She sighed, frustrated with herself. Did she have any idea what she wanted? Besides, Gabe had turned away from her twice already. How long before she took the hint?
But he was here now, wasn’t he? And the way he was looking at her…his gaze dropped to her lips…
“We should get going,” she whispered, wanting to kiss him but afraid of looking like a fool again. Afraid of breaking this tenuous balancing act they seemed to be perfecting lately.
She put her purse over her shoulder and tucked the blanket around Nathan, whose lids were drooping drowsily again from the rocking motion of his seat. Without asking, Gabe picked up the carrier and took it to the car, fastening it in the back seat before getting in on the passenger side.
The drive to his house only took minutes, but with the silence hovering between them it felt much longer. She pulled into his driveway, noting the neat shrubs and trimmed grass. The grey Cape-Cod-style home was nestled on a large lot, with a double garage attached to one side and a view of the Basin. He’d built a new front porch, the lumber still fresh and yellow. For a brief second, Carly could picture a playhouse and swing set in the backyard, an abandoned bicycle on the path leading to the front door. Did Gabe want children? He’d never said. She couldn’t even remember him dating over the years. Had he? Or perhaps the gossip hadn’t ever reached her. She should know these things about him, she realized. He wasn’t the only one to blame for letting the gap between them widen.
“Do you want to come in?”
His invitation came as a surprise. Did she? Nathan was truly awake now and beginning to squirm—he was probably hungry. She remembered the last time he’d needed to be fed when Gabe was around and she felt her cheeks flare. “I probably should go home. Nathan will be need to be fed, and…”
She didn’t finish the sentence, and Gabe’s dark gaze was firmly fixed on her face. She sucked in her lower lip, hit with such a wave of longing it nearly stole her breath. Gabe was, she realized, her standard. He always had been. What were they establishing here? A friendship? How could she jeopardize that with romantic notions? Especially now, when she felt the need for a friend so much?
“I should get him home and fed and bathed. Another time, maybe.”
Gabe got out of the car and shut the door, leaning on the open window with his elbows. “I’ll hold you to that,” he said softly. “Let me make you dinner. This weekend.”
Nerves bubbled through Carly. This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing. It felt like setting up a date. “This weekend?” she parroted.
“I’m off on Saturday night. I’ll make pasta. Give you the grand tour.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners in a way she couldn’t resist.
“I’d like that, Gabe.”
His smile widened. “Great. Come by around seven.”
He walked up the driveway to his house and Carly took a moment to admire the view of Gabe in faded jeans. Lord help her. Maybe they were establishing a friendship, but the warmth of his eyes when he issued the invitation made it feel distinctly like a date. What would she wear? Could she even fit into her favorite jeans again? What if something happened? There were parts of her that were still obviously not back to pre-pregnancy state…
He turned and waved and she put the car in reverse. Now she was getting ahead of herself. Nothing would happen. Just because she couldn’t stop thinking about him didn’t mean they were on the edge of a torrid affair. It took two the last time she remembered. It had been a while but not that long ago.
She shook her head as she headed home. It was time she took her head out of the clouds and kept herself firmly rooted in reality. Because if she wasn’t careful, Gabe Brenner would be capable of breaking her heart, and she wasn’t sure it could take another disappointment.
Chapter Six
At five minutes to seven, Carly drove into Gabe’s yard. The days were long now, but the sunlight seemed to take on a mellow quality as shadows slowly lengthened. Gabe came out on the verandah and Carly pressed a hand to her stomach at the sight of him there. This was definitely feeling like a date—even if she had brought Nathan along. Something about Gabe made her insides curl deliciously.
He met her as she opened her car door. She stepped out as he held it open and smiled. “Right on time,” he said, and something electric shimmered between them. Carly couldn’t tell if it was real or if it was simply a product of her own active imagination.
“I’m a teacher. Big on punctuality.” She grinned up at him, determined to keep things easy. If he knew the direction of her thoughts it would only be awkward.
