Not The Leader Of The Pack

by Leong, Annabeth

  She snapped her gaze to his, her eyes widening with understanding. A wave of fear rushed through him. He’d revealed too much of his personal feelings. They needed to decide about the pack first. “You were the one who rejected me, Neil,” Juli said, her voice so soft he almost couldn’t hear her. “All I did was move on.”

  She’d mentioned the elephant in the room, and now it filled all the available space, making it difficult for Neil to breathe. “That’s not what I want to talk about.”

  “Neil.” She lifted her big, blue gaze to his. “Since I have to stay to lead the pack, maybe we can talk later about... what happened. If you want. If it’s something you regret.” Neil gritted his teeth. He remembered this look. She’d looked just this way the last time he’d seen her, the only other time they’d been alone together. One hand fluttered toward his. If she touched him, he’d be lost.

  Neil pulled his hand away, shoving it into his pocket. The cab of the truck felt too damned small. “You’re not thinking clearly right now. Even if you did stay, what’s going to happen six months from now when you miss your job in Lewistown but you’re stuck leading a pack? Have you ever even fought a challenge? What happens when Jesse Hoak hears we’ve got a weak new leader and decides to drive over from Helena on a full moon? Will the pack even accept you? How are you going to win the trust of the people you abandoned five years ago to go to college in Idaho when there’s a university right here in Missoula?” He paused to catch his breath, then threw his biggest pitch. “What are you going to do without me?”

  She actually gasped. “Without you?”

  “Without me. I’m not a possession, Juli. You don’t get to inherit me. I’m not going to be on your side.”

  “What the hell are you talking about, Neil?” All the softness had gone out of her expression now.

  He expanded his chest, knowing she would pick up on the animal body language. “Darrow should have named me alpha. We both know it. I could have taken it any time I wanted. He had no right to deny it to me after the respect I showed him.”

  Her eyes widened. She barked a short laugh. “No right? Since when is it a rule that when werewolves are nice to each other, we give each other things? If you wanted to be alpha, you should have challenged him. End of discussion.”

  “Juli, you don’t really want this.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “Try me.”

  “You don’t really care about this pack.”

  Her nostrils flared, but she spoke with cold determination. “I see what this is about now, Neil. Get me out of the hospital. Buy me some beers. Suggest that you really did like me all those years ago. Maybe take me to bed tonight. Then in the morning, I give you the leather ring like a good little puppy, right? And you get to be the nice guy and the alpha, and I get to go back to Lewistown with my tail between my legs, and you don’t have to feel bad about any of that because you know I didn’t want to stay in Missoula in the first place.”

  “Juli, I was not planning to seduce you.”

  She flinched as if he’d slapped her. “Right. You don’t like me that way. Whatever your tactic was going to be, then. It doesn’t change what I said overall.”

  Neil had meant for this conversation to be so much friendlier. He’d never imagined she’d be willing to stay in Missoula for any reason. He’d expected her to give him the ring with a sigh of relief, and, yeah, maybe he’d hoped for one night with her before she drove back to Lewistown. Since she’d given up her membership in the pack to take her Werewolf Council job, nothing stood in their way anymore. He hadn’t meant to insult her, or to trigger this stubborn insistence on staying.

  He certainly hadn’t intended to make her glare at him like she wanted to rip him in half. “I just wanted to help.”

  She lifted her chin. Her eyes blazed defiance. “If you want to be alpha, Neil, you can challenge me for it.”

  “Challenge you?”

  “Yes. The way it’s always been done. The way accepted by werewolf law. The way you should have done it with my father.”

  How could she insult the loyalty and respect he had always given to her father? He started the truck without responding.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I’m taking you back to the hospital.”

  She waited, but he didn’t have anything else to say to her.

  “Are you challenging me?”

  Neil shook his head. “If I wanted to challenge you, I’d have to acknowledge you as the alpha.”

  She lifted her hand. “I’m wearing the ring.”

