Off The Clock: First Responders, Book 1

by Alward, Donna

  “Don’t be scared.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead, closing his eyes and feeling a little afraid himself. He hated that she felt so alone. He’d heard about Jason walking out and the subsequent divorce and knew he should have found the time to catch up with her before now. To be there for her, to be the friend he should have been all along. But he hadn’t wanted to face certain things and so he’d let it slide. He’d been a complete coward.

  “I’ll be out in the waiting room and Dr. Denning will come for me if you need me.”

  He left so that the doctors could do their jobs, but he couldn’t forget her pale skin and how frightened her eyes were when she gripped his hand. As messed up as things were, he knew damned well that if she asked him to, he’d go through the next hours by her side.

  But the request never came. Carly was moved to labor and delivery, and when her parents arrived, her mother joined her in the delivery room. Gabe and Carly’s father, David, were left in the waiting room, faces drawn as the sounds of the ward filtered through closed doors and the minutes ticked slowly past.

  “You’re pacing, Gabe.”

  He stopped his steps and looked at David. “I guess I am. I don’t know how fathers do this. Wait, I mean.” All he could think about was Carly, and if she was in pain, and if everything was okay with the baby. Since moving her to the ward he hadn’t been given any update at all. She was nearly to term, but with the accident…

  No, he couldn’t think about that. They’d done everything right.

  David smiled. “I expect it’s worse for the moms,” he remarked. “Thank you for everything you did tonight. For being there with her and for calling us.”

  “I’m just glad I was behind her,” Gabe replied, looking away. David probably didn’t remember how he’d voiced the same words of gratitude as they’d paced the emergency room years ago, waiting for news of Brandon. Guilt slithered through Gabe each time he thought of that night and the part he’d played in it. David hadn’t known, but Brandon had known exactly where to place the blame—on Gabe’s shoulders. It had ended their friendship. It had ended a lot of things, and seeing the hate in Brandon’s eyes hadn’t been the worst of it. It had been looking in the mirror that had nearly destroyed him.

  And now Gabe was waiting for news of Carly. He didn’t want to think of what would have happened if Carly had been all alone on that stretch of road. What might have happened if she’d gone into labor with no one there. Now that she was here at the hospital, he felt a burning anger towards the driver of the other vehicle who had been too much of a coward to stay, to do the right thing and help. If there was any small consolation in the events of the past, it was that Gabe had stayed and tried to help even knowing the consequences. He had accepted those consequences without question, even though it had meant the end of his scholarship and degree. But he had done the right thing. That small bit of knowledge had been what pulled him through afterwards and had prompted him to become a paramedic in the first place. The first responders had saved Brandon’s life that night.

  “She asked Cindy to be with her, you know.” David Douglas continued speaking and Gabe pulled himself back to the present and turned his attention back to the man who’d been like a second father to him for years. “When it was clear that…” David paused, licked his lips.

  “That he wasn’t coming back?”

  “You heard, then.”

  “I heard enough.” Gabe bit out the words. “Carly deserved better.”

  “On that we agree,” David replied. “For God’s sake, Gabriel, sit down. You’re making me nervous.”

  Half an hour later, Cindy came into the room, a victorious smile lighting up her face. “It’s a boy. A little over six pounds, and ten perfect fingers and toes. I think he has the Douglas chin.”

  “And Carly?” Gabe stepped forward, clenching his fingers.

  Cindy’s face softened. “She’s tired, and I think she’s going to be quite sore once everything settles.” She came over and took Gabe’s hands in hers. Her voice was rough as she kissed his cheek and said, “When I think…alone in that car, with the baby coming…”

  She wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Now go. She wants to see you.”

  Gabe went to the hospital room door and opened it a few inches, peeking inside. “Is it okay to come in?”

  The nurse nodded. “She’s been asking for you.”

  He took quiet steps towards the bed. Carly’s face had regained its color but she looked frail in the blue hospital gown and her hair was tangled and damp on the pillow. The back of the bed was raised and she smiled at him, a tired, satisfied smile as he came around the side and reached for her hand.

