Hold Me Like This (A second chance, small town romance) (Love Me Like This Book 3)

by Lola StVil

  “I’m sorry, Grey. I shouldn’t have set you up like that, but I really thought—”

  “It’s okay,” I interrupt. “I get it. I thought it myself once too. But don’t feel bad. This was the night we needed to get out of our systems.”

  I glance at my watch.

  “Shit. I have to go. I have to be in the diner in half an hour,” I say.

  Cannon walks me to the door. He pulls me in for a hug, and I am shocked to realize I’m on the verge of tears. I blink them back furiously and mutter a goodbye, and then I practically run to my car.

  I know I made the right decision, but it hurts like hell.

  I drive to the diner, trying and failing to put all thoughts of Holden out of my head. I park and head for the door. Dick is on his way out as I approach.

  “Hey Grey, I missed you in there again today.” He smiles.

  “Ah, what can I say, I have that effect on people.” I smile.

  “You sure do,” Dick says.

  He is holding the door open for me, but he’s blocking it at the same time. It’s clear he has something else to say.

  “I saw you last night with your friend. Look, Grey, I know I like to laugh and joke, and sometimes I say things that are kind of inappropriate. But I really do like you. That’s why I have such a hard time, ya know? Have dinner with me. Tonight.”

  I open my mouth to say no, but then I remind myself I’m supposed to be moving on. There’s nothing holding me back anymore. And I always said Dick wasn’t so bad. Maybe I should give him a chance. Or maybe I should wait awhile.

  But what would I be waiting for?

  My head to give in?

  Fuck it. I have to get on with my life. I have to move forward somehow.

  “Okay,” I hear myself say.

  “Great.” Dick beams. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  He finally steps aside so I can go inside. I glance back over my shoulder. Dick is watching me. His smile has changed. It’s a predatory smile. A smile that says he’s finally got me where he wants me. A shiver runs through me, and not a nice one. I’m already dreading our date tonight.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  HOLDEN

  I was floating on cloud nine as I left Grey’s apartment last night. Or very early this morning I suppose would be more accurate. She was amazing. And she was mine again. I felt something change in her as we made love, and afterward, as we held each other, the anger and indifference seemed to drain out of her, leaving behind my happy Grey.

  She told me it can’t happen again; of course, she would say that. She needs time to accept me back into her life. And that’s okay. I’ll wait. I will wait forever for her because after last night, I know she still loves me the way I love her.

  I know now I won’t be going to the city. I can’t ask Grey to uproot her whole life for me. Not just because it’s too soon. I don’t think I can ever ask her to do that. Her diner is here. Her family and friends. I can commute to the city easily enough. But I can’t keep living with my parents. I love being home with my mom, but living with him, walking on eggshells, trying to keep the peace for my mom’s sake, is becoming exhausting.

  It’ll all be worth it when Grey and I have a good heart-to-heart and admit to each other that we’re still as in love as we ever were. We’ll move in together, get married, and have a family. I’m getting ahead of myself, but I don’t care. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, and somehow, it’s happening.

  I just went and looked at a house. Maybe living separately, my father and I will even be able to mend our relationship to some extent. Maybe I’ll start thinking of him as my dad again. Looking back now, as an adult, I get why he did what he did. It may have been a little drastic, but I get that he was doing what he thought was best for me. But every time I look at him, I see the seven years I lost with Grey.

  It’s easier to look at him now, knowing Grey and I are good again, but it’s still too much being in the same house. If she would have completely rejected me, I never could have forgiven him, but maybe now, one day, I’ll be able to.

  The house will prove to Grey that I’m serious about her too. It will show her I’m sticking around. I paid the deposit. It’s a rent to own. I just need to wait for the rental company to clean the place up a bit and then I can move in. They’re estimating it’ll be around ten days. I can live with that. Ten days of torment, for a lifetime of pleasure. It’ll be more than worth it. Grey is more than worth it.

