Once Forbidden

by TERRI BRISBIN

  Once he was dressed again in plaid and shirt, he tied his hair back and sat on the corner of the bed to replace his boots. He heard her squeal and then saw her peek her head out.

  "Ye can come out now, wife. I am dressed." He stood before her as she pushed the covers back and took in a breath of the cooler air.

  "I can see that," she answered in a snippy tone. He arched a brow at her.

  "Is there something amiss?"

  She slid back and sat against the wooden headboard, never taking her eyes from him. She lifted a single layer of linen up to her neck, effectively blocking the view of her breasts he could see through the sheer nightgown she wore. A gift from Lady Margaret no doubt in anticipation of their wedding night this evening. She must have seen the path of his gaze now for she arranged her hair over her shoulders like a curtain. Anice probably would not have done so if she knew how the sight of those fiery red tresses inflamed him even more.

  "Was the handfasting part of your plan?"

  He crossed his arms and faced her. "No, but Duncan thought it would help to strengthen our cause."

  "He knows? What have you told him?" Her voice reeked of condescension, like a lady to a servant, and he took offense to it. His glare must have warned her off. "I bet your pardon, husband. I thought you would keep your plan, our plan, secret. The more who know, the more of a chance of Struan and my father finding out before you want them to." She ended her words with her head down where he could not see her expression.

  "I would rather ye ask me the questions ye have than to throw out these darts of anger and sarcasm, Anice. We must find a way to deal with each other fairly if we are to live together as man and wife."

  Robert wanted to smile, but fought to keep it from his face. The infuriating, haughty Lady Anice still lived inside her and with his help, she would come out once more. He did not favor either her behaviors—the sarcastic remarks or being spoken down to as though he were a servant. He took them as a good sign that she was still a fighter and would not back down now as they moved step by step closer to what they both sought. Together.

  She looked up at him and studied his face intently. He met her gaze and waited for her words. Anice nodded at him.

  "I have never been a wife, Robert. I do not know the way of it." Her voice trembled as she shared her fear with him.

  He realized the truth of her words. She and Sandy had married but shared only the debacle of a wedding night. Anice knew more about living with Struan and accommodating his wants and needs than those of her own husband. He fought to control the shudder that passed through him as he thought of what might have happened if Sandy had returned to Dunnedin seeking an obedient wife. May his depraved soul burn in hell for eternity, he thought even as he smiled at her.

  "And I have never been husband to any woman, Anice. So we will need to learn of it together...." She gifted him with a tentative smile, one that held such promise that he felt his chest tighten from it. "Now, Lady Margaret was hoping you'd be rested enough to join us at table for dinner. If she finds that I woke ye and kept ye up with talking, she will have my b—... head." He stood and turned to leave. Her voice stopped him.

  "Robert. A question, please?"

  He looked at her and waited. That becoming blush reappeared on her face and she looked uncomfortable about asking him something.

  "What is it?"

  "If I come to dinner, will they...? I mean to say, will I...?" She looked at him as though he could answer the question she could not get out.

  "Just say it, Anice."

  "Must you kiss me in front of them?"

  Of all the things he thought she'd ask, that was one he'd not thought of. Did he have to kiss her? Nay, but now that the question was asked, all he wanted to do was kiss her.

  "Aye, wife. 'Twill be expected of us as newly married to celebrate our union with a kiss or two."

  "Two?" she whispered. He could not tell from her widened eyes if she was pleased or horrified by the possibility.

  "As I said when we made this bargain, lass. A kiss now and then for show. Only for that and only when needed, of course."

  He waited to be struck down for the liar he was. He would have kissed her for days on end if she'd allow it. Her naive belief that he could be satisfied with those few simple expressions of affection was so far wrong he wanted to burst out in laughter. But he knew that he would have to break her in just as he did any terrified filly—soft touches, soft words, and the necessary time.

