‘Did you meet with her?’ I ask softly.
Adam blanches. ‘Liz. Darling, what are you implying?’
‘Did you see Dee that night? Before she died?’
‘I’ve told you. I was in Sydney!’
‘You’re lying!’
Adam holds up his hands. ‘You need to calm down. You know the road was closed, Liz. You know I’m telling you the truth.’
‘You’ve been lying to me this whole time! Was it you Dee was afraid of? Was it you she got a text from and had to leave so suddenly?’
Adam shakes his head. ‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this! How could I have met with her? Come on, you know me, Lizzie.’
I look at the man standing before me and it’s as if the parts of him that were once so familiar don’t fit together anymore. I don’t recognise him. He is a stranger to me.
‘I thought I did,’ I whisper as a hot tear rolls down my cheek.
‘Lizzie.’ Adam’s eyes are desperate. ‘Please stop this. I never met with her. I promise you!’
I bend to pick up his phone and tap the screen a few times. ‘Then how do you explain this?’ I hold the screen up to his face so he can read the final text he sent Dee the night she went missing.
I’m here.
Adam lets out a sound that is half groan half shout. ‘Fucking hell! Yes, okay! Okay! I met with her. I had to. The bitch was fucking threatening me! Saying she’d tell you everything if I didn’t meet her that night. I was trying to protect you. Protect the life we’re building together.’
I squeeze my eyes shut. It’s one thing to suspect, and quite another to hear it from his lips. My whole body is shaking. ‘You were trying to protect yourself.’
‘No! Lizzie. Baby. Please,’ Adam holds out his hands, his eyes wet with crocodile tears. ‘Think of everything we have ahead of us. You don’t want to throw that away over a silly mistake, do you? I thought I was doing the right thing!’
‘You’re the one who’s thrown it away!’ I spit, shocked by the strength of my own fury. ‘Your mistake has cost us our marriage and Dee’s life!’
Adam’s face turns white. ‘You think … you think I killed her?’
‘I don’t know!’ I choke on a sob. ‘I don’t know what to think about anything anymore!’
‘I’m not a murderer, Lizzie. I can’t believe you would think that …’
‘How can I believe anything you say?’ I shout, unable to stop now.
‘You know me.’
‘Stop saying that! I don’t! I fucking don’t! I have no idea who you are!’
Adam’s eyes gleam wet. ‘Please don’t do this, Lizzie.’
‘I’m not doing anything!’ I throw up my hands, defeated.
‘Look, angel,’ Adam’s tone changes to the calm, reassuring one that used to soothe me. ‘I know this is a lot to take in. I’ve made mistakes. I can admit that. But we love each other, don’t we?’
I don’t answer, letting his question linger in the air.
‘There’s one thing I want to know.’
‘Anything. I’ll tell you anything you want to know, Lizzie.’
I raise my eyes to meet Adam’s. He looks hopeful, but I know there is no hope. Surprisingly, I feel nothing. ‘Was Ruby with her?’
Adam looks momentarily confused, then disappointed. He shakes his head. ‘No … no, Dee said she was with Erica.’
I glance out of the window into the darkness. So Erica was lying. And so was Adam. He’s lied about everything. To hide what he’s done. To protect himself.
When I see the light come on in the shed, see Erica’s silhouette in the window, the pieces fall into place.
‘I’m calling the police,’ I say, retrieving Adam’s phone from the floor. ‘You’re going to tell them what you saw, and we’re going to tell them Ruby’s alive and well and has been under our noses the whole time.’
Adam’s face closes. ‘I’m afraid I can’t do that, Lizzie.’
Chapter 43
Liz
June, 2017
Sunday, 7:30pm
Adam takes the phone from my hand and slides it into his pocket.
‘Don’t you understand what would happen if people found out about this? If they knew I obstructed the course of an investigation by withholding information? I’d be arrested. I wouldn’t be able to go back to the UK.’
I stare at the man I’d thought I loved more than anything and feel nothing but hollow.
‘Did you kill her?’ I whisper.
