Godforsaken: Book 1 (Shade of Light)

by Suren Hakobyan

  “But Samael won’t let him do that, will he?” The words fled out of her mouth before she could hold them. She relied upon Samael now, but she didn’t know why. Lily realized that only Samael could help her survive, that only his love would protect her.

  “Samael?” Raphael chortled. “If I were you, I would never trust him. The emotionless ones are the most dangerous in our system, Lily.” Raphael peered back over his shoulder, his brown eyes gleaming now. “Love is unknown to him. He’s a creature without a heart, the only unearthly creature that doesn’t recognize any feeling at all, so far. Angels are beguiling creatures, they have spatial charm, they possess great magic. Don’t trust the feeling Samael has woken up in you. Be prepared for everything.”

  He trailed off, put his hands together and strode away before Lily could open her mouth. She remained alone in the quiet corridor, with only her own thoughts for company. Raphael had given her a lot of answers, but to her surprise, her questions had only multiplied.

  12. Acknowledgement

  Night was falling outside the window. Lily herself was lying on the bed, dreamless, preoccupied and gazing at the ceiling. Samael had left without telling her what to do, and Raphael was somewhere in the church. Or maybe he had left too, leaving her alone in the empty, soulless building that connected Earth with Heaven.

  She wondered if she was really supposed to be with Lucifer. Why would she be? It was Satan himself – the cruelest and the ugliest creature, she’d always heard, but according to Raphael, Lucifer had been fighting for his love. Could a person who had struggled for love be truly bad?

  But her heart was beating for another unearthly creation – Samael. Was he interested in her or not, and were his words about loving her true? She came to the understanding that living without him was the same as death. But she hadn’t had a chance to say that to him, and she was scared that he would never hear her words again.

  Raphael had been right. Somehow, Samael was playing with her emotions. She couldn’t be in love with a creature she knew nothing about. Well, she knew some things, but nothing good. The few facts she had about him painted him a bad, cruel angel that did everything with purpose. He had set up God, then done the same to Lucifer. Now he was alone, an unearthly creature wandering over Earth. What was his purpose?

  Lily sat up nervously. Nothing was torturing her so much as sitting and waiting. Standing, she came up to the window – the yard was dark now. Although the streetlamps were on, the light seemed to be unable to penetrate the unseen border of the church’s reign. What if this was a sign that Lucifer was approaching, or worse, that he or his fellows were already here? There might be Beelzebub down there now, waiting for her.

  Her stomach dropped unpleasantly, knowing that this time Samael might not rescue her. She searched the sky desperately, hoping to see Samael fall down, but the sky was dark and calm. What were the angels doing? What were they preparing for her up there? Maybe they had found out that she was the wrong person and that they should just let her live her life.

  Lily tore her eyes from the sky and hurried to find her cell phone. She had to know the truth of her past. She called her aunt. If somebody knew the truth, it had to be her.

  “Hello dear,” Aunt Agnes responded.

  “Hi. Are you okay over there?” Lily’s asked.

  “Yeah,” Agnes replied. “You seem worried. What’s happened?”

  “Nothing. I just called to ask you something, Auntie,” Lily said quickly. She approached the window again. The same darkness and calmness lingered outside.

  “I’m all ears, dear.”

  “Did my parents die in an accident?” There was a pause, just three seconds which felt like a minute for Lily.

  “Why do you ask?” Aunt Agnes sounded surprised and worried. “What’s wrong, darling?”

  “Just tell me the truth,” Lily said in a dead voice. Her voice wandered out the window and filled the yard. The darkness swallowed it in.

  Again a pause. Aunt Agnes seemed bewildered. Impatiently, Lily waited for the answer. She felt that her aunt was keeping a secret from her, but was she truly?

  “You know something you don’t want to tell me, Auntie.” Lily broke the silence and gambled. “Please, it’s important that I know. I have to hear the truth.”

  “Listen, Lily, dear,” she began, “you need to relax. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why are you doing this? Are you drunk, baby?”

