Where No One Knows

by Jo Ramsey

  The snort thing exploded from him. “Yeah, I guess that would explain it. Okay, so now you’ve heard one of my deep, dark secrets. The stupid part is I kind of still care about him. If I saw him again, it wouldn’t be easy for me not to react, you know?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Which is the main reason I won’t drive you to Boston.” He grinned. “I almost wish I could. You’ve stressed me out like crazy, but I hope you’ll keep in touch. Nothing like a road trip to make people either good friends or worst enemies, and I’d put you on the friend side.”

  I smiled back at him. I liked him too, and it was good to hear I hadn’t completely messed things up for him. “Yeah. I want to keep in touch.”

  “Good.”

  Eventually we reached Chicago. Shad drove through the city as if he knew where he was going, so I didn’t bother asking if he needed directions. He took a couple of wrong turns, but we finally made it to a large building not far from one of the airports.

  He checked in and we went up to the second floor, to a room even bigger than the one I’d had in Denver. “It sucks you can’t stay overnight,” he said. “When’s the last time you slept in a bed?”

  “The night before last.” The motel I didn’t want to remember in Sadie’s town.

  “Not too bad, then.” He went to the window and opened the drapes. “I’m glad they let me check in. The website said check-in’s at three and it’s only one-thirty. You can take the first shower. I’ll have plenty of time to clean up.”

  “Thanks.” I knelt on the floor to open my suitcase for a clean set of clothes. I hoped they’d give me a chance to do some laundry in Boston.

  I took longer in the shower than I usually did, because I didn’t know when I’d get another one. Not until I arrived in Boston, at least. That would be at least twenty-four hours after my train left, according to the website Shad had shown me. Depending on where they took me when I arrived and how tired I was, I might not actually have a chance to shower again until Saturday morning.

  When I left the bathroom, Shad was lying on the bed in only a pair of shorts. He looked a little uncomfortable. “Sorry. I didn’t bring anything to change into, and I had to get out of those clothes for a while.”

  “I don’t care. We’re both guys.” If I said it enough, he might comprehend. He accepted that I was transgender. He was just still thinking body, not brain. Or maybe he was uncomfortable with it because he was gay and didn’t want me to think he was making a move on me. Either way, seeing him in his shorts didn’t bother me.

  I hoped someday I would be able to do something about my body. At least take the hormones that would make me look more like a guy.

  Shad looked away. Trembling, I knelt to put my road-cruddy clothes into the suitcase. I wished I’d bought a couple of extra bandages to wrap around my chest. I needed to get rid of the sweaty, itchy ones I still wore. Maybe I could go out and find a drugstore before I had to go to the train station. They sold this kind of bandage for people who sprained their ankle or whatever. That was where I’d bought the ones I was wearing.

  “Are you okay?” Shad sat up and studied me. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m not hitting on you. You’re a good-looking guy, but like you said, the anatomy doesn’t match what I’m looking for. Besides, even if we were both interested, you’re way too young.”

  His tone hardened. It took me a moment to figure out why. I was the age he’d been when he’d gotten involved with Royce, and he was probably about the same age Royce had been. Royce had messed him over, and he didn’t want to do it to anyone else.

  “Yeah.” I took a deep breath. “The guy who—Before he tried to assault me, he said something like you did. Or kind of the opposite, I guess. He said he wasn’t gay, so if I was a guy he wouldn’t be interested. And you’re saying if I was a guy, you would be. Except… I am.”

  He swore. “I didn’t know. I was joking around.”

  “I know.” I closed my suitcase. “I need to find a drugstore so I can buy some bandages.”

  “Did you cut yourself on something?”

  “Wrong kind of bandages.” I patted my side. “Girl body. Have to hold it in somehow.”

  “Ah. Those bandages.” He tilted his head to one side. “You wrap bandages around yourself to hide your chest?”