“Good, because I’m hungry,” he replied. “You get Nathan and I’ll bring the diaper bag.”
Carly had to fight against the sensation of how utterly right it all seemed…her baby in her arms and Gabe ahead of her, the blue-and-white-striped diaper bag over his shoulder. He opened the front door and she stepped inside.
Gabe’s house was cozy and inviting and rich with the scent of tomato and spices. Carly pushed off her shoes at the door and followed him in her stocking feet, her movements noiseless on the tile.
The foyer was painted a warm terra cotta, the rich color highlighting beige ceramic tile. The hue was repeated in the rooms flanking the hall, except the flooring was oak hardwood polished to a sheen. One room held a desk, computer and a reading chair, while the other remained vacant. Carly thought it could be a gorgeous dining room if it had any furniture. “I’m building a buffet and hutch for this room,” Gabe said, stepping inside. “Work on it has slowed down a bit since spring arrived. I find myself in the yard more often than not.”
She pictured him working with his hands, sanding down furniture, smelling like sawdust and wood stain. The mental image made her mouth go dry and she turned away from the empty dining room. But the damage was done. She was seeing possibilities—and not only in the furniture department. “And this is the kitchen and family room.”
She forced herself to continue the tour, walking along behind him. The kitchen had the same tile as the hallway, but the oak-stained cupboards matched the rich hardwood flooring in the family room. A big-screen television and leather sofa and chair gave a masculine look, but the room was softened by a gorgeous gas fireplace and carved wood mantle. French doors opened off the dining area between the two rooms, leading to a large back deck and the grassy expanse of lawn beyond.
This was a home crying out for a family. For laughter and arguments around the table, for cozy movie nights with hot buttered popcorn and snowy afternoons with fresh-baked cookies. This was a house that felt like all the things she’d thought her own life would be—and in the middle of it stood Gabe, the man she wanted so much it hurt and the one person still capable of breaking her heart.
Gabe put the bag on a chair and smiled. “Looks like the champ is awake.” Nathan had his fist in his mouth and his bright eyes were big as buttons.
“This time of night he’s always fractious,” Carly replied. If anything could cool her jets it was the constant interference that Nathan would provide. “He seems to get fussy and feed constantly until I’m ready to scream. And then just at the moment I’m going stir crazy, he decides he’s had enough and goes to sleep. He’s only waking once in the night now,” she continued, adjusting Nathan’s weight on her arm.
“I thought you looked more rested,” Gabe said, going to the butcher block and taking out a loaf of crusty bread. He began slicing it and putting the pieces in a basket he’d lined with a napkin.
“No more spit stains and wild hair?” Carly replied, embarrassed.
“Maybe.” His eyes seemed to glow at her. “There’s a twinkle in your eye that was missing before.”
A twinkle put there from being with him. It was true she’d paid more attention than usual to her appearance tonight. Her jeans were a little more snug than she liked and she’d worried about the neckline of her blouse since her cleavage had deepened. But she’d put on makeup and a dot of perfume just the same.
Nathan started to fuss and a
fter a moment or two of Carly trying to tempt him with a rattle, she gave up. “I’m sorry,” she said, unhappy things were starting off on the wrong foot. “I’d hoped we’d be able to eat before he got tuned up.”
“No worries. Everything will keep. I planned it that way.”
“You did?”
“Baked penne and chicken. I can hold it for a while. Let me show you the spare room. You’ll have some privacy there and I’ll finish up the salad.”
Carly marveled at the novelty of a man cooking for her as well as his easy understanding at having to wait. She followed him upstairs to a wonderful spare room decorated in sage green and tan. It was totally calming as early evening sun warmed the room with muted light. With any luck Nathan would forget his normal hour of fussiness and she could feed him and then enjoy her meal.
“This is perfect,” she said quietly, moving into the room and then turning to see Gabe standing in the doorway. He nearly filled the space with his tall, strong frame and she wet her lips without thinking.
“Just let me know if you need anything,” he answered, and turned to leave.