Adam tilts his head back and squeezes his eyes shut. ‘For the love of— No. I didn’t kill her! How many times do I have to tell you? How could you think I’m capable of such a thing?’
‘Then what happened?’ I ask, unmoved.
Adam cradles his face in his hands and moans. ‘God, Lizzie, it’s been so hard keeping it in. It was terrible, an awful, awful thing to happen. Dee was drunk, shouting. She was saying such heinous things, making threats … She was going to ruin everything we’ve worked so hard for. We argued. She … she fell, okay?’
‘Oh my God,’ I take a step backwards. My eyes sting with tears. ‘Did … did you push her?’
‘No! Fuck! She fucking fell and I … I tried to save her, but the tide was too strong. She was already too far out …’
I’m trembling as I try to read his expression but it’s like the Adam I knew has vanished. ‘Why don’t I believe you?’ I whisper.
Adam’s eyes flash with hurt, then an expression I’ve never seen in them before. A shiver runs through me. ‘I didn’t kill her,’ he says very softly. ‘Can we get that straight, Lizzie? It was an accident.’
The way he says it makes it sound like a threat. And then I see something that makes me go cold. There’s that tell, the muscle twitching in his jaw that he always gets when I catch him out in a lie. Like how many drinks he’s had at the pub, or what happened to the chocolate I put in the cupboard. Innocent things. Or so I thought.
He’s lying.
Ice washes over me. I try to make sense of reality as blood roars in my ears and the room closes in on me.
Adam’s watching me carefully. ‘Lizzie? Are you okay?’
Fear rises. I glance at the stairwell, gauging the gap between Adam and the stairs. If I made it past him, how long would it take me to reach the front door? Outside, Zac’s light comes on and his silhouette crosses the top floor.
If you scream loud enough, I’ll hear you.
‘How … how did you get back into town with the road closed?’ I ask, biding for time.
Adam shrugs, his eyes trained to my face. ‘I kept tabs on the traffic announcements, and the second the road was open I drove up. I knew I couldn’t leave it any longer or she’d tell you everything. When you said she’d come here, I thought that was it. I thought the game was up,’ he gives a humourless laugh. ‘In the beginning I thought maybe you were toying with me, trying to see if I’d confess something you already knew. But you genuinely didn’t seem to know anything. Only that Dee was scared of someone. I parked the car over in the bushes where no one would see it and walked to Dee’s house. It felt like the perfect opportunity; you’d think I was away, so if you did happen to see anything through the windows – God, I knew you were so fond of watching the bloody neighbours – you’d assume it was someone else.’ The way Adam’s speaking, it’s like telling me is a relief.
I keep waiting for the pain to come, but it’s like I’ve gone numb. Perhaps it’s shock. It feels like I’ve stumbled into some alternate universe, like none of this is real. And yet, somehow, it makes perfect sense.
‘We can come back from this, baby,’ Adam reaches for my hands. His eyes search mine and I fight the urge to recoil. ‘It was just one night; she was … needy. You know what I’m like, Liz. I felt sorry for her.’
I shudder. It’s inconceivable that he thinks my main grievance is that he slept with someone else, not that he murdered them.
‘She’s always been like that,’ he continues, warming to his theme. ‘Despera
te to be loved. I never understood what Rob saw in her. I suppose he thought he could save her.’
His naked derision for the woman he killed makes me want to be sick. I pull my hands from his grasp and take a step back. ‘Can you answer one question for me, Adam?’
Adam looks wary. ‘Of course.’
‘If it really was an accident, why didn’t you go to the police? Or call out? If she really just fell and was swept away, she might have been saved if you’d called for help.’
Adam hesitates before arranging his features in an earnest expression. ‘Lizzie, listen. I was sure she was already dead. What else could I have done? If I called the police I would have had to tell people the truth, and I wanted to protect you from that. Liz, please understand. I did what I did for us! Dee was going to destroy all our plans … The house we want to buy, the business …’
Your plans, I realise dimly. It’s never had anything to do with me.
