Hold Me Like This (A second chance, small town romance) (Love Me Like This Book 3)

by Lola StVil

  “My father gave me a choice right there. I could go into the military, right then and there, that very night. He had some connections at military school and getting me in was no problem. Either that or I could go to juvie. What choice did I have? Either way, I was getting sent away, so I chose the military. My father called the sheriff and told him about my part in the fight, and luckily for me, the sheriff was old school, and he knew as well as my father did that the military would sort me out way more than juvie would.

  “I think, if I’d done time, I would have been a different person. I know I would have been. No medical school would have touched me for starters. And I would have been sucked into a bad life.”

  He stops talking, and I feel my heart break for him.

  “I had no idea it had gotten so bad,” I say. “I mean, I knew you were running around with those guys and that they were bad news, but I had no idea they pulled you so far into their world.”

  “I know. I made damn sure you didn’t find out because the only thing that worried me then was you getting hurt and losing you. And I managed to do that anyway.”

  “I understand why you had to go away. But I still don’t understand why you didn’t say goodbye, Holden. I mean, surely your dad would have let you say goodbye to me? Even if he wanted to punish you, he must have known what that would do to me.”

  Holden looks down at his hands.

  “My father begged me to stop by your place and explain everything to you,” he says.

  “But you didn’t,” I say. “Why? Were you secretly glad to be free of me? Able to be a normal teenager who dates around instead of being with one person? Wasn’t I enough for you?”

  Holden’s head shoots up. He reaches out and strokes my face.

  “You were always enough for me, Grey. I loved you with everything I had, everything I was. And when I promised you forever, I meant it. I couldn’t come and say goodbye to you because if I’d seen you one more time, held you one more time, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

  There’s more. He’s holding something back. I am angry suddenly. I’ve waited seven years for this explanation, and now, it’s only half of one.

  “Dammit, Holden, just be honest with me. Tell me the truth. Why didn’t you say goodbye?” I shout.

  He looks taken aback, but my sudden anger hits home, and he looks at me, his eyes flashing with emotion as he shouts back to me.

  “I couldn’t say goodbye to you, Grey, because I was fucking ashamed of what I had become and I didn’t want you to see me that way, alright? It was better you hated me for leaving than you hating me for being weak and stupid and getting myself into a mess, alright?”

  I don’t know what comes over me at that moment. I don’t know if it’s finally knowing for sure that Holden didn’t just get tired of me and use leaving as an excuse to ghost me, or if it’s the raw emotion in his voice when he tells me he was ashamed. Whatever it is, I lean forward and kiss him.

  Our lips lock, and the anger inside me melts away as it’s replaced with something. Something more tender. It starts as acceptance, but as the kiss deepens, my heart tells me it could be forgiveness. Kissing him is like going back in time. Nothing has changed. Our lips fit together as though they’ve never been apart, as though they’ve spent the last seven years waiting to be reunited, as though they always knew it would happen.

  The kiss sets me on fire; it makes me want Holden more than ever. My heart is racing, and I can feel myself throbbing between my legs. I don’t just want him. I need him.

  He pushes his hand into my hair, his touch telling me he is as desperate for me as I am for him. I press myself closer to him, feeling the solidity of his body. I wrap my arms around his back, clutching him.

  When we finally pull apart, we’re both panting. We eye each other warily. As much as it makes me want him, as much as his explanation made sense, I still can’t leave myself open to being hurt like that again. The kiss was a mistake. It’s as simple as that.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I … I don’t know what came over me. It won’t happen again.”

  He smiles at me and shrugs.

  “You don’t have to apologize,” he says. “Now that we got it out of our systems, it’s done. You’re right though, it won’t happen again.”

  He leans across and picks up the bowl of strawberries and holds it out to me. I take one and bite into it, enjoying the sweetness. I pretend I don’t see the look in his eye. The look that says our kiss most definitely will happen again.