  “I don’t think you can pass down rank like that.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Have you ever heard of pack leadership being inherited? I don’t think that’s how it works.”

  “It’s never happened, because usually a weakening alpha doesn’t have a misguided beta shielding him from other challenges!” Juli made an exasperated noise. “If my father thought you would make a good alpha, he would have given this ring to you. Believe me, he wasn’t sentimental about me. He didn’t think you were ready, and I’m beginning to see why. You don’t have the leader’s edge, Neil. If you want something, you have to take it. You can’t sneak and deal your way into it. That’s not how werewolves work.”

  He cast her a sidelong glare. He had the uncomfortable feeling she was talking about a lot more than the position of pack alpha. His fingers tightened on the steering wheel. He pulled into the hospital parking lot. She wanted to see what happened when Neil Statham stood up for himself? When he stopped playing nice? Fine. He’d show her. “You can get out of the truck now, Juli. And you can expect to hear from your colleagues soon. I’m calling the Werewolf Council to dispute this.”

  She laughed again. “Why don’t you just challenge me, Neil? Are you scared?”

  He brought his face as close to her as he dared. He still wanted to kiss her, but fought the urge down. “Yeah, I’m scared. I don’t want to have to hurt you, Juli. So I’m going to handle it this way.”

  Chapter Three

  Juli tossed the keys to her childhood home from one hand to the other and stared at the structure before her. Wooden siding, simple storm windows, and a closely trimmed lawn. It didn’t look like much from the outside, but she knew how carefully her father had always kept the inside. She still hesitated before fitting the key to the lock.

  She hadn’t been inside in years. Worse, Neil lived in the guest room—her father had put him up the last few years, knowing he made a tiny salary with his rookie-level Minor League team. If she’d had the money, she would have stayed in her motel room just to avoid any further encounters. Unfortunately, the pack had decided that any transfer of leadership would have to wait until a formal meeting could be called, and Werewolf Council regulations required two weeks advance notice for those. She couldn’t stand to watch her credit card bill climb any higher while she waited that out and navigated the paperwork associated with her father’s death. She truly had every right to be here—even Neil couldn’t dispute her claim to her father’s house.

  Darrow Gunby had made neat preparations for his death, burial, and estate. Another sign he’d known what was coming. Maybe he’d even planned to tell her if he’d had the chance to talk to her in person.

  She sucked on a fingertip, restraining the urge to bite a fingernail. Her recent habit of painting them with clear nail polish seemed to be helping.

  Juli imagined how ridiculous she looked shifting from foot to foot on the front lawn. Fed up with herself, she opened the door and went in, shouldering her overnight bag. At the very least, she needed to use her father’s washing machine.

  “Neil?” She called the beta’s name several times, loudly, and went weak with gratitude when no one answered. She had actually come on to him again the other night in his truck, and then been offended when he said he hadn’t planned to seduce her. What would it take to get it through her head that Neil Statham just didn’t like her that way, and probably not at all? He didn’t
consider her fit to lead the pack, and, even in the Minor League, a pro baseball player probably had his pick of groupies. He had no use for her, and she hoped to see him as little as possible from here on out.

  Juli locked the door behind her, and paused to survey the old house. It smelled of pine and window cleaner, and she had to crack a smile. Death was probably the only thing in the world that could force her father to tolerate dirty glass. No matter how bad he’d been feeling, he obviously hadn’t compromised his housecleaning standards at all.

  She headed for her old room, holding down her emotions as sternly as she could. By now, her father had probably converted her bedroom into a giant display case for his hunting trophies. She’d given him no reason to do otherwise. With a deep breath, she swung open the door, only to gasp and start shifting uncontrollably as a wave of unexpected grief hit her.

  Juli fell to her knees and wrestled within herself for control.

