Misdirected

by Ali Berman

  “At college.”

  “You never talk about her,” says Tess, pouting.

  “Not much to say. I mean, she’s great.”

  Tess gives me an exasperated look. “Okay, I’ve got to go.”

  “All right,” I say, letting go of her hand.

  “You’re not going to try to talk me into staying longer?”

  “You’ve got to get home. I understand,” I say, happy to stop talking about Emily.

  “You’ll see me in an hour on g-chat,” she says with a grin.

  Tess looks at the classroom door and then leans in for a quick kiss.

  She smiles. “See you later.”

  Chapter 13

  God and Science Go Together like Peanut Butter and Toenails

  For the rest of September, Tess, James, and I get straight A’s. Tess isn’t great at math but James is a numbers freak so he helps her out, even though he’s a year below us. I’m pretty good at science, which isn’t James’s best subject, so I talk him through some of the geology stuff he’s doing in Earth Science. Because I have James to hang out with during school and on the weekends, I don’t even really care that the rest of the kids completely ignore me, and sometimes make chimp sounds when I walk by. At least nothing else has been written on my locker.

  Once or twice a week during lunch, Tess sneaks up to the back section of the library to hang out with us.

  Luckily, Tess seems to have forgotten that I’ve got a sister. She hasn’t asked me anything about Emily. Which is good. What do I say? My sister has a girlfriend. Hope your god doesn’t mind.

  It isn’t until the second week of October that I hit my first real snag in the whole getting-perfect-grades plan.

  The first few chapters of the science textbook are all about plants and Mr. Thompson sticks to asking questions about the facts. I mean, he calls everything god’s glorious creation, but then he goes on to talk about true stuff like photosynthesis. When we get to the next chapter on human biology, it gets to be less about facts and more about the Bible. What the Bible is doing in a science textbook, I’m not sure. But there it is.

  Mr. Thompson asks, “Now that we’ve talked about the circulatory system, and how it is critical to respiratory function, I want us to look at the bigger picture. Who here can tell me what the Bible says about blood?”

  A bunch of hands go up in the air.

  “Ben, your tests and labs have been excellent, but we haven’t heard much from you this semester. Tell me what the Bible says about blood.”

  “Can I answer a question about blood instead?”

  “No. We’ve gone over red blood cells, white blood cells, platelets, veins, and the heart. Now I want to talk about what it all means.”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Didn’t you read the chapter?”

  “I did.”

  “It says it in the first paragraph.”

  “I’m sorry sir. I don’t remember.”

  “Well, try to think of your own Bible reading. Maybe you’ll remember that way.”

  I try thinking back to my days at Catholic school. The cracker is the body and the wine is the blood. What does that mean about blood and the Bible? Damn it.

  Kenny raises his hand and says, “I know.”

  “Thank you, Kenny, but I’m not asking you. Mr. Pinter, can you tell us anything? I know you read the material, but perhaps you’re missing the larger point of all of this. Science is about celebrating God’s Creation. It’s another form of devoting ourselves to Him and reveling in His workmanship.”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Thompson. I really don’t know.”

  “And why do you think that is?”

  “What?”

  “Why do you think you ignore the religious teachings in the textbook?”

  “The facts are all I need to know. Facts are the basis of science.”

  “The Creator is the basis of science. You need to start paying Him some attention or you’re only going to understand the bare minimum required for this class. Anyone else?” he asks. “Can anyone tell me what you learned in your reading about blood?

  Without even raising their hands three kids, including Kenny, call out “the life of the flesh is in the blood.”

  “And what does that mean?” he asks the class.

  “That Jesus died for us and with his sacrifice comes our purification.”

  “Excellent,” says Mr. Thompson.

  When lunch hits I feel sick to my stomach. I mean, how can knowing the facts not be enough? That’s what science is. Facts. Science is about discovery. If I wanted to study air travel, I wouldn’t start my research by looking at pictures of Santa’s flying sleigh.

  Luckily, Tess is sitting with James in the library when I get up there.

  She sees me and asks, “What’s wrong?”

  “Mr. Thompson sucks. He called on me in class today and asked why blood is important in the Bible. I had no idea.”

  “It’s the life of the flesh,” say Tess and James almost at once.

  “What does that mean?!”

  “In Leviticus it says, ‘the life of the flesh is in the blood,’” says Tess.

  “Wait. Isn’t Leviticus the one that says gay people are bad?” I ask.

  “Yeah,” says James.

  “No wonder I haven’t paid closer attention to that freaking masterpiece.”

  “Hey,” says Tess. “I know you’re mad, but try not to Bible bash.”

  “Only if the Bible stops gay bashing.”

  “Look, the Bible is an old text. Thousands of years old. It doesn’t just say gay people are bad. It says slavery is okay and a bunch of other ridiculous things. I know it’s outdated. The founding fathers of this country owned slaves too. It’s not okay today, but it was considered okay back then.”