  CHAPTER NINE

  HOLDEN

  Having Grey kiss me like that gave me hope that there’s a future for us. She seemed to understand why I left without saying goodbye; she even managed to get me to open up and tell her the full truth about it, something I’ve never told anyone. I’ve barely admitted it to myself. I always let myself blame my father for it all, but it was my own shame that stopped me from saying goodbye to Grey. If I’d gone to say goodbye to her on the night I left, I would have had to tell her why I was leaving, and at seventeen, I wasn’t ready to open up that much. I wasn’t ready to tell her I was ashamed of myself and scared of who I had become.

  I haven’t stopped thinking about that kiss since the moment our lips broke. She sent fireworks popping through my body; seriously, the Fourth of July ain’t got shit on this girl. And I would have given my last breath to have the kiss go on forever. I would have given my last breath to keep her in my arms, to make love to her right there in the sand.

  My plan to take Grey down memory lane with no pressure of us getting back together hanging over us seems to be working perfectly. I mean, how could we picnic in the spot where we shared our first kiss without kissing again? I thought it would fail. When Grey took off running, we both knew I let her win. I thought she was doing it so she could avoid that spot, but instead, she chose it.

  I want that girl more than I’ve wanted anything, but to come on so strong so soon would scare her away. I have to prove to her that I’m here to stay, that I would be in it for the long haul before I even suggest us getting back together. I don’t want to keep Grey at arm’s length, and doing it is killing me, but if it means we can be together in the end, I’ll do it for as long as it takes. I was worried that I was being too casual, too accepting of the “just friends” thing, but her date didn’t go well; she admitted it to me. Was their lack of chemistry because I was on her mind? I hope so.

  “Ah, there you are,” my mom says, wandering out of the house and onto the back porch, where I’m sitting drinking a cup of coffee and watching a butterfly flit around.

  I look up and smile at her as she sits down on the chair next to mine. Her face is obscured slightly by the steam rising from her mug.

  “Are you busy tonight?” she asks me.

  I shake my head. It might be Saturday night, but I hardly have a hip and happening social life right now, and as much as I want to be around Grey every day and every night, I resisted the urge to ask her to do something tonight. I don’t want her to think I’m coming on too strong.

  “Good,” Mom says. “I need a favor.”

  “Sure. What’s up?” I say.

  “I volunteered to act as a chaperone at the high school dance tonight. But I forgot your father and I have a charity gala in the city. I can’t just let them down, but I can’t miss the gala either. Will you chaperone the dance for me?”

  The only thing I can think of that would be worse than that is her asking me to go to the gala with my father. I wrinkle my nose up in distaste.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t think I can face that,” I say honestly. “I’ll help you find someone else instead though. What’s the gala for?”

  “It doesn’t matter what the gala’s for, what matters is I have to be at it. Come on, Holden. You did agree to do me a favor.”

  “That was before I knew it meant keeping a couple hundred teenagers from sneaking away and screwing and cleaning up their barf after they drink too much,” I point out.

  “Grey
will be there.” My mom grins.

  “Nice try, Mom,” I say.

  “I’m serious,” my mom insists. “No one volunteered, and the principal was in the diner. She started talking to Grey and told her that she thought she would have to cancel the dance. One thing led to another, and Grey ended up volunteering to chaperone, along with Cannon and that new fella in town.”

  That does sound like something Grey would do, and I’m suddenly much more alert and much more open to the idea. Suddenly, spiked punch, bad music, and even teens barfing everywhere sounds like quite the appealing Saturday night.

  “Fine,” I sigh. “But you owe me one.”

  My mom laughs.

  “I think you might find that’s the other way around,” she says.

  I give her a look, but it doesn’t stop her laughter, and I find myself joining in. Maybe she’s right. Maybe a high school dance is a perfect way to remind Grey of the time we were so good together. Or maybe it will remind her of the prom she had to go to alone because I left, but I force myself not to think about that.