‘I still want all that with you, darling. Don’t you want everything we’ve planned for? We could start over, put all this behind us. Dee’s gone now; it’s terrible, but there’s nothing we can do. There’s no sense in ruining our lives too, is there? When you think about it, it’s almost … a blessing. The poor woman was so unhappy …’
I half laugh, half sob. ‘Oh, so it’s a good thing, is it, that she’s been put out of her misery?’
‘You know that’s not what I meant.’ Adam says, softly.
It’s getting dark – lights are coming on across the creek. I think of the families in town beyond, families getting ready for dinner, putting their children to bed. I think of Dee, of a baby without a mother, and something simmers inside me. This could be my only chance.
I hesitate before saying, ‘I know.’
Adam looks at me with surprise.
‘All right,’ I say, offering him a small smile.
His eyes glint with hope. ‘All right what?’
‘We could start again. Pretend this never happened.’
Adam’s face relaxes.
‘Or at least, we might have been able to. Except for the fact that you killed her! You fucking killed her, Adam!’ The volume of my voice is startling.
Before he can react, I plough my shoulder into his chest. Adam’s startled eyes meet mine and he teeters for an instant before falling backwards. What follows is a sickening series of thuds as Adam falls down the stairs and a final, wet thunk as he hits the floor below.
Then silence.
I creep over to the top of the stairs and peer down. Adam lies on his side at the foot of the stairs, one leg twisted at an unnatural angle. ‘Oh my God,’ I whisper as my pulse pounds in my ears.
‘Oh fuck. Oh God.’ I look around wildly. What am I going to do? The drop from the window is too far. There’s only one way out. What if he wakes up? I won’t be able to fool him twice. I look around for a weapon but, after my clearing efforts this week, the loft is almost bare. Then I remember the binoculars – they’re made of solid, heavy metal. I find them under the cushions and creep back over to the stairs.
Adam hasn’t moved. I wait for a moment, listening. Is he breathing? I tip-toe down a couple of steps, wincing as they creak. I squint. I can just make out the faint rise and fall of his chest.
Fear and relief course through my veins. I’ll have to be quick; I don’t know how much time I have. I creep down the remaining stairs, holding my breath as I reach the last one. Adam’s prone body lies diagonally across the landing, between the last stair and the hall leading to the front door.
I take a deep breath and balance myself on the bottom stair, a little squeak escaping as I manoeuvre my other leg over Adam’s body and place it as lightly as I can just beside his hip. The floorboard creaks and I grimace as I shift my weight onto my other foot and half step, half jump over him.
My breath rushes out and I’m about to make a run for the door when something closes around my ankle.
I shriek, looking over my shoulder to see Adam on his stomach, staring at me with red eyes and blood dripping down the side of his face.
I kick my ankle free and run down the hall, unlatching the door and stumbling out into the cold night air. I can hear a rhythmic clunking and turn to see Adam rising from the floor and staggering forward.
I clamber into the boat, turn on the engine and pull the string but my hands are so clammy I can’t get a grip. ‘Fuck!’
Adam appears at the door, dragging one of his legs as he crosses the lawn and reaches the shore. The engine starts as he approaches and the boat zooms in to life, carrying me out into the water.
The boat is driving at an angle and too late I realise there’s a weight at the back. A glance backwards confirms it: Adam is clinging to the side of the boat, his red eyes boring into mine.
I scream and search frantically for any signs of life across the water. Zac’s in the window, but he’s not looking in this direction. ‘Help!’ I scream, waving my free arm frantically. ‘Zac! Help me!’
The boat rocks and I turn to see Adam haul himself up so his neck and shoulders are above the boat. I shriek and shove him with my free hand, but he doesn’t budge.
‘Help!’ I scream, but when I look up, Zac has disappeared from the window. ‘No! Zac! Zaaaac!’
‘Hey!’ a voice shouts from the shore. ‘What’s going on?’
Adam startles and slips downward as his grip loosens. I rear back and kick out my leg as hard as I can. My foot connects with Adam’s jaw, and there’s a sickening crack. Adam goes slack and slides down the side of the boat and into the water.
