Married This Year 3: Adventures In Hiring
Page 14
“Charlotte, calm down. Let me explain why this is such a good idea.”
“This is not a fucking good idea, Jay.”
“You were right about the potty mouth,” Freddy said quietly, to no one in particular. Jay sighed and glared at him.
“A fucking potty mouth? That’s what you think I have? I can tell you, Mr. Fat Fuck, that I have so much more where that came from that it’s not even funny.” She crossed her arms across her ample chest and glared at him, daring him to say another word. He finally looked away and she turned her icy stare on Jack. “Did you know about this bullshit?”
Jack put his hands up, as though to ward off the sun. “Woah, don’t turn your spotlight on me. I’m hearing this for the first time, too.” He turned to Freddy. “What were you thinking? Why would I want to marry her?” he flicked his head at Charlotte dismissively.
Jay piped up before Jack’s agent could say anything. “Freddy and I have discussed it and we think it could work really well for both of your careers.”
Charlotte shot out of her chair, making it fall over with a crash. “Since when do you have discussions of this magnitude without me? What are you, my fucking pimp, now? You’re arranging marriages for me? If not him, would you have had someone else lined up to take his place, Jay?”
Jack watched her with interest. He’d heard whispers of a feisty Australian who’d recently shown up in Hollywood, and now here she was in front of him, living up to every story he’d heard. The gossip had been spot-on for once. Her eyes were flashing and her sun-kissed, blonde hair flailed around behind her whenever she flounced around the room. She was a ball of furious energy, right now. In Los Angeles, everyone seemed so fake that, even with her crazy temper, it was refreshing to see someone being themselves and being totally honest with everyone in the room. There was no way he wanted to marry her, though.
“Charlotte, this could make a huge difference to your career. You’re having trouble getting those great roles, but being married to someone who’s been in the business for as long as Jack has will give you the credibility you need to get more auditions. It’s a huge foot in the door. I know you’ll be a great actress, but you need to get your name known in the papers. If that’s not through acting, then we need to find another way. This is a perfect option.”
“Wait,” Jack finally spoke up. “What am I getting out of this? Why do I have to be her meal ticket?”
“You’re not my fucking meal ticket, asshole. There’s not a hope in hell of me marrying your high-and-mighty ass.” She glared at him and he glared straight back.
“Why are you calling me an asshole? We just met. You could at least save that for after we’re married, sweetheart.”
Charlotte let out a scream of frustration and spun around to look out the window. She could feel tears of fury pricking the corners of her eyes, but she’d be damned if she’d let them think she was crying. She contemplated hurling her agent out of this twenty-six story window, if she could get it open, but she would not cry real tears.
Freddy addressed Jack in his most conciliatory tone. “What you get out of this Jack, is a marriage that makes you seem older in the eyes of the public. You’ve been out of the spotlight for a while, but you’re still a big star. We’ve been trying to shed that childish good-boy image and this is as quick way to lift your music career out of the teeny-bopper stage and into the big-time.”
“I don’t need to get married to do that. My music isn’t for kids.”
“We know that, but so far, they don’t. The kids are your fans, and adults think of you as their children’s crush. No one has quite worked out that you’ve grown up, yet. You’re fairly clean-cut, so unless you’re planning a bender in Vegas, or to woo a Kardashian, this is the next best thing.”
“Well, I do prefer brunettes.” Charlotte snorted from the other side of the room, where she gazed out over the city. “Regardless, it sounds like a bad idea. When word gets out...”
“Word won’t get out,” Jay interrupted. “It can’t. We’ll have an ironclad contract for you both to sign and you’ll be sworn to secrecy. The only people who will know about this are in this room, and all of us stand to benefit from this going off without a hitch—pardon the wedding pun.” He smirked at his joke, as Charlotte spun around from the window, wide-eyed.
“We wouldn’t even tell our own family?”