  By the time I arrive at the school gymnasium, I’m a nervous wreck. My palms are sweating, and my heart is beating too fast. I couldn’t be more nervous if I was attending the dance and worrying my date wouldn’t show up. Something tells me tonight will be it. It’ll be make or break with Grey and me. Either she’ll get caught up in the magic and give me a chance, or she’ll see me as the same as her own high school days: in the past.

  I tell myself I’m being stupid and force myself to go inside. Grey is already there along with a couple of the teachers. She frowns when she sees me, not the reaction I was hoping for. I go to approach her, but one of the teachers cuts me off.

  “About time. Here, you can hang these,” she snaps, shoving a handful of streamers in my hands and pointing at a rather precarious ladder.

  Resigned to this not being quite the fairy-tale evening I had in mind, I start the task. The next hour flies by in a blur of decorating and getting everything ready. When we’re finished, the gym has been transformed, and it looks pretty good.

  The theme is nature. The streamers I hung represent the sky and the clouds. The walls are covered in shiny green fabric, and the low lighting casts a romantic glow over them. The chairs around the edges have all been covered in bright yellow fabric, and the overall result is nice, if a little gaudy. I wonder what the décor looked like at the Northern Lights themed junior prom I missed. I’m not about to ask and remind Grey of me leaving.

  It turns out that Grey and I are posted together on the refreshments stand, Cannon will be doing the photos, which Grey roped him into so that she wouldn’t be here alone, and Dick only volunteered for the same reason as I did. To be close to Grey. I wish they would put that guy on puke duty.

  Being in charge of refreshments means we won’t have a lot of time to ourselves to really talk, but at least I’ll be close to her without having to keep making up excuses to be by her side. It also means we won’t be on barf duty. The teacher who seems to be in charge, the one who shoved the streamers at me, is getting the job of floor walking, so that’ll be her task. The other teacher is playing DJ for the evening, something I’m not sure his students will be thrilled about.

  “Ready?” the teacher who shoved the streamers at me asks.

  I nod, not really sure if she’s talking to me or not. She opens the doors, and the students begin to pour in. Within minutes, the line at the refreshment stand is building, and Grey and I scoop punch into paper cups and pour lemonade and soda from various bottles. The music has started, and to give the teacher his dues, he’s playing the kind of music that already has some of the teens up dancing.

  Once most of the students have arrived, the line at our table dies down, and we finally have a minute to ourselves. Cannon rushes over. This is the first time I’ve seen him, and he says that the DJ is lame now that his requests have run out. He pulls Grey aside, and I see her laughing and nodding. My heart warms. She walks back over and stands next to me.

  “You seemed annoyed when I came in,” I say.

  “Did I?” she asks, looking genuinely puzzled.

  “Well, you frowned.”

  She runs her hand up my arm, sending shivers down my spine. She grins, her eyes sparkling in the flashing disco lights.

  “Well, it feels normal,” she says.

  “Huh?”

  “I thought your skin must have grown really thin since you’ve been away. You know, because you assumed I was pissed off just because I didn’t do a cartwheel as you came in.”

  “Haha very funny.”

  It’s hard to keep my tone light because her hand is still very much on my arm and it’s still sending shivers through me.

  “I was a little surprised to see you here; that’s all,” she replies.

  “My mom agreed to do it, but then she remembered she had some gala to go to with my father, so she asked me to step in,” I explain. “I tried to say no, but you know my mom.”

  Grey laughs, finally taking her hand away from my arm as two giggling girls approach the stand.

  “What did she bribe you with?” Grey asks as she scoops out two cups of punch.

  The girls move on, still laughing. Judging by the way they sway slightly as they walk, I’d be willing to bet they’ll be spiking their punch.

  “She told me you’d be here,” I say.

  Grey looks at me and swallows hard, and I think I might have said too much. I don’t have time to say anything that could reduce the intensity of my statement as a whole gang of teenage boys arrives in a flurry of excitement and chatter.