  Everything was as she’d left it, except for a new cork board on the wall above the bed. Not a single speck of dust had been allowed to settle here. Her father must have come in here every day, right up to the end. Her every possession had been preserved and lovingly kept clean and ready. Hunting knives and the shotgun she’d used when he took her on trips with him. Her collection of Gray’s Anatomy DVDs. Programs from the annual wildlife film festival downtown, which she’d attended every year from age 8 until she left.

  If all that hit her hard, the cork board packed even greater effect. She hadn’t written a paper letter home, so he’d printed out her e-mails, even the ones where she’d only given him a few terse lines. They’d been pinned up beside a large print of her college graduation photo. He hadn’t attended that event as far as she knew. She had no idea how he’d gotten a photo of it, much less that he’d wanted one.

  At that moment, her cell phone rang. Juli groaned. She needed hands to answer that, not paws. Squeezing her eyes shut, she counted rapidly, then reached into her purse. Her hands still felt furry, but at least she’d managed opposable thumbs. She lifted the phone out, then gulped when she saw her boss’s image displayed on the screen.

  “Gabriel! I’ve been trying to call about getting emergency leave. Sorry I haven’t been able to—”

  He cut her off neatly. “Never mind about the leave. What’s this about you taking over the Missoula pack?”

  She caught her breath. That she had not yet discussed with her employer. “Where did you hear that?” The hand holding the cell phone shook. Neil must have made good on his threat.

  “From the formal complaint on my desk, Juli. Let’s not play games.”

  “Of course.” She eased herself off the floor and headed for the bed. The familiar scent and feel of the bedspread still comforted her after all these years. The patches of fur on her body began to recede. Good. She desperately needed a clear head to speak to Gabriel. She could swear that man could see through the phone—he always seemed to pick up on any turmoil she tried to hide.

  He cleared his throat, then spoke with impatience in his voice. “I’m waiting for your explanation, Juli.”

  She rolled all the way back on the bed and stretched out at full length. Her father had even fluffed the pillow recently. Tears stung her eyes, but she collected herself to describe the situation to Gabriel. Of course, she left out the part about half-shifting all the time, and also the part about hitting on the beta she’d been crushing on since her preteen years. She told him everything else.

  “I see,” he said when she’d finished, and she cringed at the disapproval the two words held. Gabriel terrified her. She’d seen him reduce the fiercest alphas to puppy whimpers. “Of course, it was improper for the beta to suggest the two of you alter the story of Darrow Gunby’s death. My opinion of him drops for that, certainly. But I must remind you of your duties in Lewistown.” He paused for a moment. “Council investigators could certainly come up with plenty of loopholes that would allow you to pass responsibility for the pack to Neil Statham legally, and our records show he is well-liked by the rank and file.”

  Juli gaped at the phone. Her shock caused her to respond without thinking. “Gabriel! How is that any different from what Neil offered me?”

  He took her outburst in stride. “It doesn’t involve lying.”

  “It does involve bending the rules to suit everyone’s convenience. No! My father was the sharpest man in the Northwest. He knew what he was doing. I’m not going to just stomp all over that, no matter what the personal cost to me.”

  “A sense of honor is noble, Juli, but it’s for misguided alphas, not sober investigators.”

  Oh Lord, there went the fur again. “Misguided?” She repeated the word into the phone, wincing at the growl that came with it.

  “The sort of werewolf who allows gut instinct to cloud her mind to the view from above,” Gabriel returned coolly. “Too feral. Too bestial.”

  “Too alpha,” Juli finished for him. For all that Gabriel loved cowing alphas, she knew he loathed unchecked emotion and most other signature werewolf traits. He shifted once a month for full-moon exemption, but she’d heard rumors that he took lycanthropy suppressants the rest of the time. She didn’t need rumors to know his opinion of werewolves who had trouble controlling the shift. She’d heard his insults firsthand plenty of times herself. She sat up straight on the bed, suddenly envisioning a new kind of life for herself. “Maybe I’m not a sober investigator, Gabriel. Maybe my father was right about what I am.”