  I’m on my way back from the rental agency office now. I thought about popping into the diner and seeing Grey, but I don’t want her to think I’m stalking her or anything. And I’m not sure if she still wants to keep us quiet for now. I want to let her take this at her own pace. When she’s ready for people to know, we will tell the right people before we have the whole town’s opinions thrust upon us. I compromised between desperately wanting to go to her and giving her some space to keep pretending what happened last night can’t happen again by sending her a text telling her I’d love to see her tonight.

  I’m almost home when I run into Rick. Rick was my best friend in high school before I fell in with the wrong crowd. I owe him a major apology as well. That’s why I haven’t made any effort to go and see him yet. I’m trying to build one bridge at a time.

  Rick’s face breaks into a grin when he sees me. He grabs my hand, shakes it, then pulls me into a hug.

  We step back from the hug. I shuffle awkwardly from foot to foot.

  “I … I’m sorry. For you know, umm …” I start.

  Why is this so much harder with Rick than it was with Grey when so much more rested on my talk with Grey? Rick saves me from further embarrassment as he waves my apology away.

  “None of that mushy shit, man. It’s in the past,” he says, still grinning.

  I return his grin. That’s a true friend, I guess. Someone who welcomes you back like you were never gone.

  “It’s good to see you, Rick,” I say.

  “Are you sure it’s good to see me? I mean, I get that you’d go to Grey first. Who wouldn’t, right? But seriously, man, you even saw Cannon before you came to me. What’s up with that?”

  I laugh.

  “I ran into Cannon on the street as well. What was I supposed to do, tell him we couldn’t talk because I hadn’t seen you yet?”

  “Yes, exactly that.” Rick grins.

  “You’re still a major drama queen, I see?” I laugh.

  Rick touches his hands to his heart.

  “I’m hurt, bro,” he says melodramatically. He looks at me for a second. “Seriously though, it’s good to see you. You’re looking good.”

  “I hate to break this to you, but even after all this time, my heart belongs to Grey. But Cannon’s still single, and I hear he has all the right equipment, if you catch my drift,” I say, waggling my eyebrows suggestively.

  “Dick,” Rick mutters.

  “Yeah, that,” I say. “And a whole lot more besides from what I’ve heard.”

  Rick shakes his head, laughing.

  “You haven’t changed a bit,” he says.

  “Once a douche, always a douche,” we say together.

  We laugh again, and it feels like I’ve stepped right back into my old life.

  “Weirdly enough, I was on my way to your mom’s place to see if you were there. The guys are stoked you’re back, and we’re on for drinks tonight. We’d love to have you join us.”

  I really want to see Grey tonight. After last night, how could I not? But she hasn’t replied to the text I sent her earlier to see if she’s up for doing something tonight, and I don’t want to come on too strong. And besides, Rick was my best friend, and he welcomed me back with open arms. Surely I owe him one fucking night.

  I nod my head.

  “Sounds good. What’s the plan?”

  “The guys are meeting up at my place around six thirty. I’ll text Zeke and have him pick you up on the way.” He looks at his watch. “Damn, look at the time. I have to go get ready.”

&nbs
p; “Go and get ready?” I laugh. “It’s hours away. Shit, who stole Rick and replaced him with a rock star drama queen?”

  “What can I say? I have to look good for the ladies.” He laughs. He frowns a little and eyes me appraisingly. “Get cleaned up yourself, bro. I can’t be seen with you like that. Not that you’d ever look as good as me, of course.”

  I laugh and shake my head.

  “I’ll shower, just for you,” I say.

  “That’s not weird at all.” Rick laughs. “Six thirty okay?”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  GREY

  I pick my cell phone up and then put it back down again. I don’t know what to do. I ache to reply to Holden’s text and tell him I’d love to see him tonight. I ache to be able to forget the past and pick up where we left off. But it’s not that simple.

  If I do that, I’m leaving myself wide open to him hurting me again. And I barely survived the last time he did it. I spent months moping around, barely eating, barely sleeping. How I even managed to graduate high school is still a mystery to me. I was a mess. A total wreck. My friends pretty much got sick of my misery and left me to it, and if it wasn’t for my parents and Cannon, there’s no doubt in my mind I’d be dead by now.

