Misdirected

by Ali Berman

  Maybe at my next school I’ll get students together to do a show with me to raise money for Pete’s shelter. That way when he gets back from his next tour he’ll have some money to get started.

  The final act before mine is onstage singing some Christian song. The audience loves it, which is good. There’ll be high energy when I get out there.

  My stomach is turning, like the earth might be rotating inside my gut.

  Next thing I know Tess is grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the stage.

  “Are you deaf? It’s your turn! Are you ready?”

  I look at the stage, trying to see what the auditorium looks like when it’s packed with people.

  “I guess it doesn’t matter,” says Tess, when I don’t respond. “You’re on.”

  I barely have time to think about how scared I am now that the time is actually here. I’ve got a job to do. Entertain. Be a freaking awesome magician.

  I walk onstage with a big smile, stand behind the table, and grab my first prop. The egg illusion. A great starter.

  I go through all the illusions knowing that the amount of applause I get at the end will tell me two things. How good my performance was. And how good my apology was. If they forgive me or not. I bet every person in this room heard about what I said. And I hurt them all.

  As I break into the big part of my set, the card manipulations, I feel more nervous than I did before I even went on. I start with the easier stuff, fanning, and then I keep upping it. Harder and harder. My fingers are moving fast and have to be just right. I look at the audience as well as at my hands. A great magician can’t just have the moves down, they need to connect with the audience. To be so confident that the movement of the cards looks effortless. And I’m doing it. I’m making the sleights of hand that Margaret helped me with, and my fingers are moving over the cards so easily that McBride himself would be proud. I’m a freaking magician.

  I do the last set of card moves, close the deck into my palm, smile, and bow. What starts as a few claps turns into a few more. I bow again to indicate that the show is over and then the whole crowd starts clapping. Well, almost everyone. A few families sit totally still, not moving. But Kenny, Arty, and Beth are all clapping and smiling at me.

  I look offstage to see Tess clapping too. Her eyes are shiny and wet looking. A few seconds later all the kids come out and join me for our final bows. Tess is the first onstage and takes my hand. She squeezes it tight and although she doesn’t look at me I can see her crying.

  The crowd keeps clapping until Trent steps forward.

  “Thank you all for coming,” he says. “I’ve just been told that the count for the night is five thousand six-hundred and twenty-two dollars! That’s how much we raised to help the kids at the hospital. We’ll be doing the same show for them tomorrow and give them the check. Thank you all for coming and God bless.”

  We walk offstage together. As soon as we’re all backstage, people start hugging and congratulating each other. Even me.

  Tess comes up from behind and gives me a huge hug.

  “You were sooooo good,” she says. “Seriously, they loved you.”

  “You’re talking to me. Again.” I say. “Aren’t you afraid people will see?”

  “Did you hear me? You were great!”

  “What’s the deal? We spend the whole semester pretending we don’t know each other and now you’re talking to me in public twice in one night.”

  “You were really brave today saying what you did in front of all those people. You’ve been brave this entire time and you’ve stayed true to who you are. I’ve decided to do the same, so I’ll talk to who I want to. I’m not hurting anyone. I’m not doing anything bad. If someone wants to tell on me, and my parents want to ground me, then that’s their choice. I’m done hiding.”

  “Can you hide for one more day?”

  “Huh?”

  “Well, you know how you’re going to the mall with Beth tomorrow?”

  “How did you know that?”

  “I asked her to make those plans so that we could all go to your brother’s wedding.”

  She goes from looking shocked to looking like she just won the lottery.

  “Are you kidding?! I’m going to the wedding?!”

  “We all are.”

  Tess starts to cry. The kind of crying that looks odd because it’s on the happiest face I’ve ever seen in my life.

  “I can’t believe you! I need to sit down.”

  “If you tell the truth tonight they might stop you.”

  “Okay. One more day of lying. Then that’s it.”

  Chapter 41

  Talent Show Take Two

  When we all get to the hospital the kids are already waiting for us in the large common room. Some kids are sitting with IV’s stuck in their arms. Some kids were rolled in the room in their beds. Others hardly look sick, except for their bald heads.

  When we walk in the room each kid smiles and looks at us like we’re the coolest people ever. There are probably only twenty kids in the room, but it feels so much more important than what we did last night.

  While the first group sets up, I go around the room and introduce myself to each kid. Then Tess and everyone else goes around and introduces themselves, careful not to shake hands or anything in case we’re carrying germs.

  David, Elizabeth, Meredith, Alex, Mark, Lori, Brad, Molly, Jacob, Renee, Jane, Dan, Rachael, Darren, Doug, Jessica, Audrey, Sunny, Kim, and Stephanie. That’s our audience. That’s who we have to impress.

  And we do a great job. For the next hour the kids smile, laugh, and clap. They sing along with the songs. A few of them sneak up real close to my table when I’m doing my card manipulations. They give the “oohs” and “ahhs” that I hoped for.

  Trent presents the hospital with the check. He also takes out a special surprise, something we didn’t even know about. It’s a box of toys for their playroom with board games and stuffed animals and action figures.

