Once Forbidden

by TERRI BRISBIN

  Days turned into weeks and summer was almost done. The clan began returning from the summer shielings; the drovers guided the cattle they would keep back to their pens to prepare for the slaughter and preserving. Others were driven to market to raise funds from the sales. Struan spoke to him as needed, but there was little else exchanged between them. Anice carried out the duties she'd returned to just before their marriage and he gradually took on more of the responsibilities for running the defenses of the village and castle and the training of the warriors.

  And he knew that if something did not change between him and Anice, he would go insane. He was tempted to visit Robena, but he knew that word would get back to Anice. He valued Robena's friendship too much to risk her place, now a comfortable one, in Dunnedin. And he realized that he did not want the embraces and kisses of another woman, he wanted his wife. He cursed himself for being such a fool as to enter into this agreement with her and saw no way out for himself. He prayed, however, nightly for help in his dilemma. 'Twas Brodie that gave him the help he needed to take the first step towards her.

  * ~ * ~ *

  Brodie challenged him to a wrestling match. It seemed like a good way to burn off some of his restlessness, so he agreed. Now, with his face being pushed into the dirt of the practice yard, the idea did not seem as smart as it had before.

  "Come now, Robbie. Ye can do better than that," Brodie goaded him on.

  Robert slipped free of his hold and attacked again. He managed to grab hold of Brodie’s leg and upend his friend to the ground. Pouncing on him, Robert twisted along with Brodie, keeping hold of him at each maneuver. Those watching along the perimeter of the yard cheered for one or the other with every move. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rachelle approach the fence.

  "I was taking pity on ye, friend. I dinna want yer wife to have to watch yer defeat in her delicate condition."

  The one moment of distraction caused by his words was enough for him to claim victory, his first over Brodie's superior skills. He jumped to his feet and yelled out his victory to everyone around who could hear. Then, reaching down, he pulled Brodie to his feet and they walked towards Rachelle. It was then that he saw Anice standing next to her, red-faced from cheering and still clapping.

  "I let ye win, Robbie. I did no' want ye to disappoint yer new wife."

  He smacked his friend on his back and they ran over to their wives. Brodie lifted Rachelle into his arms and kissed her long and hard. To do less with his own wife would be too obvious, yet he feared her reaction if he showed the same enthusiasm as Brodie for Rachelle.

  "I thank ye for yer support, wife." He took her by the shoulders and pulled her close. Dipping down to her, he kissed her mouth. The quick, for-show-only kiss he planned quickly turned into something more when she leaned into him and opened her mouth. He slipped his tongue in to taste her and held her closer as the kiss went on and on. It was as he had dreamed it could be—she did not pull back, she did not cry out in fear. Instead, he felt the tentative touch of her own tongue on his as he kept their mouths together.

  His cock surged yet again beneath his plaid and, on its own, his body sought hers. Stepping closer, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held her tightly. He knew immediately that he had done something very wrong for she turned to stone in his embrace. Lifting his mouth from hers, he saw the old fear in her eyes. Seeking to make the end look somewhat mutually planned, he smiled and released her.

  "Brodie, I think Anice just got a good whiff of me. I should wash up before accosting her again."

  Brodie and Rachelle laughed, neither of them apparently bothered by the odor of fighting men. 'Twas an excuse, pure and simple, to allow Anice to escape from him without drawing too much attention. And she did so with hardly any words. Rachelle went off with her, but not before exchanging some curious looks with her husband. Robert watched with utter longing as Anice walked away.

  "So, when will ye end this charade and tell her how ye feel?"

  "What are ye talking about, Brodie?" He tried to bluff his way out of this, but Brodie saw too much.

  "Come now, dinna play me for a fool, even if ye have chosen to act like one."

  "Brodie...," he growled in warning.

  "Rob, I can see what is happening. Ye want her now even as ye wanted her this last month. Now she is yer wife, but something holds ye back from her. Is it her fear of men?"