  I can’t leave myself open to that again, and I can’t put my parents in that situation again. I just can’t. No matter how good last night felt. No matter how right it felt to be back with Holden. Last night wasn’t about the future. It was about finally taking control and saying goodbye to my past.

  I know Holden understood that, and he just wants us to go back to being best friends again, and maybe in time, I can do that, but not yet. It’s still too raw.

  I can’t take my eyes off my cell phone. If I can’t let myself text Holden, I should at least text Dick and make up some excuse why I can’t go tonight. That predatory smile he gave me worried me, and I know no matter how funny, sweet, and charming he might be, I won’t be able to be in the moment with him.

  I remind myself it’s a date, not a marriage. I can go out with someone for a couple hours and not have to overthink it all. And who knows? Maybe Dick will bring the version of him that spoke to me this afternoon. Not the normal everyday douchebag. Even one in between that I could maybe like would be okay. And if he does, then maybe I can forget about Holden for a couple hours and just have fun. God, I’m only twenty-four. I should be having fun, not sitting at home moping over a teenage crush.

  As much as I tell myself that’s all it was with Holden and me, I know it’s not true. He’s my soul mate. My one true love. But plenty of people settle for a relationship that makes them feel happy and safe without all of the fireworks. I can do that too. Safe sounds good right now.

  Finally, I do pick up my cell phone and open up my text messages. Ignoring both Holden and Dick’s numbers, I type out a text to Cannon.

  “Big date tonight. Please tell me you’re free to help your clueless friend look like a million bucks.”

  His reply pings through in seconds.

  “Two million. I’ll be there in ten.”

  I smile to myself. Why can’t all guys be as sweet and reliable as Cannon? He would never let me down.

  True to his word, Cannon arrives at my place within ten minutes. He’s armed with two bottles of wine.

  “Right. Let me pour us a drink, and then we’ll work some magic. Not that you need magic to look amazing,” he says.

  I move through to my bedroom while Cannon pours us some wine. When he comes into the room, I’m sitting in front of my dressing table mirror with my makeup and hair things scattered all around me.

  Cannon examines all of my things like he’s never seen them before, even though he regularly gets roped into making me look good for certain events. Never for a date though.

  “So …” He grins as he starts opening up a tube of foundation. “You soon changed your mind and jumped back on the Holden bus.”

  “Umm. Not exactly,” I reply.

  He frowns.

  “What do you mean not exactly?”

  “I’m not going out with Holden,” I say. “I’m going on a date. With Dick. He’s been asking me for long enough, and I think he deserves a chance.”

  “Dick as in Dick the Prick?” Cannon exclaims. “Fuck, Grey, talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel.”

  “Oh, stop being so judgmental and just make me look half decent,” I snap.

  The last person I need judging me is the one person I can rely on to be on my side. I have enough doubts about tonight without Cannon laying on more. He catches my eye in the mirror and raises an eyebrow, but at least he starts working on my hair.

  “I’m not being judgmental. I’m just saying that if you’re doing this to make Holden jealous, you’re playing with fire, that’s all.”

  “That’s not why I’m doing it,” I say.

  “Then why?” he presses me.

  “You know why,” I say.

  I look down into my lap, unable to meet Cannon’s eye in the mirror any longer. He knows me too well to think I can just move on from Holden this easily.

  “Are you planning on sleeping with Dick?” Cannon asks.

  “What? No, of course not. How can you even ask that?” I exclaim.

  I finally do look up and meet Cannon’s eye. I can’t believe he asked me that. He smirks at my reflection.

  “I think that reaction says it all about your true feelings toward Dick,” he says. He holds up a hand to ward off my protests. “Just be careful, Grey. Dick doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who takes no for an answer.”

  I roll my eyes.

  “And you know he’s a bigot, right?” Cannon goes on. “He’s a total homophobe, and he’s an asshole to boot.”

