Married This Year 3: Adventures In Hiring

by Tracey Pedersen

  “About eight years. We worked together at a previous firm when his dad sent him out to get business experience away from the family-owned companies. I consulted for him about three years ago and we’ve kept in touch. Just between you and me, he told me that he would have called me sooner but you were doing such a good job of managing that they got lazy.”

  “That’s nice. What else was I meant to do, though? Suddenly everyone was gone and I was the most senior person. So I just organised for everyone to come to me and took care of things as they cropped up. It didn’t win me any friends. I’m sure they think I’m a control freak who succeeded in getting rid of my competition so I could take over.”

  “It’s not like that. I’ve chatted to a few people and they don’t think that.”

  “Speaking of work,” she inclined her head and looked at her watch, “we need to get back.”

  “You’re right.” He glanced at his watch. “The next poor victim will be arriving in forty five minutes.

  ***

  Emily was quietly confident about the next applicant. Her resume was impeccable and she’d listed a long and varied experience in human resources. When she arrived and Sasha announced her, she seemed like she’d be the perfect fit.

  “Kerrie Andrews to see you.”

  They completed the usual pleasantries and sped through the questions. She seemed knowledgeable about all the right things and Emily was convinced they’d found their first person. Just as Cooper offered Kerrie a quick tour of the office, a mobile phone started ringing.

  Kerrie’s eyes widened and guilt swept over her face. “Sorry, that’s me.”

  “It’s totally fine.” Cooper said and watched as she reached down to silence the ring tone.

  She didn’t silence the tone, though. Instead she picked up the phone, answered it and put it to her ear. “Hi Athena.” She said brightly as Emily and Cooper exchanged a glance. “Oh, really? I can’t believe that! Why would he say that to you?” She raised a finger at them and bobbed her head from side to side and pushed out of her chair. She moved to the door but didn’t leave the room while she continued her conversation. “No way! What did you say to her?” A pause. “Well, that’s what she gets for being a total cow.” Another pause. “This is all too much. You make sure you put her in her place. Listen, I have to go because I’m in the middle of an interview, but I’ll call you the minute I get out, okay? Okay, bye!” She turned back, retook her seat and slipped her phone in her bag. “Sorry about that. So we’re going to take a tour of the office and you’ll show me where I’ll be sitting, yes?”

  Before either of them could open their mouths the fire alarm sounded.

  “Can you believe this?” Cooper asked Emily. “Is this a test?”

  “No, that’s the real one. Can you take Kerrie out, I have duties as the chief warden.”

  “Of course you do.” Cooper shook his head as he led the way out of the office. “I’m sorry Kerrie, but you’ll have to stay until this is all over now. Standard fire drill procedure.”

  “No problem. I have nowhere to be. I’ll call Athena back to pass the time. My friend is Athena Kelly, have you heard of her?”

  “I can’t say I have.”

  “She’s an up and coming singer. Any time now she’s going to be famous. She says she’ll invite me along to her first big concert. How exciting is that?”

  Fighting the urge to roll his eyes like he’d watched Emily do so many times since he’d arrived, Cooper delivered her into the safekeeping of Sasha when they reached the roll call area in the car park. He watched as wardens for each area completed their roll call and spoke into walkie-talkies they each carried. A fire truck arrived and men in yellow coats piled out and entered the building. He saw Emily waiting at the entrance to greet them and escort them inside. For the next thirty minutes everyone chatted in the carpark. Cooper made small talk with some of the staff he’d already met and watched as Kerrie talked animatedly on her mobile the entire time.

  Eventually they were given the all clear to return to the building and Emily announced to the assembled group that a faulty switch had caused the alarm to sound. Cooper quickly stopped Kerrie from coming back inside as people milled around them. “In light of the fire alarm business how about we save the tour for another time. We’ll call and let you know if you’ve been successful, okay?”

  “Oh, okay. I thought it was going pretty well,” she frowned, oblivious to what could have caused the change. Then she brightened up, “Will you call me?”

  “No. It definitely won’t be me.”

  “Damn. That would have been something to look forward to.”

  Stunned into silence, Cooper was left with no words as he turned and walked away.

  ***

  “Did you get rid of her?” Emily asked before he could get through her doorway.

  “I did. Great minds think alike. She seemed genuinely surprised that she wasn’t getting the tour.” He sat opposite her.

  “Wow. That girl has the hide of a rhino. I’m so bummed. I thought she was great right up until her phone rang.”

  “Well, you could still—”

  “No way! I’ll get Jenny to call Lacey Waters and send her for a medical. I was happy with her so I’ll take my chances. Today has pushed me to the edge.”

  “I don’t have as much experience as you do, but is it normal for job applicants to be so odd?”

  Emily laughed and pulled a folder toward her. “I’m afraid it can be. It’s not unusual to have people interview well and then they are just awful when they start. Or vice-versa. They’re terrified during the interview and miraculously get the job, only to be stellar performers who stay for years and years. It’s hit and miss—hence the three and six month probation period we have now as employers.”

  “What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you when you’ve been interviewing?” He laced his hands behind his head and she smiled at his casual stance.