  “Don’t fuckin’ pull my leg, Aunt,” Lily bawled, tears breaking loose from her eyes. “You knew who they were, you knew that one day they would come after me. And you didn’t tell me. Did you think I could escape my destiny?”

  “What kind of destiny are you talking about, Lily?” Agnes’s sobbing voice came from the other side of the line. “I took you from the hospital. I was called and notified about the accident that happened to my sister and I rushed to the hospital for you. That was the most terrible ride of my life. I already knew that my sister was dead, as did your father. And I came to the realization that you were going to be my child. I wouldn’t let anyone else adopt you, because I loved you. I know this story, what else do you want to hear from me?”

  Lily kept sobbing soundlessly, the phone held tight to her ear. But she was still so sure that her aunt was lying, she must know the truth – but what if she didn’t?

  “Auntie, I don’t believe you,” Lily muttered. “You should’ve known, you should’ve.”

  The sound of Aunt Agnes’s weeping finally reached her. Lily was waiting patiently, but her blood was rushing fast, with the same words repeating in her head over and over – she should’ve known.

  “She knows nothing about your destiny,” a familiar voice flooded the room from behind.

  Her stomach slammed into her spine. Lily jerked around, and a green-eyed face framed by brown hair broke into her view. Seeing Samael, she forgot about the phone and the sobbing aunt on the line. Her tears evaporated from her face as though being pushed away by the happiness that enveloped her at the sight of Samael.

  “Lily,” Aunt Agnes finally spoke. “Are you still there?”

  “Yeah,” she stuttered. “I’m sorry, Auntie, I was wrong. I’ve got to go now.”

  “Lily, wait.”

  “I need to go. Please, forget what I said.”

  The phone slid out of her hand and fell to the bed. Her eyes pierced into him. She felt as though the darkness crawling in from the yard was knocked out by Samael, and she was safe now. Seeing his handsome face and clever eyes she felt comfortable, the fear that had been conquering her soul giving way. Maybe Samael wasn’t interested in saving her, maybe last night was only a game he liked to play with other girls, but Lily still felt an inexplicable safety near him.

  The door was closed. Samael stood by it, dressed in black trousers, a shirt and shoes. He had one hand thrust into his trousers’ pocket. With his free hand, he brushed his flyaway hair back, allowing Lily to clearly see his eyes. His lips looked blue. The desire to taste them grew in her throat. She flung herself into his arms unaware of whether he wanted her there, or whether he had come to love her.

  Samael accepted her, he hugged her heartily and pressed her against his chest. Finding herself wrapped in his protective embrace, Lily was flooded with happiness and felt as if she was alive again. His smell conquered her mind, making her forget every odd and unearthly occurrence that had come into her life since the day before.

  “I missed you,” she whispered wholeheartedly, closing her eyes and hugging him tighter.

  Samael’s eyes widened as if he didn’t believe what he had heard. It took him several seconds to find his voice again.

  “You’re my life,” he said back.

  Lily pulled her face from his chest and looked up uneasily. Were those words true?

  “I won’t let anybody harm you, Lily,” Samael went on seriously. His remarkable green eyes darkened as though angry clouds were gathering in them. “No one – not Lucifer, not the archangels – will possess you. I swear
to you – you will live.”

  The change in his expression showed his resolution. Samael was to enter into the upcoming war for one purpose and one purpose only – to save her.

  There are a lot of attractive, decent looking guys in the world outside this church, why had she fallen in love with someone so inhuman? Lily thought. But maybe this was her fate, this was God’s will to follow. Lily stood up on her toes, encircled his neck with her arms, and covered his lips with hers. Her breath stopped as he answered her passionately. He lifted her up. Lily circled her legs around his waist and exhaled with a loud moan. She kissed him greedily, as if somebody might come and take him away from her.

  Samael stepped ahead, and then they were both already on the bed. Lily kept him close with her legs strongly encircling him, her tongue still in his mouth.

  Samael paused from the kiss, and Lily inhaled rapidly, then opened her eyes. Nothing had changed on his face except his eyes. Their color shifted, and now Lily realized what was going on in his mind. He wanted her, he wanted her more than anything he had in his endless existence.