“No. It’d have to be an absolute secret. There’s too much chance of this getting out, if you tell anyone, and the scandal would most likely have the exact opposite effect on your careers.”
“Although, it might help, you never can tell…”
“Don’t even think about it, Freddy. You’re not leaking this shit to the press. How desperate do you think that will make me look?” Jack glared at his manager, daring him to continue.
“You’re right: bad idea. Stick with the wedding.”
“There’s not going to be a fucking wedding, you morons.” Charlotte shouted at the three of them. “Why would I marry a washed-up child star? He’s nearly ten years older than me!”
“Why would I marry someone who can’t speak a single sentence without cursing? Are you sure you’re an actress, honey? Can’t you act like a lady for a few minutes?”
“Fuck you, Jackie Fawkner.” She put the emphasis on his old acting name that had followed him around since he was seven. “You’re a grown-up, now, kiddo: you’re allowed to swear whenever you want.”
“Pleased to see that you know who I am, even if I’ve never heard of you.”
She raised her middle finger to him and held it in front of her with a fake smile. Jack shook his head and returned his attention to Freddy. “You’ll get married because you’re in love, of course!” He clapped his hands together in glee. “You met and it was an instant attraction. We’ll have you go out for a couple of dinner dates, and maybe to a theme park, and then, voila, a wedding announcement! Charlotte, you’ll gush about his manly abs and how you love his grown-up music.” She snorted and made vomiting sounds as Freddy turned to Jack. “You have a crazy attraction to her free-spirited ways and her complete refusal to be intimidated by Hollywood or conform to the usual expectations. You get to marry a smoking-hot woman, and this will have your female fans taking notice of what’s now gone off the market. It’s genius—very adult.”
“Except that he prefers brunettes, dickhead. Have you thought about what you’re saying? How long do you expect this charade to go on for?” Charlotte looked at all of them, horrified that they hadn’t already dismissed this insane idea. Jay cleared his throat, as though he’d thought this wouldn’t have come up so early. Charlotte glared at him and crossed her arms again. “How fucking long, Jay?”
“We think three years is a reasonable time frame.” He said, waiting for the explosion that was sure to follow. Amazingly, Charlotte stood in total silence, absolutely stunned, judging by the look on her face.
It was Jack who spoke up first. “Three years? We have to be married for three years? How the hell will I put up with her for that long? We haven’t even been here for three hours and I already have a headache.”
“You have a headache? I thought you were a rock star?” Charlotte turned to Jay, “Do you want me to marry him because he’s gay?” She turned back to Jack. “Are you gay, Jack? Because again, you’re an adult and you don’t have to hide that shit, anymore. Just be yourself dude.”
“Really?” he looked at her in disgust.
“Really,” she said with another fake smile and a nod to show that she meant it.
“How would we explain living apart?” Jack asked Freddy. Jack’s manager glanced at Jay, wondering if they’d even discussed that when they had hatched this plan last night over a bottle of Jack Daniels.
“That’s easy: you’re gay.” Charlotte threw in helpfully.
“Would you shut up?” he glared at her.
“Charlotte, please don’t get mad,” he glanced at her before he continued, “The only way this can work is if you’re married for
all intents and purposes. You’d need to live together, shop together, vacation together—it’s all or nothing. There’s no other way to make it work in this age of social media and instant news. You can’t half-ass it or the secret will be out in the first week.”
Jack and Charlotte stared at each other as the details of this crazy arrangement sank in. She blinked once and dropped into the nearest chair, all the fight shocked out of her. “Let me get this straight in my poor, blonde brain,” she glared at Jack before she went on. “You want us to have a fake engagement, move in together, have a fake wedding, actually include our families in the lies and not tell them that they are feeling happy for a fake future we’ll never have… and you want us to do it for three years?”
“That about sums it up.”
“What. The. Actual. Fuck?”
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Table of Contents
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Epilogue
Acknowledgment
Sneak Peek
Where Can You Find Me?