  “Hmm… let me think. It’s not the worst thing, but once we were interviewing a man who was a little scruffy and I was wondering if he was actually homeless. He was otherwise a pretty great applicant and we asked if we could have his forklift licence to get a copy. He reached into his jacket for his wallet and a cockroach ran out!”

  “What?”

  “I swear to god that happened. Right in front of us! I wanted to give him the job but my boss at the time overruled me. That’s something I’ll never forget.” She flicked through the new pile of applications in the folder. “Ready to go through some more resumes?”

  “Do we have to? I feel like we did a crap job last time.”

  “No, we’re doing okay. We interviewed two, had one no-show and we still picked one to employ. Pretty good odds.”

  “If you say so.” He sat up in his chair and pulled it forward so he was on the other side of the desk. “What have you got for me?”

  “Well, this is my second favourite.” She handed it to him and he frowned.

  “Are you sure? This guy doesn’t have much experience and he’s had three jobs in twelve months.”

  “Oh his application is awful, but smell it.” She grinned as he lifted the pages to his nose.

  “Good God, what is that?”

  “I have no idea. It smells like he took it to the supermarket before he mailed it and sprayed some cheap deodorant on it.”

  Cooper sniffed again. “Eww… it’s awful.”

  “Ha! If I wasn’t so busy I’d interview him just to see what kind of man sends in a scented resume with hardly any appropriate job experience.”

  “You said that was your second favourite, which is top of your list?” She handed him a new stack of papers. “I’m scared to look.” He squinted and then opened his eyes to look at the pages before him. “Wow.”

  “I know.”

  “That’s pretty spectacular.”

  “Yup. Guy really loves his car.”

  The resume Cooper held had a cardboard cover and on the cover was printed a photo that
was obviously taken with a phone. A Commodore Sedan stood proudly in the centre. The photo was slightly blurry and the car was dirty, but a frame had been added around it in some sort of clipart program. “Is he proving he has his own transport?” He was trying not to laugh as he kept gazing at the photo. “Do I even need to look inside?”

  “No you do not. Flick it to the reject pile. He has never held an accounting job in all of his thirty-two years. I think the unemployment agency must have insisted he send some more applications out this month and he thought ‘maybe I should join an accounts team.’”

  “Do you have anyone decent in that pile? I’m about ready to call it a day.”

  “There are plenty of good ones. If we can agree on enough of them we can organise appointments for all the other roles if you like.”

  “You went ahead and advertised everything?”

  “Yep. I ignored what you said and advertised the lot.” She grinned at him. “You’re not the only one who does whatever he wants.”

  “You’re evil.”

  “Thanks. I’m also impatient to get things moving. You’re being careful not to overwork me but I have a bit more capacity yet.”

  “I don’t know how. I know you’re taking work home, even though you leave here after everyone else.”

  She sighed. “Whatever, Cooper. Don’t give me a hard time about it. Let’s just get these people scheduled.”

  They spent the next hour sorting resumes. Decisions made, Emily handed the pile to Jenny who set about making appointments, and before they left that night they had a schedule of who they’d be seeing for the next several weeks.

  Emily made sure the woman whose resume said she could be contacted at Im_yr_slutbunny69@dickmail.com didn’t get an interview.

  Chapter Six

  “I ruined a perfectly good interview yesterday, you guys.”

  “Oh no, Andrea. What happened?”

  “The interviewer asked me what I’d do if people were talking on the front desk. It’s a job at the council and they have a rule about no chatting out there. You have to go behind the wall if you want to talk, or something. Anyway, she asked if I would report them to a superior and I said of course I wouldn’t. I’d just remind them of the rules and ask them to go behind the wall, and that I’d stay out the front to make sure no customers were left unattended.”

  “That sounds fair.”

  “The moment the words were out of my mouth I knew I wasn’t getting that job. She pursed her lips and made a note on her notepad that she kept hidden from me. Then she said the working hours are eight in the morning until four forty four in the afternoon and I laughed. The shutters actually came down over her eyes as I giggled and I knew I was done!”

  “Why such odd hours?”

  “Something to do with a rostered day off? Instead of getting an RDO each month you work sixteen minutes less each day. And they’re strict about it, you aren’t allowed to stay later without permission.”

  Emily laughed. “That’s pretty standard for council. I can’t believe you laughed when she said it.”

  “I couldn’t either but I was so surprised. I’m used to staying at work until everything is done for the day. I couldn’t bare to be watching the clock for the exact moment I had to down tools.”

  They passed the bread around the dinner table and their conversation all too quickly turned to Emily.

  “So Emily, tell us how things are going with Cooper. Did you give in and date him yet?”

  “No! Of course not. He doesn’t even want to date me. We’ve settled into a comfortable working arrangement and soon he’ll be out of my hair. Do you know he’s insisting on sitting in on every single interview?”

  “Uh huh. Of course he is, and he’s not interested in you at all. I think you might be confused about that.” Shelly and Boyd both laughed as he wrapped his arms around her shoulder. “Boyd was underfoot for weeks before he got brave enough to ask me out.”