  "Could you...? Do you think...?" She stuttered over her words and twisted her fingers in the sheets and she would not meet his glance. He walked closer to the bed and lifted her chin with his hand. Looking at him now, he smiled to reassure her.

  "Anice? Just say it."

  "Would you kiss me here so I know what to expect at dinner? I do not want my fears to embarrass you in front of your friends and the laird."

  He was deeply touched by her consideration and he admitted to himself that it was genuine. But under that concern he also recognized some amount of curiosity and longing to kiss him. He thanked the Almighty that there might be a glimmer of passion yet left within her.

  Still holding her chin in his hand, Robert leaned forward and touched his lips to hers. Her soft intake of breath told him that she was fighting her own fears in allowing him this. Robert opened his eyes and found her staring at him as he drew closer. He did not break from her stare.

  He controlled his own hunger for her and did nothing more than move his mouth gently over hers. Once, twice, and then again, he pressed against her mouth, never allowing his tongue to slide inside and seek hers within. He did not want her to be afraid. He hoped she would learn not only to tolerate his kisses, but at some time to want and welcome them.

  He lifted his head and looked down at her, awaiting her reaction. She barely breathed, but then neither did he. An innocent kiss and yet its effect on him was so powerful. His body reacted at her first request, surging, full and ready beneath the hastily wrapped plaid. But it was his heart that was now even more engaged that before.

  "Well? How was that?" he asked as she continued to gape at him without speaking.

  "'Twas fine, Robert. Thank you for showing me what to expect."

  He grunted, not knowing what else to say to her. Her polite acceptance was not what he'd hoped for, but 'twas all he was getting at the moment. Straightening his belt and plaid, he walked to the door without looking back at her. He truly feared his actions if her lips looked fuller or if her eyes were passion-glazed because of his kiss. He might run back and dive onto the bed, taking her down into the soft mattress and covering her with himself. It would end any hope he had of a gradual acceptance of a physical relationship.

  Opening the door, he walked quietly out and pulled it snugly into its frame. It was only later, after a run-in with Lady Margaret over waking Anice from her rest, that the truth of the experience hit him.

  They'd shared their first kiss. If the laughter that bubbled forth from him confused anyone in the hall when it happened, he neither cared nor worried. 'Twas their first kiss.

  * ~ * ~ *

  Every space at every table in the hall was filled and the level of noise made her wince as they approached the entrance. This room was also larger than the one at Dunnedin, as were the keep and the village. Duncan had spared no expense or comforts when building his keep, for she spied glass windows in many of the higher rooms and even some carpets on the floor. The design of the keep was also very different from Struan's. To her surprise, she was escorted through an enclosed courtyard before entering—the keep was built around it, giving a measure of privacy and protection to those who wanted or needed it. And she discovered that the private solar on the second floor was the size of a small great hall!

  Luckily her hand lay on Robert's forearm and he guided her steps for she knew if he did not, she would stumble in her nervousness. Could she, could they carry this out? She had tossed and turned in bed after he'd left, thinking about the bargain they'd
made and how it would affect not only the lives of her and her son, but also the rest of the MacKendimen clan. And how would her father react at the news that she had defied him and married the son of a steward instead of the son of an earl? In spite of Robert's assurances that he would handle those concerns, the tremors shook her and she was unable to hide them from him.

  "Easy now, Anice. No harm will come to ye here."

  He patted her hand as he whispered the words. The warmth in his big hand seeped into her frozen one and she did try to let go of some of her tension as they walked into the hall. But the sound of his name being shouted by hundreds of people caused her to shake. She would have turned and fled if not for his hold on her hand.

  "Ye rule over the hall in Dunnedin with ease, Anice. Dinna let this rattle ye."

  He was correct, of course. From the time she'd been old enough to speak, she'd been trained to rule and run the keep and the people of Dunnedin. This was really no different. She could do this. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, she walked by his side through the hall as people shouted to him and greeted him on their way to the dais. He assisted her up the steps and guided her to her seat next to Lady Margaret. As she sat, she watched Robert accept warm and hearty welcomes from the other men at the table. She nodded to Laird Duncan and then noted the resemblance between him and a younger man at his side.