  “Will that argument work with anyone around here who isn’t you?”

  She relents, “Most people around here think the Bible is true word for word.”

  “Then I’m allowed to be pissed, right?”

  “Yes. Just try to be peeved without trashing my religion.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just hard.”

  “Why? I mean, it’s not like you know any gay people.”

  I give her a look, like, really? Are you sure?

  “I mean, I don’t know any,” she says.

  “I’m from Massachusetts, remember? Not from the town of Homophobe in Bible Belt USA.”

  “We’re not all that way. I’m not.”

  “How was I supposed to know that?” I ask angrily.

  Tess looks hurt for a moment. Then turns on me and says, “So you assumed that I was hateful?”

  She stares me down, her arms folded.

  “My sister is gay,” I say.

  “So you thought I would think your sister was a bad person because she’s gay?”

  “I guess I wasn’t sure if you’d be cool with it or not.”

  “You weren’t sure?” she says, looking furious.

  “You can’t really blame me! I mean, everyone around here thinks gay people are evil sinners, don’t they?”

  Tess grabs her stuff, gives me a nasty look, and storms off.

  “Dude,” says James.

  “Shut up.”

  “Will do.”

  Chapter 14

  Surgically Removing Feet from Mouth

  When I get home from school, Tess isn’t online. The curtains are down in her room so even though her lights are on I can’t wave to get her attention. It’s Thursday and usually on Thursdays we meet outside in the shed, but something tells me that tonight I shouldn’t bother sneaking out.

  Instead I call Emily.

  “Hey, Bro! How’s it going?”

  “Bad,” I moan.

  “Why bad?” she asks.

  �
�Well, I have a girlfriend.”

  “Seriously? Since when?”

  “About a month.”

  “And you didn’t tell me? Is it that Tess girl you’re not allowed to see?”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Dad’s a talker.”

  “Yeah. Well, we’ve been sneaking around and talking online. But we don’t get to talk about stuff in person very often and there are certain things you just don’t want to say online, you know?”

  “Like what?”

  “So she’s Christian, but not crazy Christian like everyone else. I didn’t know how she felt about gay people. Then I made a comment about the Bible being homophobic and she thought I was calling her homophobic.”

  “Did you tell her you have a gay sister?”

  “I didn’t tell her until today cause I didn’t want to tell anyone until you had told Mom and Dad.”

  “While I appreciate your loyalty to me, here’s some advice. If you don’t know how she feels about something, ask her. If you think she’s trustworthy, then trust her. Otherwise you’re thinking for her and no one likes that.”

  “So I should say I’m sorry?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s what I thought. So how is married life?” I ask.

  “We’re good. School is great. I love it here.”

  “You’ll make it fun when I come visit, right?”

  “Of course. Although it’s probably when I’ll tell Mom and Dad. So I’m not sure how much fun they’re going to have.”

  “They’ll be fine. Didn’t you just give me that whole speech about trusting people? Shouldn’t you trust them? I think they’ve earned it.”

  “It’s just hard. I mean, I don’t want them to think about me getting it on with anyone, male or female, but when I tell them, that’s exactly what they’re going to think about. I don’t want them imagining me making out with my girl . . .”

  “Stop talking! I don’t want to imagine it either, so just stop talking.”

  “See! Totally embarrassing.”

  “Suck it up.”

  “I’ve got to go. Lots of reading to do for class tomorrow,” she says.

  “Have fun with that.”

  “Who doesn’t love Anne Carson? Of course I’ll have fun.”

  “Whoever that is. Later, Em.”

  Tess might not be signed into chat, but I bet she’s up in her room. I send her a text. I’m sorry about today. Can we meet tonight so I can explain? Please?

  Hopefully she’ll agree to see me.

  I look over at Margaret’s DVDs next to the bed. I haven’t been practicing much but I need to start. Otherwise, I’m going to look like a fool at the talent show. I’m really good at up-close magic, but in front of an audience? That’s a whole different set of illusions.

  I grab my fanning powder and give my cards a light fresh coat. Then I turn on the DVD to learn how the hell to do the kind of card manipulation that’s going to make people’s mouths fall open.

  I can do a few of the easier moves without too much trouble. Margaret taught me those in seventh grade. So I start with the harder stuff like Cardini’s cards, packet vanish and interlock production. I’ve seen Margaret do those but I haven’t worked on them so my hands are clumsy. Practice is the only way to sink this show. So that’s what I do.

  About an hour later I get a text. It’s Tess. I’ll see you at the shed at 11:30.

  A little cold but she’ll be there. I spend the next few hours watching McBride do things with cards I can only dream of. As I watch I write down a basic outline for which illusions I’m going to use for my performance. Then I start pounding away at them. It’s like doing layup drills during basketball practice. You’ve got to keep doing the same move if you’re going to get good at it. And I need to be great.