  This is seriously starting to piss me off, and I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t asked Cannon to come over. Of everyone, he knows how much Holden leaving broke me. He was pretty much my only friend who didn’t abandon me when my misery became too contagious. And now he seems determined to push me back down that path.

  I know he’s only doing it because he cares about me and because he thinks Holden and I are meant to be together, but I need him to just be supportive and understand that’s not what I want. I don’t bother trying to explain that to him. I don’t have the words to make him understand. Instead, I reply to his statement.

  “You’re just buying into the small-town mentality,” I reply. “He’s a perfectly nice guy.”

  “So you like him all of a sudden?” Cannon asks.

  I shrug.

  “Maybe. No. I … I just need to move on, Cannon, and I guess Dick was in the right place at the right time.”

  Cannon’s expression softens.

  “I get it. I know how much Holden hurt you, and I get why you’re not ready to go back there. But is it really necessary to go this far to make your point?”

  “It’s not about making a point. It’s about moving on. And I can’t move on if I just sit at home thinking about Holden all of the time. I need to go out there and prove to myself that there is life after Holden. I should have done it a long time ago, I know, but better late than never, right?”

  “I guess,” Cannon says, although he clearly wants to tell me I’m crazy and that I should just be with Holden. “As I said, just be careful, Grey. Guys like Dick think every woman wants them. He no doubt thinks after a few hours of his company you won’t be able to resist him.”

  I reach for my lip gloss and apply a coat. Anything to avoid meeting his eye right now.

  “Look at you with the red.” Cannon laughs. “You realize you don’t need to dress up for this guy, right? It’s not like you’re going out with Holden.”

  He catches my eye in the mirror, the thing I was trying to avoid, and grins. I ignore the mention of Holden and put the lip gloss down.

  “I’m not doing it for Dick, I’m doing it for me,” I say haughtily. “I don’t want to go out looking like a ball of rags you know.”

  That much at least is true. I can want to look n
ice for me.

  Cannon laughs and shakes his head.

  “As if you would ever look like a ball of rags.”

  He tugs at a stubborn piece of my hair. I pick up my wine and take a long drink of it. It’s cold and crisp, and I take another sip.

  “Liquid courage?” Cannon comments. “If you need that, then you’re not into this idea as much as you’re letting on. Now, remind me why exactly you’re doing this. Why can’t you give Holden a chance?”

  I look down into my lap.

  “I wish it were that simple,” I say.

  Cannon shakes his head.

  “It is that simple, Grey. You’re still in love with Holden; he’s clearly still in love with you. What’s stopping you?”

  “Holden walked away from me, Cannon. And he didn’t contact me for seven fucking years. Do you really think I can just get over that and ever trust him again?”

  “You were kids then, Grey. You have to give this a chance. Promise me you’ll at least think about it, okay?”

  “Maybe,” I say.

  It’s easier just to agree with him than try and make him see the reasons this is a bad idea. Underneath his cynicism, he’s a true romantic, and I could never convince him Holden and I aren’t a fairy tale come to life. My answer seems to appease him, and I’m relieved when he stops questioning me for a moment.

  My mind goes back to his insistence that I be careful, and I can’t help but remember Dick’s smile. The one that sent a shiver down my spine. The one that said he’d finally won the cat and mouse game.

  “Listen, are you doing anything tonight?” I ask Cannon as an idea forms in my mind.

  “Not unless you count Netflix and chill. Where it literally means watching Netflix alone and vegging out on the sofa.”

  “Would you do me a favor? Will you tail Dick and me? Just in case, you know. If things go too far, or I give you any sort of signal, get me out of there.”

  The idea of Dick making me uncomfortable enough to need rescuing never even crossed my mind, but now Cannon has planted that seed of doubt in there, and it’s eating away at me. What if he’s right? I know I’m not being fair to Dick, but it’s not like he’ll ever know Cannon tailed us if he turns out to be a perfect gentleman. And it’s better to be safe, right? I mean, a genuine guy would have no issue with me wanting to be safe, and I think they would understand the precaution. If they have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of, they wouldn’t mind.