  “Yeah. I have to do something. I’m not supposed to have a stupid chest sticking out. I have to hide it somehow, and bandages were the only thing I could think of.” I paused. I wouldn’t tell him about the time I’d gotten so upset I’d stood in my bathroom with a knife, wondering if I dared to cut them off. The only thing that had stopped me was my mother and sisters coming home, noisy and laughing. I couldn’t stand the thought of them walking in and finding me all bloody.

  I took a deep breath. “When I was at school one time, I went online and found out they make these binders that are a lot more comfortable and work better, but I couldn’t exactly order one while I was living with my mother and stepfather. They dealt with me dressing this way, but they wouldn’t let me ‘alter’ anything. I’m not sure they realized I was using the bandages.”

  “So they didn’t completely get it.” He crossed his legs in front of him. “You’d have to be measured and everything anyway, right?”

  “Probably. I didn’t have time to find out much about the vests. Just that they exist.” I moved from my knees to my butt and leaned against the bureau behind me. “I was in the school library, and it wouldn’t have been so good if people had seen what I was looking at. I already got hassled for dressing like a guy. No one at my school said the word ‘trans.’ They just thought I was either a lesbian or weird.”

  “The group can probably help you find a doctor,” he said. “To help with the vest and whatever else you need. They have a lot of resources.”

  “That would be good.”

  “I think I saw a drugstore a block or two away,” he said. “I don’t want you going out there alone. Can you wait half an hour so I can relax? Then I’ll go with you.”

  “Yeah.” I didn’t see why I couldn’t go by myself. I’d made it from home to Denver by myself. I’d gone out to eat and had gone shopping in Denver alone. I could walk a couple of blocks to a drugstore.

  Except I didn’t know anything about Chicago. How safe it was. In Denver, I’d had Brent to give me directions. Here I was with someone who didn’t know the city any better than I did. I didn’t want to bring any more attention to myself than I had to, so I didn’t want to ask directions at the front desk. The clerk might remember me.

  “And you were on the news,” Shad said, filling in my thoughts.

  “I really wish you wouldn’t listen in on me,” I said.

  “I don’t do it on purpose. I try to shut it out, but you broadcast.”

  I wasn’t quite sure what he meant. “Broadcast?”

  “Some people receive other people’s thoughts.” He lay back with his legs still folded. “Some people broadcast their own thoughts. You ever seriously wanted someone to do something, and they did?”

  “Yeah. I don’t like it. I feel like I’m controlling them, and I’d rather not.” I didn’t even like admitting it to him.

  “That’s because you’re not a psycho. You don’t enjoy messing with people.” He paused. “Good. Too many people do get their kicks screwing with other people’s minds. None of the group. They throw people out for that kind of thing if it’s on purpose.”

  “I only do it on purpose if I can’t figure out any other way to protect myself.” That didn’t sound so good. Even if it was to protect myself, I was still messing with someone else’s mind.

  “Sometimes you have to do what you have to do,” he said. “Anyway, it’s a form of broadcasting. You broadcast what you want to have happen—even if you don’t realize you’re doing it—and they pick up on it. If they don’t have abilities, they think it’s their own idea. If they have abilities, they might recognize what’s happening, or they might not.”

  “I can learn not to do i
t, right?” I was going to be with a group of people with psychic abilities. Some of them would be able to hear my thoughts the way Shad did. That idea bugged me. My thoughts should be private, and if they weren’t because I sent them out, I needed to learn not to do it.

  “Yeah. You can learn to control all your abilities. The group will help you.” He made a noise that wasn’t quite his usual snort-laugh. “I hope you don’t end up with Royce as your mentor. Don’t get me wrong. He wouldn’t mess with you purely to mess with you. He and I genuinely did care about each other.”

  “The problem wasn’t the relationship. It was how he dealt with being caught.” I closed my eyes. I was kind of tired, but I wanted to stay awake. I just needed to rest for a couple of minutes. I also didn’t want to see the look on Shad’s face if he was upset again.

  “Yeah. The relationship was fine. He was good to me. The fact that he threw me under the bus was what made it all go to crap.” He took a loud breath. “Okay. No offense, but shut up for half an hour or so, okay? Watch TV or something. I need to not think.”

