‘I’m sorry,’ I say, my voice sounding distant, small. ‘I didn’t know. He’s lied. All along. He’s lied about everything.’
‘Wait. Who’s lied? Do you mean your husband?’ Samir’s tone is urgent, and I swear I can see a glint of moisture in his eyes. ‘He killed Dee?’
I nod. ‘He confessed. Well, more or less. And there’s evidence. Text messages between him and Dee. They had an affair. Ruby was his. He said Dee was trying to extort money out of him. But I don’t know what to believe. He’s lied about so much. I knew all along something was wrong. I knew Dee would never do anything to harm her baby. She loved her,’ my voice cracks. ‘She loved her.’
I’m aware that I’m rambling, repeating myself, but I can’t seem to stop. It’s like by speaking the words I’m making sense of them, passing on some of the burden. I want people to know. I want everyone to know. Dee is innocent. I can’t bring back her life, but I can clear her name.
There’s a low sound and it takes a moment for me to realise it’s come from Samir. He’s moaning, his head is in his hands, fingers raking at his hair.
The three of us stare at him in shock.
‘I thought it was my fault,’ he says, dragging his hands down his face. ‘I thought I’d been too slow, that the bastard had finally got to her.’
‘What do you mean?’
Erica puts a hand on her husband’s back and rubs it up and down. In a distant part of my brain I wonder at their newfound closeness.
‘It’s never been your fault, darling,’ she whispers to him.
Samir looks up at us, eyes brimming with tears. ‘Dee was in trouble … An ex of hers was in debt to some dodgy characters. Fucking bastard,’ Samir’s fists clench and Zac slants me a look but Erica doesn’t even flinch.
‘If her ex didn’t pay his debts, they were going to hurt Dee. Maybe Ruby and Rob too. The coroner’s report came back saying it was an accident, but I knew what had really happened. Or at least I thought I did.’ He swipes at his eyes and Erica hands him a tissue.
‘It’s okay, Samir,’ Erica soothes. ‘It’s a terrible thing that’s happened, but it’s not your fault. Everything’s going to be okay.’
‘But what are we going to do, love? You know what I’m talking about. What’s going to happen to you? To us?’
Erica straightens her back and lifts her chin. ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We’ve been through worse.’
They share a sad smile.
‘Ruby’s okay, isn’t she?’ I ask.
Erica and Samir exchange a look. ‘Yes,’ Erica says, meeting my gaze. ‘Baby Ruby is just fine.’
‘Whoa. What?’ Zac says, looking between me and Erica in disbelief. ‘Ruby’s alive?’
Erica sighs sadly, wiping a tear from her eye. ‘I suppose you’d better come and see.’
Samir puts an arm around Erica’s shoulder, and she leans in to him. He kisses the top of her head. ‘I promise I’ll take care of you. Whatever happens …’
Zac still looks baffled as Erica beckons us down the hallway. ‘Where is she?’ I ask.
‘I think you know,’ Erica says. ‘Come on. I’ll show you.’
We walk to the shed in silence, and Erica unlocks the door and opens it. In front of us is a small, square room that is filled with babies’ things, every imaginable item from rattles to booties to toys to books. The walls are covered in duckling wallpaper. There’s a single bed in one corner, a mountain of colourful cushions and a duck shaped night light emitting a soft, yellow glow.
I give a little gasp. Beside the bed, in a cot strewn with soft toy animals and covered in a pale blue blanket, lies baby Ruby, sound asleep.
Chapter 46
Liz
August, 2017
Five weeks later
I visited her grave before coming home. It’s a small, granite headstone set in a little cemetery on the outskirts of Oyster Creek, overlooking the ocean. Engraved at the top are the simple words:
DELILAH JANE WATERS,
A LOVING MOTHER
Beneath that are the dates that mark the brevity of her life.
The town held a candlelight vigil in Dee’s honour the night before I left. As I watched the candles flickering in the dark, I hope that wherever she is now, Dee is finally at peace.