  In Gabe’s eyes, she’d never looked so beautiful.

  Carly knew she looked terrible, but this was one of those times in her life that she didn’t care. Her baby was here and he was fine. Her head pounded and her shoulder was starting to ache again, but it ceased to matter. Gabe had saved her tonight. She knew that as sure as she was breathing. She was okay and baby Nathan was okay because of him. They owed him everything.

  “Gabriel…”

  Saying his name did it. Hearing her own voice, the sound of it torn and frayed around the edges, toppled her over the edge. Emotions she’d held in while focusing on delivering Nathan, feelings she’d pushed aside over the last few months, came bubbling up and out now that it was over. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, she thought bitterly. She wasn’t supposed to be alone. She was tired of being strong and brave when she really wanted a shoulder to lean on—and now that she had one, it made her feel weak. She didn’t want to need anyone. Needing hurt.

  She began to cry, helpless to stop it. Gabe sat on the edge of the bed and took her in his arms and nothing had ever felt so good. With Gabe she’d always been able to just be herself, and tonight he’d been there when she needed him most. It shocked her to realize she wouldn’t have wanted anyone else.

  “Don’t cry, Carly. It’s all fine, you see? You’re okay and your baby is healthy. Nothing else matters. It’s all going to be okay.”

  “We could have died,” she whispered between sobs. The enormity of the accident sank in and she started to shake.

  “But you didn’t. You held on and you delivered a gorgeous baby boy. You did that, Carly. Just you.”

  He held her for a long time while she cried herself out. Jason should have been here, she thought, and knowing he didn’t care ignited a flare of resentment. But he hadn’t wanted Nathan, not from the start. At a time when they should been growing closer as a couple, the news of her pregnancy had fractured their marriage irreparably. For months Carly had stayed strong for her baby’s sake. She’d moved back to the valley to be closer to her parents. She’d worked as a substitute teacher until the short-term contract had come her way. And not once had Jason called, asked how she was, asked about the pregnancy.

  Tonight she was filled with bittersweet joy. Nathan was a blessing. She was somebody’s mother—it was almost too profound to believe. But it had cost her her marriage, and she couldn’t help feeling like something was missing because of it. Both for her and for her baby son.

  And then there was Gabe. Having him here tonight had somehow reminded her of how she’d used to feel when he was around. Safe and secure, a little breathless. He’d always seen her as Brandon’s little sister, but she’d hoped, once upon a time when fairy tales still seemed possible, that he’d see something more. It had been foolish, but the night he’d stepped in and taken her to the prom she’d wondered if he would ever see her the way she saw him. She’d kissed him good night after the dance, but he’d ended it there and backed away. At the time she’d been hugely embarrassed. And yet she’d never quite managed to forget. There’d always been this little bit of “what if” hanging on. What if they’d started something that night? Would things have ended up differently?

  But he hadn’t seen her in a romantic way, and life had gone on. She’d gone away to universit
y and he’d lost his football scholarship, instead moving to Halifax to study to be a paramedic. She’d married Jason and moved to Moncton and Brandon had moved out west, effectively erasing any need for regular contact between the two families. They only crossed paths by coincidence now. Neighbours. Citizens from the same town. Contemporaries.

  But tonight there was more. Tonight she was reminded of the kind of boy—the man—she’d always admired and secretly yearned for. And oh, he’d come through for her in a major way.

  She sniffled and leaned back a little, moving gingerly as stiffness began to set in. “You saved us tonight, Gabe. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you.”

  “It’s my job,” he said quietly, but his fingers tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

  “You were off the clock, remember?” She smiled at him. “When I looked up and saw your face…” Her heart gave a little jump. The way he was looking at her, his dark eyes so grave and his lips unsmiling…

  “I was so scared,” Gabe admitted, letting out a breath. “I saw you in that car and I froze. First time that’s happened since…”

  She wondered if he was going to mention the night Brandon had nearly died, but he stopped abruptly and she wondered if the memory was still too raw. So many things had changed that night. Lives had taken new directions. “Because you knew me?” she nudged gently.