  "Aye, 'tis that. And was I so obvious in my lust for her that you and others noticed?"

  Robert did not wait for an answer; he turned towards the armory and Brodie followed along. When they were away from anyone else, he stopped. Wiping his brow with the back of his hand, he stared at his friend.

  "I saw it because I ken ye. I doubt that anyone else noticed."

  He grunted.

  "Most here ken she canna abide being touched, even innocently, by the men of the clan," Brodie continued. "They go out of their way to avoid any contact with her, and have since she recovered from Sandy's savagery."

  He exhaled, surprised that so many knew what it had taken him days to see. "Do they all ken what he did?"

  "Oh, nay," Brodie assured him with a fierce shake of his head. "Most ken that Sandy beat her, but no one haes ever spoken of it with her. I doubt that even Moira haes. But the fear shows itself despite her efforts to hide it."

  "Do ye ken what he did?"

  Brodie did not answer right away, but spent a moment or two looking at the keep in the distance. "Aye, Rob. I was closest when Firtha sought help." He saw Brodie swallow deeply and heard him clear his throat once and again. "'Tis a miracle that she is alive today."

  If Brodie, a warrior of fierce abilities and experience, was so moved by what he had seen, Robert could only imagine the horror of it. And here he was lusting after her. How could he so callously ignore all she had suffered?

  "And here I stand lusting after her and trying to force myself on her."

  "Nay, Rob. Anyone could see she was involved in that kiss. Mayhap she is learning to let go of her fear?"

  He shook his head at his friend. "If it were only that easy, Brodie."

  Brodie gave him a questioning frown. "What have ye done, Rob? What holds ye back?"

  "I promised her a marriage in name only. I gave my word not to take what she did no' offer on her own." Even he could hear the misery in his voice.

  Brodie slapped him on the back and laughed at him. "Then get her to change the agreement—or get her to offer! Whichever is the easier quest."

  Robert looked in disbelief at his friend. Easier? Neither of those choices offered much hope of gaining her confidence and trust.

  "Or get used to yer hand!" Brodie roared and trotted away before Robert could punch him.

  A fine friend he turned out to be—laughing at his pain and making such a suggestion. Mayhap he would ask her to change their bargain.... If she agreed he would make it work between them, he would make it good for her. And if she said no, then he would be free to seek relief elsewhere.

  * ~ * ~ *

  He entered the room without knocking and found her sitting in one of the chairs, working to repair one of the babe's gowns. It was still daylight and he guessed she worked here because Craig slumbered in the cradle near the fire. She looked up and watched his approach.

  "I would speak with ye, Anice, if ye have time?"

  "Aye. Craig should sleep for at least another hour. Do you want to talk here or should I call someone to sit with him?"

  "No, this is fine," he said as he sat on the other chair. "I wish to speak to ye about our arrangements."

  "Arrangements?"

  "Our marriage."

  She blanched, losing all the color in her face. Her reaction did not bode well for him or their future. She twisted her fingers together and he could see her tremble.

  "Do ye think we could ever have a real marriage, Anice?"

  "Lady Margaret asked the same question of me, Robert and I think the answer is still the same. I fear not."

  "I pr
omise to make it good for ye. I would never hurt ye. Ye do believe me, dinna ye?"

  She shuddered at his words. He had his answer without her saying anything. He stood to leave. Anice reached out to him and then stopped just short of touching his hand.

  "Robert. I am sorry. I tried to tell you when you made you offer."

  "Aye, Anice, ye did. And damn me for the fool I am, I thought it would change as ye got to ken me better."

  "I know that men seek their pleasures, Robert. You do not need my permission; however, I would understand if you sought your pleasure with someone else. I fear I cannot give you what you want from a wife."

  He stared at her, but she would not meet his gaze. He walked straight out of the room, not daring to say any more to her. Seek his pleasures with someone else? As though he needed her permission.