  “It’s true Emily. I was besotted—always thinking up ways we could run into each other or ‘accidentally’ meet.” He grinned at Shelly and she kissed him on the cheek.

  “Stop you guys! We’ve been through this. Cooper and I are not going to happen. He had his chance and he blew it. I do have an offer for you though, Andrea.” She turned to her friend who was flicking through the menu. “I want you to apply for one of our admin jobs. You didn’t find anything yet, did you?”

  “The council was my last interview except for a second interview booked for next week at the job that is my number one pick, but besides that I’m still available.”

  “Okay, perfect. Send me your resume, go to that second interview and if it doesn’t work out I want you to interview for a job with us. You’d be perfect and you’d like working there. The people are great!”

  “All the people?” Andrea waggled her eyebrows as the rest of the table laughed.

  “All except one and he’ll be gone soon.”

  ***

  “Cooper?”

  He looked up and she could have sworn his eyes lingered on her legs a moment too long. “Yes?”

  “I’ve asked my friend Andrea to apply for one of the admin roles. She’s looking for a new job and when I told her we were having some adventures in our own hiring we got to talking about it. If you’re impressed by her resume, I’ll need to excuse myself from the interview, but I wanted you to know why.”

  “Uh… okay. When will we have it?”

  “She’s emailing it today. I already know she’d be great, otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested it. We’re close friends, though, and it will be immediately apparent to the other staff so it’s best I remove myself.”

  “Fair enough. Sometimes I wonder which one of us is more of a stickler for the rules, you know.” He laughed as she frowned and walked back to her office. Even when she closed the door she could hear him chuckling.

  Why on earth would he compare us like that?

  ***

  “I’m so sorry, we seem to be missing our other panel member. Could you take a seat and I’ll see where she’s gone.” Cooper indicated the chair in front of him and their newest applicant sat down.

  He almost sprinted from the room in search of Emily. He found her writing a work at height permit for an electrician planning work in the roof. He stepped back to wait for her and when she was finished she scolded him. “Why didn’t you stay with her? I would have only been a few minutes.”

  “I have to tell you something first.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her down the hallway.

  “Why are you whispering?”

  “Here.” He ducked into an empty office off the corridor and flicked on the lights. He closed the door behind him and Emily could see his face was bright red.

  “What’s wrong?” Fear clutched at her throat.

  What has happened to him to make him look like that?

  “I’ve done a terrible thing.”

  “Don’t keep me in suspense!”

  “Well, we’re interviewing Cindy Fong, right? I go out there to get her and there’s more than one person sitting in reception. I walk over to her and call out her name when I’m standing almost in front of her. Except it’s not her.”

  “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

  “The Asian woman who I stood in front of, with my hand extended, was not Cindy Fong.” He dragged his fingers through his hair and stared at her. “Cindy Fong is not Asian. She’s as Caucasian as you or I. I just racially profiled the poor woman that we’re about to interview based on her surname!”

  Emily leaned against the desk, a giggle desperate to escape her chest. “It’s not so bad.”

  “Oh yes it is. It’s bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! I have to sit through an interview with her now, knowing that she had to walk across the room and tap me on the shoulder to introduce herself!”

  “Oh, wow. You really made sure you couldn’t cover that up, didn’t you?”

  “I apologised several times but I felt awful. She took it w
ell but I’m still worried.”

  “Come on, then.” She patted him on the shoulder as she walked past. “It’ll be fine. Let’s hope she’s great and we can all laugh about this a few years from now.”

  The interview was great and when they compared their score sheets after the meeting, they both agreed that Cindy Fong was a definite yes for an accounting role.

  “Thank God.” Cooper said. “Lawsuit avoided!”

  ***

  Keryth Belvin positively bounced into the conference room as Sasha grinned and closed the door behind her. Cooper and Emily shook her hand and she settled herself in her chair, still beaming at them.

  “It’s nice to meet you both!” she enthused. “I’m so excited to be here!”

  A tap on her foot told Emily that Cooper thought this girl was odd. She smiled kindly at her and slipped her foot away. Playing footsies with him was not a good way to keep her mind on the interview.

  They asked the usual questions and dutifully noted down the answers. Keryth was just as excited toward the end of the interview as she was at the start, and Cooper finally commented on her sunny nature. “Oh, I’m always cheery. Nothing that ever happens is bad enough to make me sad. I always make the best of a bad situation and can find something to laugh about. It helps that I’m convinced you’re going to hire me!” she said with an enormous grin.

  “You do?” Emily couldn’t resist. “Why’s that?”

  “Did you look at my resume?”

  “Umm… of course, but—”

  “Well, if you check again you’ll see that it’s my eighteenth birthday today! I could be off having lunch with my friends or getting ready for my party tonight, but instead I’m here at your job interview.” She smiled her sunny smile again and glanced at them both. “That shows I’m dedicated and really want this role, which makes me perfect. I bet no-one else is here on their birthday.”

  Cooper laughed and it was Emily’s turn to kick him under the table. “You’re right. No one else has tried to blackmail us by pointing out their date of birth. Very clever of you.”