  At dinner I’m kind of quiet. When my parents ask me what’s wrong, I say nothing and keep eating my pasta. My mom sort of rolls her eyes and looks at my dad. They probably just think I’m being a sulky teenager. The way Emily got when she was my age. So they let me eat without bothering me anymore. Instead, Mom talks about Pete and how excited she is to have him home in December. Not for good, but for a while.

  He’ll get to wear regular clothes and see movies and eat food he actually likes. Mostly, when he’s been back twice before, he’s pretty quiet. He doesn’t go out and hang with his old friends very much. He stays home, reads books, and watches movies. He says, “When you’re in the army, you’re lucky if you get to take a shit in private, let alone be in a room by yourself all night.” I don’t think I’d have it in me.

  After dinner I go back upstairs and practice some more. I mess with the different illusions until my fingers start to cramp. These tricks are rough. It’s going to take a lot of work to master them. It would go faster if I had someone to work with. Someone who was already good at them and could show me the technique and fix my hands when I’m doing something wrong. I need Margaret. I think about calling her but it’s time to meet Tess.

  I sneak downstairs and open the door. “Going somewhere?” asks my dad.

  “Jesus. You scared me.”

  He stands up from the chair in the living room and turns on a light.

  “This is the third Thursday night I’ve heard you go outside.”

  “And you didn’t stop me?”

  “I watched from the window. You went across the street. I get it. You’re fifteen and you’re not allowed to see your girlfriend.”

  “How do you know she’s my girlfriend?”

  “Because I’m not an idiot.”

  “Does Mom know?”

  “Not about the sneaking out. You know your mom. She sleeps like someone hit her over the head.”

  “We’re not doing anything bad. It’s just the only time we can see each other.”

  “If Tess gets caught, you know she’s going to be in a lot of trouble, don’t you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So maybe this should be the last time you meet in the middle of the night,”

  “How will we see each other?”

  “I know it’s not fair and I know you’ve been dealing with a lot since you got here, but sneaking out isn’t the way to solve it.”

  “How do I solve it?”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t know. Religious differences are a tough nut to crack. But it will get better.”

  “That’s all you’ve got for me?”

  “Yep. You go tell Tess you can’t meet like this anymore.”

  “It may take a little while. I also have to apologize for something else.”

  “Stuck your foot in your mouth?”

  “Up to my knee.”

  “Okay.”

  “Night, Dad. And thanks.”

  “I was fifteen once too.”

  My dad heads back upstairs and I hurry across the street to the shed.

  “You’re late,” says Tess.

  “My dad caught me.”

  “Oh no!” she says, forgetting for a second that she’s mad at me.

  “He was cool about it, but this is the last time I can meet you out here.”

  She slumps her shoulders and looks at the ground. “When will I see you?”

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  We both sit down on the ground. Now that it’s October, it’s a bit colder. She puts her head on my shoulder and I wrap my arm around her.

  “About earlier,” I say. “I’m sorry. My sister told me that she’s gay, like a month ago. My parents don’t even know yet.”

  “That’s big.”

  “I mean, it shouldn’t be big. It’s just who she is, but it’s new. Not new to her. New to me. And then at church the guys were gay bashing. Kenny wrote fag on my locker and it made me want to punch him in the face. All of a sudden there were these people who don’t
like my sister, and they’ve never even met her. I feel bad that she never said anything in high school because she was worried about what people would think. When you meet my sister, you’ll know that it’s rare for her to care at all what other people think.”

  “It’s never easy being different.”

  Tess hugs me tighter.

  “I just worried that growing up around here, you might think horrible things about gay people and I didn’t want to risk telling you and having it go badly.”

  “You’re just going to have to trust me, okay?”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t.”

  “You should go inside. Your dad will probably be waiting to hear the door.”

  “I think he can wait a few more minutes,” I say, smiling.

  “Just a few,” she says and kisses me.

  Chapter 15

  At Least Romeo and Juliet Had a Friar on Their Side

  I head up to the library to meet James. Unfortunately, the first quarter is almost over and any student who cares about grades has been in the library during lunch. Tess can’t show her face around us or someone will tell Angela who will then tell her parents. We haven’t been able to sneak out since my dad caught me, so we talk online, see each other at the talent show rehearsals, and that’s about it. Even at the rehearsals we can’t work together or speak unless it’s about props or publicity. It’s torture.

  Angela shows up at the meetings a few times to ask Tess something. Then she stays and tries to talk to Trent. And frankly, Trent looks less than interested in spending time with her. It makes me wonder . . . could Trent be an ally?

  During the next rehearsal I ask Trent if he can hang around to talk for a few minutes when we’re done.

  “Yeah, sure,” he says, looking at me curiously.

  After everyone, including Tess, clears out, Trent sits next to me.

  “What’s up?” he asks.

  “This is kind of awkward.”

  “You’re not bailing, are you? We only have six acts and we need them all.”

  “I’m not bailing.”

  “Okay then. What?”

  “I think you’ve probably figured out that I like Tess.”