  Before we leave, the kids give us each a thank-you card decorated by one of them.

  If I hadn’t been here, I wouldn’t have been a part of this. I wouldn’t have given these kids a great day. I look at Tess and she smiles at me. A genuine smile, almost like when we were together.

  We get on the bus and head back to school. James and Beth are there waiting for us. So is Pete. We all go into the bathroom and change into our wedding clothes. James and me in dress shirts and nice pants and the girls in dresses. Even Pete is dressed up in his suit. Two weeks after getting back, his hair is starting to grow longer than the peach fuzz it was when he first got home. He won’t cut it until the day before he leaves again.

  James and I are ready and go outside to meet Pete. We all turn around as the girls walk over to join us. Tess is dressed up in a bright blue strapless dress. She looks incredible.

  She goes right up to Pete and says, “Thank you so much for taking us. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

  “I have every idea how much it means to you. Ben told me.”

  Tess turns to me and gives me a hug. Not a friend hug either, she’s pressed up against me and her cheek is against my cheek. She feels amazing.

  “I miss you so much,” I say. I can’t help it, it just comes out.

  “I miss you too,” she says, as she lets go of me.

  “Come on guys. We’ve got a two-hour drive ahead,” says Pete. “James, you’re up front with me. I need a navigation man.”

  James climbs in the passenger seat and Beth and I each take a window with Tess in the middle. We’re touching. We can’t not touch. When I try to scoot toward the door it just makes it more obvious that it can’t be stopped. I’m sweating so hard I feel like I’m going to turn my shirt to soup.

  “Did you tell your brother we’re coming?” I ask, trying to be cool.

  “No,” says
Tess. “He’s going to flip.”

  “In a good way though, right?”

  “A very good way.”

  “Do your parents know he’s getting married?” asks James.

  “I don’t know. I couldn’t act like I knew because I’m not supposed to talk to him. And they never mention him so even if they did know I think they’d pretend they didn’t.”

  “Your brother didn’t tell you?” asks Beth.

  “I try not to talk to him about my parents. It’s too hard for him.”

  “If he’s an atheist then he’s not getting married in a church, right? It’s got to be strange,” says Beth.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Being an atheist.”

  “You realize that you’re in the car with three of us,” I say. “You’re outnumbered.”

  Beth turns white.

  “Try not to think about it,” says Tess. “What your parents don’t know won’t hurt them.”

  “They would kill me.”

  “That doesn’t seem like the Christian thing to do,” I say, smirking.

  “Don’t you think you’ve gotten in enough trouble for mocking religion?” says Tess sharply.

  My stomach tightens. “Yes.”

  “That’s what I thought,” she says, smiling. “It’s not so easy for some of us who aren’t allowed to hang out with whoever we want.”

  “Don’t worry, Beth, they won’t find out you’re here,” I say, and turn to face Tess. “You know though, nothing has been easy for me since I moved here. I was the one up there apologizing, but at that school I was ignored, harassed and treated like crap pretty much every single day. No one even gave me a chance. I was immediately judged.”

  Tess starts to talk. I cut her off. “I’m not saying that what I did wasn’t terrible. It was and I know it. But your parents, Mr. Thompson, and the kids at school, they were horrible to me. And I’ve never gotten an apology for that.”

  “You’re not going to,” says Beth. “Not that I don’t think you deserve one.”

  “I guess I don’t need one anymore. I’ll be out of there soon enough.”

  “I can’t believe you’re really going,” says Tess. “Just when I’m done caring if people see us together.”

  “He’s just changing schools,” Pete says. “It’s not like he’s moving across the country. You guys can get back together. Ben being at a different school might even make it easier.”

  The car goes silent. Pete opens his mouth for the first time in the car ride and that’s what he says! He just put it out there and now, because there’s such a deafening silence in the car, I can hear the sweat dripping down my back. What do I say now?

  “I’d like that,” says Tess, finally.

  “You would?” I ask.

  “Yeah. You’re right, most of the school was awful to you. And while what you did was awful too, I know you feel bad about it.”

  I want to kiss her. Then I see Beth, James, and even Pete’s eyes in the mirror staring at me. So I do the next best thing. I hug her.

  Beth gives little claps and James holds up his hand to Pete for a high five.

  “If that didn’t work he would have killed you,” says James to Pete.

  “I can take him,” Pete grins.

  Beth and Tess spend the rest of the car ride trying to put on makeup while the car bounces around, which is pretty entertaining for the rest of us. Finally we arrive and jump out of the car. Tess looks super nervous and starts fanning herself with her purse.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  “I haven’t seen him in over two years. It’s just weird, you know?”

  “He’s going to be so happy to see you. And hopefully he won’t mind a few party crashers.”

  Now that I’m standing in front of her, I can’t resist anymore. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her. She puts her arms around my neck and pulls in closer.

  Behind me, I hear James say to Beth, “Do you, uh, maybe want to go out some time? Go on a bike ride or something?”

  “You’re a freshman.”