  "Our eldest son, Jamie," Lady Margaret said, as she pointed to the younger man. "Duncan's brothers, Ian and Logan, and his uncle Malcolm join us."

  Anice nodded at each of the men as Lady Margaret named them. Although their faces were all roughened by age and life and two of them bore the same type of scars that the laird did, ones gained in battle no doubt, their expressions were not cruel or hard. Their eyes sparkled with a sort of joy of life and their affection for Robert was evident in the greeting they gave. A few minutes later, Robert sat next to her. A serving boy came forward and filled both of their cups with wine. She waited as Robert exchanged a few words with the boy.

  "Young Kevin haes progressed well in my absence," Robert announced as she watched the lad color under his praise. "And he haes grown a foot more in height and put on at least a stone in weight, thanks no doubt to Lady Margaret's care." Robert raised his cup in salute to the laird's wife.

  "Here now, Robert," Duncan said as he rose from his seat. "Our good wishes should be for ye and the Lady Anice." Turning to face the hall, Duncan held his cup aloft and waited for quiet. "Raise yer drinks and voices for Robert and Lady Anice on the occasion of their marriage." Duncan turned to them and nodded. "Much happiness and much prosperity and much fruitfulness do we wish them this day!"

  She tried to raise her own cup to her lips, but the attention and her nervous shaking prevented her from doing so. To her surprise, Robert covered her hand with his and raised their hands and her cup to her mouth. She took a sip and met his eyes over the rim. His smile made her breathless; she could almost believe from his actions and his expression that this was more than an arrangement between them. As she swallowed she realized that he did this all to put on a brave face to the people who had raised him. She would do as much for him since his plan would save her and keep her son with her.

  Once she sipped, she let him guide the cup to his own mouth and watched as his lips parted and he drank deeply of the wine. Lost in staring at his mouth, the sound of hundreds of fists pounding on the tables throughout the hall finally broke into her reverie. Startled, she looked around at the expectant faces of those seated nearest and then back at Robert. He smiled and leaned closer, whispering to her as he did.

  "Yer pardon, Anice."

  She looked at his eyes and saw the softening in his gaze. Ah, so the time had come to play the married couple. After the brief kiss in their room, she felt prepared to face this now. She lifted her face to his and waited. In an instant, she knew she was wrong, completely wrong.

  His hand slipped behind her head and drew her closer. She felt his fingers tangle in her hair even as his lips touched hers. Unlike the kiss already shared, this one was filled with a passion she did not expect. His mouth was hot on hers and soon she felt his tongue touch her lips. She gasped and he slipped inside to touch her there. Held close by the hand on her head, she waited, a bit terrified by the feeling of him inside her there and by the feelings that rampaged through her. His tongue touched hers and she tasted the sweetness of the wine they had shared. Anice sighed as he tilted his face and the kiss deepened.

  She lost track of time and of the company around them as his mouth claimed hers. Instead of fear, Anice felt something within her tighten and tingling waves moved through her from her stomach and into her breasts and then deep inside to the very core of her. Memories of another kiss, one filled with passion, one shared with the impostor years before, filled her thoughts. The raucous yelling and cheering finally grabbed her attention and Robert's, for he lifted his mouth from hers and slid his hand from her head. Looking around the room and then at her, he claimed one more quick hard kiss from her and leaned back smiling.

  Anice blinked, trying to reclaim her wits, for she was certain he'd stolen them from her. Her breathing came fast and hard as though she'd run the length of this hall and back again. Most unnerving to her, however, was the continued pulsing that made her quiver inside.

  "Yer pardon, Anice," he whispered to her as he offered her the cup of wine, now refilled by the young page nearby. "I didna plan to overstep the bounds we set." She could only nod as she drank deeply of the wine, hoping it would calm her racing heart.