  “Take me.” Her breath left her lungs in a hissing rush as she longed to satisfy his hungry eyes.

  Samael said nothing. His lips approached her neck. She tossed her head back, continually moaning, her voice wandered around the room before drifting into the darkness outside. His lips continued to travel down her body as he unbuttoned her shirt.

  Lily couldn’t wait anymore, but she had to. As soon as he raised his head up, she tore his shirt off of him, and her fingers traced his bare chest. Samael closed his eyes, then opened them again and leaned in to kiss her lips greedily.

  Lily’s jeans were off. She opened her legs to invite him in, and Samael took her instantly. He placed her head in his palm, his other hand slid down to grasp her buttocks, and her blood welled as soon as she felt him inside her. She groaned loudly with pleasure against Samael’s mouth.

  *

  Summer’s warm breeze blew gently into the room through the small window. It reached Lily’s loose blonde hair, ruffling strands of it against Samael’s face as he lay next to her. Samael was staring into her blue eyes, looking at her curiously as though he was trying to read her thoughts. The task seemed too difficult even for such a strong and powerful creature. Next to him, Lily lay calmly. She had realized that there truly was something between them, that she hadn’t been used, Samael had feelings for her. Maybe he didn’t express them as an average man would’ve, but they seemed honest all the same. At least, Lily thought that way.

  Her fingers were on his face, caressing his cheek. She liked the prickle of short bristle on his face, she liked his thin lips which were always dry. She had tasted nothing better than them yet.

  “Why do you hide your wings from me?” she asked with a whisper.

  Samael smiled. “You like them?” There was a surreal expression in his eyes.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  She felt something warm and long covering her naked body. She flinched, her eyes looked down and she saw a covering of gray wrapping around her. She felt softness, heat, and protection meshed together.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “You’re welcome,” Samael replied as he tilted his head and kissed her lips.

  “I don’t want this moment to be over,” Lily said after the kiss.

  “Dreams,” he said seriously. “Dreams are our enemy, don’t let them live instead of you. Lily, you know that everything has an end, but instead of dreaming, you can spend your time living within the pleasurable moments.”

  “I only want to live them with you.” Her hand rested on his cheek. “I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

  “Why did you think that?”

  “It was because of the coldness I felt after the night we shared,” Lily hurried to reply. “I learned of my destiny, I got to see your true colors, and I was scared that you were only using me for your own purposes.”

  “Why have you changed you mind then?” Samael questioned. “Maybe I’m still using you.”

  They stared into each other’s eyes. Lily tried to read something deep in the green of his eyes, but Samael knew how to keep his soul locked away. She would only be able to learn what he allowed her to have.

  “I want to believe you,” Lily whispered gloomily.

  Samael’s wing wrapped around her tighter. His eyes fell for some seconds then when he raised them on her, their light darkened.

  “I thought you wouldn’t want me once you knew the real me,” he began apologetically. “That you might even be afraid of me, as I’m not a human–”

  “But you’re a far more wonderful creature.” Her voice was sweet.

  “Wonderful?” he chortled. “I’m a devil, Lily,” Samael sounded cruel, but Lily didn’t feel fear. “I’ve sinned, I have killed and lied and betrayed. Out of all the heavenly creatures you could have chosen, I am the worst of them. I’ve become such a thing that belongs to neither Heaven nor Hell.” He grinned a sour grin.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Lily insisted, “who you were. It matters who you are, beside me, Samael.”

  “And who am I beside you?”

  Lily kept her silence for some seconds. Samael seemed disappointed with her apparent hesitation.

  “You’re the one who makes me feel safe with your mere presence,” Lily took his face into her hands. “Next to you I feel alive, you can change me, down to the way I breathe. You don’t know it, but for a moment when you argued with Michael and left, I thought would be better to die than live without you.”

  “That’s not a real feeling, Lily. My charm is talking instead of you.”

  “No. I know what I feel.”

