't rocked on salt water for fifteen years. Rags of sails hung from drooping masts, oars and rudders jutting from the snow were rotting or snapped in half.

  Hiccup sent Toothless off to have a look at the Hysterical Village, and the little dragon reluctantly flapped off into the darkness.

  "Why does T-t-toothless always have to do this?" complained Toothless.

  "Because you're tie one with wings, Toothless," Hiccup explained for the umpteenth time, unhitching One Eye. Camicazi unpacked her burglary equipment, humming happily, shoving interesting-looking pointy instruments into her pockets, putting on her special shoes with spikes on the soles, winding length after length of stout rope around her middle.

  Hiccup's usual companion on adventures was Fishlegs, who was always terrified and asking what on earth they were doing in YET ANOTHER life-threatening disaster? So it was quite a change to have Camicazi treating the whole thing as if it were an enjoyable outing.

  They put on their skis and waited for Toothless to return from his trip to find out the whereabouts of the Hysterical Village. He gave them a shock when he flapped out from nowhere and landed on Hiccup's shoulder.

  "Iss s-s-scary out there," panted Toothless, his eyes glowing luminously in the darkness.

  "Them Hysterics is having a b-b-banquet for Freya'sday Eve...looksa SCRUMMY."

  Hiccup explained what Toothless had said to Camicazi, and she got up. "Excellent," she said. "Hopefully they'll be so distracted they won't notice us. Let's get going." The little party set off up the cliff path, One Eye pulling them, his one eye burning bright in the darkness.

  9. BACK ON BERK

  Back on Berk, Fishlegs was hot as fire, weak as a fly caught in a spider's web, and talking nonsense. Old Wrinkly quietly bathed his head with cool water, and tried to feed him some watery tea.

  "Stop it... you withered old ... dried-up crab claw," fretted Fishlegs feebly, trying to twist away from the old man's hand, but hardly strong enough to move.

  "They must get here before ten in the morning," muttered Old Wrinkly to himself. "He's dying fast."

  "Don't worry," whispered Fishlegs, looking straight into Old Wrinkly's concerned old eyes. "Hiccup will make it. Hiccup always makes it.... Thor only knows how," and then he drifted off into nonsense again.

  Out in the middle of the Sullen Sea, strange noises could be heard, like the creaking of an old man's knee, or the rapping of a gigantic knuckle on a door.

  The ice was beginning to crack.

  Fishlegs was dying fast...

  10. FREYA'SDAY EYE ON HYSTERIA

  When they reached the top of the cliff, the ground kept on rising up to Mount Hysteria, on which was perched the shadowy outline of the Hysterical Village, all in darkness.

  One Eye dragged them right up to the bottom of the village walls, where Camicazi got out her ropes.

  She threw up the rope with the metal hook attached, and on the first attempt it caught hold of the top of the wooden wall. She squirmed up it like a little blond monkey and disappeared over the top. One Eye spread wide his wings and flew after her.

  Hiccup took a deep breath, grabbed hold of the rope, and climbed up, trying to ignore the skulls grinning at him from the top of the battlements.

  They were the only visitors to the Hysterical Village in fifteen years.

  The village seemed at first to be deserted.

  There was no one in the streets, no light in the windows.

  But the Great Hall was blazing with light. Smoke billowed out of several chimneys, music and chatter and laughing poured out of the windows.

  Weirdly, beside the Great Hall, lying on great tree trunks, there stood the largest Viking ship Hiccup had ever seen. It did seem a trifle strange to keep a ship so far from the sea, but Hiccup supposed the Hysterics hadn't been doing any sailing at all for the last fifteen years, so perhaps the center of town was as good a place to keep a boat as any.

  And what a ship it was ...

  It was more the depth and length of a Roman galleon, and it was the only Viking longboat Hiccup had ever seen with not one but three masts. On its prow the figurehead dragon was a snarling Monstrous Nightmare, and Hiccup's heart beat a little faster with excitement as he read the name painted on its side in big flowing letters: The American Dream. Perhaps the story Old Wrinkly told him really WAS true...

  In stark contrast to the ships Hiccup had seen in the harbor, this boat was in tip-top condition. The rest of the village was two meters deep in snow, but The American Dream was spotless, her decks entirely snow-free. She was freshly painted, the Hysterical flag flew cheerily from her central mast and her oars were all out, just as if she were about to set sail for distant shores at a moment's notice.