  Duncan rose once more and called out to his people. "Here now, bring out the food. They will need to build up their strength for the night ahead, from the look of it!"

  She felt the heat burning in her cheeks as all those around them cheered and clapped once more. And her lips still felt swollen from Robert's kiss. Lady Margaret must have noticed her unease for she drew her into conversation as the servants began bringing out large platters of food. Looking down at her hands on her lap, Anice wanted to run from the room. As if he had heard her thoughts, Robert leaned over as he placed some food on the plate they would share.

  "Now that we have given them what they wanted, they should leave you in peace."

  His voice calmed her fears. One look at his face, full of concern, and she knew she had nothing to worry about. Robert understood their agreement and would stand by it, even if they had to put on these displays from time to time to appease the people who knew him. She had no idea if the same type of behavior would be needed to demonstrate their relationship to Struan and the MacKendimens. She nodded at him and then turned to answer Lady Margaret, who asked a question about Craig.

  The rest of the meal progressed smoothly and her stomach calmed enough that she was even able to eat. Knowing that Robert would abide by her limits made things much easier. So much so that when Lady Margaret took her hand to lead her and the other women off to prepare her for Robert and the night ahead, she did not tremble.

  Chapter 23

  "Does she ken?"

  Duncan's voice cut through the welcome silence of the private solar. The hall had grown too loud for him and the laird had invited him abovestairs to share a cup of wine before retiring. It was obvious that Duncan wanted to speak to him now that the ladies had left the hall for their chambers.

  "What?" Robert turned to face the man who was more a father to him than his natural one. Duncan had taken in a scared boy those eight years ago and turned him into an accomplished man, and he had done it with a sense of humor and a concern usually reserved for one's own children. "Does she ken what?" he repeated.

  "That ye really did this because ye love her and no' for any other reason ye may give as an excuse."

  "I did it to..." He could not complete his words. His reasons were now so jumbled in his mind that he could not unravel them. Robert looked at Duncan, helpless to explain the whole of it. Duncan poured more of his favorite wine into Robert's cup and nodded.

  "Ye may have begun this as a way
to get from Struan what he would no' give ye freely, but that is no' why ye do this now."

  "'Tis worse than that, Duncan. Truly worse," he confessed as he sat down in a chair next to the table where Duncan now sat. "I wanted her because she was Sandy's wife." He put the cup down on the table and, leaning over, ran his hands through his hair. Holding his head, he rubbed his temples, trying to ease the tightness there.

  "Coveting yer brother's wife? 'Tis surely a grave sin. Did the good Faither Cleirach give ye penance for that?" He could hear the laughter, completely inappropriate for the discussion, in the laird's voice.

  "How much do ye ken?" Robert asked, lifting his gaze to meet Duncan's.

  "All of it. Mayhap even more than ye ken yerself."

  "Then why do ye support me in this?" Duncan frowned at him. "Do no' deny it, Duncan. Ye have pushed and pointed me in directions I would no' have taken since the day I arrived here. If ye are Struan's oldest friend and staunchest ally, why do ye do it?"

  Duncan stood and walked over to the hearth, staring into the flames for a moment before he spoke. Without turning his head, he answered.

  "Because I can tell right from wrong and he wronged ye deeply. I dinna ken his reasons, and they must be clear to him, but I dinna agree with what he haes done to ye these last eight years."

  "But, Duncan, if ye back me in this folly, it could bring war between the MacKendimens and the MacKillops. How can ye risk such a thing...?" Robert could not say the words but they hung between them in the air. For me.

  "Is it folly, lad? To right a wrong? To do what I can to give ye back the place ye should have within yer family? And to help the lass who haes suffered in her own way because of the same mistake by Struan? Is that so foolish?"

  "She haes no idea," he said, answering Duncan's original question.

  "Of yer feelings or motives for marrying her? Or do ye speak of the rightful place ye deserve within the MacKendimens?" Duncan walked to the table once more and sat across from him.