  * ~ * ~ *

  She could see that he had been drinking for some time before the meal started. One pitcher sat in front of him and she could tell as she lifted it that it was nearly empty. Anice took her seat between Struan's chair and Robert's. He had never overindulged in wine as long as she'd known him; somehow this day was different. She knew that she was the cause.

  "Kenneth?" she called out to the boy who served the head table. "Bring me a new pitcher, with water this time, please."

  "Ye may drink water if ye choose to, wife, but I want more wine."

  His eyes were red and she could smell the wine on his breath as he held out his cup to the page and demanded more. Would he be a mean drunk? She looked around and noticed the speculative looks from those closest to the head table. Platters of food were placed near them on the table and she reached out to fill her plate.

  "Can I fix your plate, Robert? Some food to fill you?"

  "Nay, wife. I have no stomach for food. I wish to drink my meal."

  This was bad, truly bad. She had no power to stop him from doing whatever he wished to do, be it drink or anything else. Anice decided that her best choice might be to leave and eat in her room. There was no sense in angering him more with her presence after she had refused to consider his request earlier.

  "If you will excuse me, Robert, I must check on Craig." She started to rise, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back down into her seat.

  "Nay, Anice. There is no need for ye to leave, for I have no intention of staying here. Enjoy yer meal and yer evening."

  He stood and swayed on his feet, the wine making his balance wobbly. He tripped down the steps and she held her breath, waiting for him to fall. The entire room grew quiet as he laughed his way through the hall. Then, shocking her even more, he paused in the back and plucked Robena from her seat. Dragging her to him, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her from the hall with him.

  She could not move. The muscles of her chest refused to draw in air. Her eyes burned with tears of humiliation at his actions. She blinked to try to control them, for crying in front of everyone here would simply add to her shame. Realizing that she had to leave, she rose in one movement and stepped away from the table. If God was merciful, she would escape the room before losing control.

  The Almighty must have been paying attention to someone else's prayers, for she had taken only a few steps when the tears began to fall. Anice gathered up her gown and ran from the room, as much horrified by her reaction as by his behavior.

  Chapter 28

  Someone was pounding on his head. Blinded by the light surrounding him, Robert tried to make his eyes open. Lifting his head only caused more agony and he moaned from the pain of it. He heard noises nearby that he could not identify and tried to turn towards them. His stomach rolled and heaved and he missed vomiting on himself by mere moments. Climbing to his feet, he stumbled to some bushes and aimed away as the contents of his belly were ejected.

  "Ye deserve every moment of the hell yer suffering now, Rob. Every moment of it."

  'Twas Robena's voice, but why did she curse him so? Forcing his eyes to open, he saw that he now knelt in the clearing next to her cottage. And it was day. And the village was waking around him. How could this be?

  He struggled to his feet and entered through her small back door. Robena sat at her table, sipping from a steaming mug and scowling at him.

  "Do ye have any idea of how much damage ye have done to me now? Lady Anice was kind to me and ye have to humiliate her and use me to do it? What the bloody hell were ye thinking?" She slammed down the mug, spilling the contents on the table and on herself.

  He pushed the hair out of his face and tried to remember how he got here and what he had done. The last thing he remembered was sitting at the table and deciding that a cup of wine would help him face Anice after his disappointment. He did not remember anything after the first pitcher. Oh, dear God! Not a pitcher? He groaned once more, realizing now what must have happened.

  "'Twas at least two pitchers of wine before ye disgraced her by hauling me out with ye."

  "Please. I beg ye to tell me I did no' do that. No' in the hall with everyone watching."

  "Aye, ye damn fool, ye did it. Now she will never allow me to step foot in the keep again. If I am lucky, I will simply be chased from the village and no' tarred like some of the other whores have been."

  He walked slowly to the table and sat across from her. "I will no' let her banish ye for my sins, Robena."