  They arrive at the refreshment stand, jostling and shoving each other. Their movement draws the attention of quite a few of the girls on the dance floor. It also attracts the attention of the teacher as she prowls around making her rounds. She comes over.

  “Is that any way to conduct yourselves, boys? Form an orderly line this instant,” she says in a no-nonsense voice.

  They are instantly sheepish.

  “Sorry, Miss Whittaker,” one of them mumbles.

  The formidable Miss Whittaker turns her attention to Grey and me.

  “Please try to control your area,” she snaps.

  If only she knew how much trouble I was having controlling my area with Grey so close to me. A couple of the boys snicker as Grey and I nod our heads. I don’t know if it’s because we’re being told off, or because of her unfortunate wording.

  “Yeah, let’s join the fucking fun police,” Grey mutters under her breath.

  “Nice one, Grey.” The boy at the front of the line grins as she hands him a drink.

  Miss Whittaker wanders away to ruin someone else’s fun, and Grey and I hand out drinks. I wonder briefly how the boy knew her name, and then I figure it out. Of course, the diner. It’s a regular hangout for the town’s teens. It always has been. These guys probably see Grey on an almost daily basis. The thought makes me jealous. I should be the one to see her on a daily basis. Every morning when she wakes up beside me. Every evening when we come home from work. Every night as we make love and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

  I force myself to stop thinking like that. It’s doing nothing to make me feel any better about my still unanswered comment about me only being here because my mom told me Grey would be here as well. I remind myself I’m supposed to be playing it cool. Not cool to the point of playing hard to get; I’ll always be easy to get for Grey. But cool to the point of not pressuring her into being with me before she’s ready to see for herself that I’m for real with this.

  The boys are finally all given drinks, and they wander onto the dance floor. They don’t dance so much as strut.

  “The football team, I take it?” I say.

  Grey smiles and nods.

  “However did you guess?” She laughs.

  “Just lucky.” I wink.

  And I am lucky tonight. I’m here with the most beautiful girl in the world, and if she isn’t mine yet, I can tell she wants to be.
As the night goes on, she lets her guard down more and more, and we spend the time giggling, flirting, talking about the old days, and speculating about where the kids at the dance will end up in five years’ time.

  All of a sudden, Cannon’s voice comes over the speakers.

  “Are y’all ready to party?”

  The kids crowd around and whoop and cheer as he garners their energy.

  “Okay, y’all. Let’s see them moves!”

  In the next hour, Cannon has the crowd go all the way from “whipping a nae nae” to “doesy doe-ing” to “Cotton Eye Joe,” and they are loving him.

  He comes over the speaker again and tells them he would like to dedicate this song to a special girl. All the girls in the crowd aww in unison as he plays a slow song. “Trying Not to Love You” by Nickelback blares out of the speakers. Cannon runs over to the snack table and tells us he’s taking over. He set a playlist and left commentary for the teacher.

  “Wait, what are we supposed to do?” Grey asks nervously. He smiles at her and gives me a subtle nod.

  “I think you know,” Cannon says, gesturing to my outstretched hand.

  “Grey Thomas, I know I’m seven years late, but may I have this dance?”

  She bites her lip as she thinks about it. She takes my hand, and I take my girl to the dance floor and hold her close while the music plays in the background. I look over her shoulder and see Dick eyeing us from behind Cannon’s camera. Man, that guy looks pissed. I give him a curt nod as Grey lays her head on my chest. I really am home.

  ***

  The dance finishes at eleven, and by eleven fifteen, everyone but me, the two teachers, Cannon, and Grey have left.

  “Holden and I will clean up,” Grey volunteers as Cannon packs up his equipment.

  “You two go on home, you’ll both have an early start tomorrow I imagine.”

  The teachers exchange a look, and then Miss Whittaker smiles. The smile changes her. It makes her look less menacing.