  He shook his head. “I’ve known patients before. Because…I care about you.”

  Something like excitement zinged through her but she blinked, clearing her mind. Of course he cared. They’d known each other for a long time. He didn’t mean anything other than that.

  He held her hand within his. “I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to you.”

  She couldn’t let herself read too much into the words. “Well, it didn’t. There’s no permanent damage and I’m already on the mend.” She forced a smile.

  He shifted into a more comfortable position, putting his left hand on the other side of her hips rather than perching awkwardly on the edge of the bed. Her heart seemed to pound like a drum at his nearness. For a long moment his dark eyes burrowed into hers and she felt the old longings come back. Who was she kidding? Gabe had always been her ideal. Even if she wasn’t seventeen anymore, she still remembered those feelings. Still appreciated his strength, loyalty. And now he was here, closer to her than he’d ever been before. She owed him everything. And she had no idea how she could ever possibly pay him back.

  “Carly, I…”

  For as long as it took for her to draw a breath and hold it, he seemed to search for words. Then he simply gathered her in his arms again and pressed his forehead against hers, like she was something fragile and infinitely precious.

  She tried to still the pounding of her heart. This was insane. It was just because emotions were heightened. Goodness, she’d just had an accident, which was traumatic enough without adding having a baby to the list. Her body was battered and bruised and exhausted, and so were her emotions. She shouldn’t be feeling this way. Aware. And worse—hopeful.

  She rationalized all those things, but it didn’t stop the tingle that raced through her at the feel of his warm skin, or the way his breath seemed to mingle with hers. His hand was curled around the back of her neck and he shifted ever so slightly, touching his lips to hers.

  Gabriel Brenner was kissing her.

  It only lasted as long as it took the idea to sink in, and then his lips were gone. Disappointment surged as Carly realized it meant nothing. It was just a chaste, simple, friendly kiss brought on by the heightened emotions of the night.

  Until his mouth touched hers again, firmer this time. He opened his lips a little and Carly sighed against him, knowing it had to be all wrong but unable to fight the sense that it was so right. His lips were warm, soft, and even a little persuasive. She caught the faint scent of masculine shampoo and aftershave as she sat up farther, his T-shirt brushing the hospital gown hanging over her shoulders.

  He sat back again, perched on the edge of the bed. Carly wondered what it all meant. If it meant anything at all. They’d just been through something. She couldn’t read her own wishes into it.

  “Miss Douglas?”

  The nurse came back, cradling a white-and-blue wrapped bundle in her arms. “He’s been bathed and given the seal of approval. Are you steady enough to hold him?”

  In the moments after Nathan’s birth, Carly had held her son against her, marveling at the miracle she’d so desperately wanted. At the time she’d still been hazy with pain and running on autopilot. Now she lifted her right arm and the nurse placed him in her embrace. Her heart nearly wept with a kind of pure joy she’d never experienced before. He was so perfect. A tiny button nose and stubborn little chin and just the palest dusting of blond hair on his head. His face was pink, there was a tiny scratch on his cheek and he was oh, so tiny. But he was hers.

  She looked up at Gabe, needing to talk to someone and knowing he’d somehow understand. “Jason didn’t want children,” she confessed. “I knew it. I’d resigned myself to it. Nathan wasn’t planned, and Jason…” She swallowed, biting back the hurtful accusations her ex-husband had hurled her way. Did they truly matter anymore? “Well, he blamed me for a lot, including getting pregnant on purpose. It cost me my marriage, but I knew I wanted to be Nathan’s mother from the second I got the test results. I might have lost that tonight if not for you, Gabe. You’re our hero.”

  The warmth in Gabe’s eyes died and she felt his withdrawal, cold and complete. He stood and put his hands in his pockets. “You should get your rest. You’ve been through an ordeal, and it’s after midnight.”