I can’t quite forgive myself for not having protected her that night, even though I had no idea what – or whom – she needed protecting from. If I’d known who my husband really was, could I have stopped all this from happening? I’ll never know. But I imagine I’ll always wonder.
Tanya says that, like with Christy and Bella’s murder, the sole blame for Dee’s death lies with Adam. But it does little to assuage the remorse, the guilt. Because no matter who’s fault it is, three people are dead – four, if you count Adam – and a child has been left without a mother. It’s so senseless, so heartbreaking. But the world can be that way sometimes, I suppose.
My sessions with Tanya have been helping, and I’m pleased for the small mercy that, although Dee lost her life, her name was cleared. As I knew all along, Dee hadn’t done anything to her baby, and she’d never have deliberately left her motherless. In fact, she died trying to do everything in her power to protect her.
***
It’s still a shock to know how wrong I’ve been in so many other ways. Adam’s emails have proven to be a window into the secret world he kept hidden from me. There are several from his father. In one, Tim writes that Adam was not to inherit the property unless he’d settled down. From his emails, Tim seems genuinely concerned for his son – completely unlike the picture Adam painted of his father – because apparently Adam had ‘squandered the money he’d given him’ and he was ‘concerned for his well-being’. Tim wanted to see him ‘settled and happy with someone trustworthy’ before he trusted him with his business and his finances.
It was all a far cry from Adam’s version of things. But at least now I know why we needed to be married so quickly, and before Tim died. To think I’d considered it romantic: a whirlwind romance. One thing Adam hadn’t counted on was me outliving him and inheriting it all. I’ll admit, there is some small satisfaction to be found in that.
I also found emails from his ex-business partner, Brett. From what I can deduce, it seems Beth was in fact Brett’s girlfriend, and it was Adam who had stolen her from him. I remember Brett’s frosty reception when we ran into him one night at a charity gala. No wonder. I don’t think anything could surprise me anymore.
Not even what happened this morning, it seems. I force myself to take a deep breath as I stare at the window in the living room at my father’s house, watching the sun set over the hills. I think of the chain of events that occurred in the lead up to this moment, running my hands over my stomach as I think of the two pink lines on the pregnancy test I took this morning that confirmed what I already instinctively knew.
I think of Dee and Ruby, of Christy and Bella, and I’m not sure what I’ll do. A life is a life, but isn’t it enough that there is already one innocent child with the legacy of a murderer in her bones? A child who will grow up without her mother? Whatever I choose, I’m grateful that at least the decision about what comes next is mine and mine alone to make.
My heart aches for Erica, who was never given a choice. Knowing what I know now, I understand how she could have done what she did. She hadn’t intended to keep Ruby; when she went to hand her back to Dee after minding her for the night, she found the house empty and Dee wasn’t answering her phone.
Erica suspected Dee of running off without telling anyone. She was angry with her, at first, thinking she’d just wanted some more time to herself and assumed Erica wouldn’t mind having Ruby. But when the evening came and there was still no sign of her, she began to worry.
By the time Erica reported it, she feared she’d left it too late and knew the police would suspect her of involvement. That’s why she lied about the last time she’d seen Dee and Ruby. She managed to conceal Ruby from Samir until the d
ay Dee was found, but they hadn’t decided what they were going to do about it yet.
Samir had nothing to do with Dee’s death, nor were they having an affair. Samir, as an ex-cop with connections, had been trying to help her, but there was no cancelling the hit on her head until the debt was paid. The night Dee disappeared, Samir had been going over to lend her the money but found the house empty. It was late because it had taken him that long to make arrangements to get the cash so it couldn’t be traced. What I saw Samir dragging that night was nothing more than a garbage bag. Adam had been right about that much, at least. Samir expressed regret that if he’d got to Dee sooner, she might still be alive.
I think we’re all dealing with different levels of guilt and grief over what happened.