  "We'll climb up onto the roof of the Great Hall and see if we can overhear what's going on," whispered Camicazi. Camicazi didn't even bother to use a rope this time. She just shimmied up the sheer wall, appearing to cling to it with invisible suction like a frog. Once she reached the roof, she let down a rope for Hiccup, and One Eye hauled him up with it.

  The roof was thigh deep in snow, and Hiccup had to crawl through it, following the path made by Camicazi. She wriggled through to the central chimney, which had no smoke coming out of it, and she and Hiccup peered down into the room below.

  A blast of heat so strong Hiccup had to close his eyes poured out of the chimney. Hiccup's hands burned as they began to warm up. Eventually his watering eyes adjusted to the heat and the light.

  Down below, the Hysterics were enjoying a truly magnificent banquet. The long central table was loaded high with fish, flesh, and fowl cooked in every possible manner, whole stags, entire pigs, and brimming cups of beer and wine. A big drunken guy was dancing a jig on the table at one end, and the Hysterics were laughing and throwing bits of food and napkins at him.

  Fires blazed in six huge fireplaces. Enormous white rugs made out of the skin of polar bears were strewn about the floor. Hanging on the walls were the heads of dragons of every possible size, color, and description. And also the heads of a couple of animals Hiccup had never seen before, one that looked like an enormous, depressed deer, and another that resembled a gigantic bull with black, curly hair.

  A map of the Barbaric World drawn on deerskin was hanging in a great curtain against the north wall. On the west of the map, someone had scribbled out the great tumbling waterfall which on most Viking maps was marked "End of the World," and replaced it with a crude charcoal drawing of an island it called AMERICA.

  With a sinking of the heart, Hiccup recognized a big blond bearded guy sitting on a throne as the Chief, Norbert the Nutjob. It was definitely the Big Brute who Hiccup had shot with an arrow in the bottom the day before. His throne had a couple of plump cushions on it, but he was shifting from buttock to buttock as if in some pain.

  In one hand he held a very unusual, enormous, double-headed axe. The axe was different in that one blade was a bright and shiny copper gold, but the other blade was rusted and blackened, and deeply scarred.

  There was no sign of the potato.

  Suddenly Hiccup felt a bit foolish. He had somehow expected it to be displayed somewhere obvious, preferably with a big sign underneath it labeling it clearly as THE POTATO.

  Because, of course, he did not have any idea what a potato looked like, whether it was orange, or green, or large, or small. Hiccup had somehow imagined it as RED with little black spots, and kind of oblong, or triangular, just because it sounded so exotic. Purple, perhaps? Really, he hadn't a clue. "OK," whispered Camicazi, "I'm going to have to go down there to try and find out WHERE they keep the potato.... It could be absolutely anywhere."

  She unwound one of the ropes from around her waist, and Hiccup suggested that they should tie it around One Eye's leg. "That
way, if you get into any trouble, you can yank on it three times, and One Eye can haul you up quickly."

  One Eye objected strongly to having anything tied around his leg, and only agreed when Hiccup reminded him what a HERO he was going to be in the Dragon World when they returned to Berk with the antidote to Vorpentitis.

  The little girl then lowered herself down through the hole in the roof.

  It was completely dark and very quiet on top of the Great Hall.

  Waiting by the hole, Hiccup felt rather like he had as a small boy going ice fishing with his father, when Stoick cut a hole in the ice, and let down the line, and then all there was to do was wait... and wait... and wait.

  Toothless scratched behind his ears. One Eye picked at his teeth. And Hiccup shivered with anxiety.

  "Hurry up, Camicazi..."

  At any moment Hiccup expected a great crack to appear in that huge flat expanse of frozen sea, and then they would never get home ... and Fishlegs would be lost.

  Or perhaps Camicazi had gotten into trouble down there?

  Hiccup peered down through the hole. Camicazi was clinging to her rope like a spider, two meters below them. Hiccup leaned down a little farther to try and see what was happening ...

  ... And then, to his absolute horror, the edge of the chimney, already buckling under the weight of the snow, gave way beneath him, and with a shriek, Hiccup FELL into the Hall.

  11. IN THE SOUP

  Camicazi watched with round, scared eyes as Hiccup fell past her, arms flailing wildly.

  In ordinary circumstances, that would have been the end of Hiccup, for the Great Hall was fully twenty meters high, and he SHOULD have broken his neck falling all the way from the very top.

  But, in a series of tremendous strokes of luck, the traditional Freya'sday Eve dish was Onion Soup, and on Hysteria it was served in a truly gigantic cauldron, two meters wide and a meter deep. This pot was sitting on the table directly below the falling Hiccup, and he plunged straight into it, bottom first.