  She snorted at him. "As if ye will have any say in it. She is still the lady and her word about me is the law. Did ye no' stop to think?" She stood and went into her room, coming out a few minutes later completely dressed.

  "Where are ye going?" he whispered. It hurt to open his eyes. It hurt to speak. Hell, it hurt to live right at this moment.

  "I am going to beg her forgiveness. Mayhap she will see me and hear me out."

  "Nay, Robena. Stay here until I send word to ye. If she will no' listen, I will send ye to Dunbarton."

  "And I would be welcomed there? A whore who took the lady's husband? I think no'."

  He frowned at her words. Something did not make sense.

  "Did we...?" He pointed to the two of them.

  "Nay, Robert. Ye were so drunk I almost carried ye here. I was tempted to leave ye in the dirt where ye fell the first time, but I couldna."

  "So then Anice will understand. We did no' do anything."

  "Ye are such a daft man, Robbie. 'Tis a wonder ye have made it this far in life. She does no' care whether ye tupped me or no'. She only kens that ye chose me over her in front of everyone last night. Ye have disgraced her before the clan."

  He let his head thump down on the table, hoping the pain would clear his muddled thoughts and let him come up with some solution. He would have to do the begging. It would not be right for Robena to bear the brunt of Anice's anger.

  He smiled as he realized that Anice would be angry. That was good. He could deal with her fury in a way that he could not face that desperation and fear that came over her at times. Mayhap she would even yell at him?

  "What are ye smiling about now? There is nothing funny in this, Robert."

  He stood up, a bit too fast, for he had trouble keeping his balance, and laughed in spite of the pain it caused.

  "Aye, I hope she is angry. 'Twill be good for her to feel that again." She frowned at him and he explained. "She haes been walking lightly around me since our marriage, waiting for me to strike out at her. This may bring out the old Anice, which is a good thing."

  He pulled her close and kissed her on the forehead. "Ye will no' suffer for this, Robena. I promise to make it right for ye."

  Then he tugged open her door and walked out in the village. Now he had to find Anice.

  * ~ * ~ *

  Hours later, he felt like a dog chasing his tail. No one seemed to know where Anice was. Oh, many people gave him suggestions, but she was never where they thought she would be. He'd gone from keep to kitchens, to laundry, to stables, to the village, to the smithy and on and on without ever seeing any sign of her. He'd caught on to their game early. However he went alon
g with them, accepting it as the penance for his foolhardy behavior.

  He got the message—Anice would not talk to him until she was ready to and the people of Dunnedin were supporting her the only way they knew how. So, he hid in the workroom until long after dinner. Then he enlisted the help of the wet nurse he'd brought from Dunbarton. When he was certain that Anice had retired for the night, he went to their room. Knocking softly, he waited for her to open it. She surprised him by speaking through the door.

  "Who is there?"

  "'Tis I, Anice. Open the door." He tried to keep his voice down and not draw any attention.

  "Go find someplace else to sleep, Robert."

  He wanted to laugh out loud at her words. This was the old Anice stirring.

  "Open this door now, wife," he said more forcefully through the door. He knew she hesitated on the other side. "If ye dinna, I will break it down."

  He heard her gasp clearly and then he could tell she was moving around the room. He pounded on the door and spoke again.

  "I dinna want to frighten the babe by breaking in, Anice, but I will if ye dinna open this...."

  He stopped when he heard the scrape of the bar being raised inside. He lifted the latch and opened the door. He stepped back and Emma passed by him and entered the room. Robert motioned to Anice to stay as Emma lifted Craig from his cradle and carried him from the room. She looked like she wanted to argue, but kept silent while the servant was there.

  "I dinna want to disturb the babe, Anice, and we have some things to discuss. Emma will care for him until we are finished."

  He turned and lowered the bar into place, preventing any interruptions. She sat down in one of the chairs and glared at him.

  "Why did ye lock me out of my own room?" He stood with his arms crossed in front of the door.