  “So?”

  “That’s worse than being an atheist,” she says.

  “How about you give it a try? Be my date for the wedding, and if you hate it, that’s it. Done.”

  Tess and I turn to watch James offer Beth his arm. She rolls her eyes and takes it.

  “Come on, let’s go inside,” I say to everyone.

  Chapter 42

  The Answer to the Ultimate Question

  We walk into the building and into an area set up kind of like how a church would be, but without any religious stuff, just flowers and lots of people sitting in rows waiting excitedly for the wedding to start.

  Tess looks around but doesn’t see anyone she knows.

  She grabs my hand. “Come on. I want to go find my brother before it starts.”

  “We’ll be back,” I say to the group as Tess yanks me down the hall.

  “Maybe upstairs,” she says.

  We go up the stairs hand in hand and poke our heads around a couple of open doors. Tess hears a deep voice from down the hall and stops dead in her tracks.

  “Is that him?” I ask.

  She lets go of my hand and walks softly over to the last door in the hall. She breathes deep and knocks.

  “Yeah?” says a voice.

  Tess waves me over to her and then opens the door. We walk in together.

  I see a guy in a tux smiling the craziest, biggest smile I’ve ever seen in my entire life. He runs over, picks Tess up in the air, and hugs her, swinging her around in a circle.

  Tess starts crying. Michael starts crying. It might be the happiest I’ve ever seen two people in my life.

  I look behind Michael and my mouth opens in surprise. I see someone I wouldn’t have thought I’d see here in a million years. Tess’s mom.

  I’m looking at her and she’s looking at me like she’s deciding whether or not she’s allowed to be furious at Tess for being here and being with me.

  Michael finally puts Tess down. He’s talking a mile a minute, saying things like, “How did you get here? I can’t believe you came. Look how big you got!”

  Tess laughs and starts to answer, then she finally sees what I see. Her face goes white and it’s like she forgot how to speak. She and her mom stare at the floor guiltily and everyone stands awkwardly silent for a minute while the two of them figure out who is going to speak first.

  Finally Tess says, “I thought you were visiting Grandma today.”

  “I did visit,” she says. “You were supposed to be with Beth at the mall.”

  “Beth is here. I, well, I couldn’t miss Michael’s wedding.”

  “Me, neither,” she says.

  “Does Dad know you’re here?” asks Tess.

  “No,” says her mom. “He wouldn’t understand.”

  “So you lied to him?”

  Michael steps in and says, “I know neither of you expected to see each other here. And neither of you are really supposed to be here. But you are. And it’s the best thing I could have hoped for.” Tess and her mom both give him a smile.

  Tess says, “Mom, you remember Ben.” I smile nervously.

  Mrs. Colston gives me a forced nod, then looks back at Tess and says, “I can understand you being here for your brother. But to be here with him? After we forbid you to see him? After what he said? That, I can’t let pass.”

  “Mom, Ben is an atheist. Just like Michael. And Michael isn’t a bad person. He’s your son. Ben is a good person too, one of the best I know.”

  Tess’s mom shakes her head, refusing to listen. “Michael has always been respectful of what we believe. This boy spat on the name of the Lord.”

  “He did. And he apologized for it in front of the entire school yesterday. What you’re not seeing is that everyone i
n the school turned their backs on him because he was different. Everyone expected him to be more like us, but no one wanted to try and get to know him for who he really was.

  “Mom,” says Michael. “I know you worry that she’ll be corrupted. That if your kids don’t believe, they won’t go to heaven. At some point you have to let us make our own choices.”

  “You have no idea how scared your father and I are for you, Michael,” she says, almost crying.

  “I know, Mom. I know.”

  There is a knock on the door. A man in a suit steps in and says, “It’s time.”

  “Come on Tess, you’re sitting with me,” says her mom, holding her hand out.

  Tess backs away and takes my arm.

  “I came here with Ben. He’s the one who helped me see my brother get married today and I’m sitting with him. You’re welcome to join us.”

  Tess gives her brother one more huge hug. “Congratulations. I love you so much,” she says with tears still in her eyes. She takes my hand and leads me out into the hallway and downstairs to the main room. James holds his hand up in the air and waves us over to the seats they saved for us.

  We sit down and Tess remains absolutely still. She doesn’t turn to see if her mom followed, she just squeezes my hand tightly.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “I’m at my brother’s wedding. I’m great.”

  “I know, but . . .”

  “Let’s worry about everything else later. I just want to celebrate.”

  “Okay.”

  “With you going to public school next year it might even be easier to sneak around. We won’t have to pretend to ignore each other at school anymore.”

  I turn to James, Pete, and Beth to explain what just happened. They are all staring past me. I turn around to see what they’re looking at. It’s Mrs. Colsten, moving down the row and sitting next to her daughter.

  James whispers to Pete, “Tess’s mom.”

  Mrs. Colsten doesn’t say anything. She’s just sitting and looking forward like she’s any other guest waiting for the ceremony to start.

  Tess takes her mom’s hand and then the music starts.