  He blew air into the phone, and she could just see his upraised eyes and carefully folded fingers. “Juli, you’re a talented investigator. Your skill with forensics truly shows promise. I’ve been discussing the possibility of funding additional education for you along those lines. There’s plenty of important work that you could do in Lewistown. You could make a real contribution to the future of our kind.”

  She sighed. Just a few weeks ago, her heart would have leapt to hear words like that from her stern and exacting boss. Her father’s death had shifted her perspective on everything, it seemed. “I’m sorry. I’m going to need to put in my resignation in order to accept the duty my father passed on to me. I’ll get the official paperwork to you by the end of the week. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the opportunity you gave me, and your confidence in and support of my abilities.” She spoke without hesitation. A part of her watched from the ceiling in disbelief. Had she really just quit her job with the Council? After everything she had sacrificed to get it, and all the battles she’d fought with her father?

  Juli fingered her perfectly laundered bedspread and smiled. For all the tension between them, her father had apparently known exactly how to get her on his side when it really counted. She wouldn’t let him down.

  Gabriel had launched into the formal language regulations required him to speak in this situation. She’d given up her pack to become part of the Council, and her pack bore no obligation to accept her return. Investigative privileges were revoked immediately, but her health insurance would last through the end of the month. Those details were only the beginning. She waited through the speech, giving formal acknowledgment of her understanding where necessary.

  When they’d gotten through all that, Gabriel paused. “Juli, are you certain I can’t change your mind? This situation promises to get extraordinarily unpleasant. Disputing for leadership of a pack when there’s a popular candidate from within is always a thankless affair.”

  She spoke coldly, and with a confidence she couldn’t remember feeling for a very long time. “I understand completely.”

  “Then we’ll send investigators and get this underway.”

  Juli hung up the phone and sighed. Frankly, she could use a nap right here. Any respite she might hope for, however, shattered with the sound of a key turning the lock in the front door. Juli lay as quiet and still as she could, praying that Neil would not bother to notice her presence. No such luck.

  “Juli! Just the girl I wanted to see!” His hypnotic scent entered the room be
fore he did, with just enough of a lead to get every single one of her nerve endings stimulated in anticipation of his arrival. Neil swung into her bedroom a moment later, smiling as if he didn’t have a care in the world. She stared, confused at the change in his attitude toward her.

  “How are you, Neil?” Juli adjusted her posture stiffly. She felt wooden, numb, and awkward, unable to remember any method of sitting that felt at all natural.

  “I’m good.” He plopped at the foot of the bed. “I want you to come out with me tonight.” His voice held a subtle smolder. Juli’s body flooded with hormones, a situation that was all the more humiliating since she knew he could probably smell it.

  Had he been hit on the head? “Go out with you? Like on a date?” Jeez. Only a glutton for punishment would put out so many invitations for rejection.

  A shadow flickered over his face. “Not a date.”

  Of course not. Juli rubbed the heel of her hand over her eyes. “Then what?”

  He shrugged. “Just to talk. Please, Juli. Things got out of hand the other night. I don’t want us at each other’s throats.”

  What an apt choice of metaphor. She studied him. The squint lines around his eyes from long hours out on the baseball diamond made him look older than he was, but in fact he only had two years on her. He probably had as little idea of what to do at any given moment as she did. If he wanted to make up, maybe she should give him the benefit of the doubt. Besides, if she had even the barest chance of talking him into retracting his formal complaint, it would be worth it, for the sake of herself, him, and every other werewolf in Missoula.

  Juli knew all too well what it would mean if Council investigators came swooping in. She forced a smile. “Sure. Let’s go out.”

  Chapter Four

  Neil thanked God for small mercies—so far, Juli hadn’t commented on the sorry state of his truck. The ancient hunk of metal literally creaked as he parked it just south of the Wilma. The theater’s old-time marquee lit the night, but not as much as the carousel just beyond in Caras Park.