  “I wish you knew,” Samael sighed. Then he asked, “Did you hear our conversation?”

  “I’m sorry, but I was behind the door,” she confessed honestly. “I didn’t hear everything, just half,” she added quickly.

  Samael’s wing unwrapped her, he looked aside and sat up exhaling in disappointment. Lily peered at him worriedly, wondering whether she had said the wrong thing. Of course she had behaved rudely, eavesdropping on his conversation and lurking behind the door, but at the same time, she was the topic at hand.

  Samael stood up and approached the narrow window. His wings covered his naked body like he was clad in a gray cassock.

  “You know that I tried to kill all your predecessors, and you still say you love me?” he said in muted surprise.

  Lily didn’t answer at once. She got out of the bed slowly, then came up to him, and propped her arm behind his back.

  “I believe you had a reason for what you did,” she whispered in his ear. “I guess I loved you before we met. I saw you in my dreams and fell in love with you then.”

  “I told you not to trust dreams, Lily. You know nothing about me.”

  “No, I do know something about you.” Her statement got Samael’s attention, and he looked at her, involved in her theory. “Raphael told me you’re very clever, maybe even the cleverest archangel in Heaven.”

  “I haven’t been an angel for a long time now,” Samael cut her off. “Almost an eternity.” His hand lifted to caress her hair as it ruffled in the breeze. “But you still want to know why I killed them, don’t you?”

  Lily nodded with uncertainty.

  “Okay,” he looked out the window again. Looking at the darkness and seeing nothing seemed to help him to gather all his memories. “Raphael told you I followed our eldest brother Lucifer, and was banished from Heaven because of it. There is now no way for me to return to Heaven ever again.”

  “But do you want to go back to Heaven?”

  “How much do you desire me to be beside you?” he asked. Lily said nothing, her answer was already clear. “You can’t imagine the beauty of that place, the warmth the air carries there. Lucifer kept saying that we would attack and conquer it soon.” He took a pause.

  “You set him up, didn’t you?” Lily remembered Raphael’s words.

>   Samael kept staring out the window unblinking. Looking in his eyes, Lily saw his pupils growing and shrinking, and she noticed something like gray smoke roaming in them. She got the impression that the memories he had of the War of Heaven were rising in his eyes.

  “Lucifer changed. His love for Eve consumed him. He desired to prove to God that he was the best creation Heaven had ever seen. I followed him because I knew he could create, and because I was sure he would improve Earth. I was curious. I wanted to find out the secret of creation, I wanted to learn everything. He told me that the secret laid in love – it was a feeling only Lucifer had discovered at the time. But he forgot it. He destroyed and murdered, he rebelled against our brothers, he adored seducing the other angels to follow him using his new discoveries: charm, seduction, sex, life without God,” the smoke in Samael’s eyes reflected different forms of angels and people, soldiers struggling against each other, a man killing a woman. “He released Abaddon–the destroyer. I couldn’t let him ruin Heaven as he did Earth.”

  “When I withdrew, Michael had a chance to defeat the rage gathered in Lucifer. He sent Lucifer out of Heaven and into Hell, and locked him there. God made new rules after that war. He announced that no unearthly creature could use supernatural power on Earth. Mankind gained their freedom, and the right to choose between God and Lucifer. But before the new rules were signed, I knew that Lucifer could get out of Hell using his love of Eve’s heir. I knew that Efran’s family, your great-great-father or someone close to him, was on Lucifer’s side. His wife was pregnant. He gave his word to Lucifer to sacrifice her female child to him. I couldn’t let that happen.”

  “You missed someone, didn’t you?” Lily supposed. “Otherwise I wouldn’t exist.”

  “I never miss anybody if I aim for them,” Samael assured her. He sighed mournfully. “Efran had a twin brother. When they were born, I hid the second boy, I had already a backup plan prepared for him. His name was Jarrett. Nobody knew about him, even the archangels. I helped him run away from Rome to the Armenian Empire and lurk there. Tigranes the Great, the king of Armenia, kindly agreed to aid me.