You, she wanted to say, but couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. Things were different tonight. It couldn’t be just her. A lot of the strain between them was gone, but replaced by a different sort of tension. Had he meant for it to happen this way?
She laid Nathan on the bed and changed his diaper, then made herself comfortable in a soft recliner. Downstairs the quiet clamor of dishes made a homey sort of noise. Tears stung the back of her nose. This was how it was supposed to be. This is what she’d thought she’d have with Jason. She’d been so sure that he’d come around once he realized she was carrying their child. She’d been certain he’d believe her when she said she hadn’t gotten pregnant on purpose. She’d been taking her birth control pills all along.
But what hit her square in the heart right now was that none of it seemed to truly matter anymore. Jason was gone and she was really okay with it. It wasn’t Jason who dominated her thoughts, both awake and asleep. It wasn’t their life she dreamed about. It was Gabe. Being this close—feeling the old feelings again—it was torture. She wanted him so very badly. So badly it was terrifying. She was so afraid of making the wrong move and ruining everything.
She switched Nathan to the other side as gorgeous smells wafted up the stairs. When was the last time a man had cooked her dinner? When had she last felt this breathless anticipation? She rocked the chair gently and closed her eyes. Her stomach did a little tumble as she heard Gabe’s step on the stairs, followed by another, and another, until she knew he had to have reached the top.
When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she opened her eyes and saw him standing just inside the doorway again. This time she didn’t have the time—or inclination—to cover up. Gabe was watching her. She thought perhaps she should be embarrassed, but somehow she wasn’t. Maybe it was the way he stood, relaxed with his weight on one hip. Perhaps it was the hint of a smile she caught just at the corner of his mouth. Or the way his eyes seemed to look like warm molasses as he watched her. She’d made herself comfortable, letting her shirt buttons remain open as Nathan fed from her other side. She didn’t scurry to drape a blanket over her revealed skin. Everything was hidden from view, but it still made her vulnerable. They had to start somewhere, didn’t they?
Once their eyes met he came in and knelt in front of her chair, putting his hand on Nathan’s downy cap of hair. His palm was so wide it cupped the entire curve of Nathan’s head, his fingers only a fraction of an inch away from her skin.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He’d been looking at Nathan but now he lifted his gaze to Carly, and she fought against the need to reach out and touch his oh-so-serious face. “I don’t mean to invade your privacy. But Carly… I couldn’t seem to stay away any longer.”
Oh dear Lord. He couldn’t seem to stay away? It was like touching a match to paper, hearing those words. “Gabe…”
But he put his finger to her lips. “Shh,” he said. His finger moved away and slid down her jaw. “Is it okay that I’m here? I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
She swallowed. Okay? What was so unsettling was how right it felt and it made warning bells go off inside her head. She’d been right all along. With Gabe it wasn’t just about sex. It was about something so much bigger.
Nathan had dozed off again and Carly felt her cheeks flush as his lips slackened, exposing her fully to Gabe’s gaze. Without a word, Gabe picked up Nathan and carefully placed him on the middle of the bed. Carly rushed to re-clip the nursing bra, fumbling the clasp in her nervousness, and as a result her blouse was still unbuttoned when Gabe returned to kneel before her. He covered her fingers and pulled them down to her lap.
“Nothing seems to faze you,” she whispered. “You always seem so in control. So…sure of yourself.”
“You faze me,” he replied, his voice husky as he knelt before her. “I’ve stayed away because of it. Because I didn’t want to rush things. But today you stepped inside and I knew I couldn’t keep my distance any longer. You make my heart beat faster. You are…” he paused, a tiny crease forming between his eyes as he searched for words, “…you are such a beautiful mother. The way you hold your son, the love in your eyes, the glow on your face. That is so much bigger than me, than anything…”
Their low voices only added to the intimacy in the room. “What are you saying?”
He shook his head. “Maybe I’m not saying anything. Maybe I just want to…”
He let the words go and put his hands on the arms of her chair, leaning in and kissing her.