  Carly bit down on her lip. “Did I say something wrong?”

  Gabe shook his head but the warmth didn’t come back to his gaze. “Of course not. I’m glad you are both okay, but it’s late.”

  She felt a sting of embarrassment. Of course he wanted to get home. He’d probably had plans or something and instead got stuck at the hospital on his day off and listening to her go on about her ex-husband—after he’d kissed her. Just what any man would want to hear, right? She was a damned fool.

  The kiss really had been nothing. Or even if it had been something, Gabe obviously now regretted it. A spur-of-the-moment emotional thing, that was all. Hero? She wanted to sink through the floor. How foolish, how trite could she possibly sound?

  The nurse was still present, preventing Carly from saying anything more personal. It was like the woman couldn’t sense any undercurrents, and Carly was left feeling even more confused. Was she imagining it all? She was exhausted. She’d had no sense of time since the accident and now the adrenaline was wearing off, leaving her limp and tired. She needed time so she could look back on tonight and be objective, figure things out. “It’s been an eventful night,” she replied, not knowing what else to say.

  “You can try feeding him now,” the nurse suggested, and Carly watched Gabe’s cheeks turn a telling shade of pink as he realized she meant breast-feeding.

  “Thank you, Gabe,” she said quietly.

  “Take care,” he replied. He gave her hand a quick squeeze but left the room without saying another word.

  Chapter Three

  It took Gabe two days to work up the courage to visit Carly. He spent all of Saturday digging and shoveling and sweating in his yard, using the physical labor to think about anything other than how it had felt to kiss her. Problem was, busy hands didn’t quiet a busy mind, and he’d spent an equal amount of time calling himself a stupid ass for doing it. She’d been in a traumatic accident and then gone through the delivery of her son. And what had he done? He’d totally lost his perspective. He’d kissed her. He was officially an idiot.

  And then he remembered the soft way she’d called him a hero and got out the axe, split a half cord of wood and tossed it in an ever-growing pile for next winter. He was not a hero. Never a hero. He wished she’d never said it. She didn’t know the truth and he would never tell her. It
was bad enough that Brandon’s angry words still bounced around in his head after all these years, worse still that his friend had been right. Gabe wasn’t certain he could handle the same sort of censure from Carly. It was better to walk away and let her think what she may. He knew the truth, and the truth was Carly Douglas deserved better than him.

  Sunday he was back on shift, which created a new set of problems. Responding to a call and remembering that moment when he’d realized it was Carly behind the wheel. Driving in the ambulance, thinking about how Carly had held his hand so tightly as her contractions had started. Being at the hospital, knowing she was only steps away in the maternity ward and wishing for things that would never be.

  By the end of the day he couldn’t stand it anymore. He wasn’t going to bother her, he rationalized. He’d promised himself that he’d keep his distance and that was what he’d do. He’d just look in the nursery window at the babies. Take a peek at Nathan. Make sure everything was all right before heading home again and leaving it all behind.

  Gabe stood at the nursery window, looking down at the row of clear bassinets marked with either pink or blue cards. There he was…Nathan Douglas.

  He was sleeping peacefully with a flannel blanket tucked around him and his tiny mittened hands resting behind his ears. Something that felt like pride surged through Gabe. Carly had a son, a strong, beautiful boy. And Gabe had been there, holding her hand, helping her bring him into the world, at least at first. That made him part of it. It gave him a connection to this tiny sleeping bundle. That would explain the way his heart twisted at the sight of the infant.

  He’d lost his chance with Carly years ago, he knew that. There was a reason why he didn’t speak to Brandon anymore, and he deserved every bit of blame aimed his way. What woman would want the man who’d nearly killed her brother? Nothing he could do—nothing he had done—could make up for that critical error. Friday night had been an extenuating circumstance but certainly nothing that would wipe the slate clean. And he knew the Douglases would realize it in the clear light of day.