The boat continues to plough across the creek and, when I look over my shoulder, I can just make out Adam’s fingertips as they disappear below the water’s surface.
People are gathered on the shore and when the boat meets the sand and comes to a halt, I see who they are.
I crawl out of the boat and onto the sand with a sob. Zac kneels beside me and puts a hand on my back. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I don’t know,’ I gasp. ‘He tried … he would have killed me.’
Zac looks out across the water. ‘Who was that?’
‘My husband,’ I say, teeth chattering and body trembling with cold and shock.
I dimly register the scratchy texture of wool and a faint, flowery smell as a jumper is placed over my shoulders. And another scent. Baby powder.
Erica looks down at me with round, worried eyes. ‘Come inside, let’s get you some dry clothes and a hot drink.’
Chapter 44
Erica
June, 2017
Thursday, 8:15am
Dee isn’t answering her phone, and when I come through the shared gate between our houses and knock on the door, she’s not answering there either.
We did agree I’d drop her off at eight. Not that I mind, but now I’ll have to keep Ruby with me while I wait to hear from Dee. It’s the irresponsibility – the audacity – that irks me. She really doesn’t deserve this darling child. If she were mine, I’d take so much better care of her.
I sing softly as I finish tending to my flowers, making sure to water them just the right amount – I think I overwatered Lucy the other day and she’s looking a bit soggy – when the baby monitor crackles and I hear Ruby’s little coos and murmurs. Ah, she’s awake at last.
I head back to the shed – well, the nursery now, really, but we’ve never fallen out of the habit of calling it the shed – and pick Ruby up from her cot. She grins when she sees me, and it makes my heart swell.
I sit her amongst Your toys, smiling as she gurgles and chatters to one of Your stuffed teddy bears. It really is the perfect playroom; we had it set up perfectly for You. The previous owners had the space converted into a recording studio, which turned out well for when I needed to come in here to cry and be sure no one could hear me. It also means Ruby doesn’t disturb Samir, or the neighbours for that matter, which is a plus.
I was going to spend the cold winter months in here with You, keeping You warm, using my body to feed and nouri
sh You, as I did when I carried you in my womb, but I suppose having Ruby here on occasion to enjoy the beautiful space we made is some small consolation. They let us have You for a short while, and I brought You in, showed You our house and Your playroom. Samir doesn’t like to have Your toys and clothes in the house anymore, so they’ve all found a home here. There’s even a single bed in here now, set up because I love to be amongst Your things. And it’s useful for when Ruby spends the night; I just curl up in here beside her cot.
She’s getting so big now; gurgling and babbling away. She’s so chubby and soft; I could just spend days tickling those perfect, pink feet.
‘Where is your mama?’ I murmur, smiling as Ruby passes me her favourite stuffed toy; a blue rabbit that has purple spots for some inexplicable reason.
And she looks up at me with those round blue eyes and a cheeky grin and utters a word that makes me lose my breath.
‘Mama.’
Chapter 45
Liz
June, 2017
Sunday, 7:59pm
The four of us sit around the Haddads’s dining table holding cups of tea that remain full but have gone cold as we wait for the police to arrive. I look out into the night. The lights are all still on across the water, and for some reason the sight makes me unbearably sad.
‘He might still be alive.’
Zac’s staring out at the water. ‘I doubt it,’ he murmurs. The ripples have faded, the surface now still and quiet.
I don’t know whether I’m in shock, but my teeth have stopped chattering and my body has stopped trembling and now all I feel is numb.
‘He killed her,’ I hear myself say, to no one in particular.
‘Who?’ Zac asks.
‘Adam.’ A single tear slips down my cheek. ‘He killed Dee. He said it was an accident, but it wasn’t. I know it wasn’t.’
Zac stares at me, slack-jawed, and Erica and Samir are both white with horror.
‘My God, she was murdered?’ Erica claps a hand over her mouth, muffling what sounds like a sob. Her eyes are as round as saucers.
Across the Water Page 21