  “Okay.” That stung a little. He sounded like he just plain didn’t want to deal with me anymore.

  Half an hour of brain-draining daytime talk show later, Shad got up and put his clothes back on, and we headed out on foot. Shad didn’t ask for directions. He and I were on the same page about keeping a low profile.

  We found a store not far away. “They should have first aid supplies here somewhere,” he said. “You’ll be able to find what you want there. I’ll just hang out and keep an eye on you.”

  I came up with a way to thank him for what he’d done. “You said your clothes feel kind of gross. I don’t mind buying you something else.”

  “Clothes weren’t part of our deal.” He frowned.

  “Part of the deal was for me to cover the expenses of the trip,” I said. “I would have paid for the hotel room if the group hadn’t. You didn’t bring clothes with you because you weren’t sure you’d be spending the night, but it’s part of the trip.”

  He’d been good to me, and I wanted to do something in return, but I wasn’t sure how to say so without sounding like I thought I owed him. Somehow I didn’t think he would like the implication that I felt obligated to him for anything.

  He nodded. “Okay. I’ll see what I can find.”

  A couple of rolled-up bandages, a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and some socks and underwear later, we checked out and went back to the hotel. It didn’t cost as much as I’d been afraid it would. Shad had stuck to the clearance racks.

  We went back to the hotel, and he took my phone to call the group and let them know we’d made it to Chicago, as well as fill them in on my train’s schedule. I went into the bathroom to change my bindings, so I didn’t hear everything he said, but from the tone of his voice, I guessed Royce wasn’t catching this time.

  When I left the bathroom, Shad had changed his clothes. He gave me back my phone, then we watched TV and ordered room service—which I paid for—and hung out without talking about anything serious until it was time to catch my train. It was the most relaxing day I’d had in a long time. Possibly since Mom had married Gene. I didn’t want it to end, but I had to move on.

  We took a cab to the train station. Shad didn’t know the route well enough to drive, and he said he didn’t want to anyway. I collected my reserved ticket at the window, where the person behind the glass barely even glanced at my ID, and we walked over to sit on a bench near the sign for the platform.

  “You’re going to be fine,” Shad said. I had the sense he was reassuring himself as much as me. “Remember to call them when you’re sure you’re in Massachusetts, and they’ll send someone to meet you at the station. Whoever picks you up will say a code phrase. You’ll know it when you hear it. Don’t go with anyone who doesn’t give you the code.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I said, repeating his words on purpose because I really needed to believe them.

  He waited until they called my train. The hug he gave me took me by surprise, but I didn’t mind it. “Take care of yourself and keep in touch,” he said. “My number’s in your phone. Call when you’re there so I know you’re okay.”

  “I will.” Annoying tears filled my eyes. I refused to cry. This wasn’t a permanent good-bye. I’d talk to Shad again. Hopefully even see him.

  I joined the line of passengers as they started shuffling toward the platform. At the last second, I glanced back.

  Shad was still standing there watching.

  Chapter Seven

  THE TRIP to Boston was long and boring. I wished I’d bought some magazines or something in Chicago. At least then I would have had something to occupy myself. As it was, all I could do was stare out the window or sleep. I did both, along with making a few trips to the restroom and a few to the dining car.

  We crossed into Massachusetts the next evening, and I called the group. A woman—or maybe a girl; she sounded about my age—who gave her name as Treese answered in a cold voice. I gave her the code word Shad had told me the night before.

  “Hi, Kellan,” she said, her voice warmer. “Royce will be meeting you. He said you’ve spoken to him before.”

  “Yeah.” After what Shad had told me, I wasn’t happy about meeting Royce, but I’d have to sooner or later. The guy was part of the group, after all.

  “He’s about six feet tall, blue hair, three piercings in his left ear,” Treese said. “He’ll be kind of hard to miss. Even if you recognize him, don’t go with anyone unless they say ‘tea boat.’”

  “Okay.” I almost repeated the code. It sounded so weird, I thought I might not have heard her right, but I caught myself. If I repeated it, the people around me might hear, and right then it wouldn’t be a good idea to trust anyone.