Samir and Erica turned themselves in and were charged accordingly. Ruby was taken in as a ward of the state and is being found a temporary home in foster care. The thought of that child being without her mother in the care of strangers shreds my heart.
But there is some hope. Dee had written an unofficial will which she gave to Samir to read in the event of her death. She leaves everything – including Ruby – to Erica and Samir. As Dee has no living family, and Rob isn’t Ruby’s biological father, the case is currently being considered in court and, law permitting, it may actually happen.
Some days are better than others. Sometimes I almost feel normal. I’ll be at lunch with a friend, and we’ll laugh about something that happened back when we were at university, or about something one of their kids said on the way to school the other day. But other days I’m weighed down with the enormity of it all, by the sadness, the fear. The realisation that comes to me now and again – that I lived under the same roof as someone like Adam, oblivious to what he was and the danger I was in – and it steals my breath.
I’m not back at work yet. In all honesty I’m not sure I can return to that sort of role again. I’ve been thinking of other jobs I might try; something physical would be good, something that keeps me active so my mind doesn’t have the chance to wander. I’m not sure what that might look like, but I’ve been doing some research and I suppose I’ll find something, eventually.
I’ve also been thinking of moving back to the country to be nearer to Dad. He’s getting on a bit now, and he’s been so good to me; not just after all that’s happened but being the sole parent to me growing up. It’s clear now, more than ever, how hard it must have been for him; the sacrifices he must have made. Something’s shifted since I’ve come home, after everything, and I feel closer to him somehow. We share something in common now; we were both married to people who turned out to be strangers.
The sun has set now, the end of another day. The lights across the field blink on and I get a little shiver, as I often do at this time of day.
I turn away from the window and close the blinds, listening to the sound of my father tinkering away in the kitchen. I run a hand over my stomach and take a deep, cleansing breath. Tomorrow is another day. A chance to start again. And I know what I need to do.
THE END
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Acknowledgements
I find this part difficult, as there are so many incredible people who contribute to the production of a novel. But there are some who it would be simply criminal not to mention.
Firstly, as ever, I am extremely grateful to my wonderful agent Lorella Belli whose energy, tenacity and enthusiasm for this business are second to none. I feel so lucky to be working with you.
Secondly, my talented editor Hannah Todd. Across the Water would be nowhere near the novel it is today without your hard work, insight and patience. When you received this manuscript it was in a rather sorry state, but you saw its potential and helped me turn a rough draft in to a novel I can feel proud of. Thank you for that.
A big thank you to Katie Loughnane; although we didn’t work together on this book you have been the most wonderful champion of my work. You were the one to snatch up Across the Water and you did all the hard work in the lead up to edits. Thank you.
Huge thanks to the brilliant copyeditors Lydia Mason and Emily Ruston for your work on this novel, and to Ellie Game for the stunning cover design; I couldn’t have hoped for better! And, of course, a heartfelt thank you for the rest of the team at One More Chapter for your hard work and dedication; it’s been a pleasure working with you all.
Lastly, I want to thank my family, in particular my mum, who has always been my biggest supporter, and my husband Vidar, who is always by my side. Thanks to my in-laws for your support, my dearest friends and fellow author friends – you know who you are!
And lastly, here’s to you, readers! Without you, I wouldn’t be able to do what I do. It really is a privilege and I am deeply grateful to every one of you who has read, bought, borrowed, shared or reviewed one of my books. Thank you.
Also by Ingrid Alexandra
The New Girl
Across the Water
About the Author
Ingrid Alexandra is based in Sydney. Her work has previously been long-listed for The Ampersand Prize and while living in London, Ingrid had the privilege of being mentored by the Guardian First Novel Award shortlisted and Nestle Prize winning author Daren King. THE NEW GIRL is her first psychological thriller novel.
@ingridwrites
@ingridwrites
Author website www.ingridalexandrabooks.com
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