And oh my, he tasted good, felt good as his body hovered above her, warm and strong. Tentatively Carly lifted her hand and curled it around his neck, holding him there so he couldn’t slip away before she’d had her fill.
At her accepting touch his lips opened wider. She tightened her fingers in the soft hair of his neck and leaned towards him. He had initiated this. He had. There wasn’t anything wrong with enjoying it, was there?
He slid a finger over the curve of her jaw, down her neck, and lightly grazed the cleft between her breasts that the bra didn’t manage to cover. Carly’s breath caught in her throat at the touch that sent something taut and exciting to her core. All he had to do was kiss her and touch her once and she thought she might burst into flames beneath his hands.
Gabe lifted one hand off the arm of the chair and looped it around her waist, pulling her up until she was on her feet and in his arms.
Everything changed. Both times he’d kissed her he’d leaned in, but his hands had been holding him up, keeping her out of his embrace. Not now. Now his hands were utterly free and holding her close, pulling her body flush to his. She could feel the strength in his muscles and the hard planes of his chest and abs. One of his hands cupped the back of her head while the other slid past the waistband of her jeans, pulling her tightly against his body. For the first time in months Carly felt a rush of something exciting…something hot and carnal. It made her tremble, and she felt the difference in Gabe’s arms as she inhaled a shaky breath. He loosened his hold and broke off the kiss.
“God, Carly, I’m sorry.”
She could let his apology take away everything she was feeling or she could stand and make a challenge. She was so tired of trying to put off her feelings. Of pretending they didn’t exist. She couldn’t go on this way, always afraid of taking a risk, always tiptoeing around whatever feelings they had for each other. She lifted her chin and forced herself to meet his gaze head on.
“Why?” she asked. “Because I’m not sorry at all.”
He gave a quick glance at the bed. “He won’t roll off, will he?”
“He’s too little.” Carly’s legs trembled as she took the few steps to the bed. “If I put pillows here, he’ll be fine,” she said, taking two of the shams and putting them in place. She turned back to look at Gabe. “What are we doing, Gabe?”
He swallowed. “Anything you want.”
&
nbsp; The possibilities in those words made her quiver with want. And yet having to ensure Nathan’s safety had given her a bit of perspective. Shyness fought with desire. “I don’t… I mean to say…”
“Too soon?” he asked softly. She wondered briefly if he was worried about if she was physically able and she felt the heat of a blush rise in her cheeks. Was it too soon? The way her body was throbbing she knew the answer. But was she ready? She wasn’t sure. Gabe saw her indecision and came forward. He took her hand and squeezed. “Forget I mentioned it,” he said, and he smiled, but she saw lines of strain around his eyes. “Let’s have dinner.”
He turned to walk away.
“No!”
The word ripped from her throat. Nathan fidgeted and then settled back down once more. Gabe paused, his dark gaze penetrating. She didn’t want to just have dinner. She wanted him, and she was just frightened enough to need him to take the lead.
“No,” she whispered, wanting him to understand without her having to say the words.
He took her hand.
She followed behind him, her pulse hammering through her body as he led her across the hall to his room. The sunset bathed the room in golden light and Gabe ran his hand down the length of her arm, making goosebumps pop up behind the caress. With a smooth movement, he gripped the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it over his head.
He was beautiful, with muscled shoulders and arms and a flat stomach that tapered to the waist of his low-slung jeans. “Your turn,” he said, and Carly unbuttoned the last buttons on her blouse and slipped it off her shoulders. Gabe’s teeth bit down on his lip as he watched her.
She felt so self-conscious. “I wish it was prettier,” she confessed, running her hand over the shoulder strap of her bra that was constructed for function and not for fancy. Despite her fantasies she’d never truly considered the evening taking this direction. “And the baby weight,” she added with uncertainty. Things happened to a woman’s body when she was pregnant that never quite went back to their original place. “Gabe, I…”
Off The Clock: First Responders, Book 1 Page 6