  “See you soon.” Treese hung up.

  It kind of irked me that she hadn’t given me a chance to say anything else. It was the first real conversation I’d had with anyone since I’d boarded the train, and I wanted to keep talking.

  Too long later, the train pulled into South Station in Boston. I collected my luggage and exited the train in a crush of too many people. I was exhausted, hungry again, and cranky. Not the best shape for meeting someone, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to arrive wherever I was going for the night so I could go to bed. I’d only been able to nap for an hour or two at a time on the train, and I needed some real sleep now.

  I shivered in the cold air on the platform, but inside the station was warm. I had no idea where to go, so I got out of the way and stood there feeling like an idiot while I searched the crowd for someone with blue hair.

  I spotted him before he saw me, but I didn’t move. Even in a city as big as Boston, there probably weren’t a lot of tall guys with blue hair and ear piercings, but the guy I saw might not actually be Royce, in spite of my instincts saying he was.

  He scanned the crowd until he turned toward me, and then he smiled and headed my way. I could see why Shad had been interested in Royce. Just because I wasn’t into guys didn’t mean I was blind. He was one of the best-looking guys I’d ever seen. Probably a lot of people were attracted to him.

  He stopped a couple of feet away from me, giving me space to run. “Tea boat.”

  “Tea boat,” I said, because I didn’t know if I was supposed to reply or not.

  He picked up my suitcase. “Good to see you, Kellan. My car is around the corner. We’ll get you settled for the night.”

  “Thanks.”

  He was acting as if he were picking up a friend instead of someone he’d never met before. It was no doubt intentional. He and the rest of the group wanted any bystanders to assume I’d come to visit friends or family so people wouldn’t connect me with what had happened in Denver. I didn’t know whether it had made the news way out here, but it would be better not to take chances.

  I followed him outside into the cold air. I would have to buy a better jacket if I planned to stay in Boston. It didn’t get this cold at home.

 
Royce’s car sat at the curb not far from the station, with the flashers on. Right next to a no-parking, no-standing sign. It was a red four-door something, and the trunk was large enough to hold me if he had any intention of shoving me in there. He didn’t. At least not as far as I could tell.

  My throat closed up. A high-pitched voice rang through my brain. Get away!

  I told it to shut up and stepped back far enough that Royce wouldn’t be able to just push me into the trunk. The voice had nothing to do with the part of me that recognized danger. It came from pure fear. I didn’t know this guy. I didn’t know this city. I’d been through way too much the past few days, and I didn’t know if I could trust anyone anymore.

  He put my suitcase in and motioned for me to do the same with my backpack. I wanted my luggage with me, not way back there where I wouldn’t be able to get to it. “Can’t we put it in the backseat?”

  “I’d rather not,” he said. “If I have to stop suddenly, which happens quite a bit in Boston traffic, it’ll bang against the backs of our seats. But if it helps you feel more comfortable, we can.”

  His logic got through my fear. Maybe it would be okay to leave my stuff in the trunk. “Never mind.”

  I put my backpack in the trunk. He closed it, we got into the car, and he headed off down the street.

  I wanted to look everywhere at once. I’d never been to Boston. The buildings out here were old. I would have known it even if I hadn’t read about Boston in my history books. Their age pressed against me like a weight. It had nothing to do with my powers, as far as I knew. I’d never sensed anything from objects before. These buildings were so old it was as if they’d taken on lives.

  “You’ll have plenty of time for sightseeing,” Royce said. “I’m sure your mentor will take you around, and we sometimes organize what Garrett calls field trips, since a lot of us are from outside the area.”

  I hadn’t expected that. “So we aren’t, like, working for the group or whatever?”

  “We are to an extent.” He paused. “Well, those of us who are out of high school, anyway. You’re sixteen, right? So you’d still be in school. If you wanted to find a part-time job, we can help you, but it wouldn’t be something you’d have to do. Your main focus at this point will be high school and learning to control your abilities.”