Actually, he kissed her, Cassie wanted to point out, but didn’t. The girls probably were not into such nuances. “Adults kiss lots of times,” she said casually as she pulled into traffic. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Oh.”
“You could still be our mommy.”
“Can you make brownies?”
“Would you make us eat oatmeal?”
“We hate oatmeal.”
“Yuck!”
Cassie drove carefully. “Your dad and I are friends,” she told them. “He probably has lots of friends, but that’s all we are. Friends.”
“Don’t you want to be our mommy?”
Cassie flashed a glance at the girls and found two pairs of serious little eyes staring at her. “There’s a lot more involved in becoming somebody’s mom than just wanting to,” she answered slowly. “Your mom would also be your dad’s wife, so she’d have to be somebody he likes, too.”
“He likes you,” Mary Louise said.
“Honest,” Mary Alice added. “He really does.”
Cassie was never so glad to see their street come up. “There’s a big difference between liking somebody as a friend and loving them like a wife.” She pulled into her drive. “Well, here we are.”
Jack’s van was right behind her. Hopefully the girls would not rush out and continue this discussion. Maybe if she distracted them somehow…
“Ollie gets pretty excited when I get home after being gone awhile,” she said as she helped the girls out. “He doesn’t mean to, but he could knock little kids down if they aren’t careful.”
“Okay.”
By the time Cassie had her front door open, Jack had joined them. Ollie was trying to restrain his excitement over having some kids to play with, the girls were dancing around as they oohed and aahed over him, and Jack was trying to say hello himself. Fortunately, there was no chance for any type of conversation, let alone one about mommies.
“Why don’t you girls take Ollie into the backyard and throw a ball for him?” she suggested. Once that was done, she turned to Jack and laughed. “Just a little confusion.”
“I think they’ll want to live over here from now on,” he said.
This was too near the “mommy” conversation for her peace of mind. She went into the kitchen. “I was just going to barbecue some hamburgers. That all right?”
“Great. What can I do?”
Soon they were all out in the backyard where she and the girls kicked off their shoes. The twins played with Ollie, while Jack got the grill fired up and she set the picnic table. It felt so very right and comfortable that it was scary. It was like they were a family, like they belonged to each other.
Such a yearning burned in her heart, such a need to be a part of love, that she wanted to run and hide. Why couldn’t friendship be simple? Why couldn’t anything ever stay simple?
“Got those burgers ready?” Jack asked. “The coals are good and hot.”
“Coming up.”
She gave him the meat to cook, then tried to stay busy by bringing out the buns and chips and the fruit salad she’d made earlier, but none of it seemed busy enough to keep her heart from feeling. Her life seemed so empty in comparison to this one evening. But it was what she wanted, what she had chosen.
Ollie’s barking brought her outside again in a hurry. Her brother Adam and his kids were in the backyard. Great, she thought with a sigh. Just what she needed—her family to start making more plans for her.
“Hi, sis,” Adam said when she came out. “Rosemary sent us over to get your card table and chairs if you don’t need them.”
“Sure.”
They went over to the garage and by the time they came out with the table and two chairs, the twins were turning cartwheels across the grass with Missy, and Jerry was at the grill talking to Jack.
“It’s really good to see you with somebody,” Adam told her.
She thought about hitting him with the chairs. “The girls wanted to play with Ollie, that’s all.”
Adam just grinned at her as they walked out to his car. “Sounds good.”
“It’s true.” She waited while he put the table into the trunk, then she put the chairs on top of it. “We’re just friends.”
“That’s a good start.”
“It’s the start,” she said grimly. “And it’s the finish.”
“Oh, don’t be so stubborn,” he said. “You’re not still carrying a torch for Ron, are you?”
If she’d still had the chairs in her hands, she would have hit him. “Ron? You’ve got to be kidding. I was over him before we separated.”
“So?”
“So, what?” she repeated with a frown as they walked back to the garage. “So why haven’t I settled down with someone else? Maybe I don’t want to.”
“Sure, and kids don’t want Christmas to come.”
“You want the rest of the chairs or not?”
He just grinned, so certain he was right. “We know you, Cass. And we know when you’re hiding.” He got the other two chairs from the garage. “Come on, kids. Time to hit the road.”
Amid moaning and groaning, his kids came along with him. The yard was quiet again—peaceful—with only the people who belonged. She frowned at the thought and went over to the grill. She meant only the people she had invited.
“Girls, run in and wash up for dinner,” Jack called over to them. “The hamburgers are just about done.”
Cassie brought the plates over. “You didn’t have to do the work, you know.”
He grinned at her. “Hey, don’t you know outdoor cooking is man’s work? Standing in front of a barbecue is very manly.”
She didn’t know about it being man’s work, but he certainly looked manly standing there. But then, he always did. No matter what he was doing, there was something about him that took her breath away. It must be a universal reaction—not a sign that her heart was weakening toward him.
“I read about an art fair in town this weekend,” he said. “Want to go with me? I have a lot of bare wall-space in my office that needs filling.”
“I don’t know anything about art.”
“Neither do I, but at least you could help me carry stuff back to the car.”
She laughed. Such a romantic. He was safe; being with him was safe. “Sure,” she said. “If Sunday’s okay, I’ll be glad to lend my muscles to the cause.”
“We’re all clean,” the girls called out as they hurried back.
“And everything’s here that we need,” Cassie said.
She watched as they settled around the table. And she felt a strange certainty that her words might be right in many ways. Maybe everything was here that she needed. But did she have the courage to hold on to it?
Chapter Seven
“And they can do the jellyfish float,” Cassie said. “Both of them.”
Jack steered them around a cluster of old ladies wearing sneakers, floppy gardening hats, and tie-dyed T-shirts that looked to have come from the sixties. He was trying to concentrate on Cassie’s words but found it easier to concentrate on her nearness. He was wanting more and more to take her in his arms, to taste the softness of her lips, and to—
He shook himself back into respectability. “Jellyfish float?” he asked.
“You know.” Cassie took her hand out of his and bent over slightly, letting her arms hang down. “It’s where you stick your face in the water like this and just hang limp.”
“They called that the dead man’s float when I was a kid.”
“We don’t use such scary words anymore.”
Cassie straightened and he found her hand back in his. It seemed to fit her, this willingness to put her hand in his so easily. It seemed to say that she trusted him, and in doing so, he could trust her.
He and Cassie stopped in front of a table of small potteryvases, bowls, plates and sculptures. None of which tweaked his interest, so he let his gaze wander over her.
In spite of her strength, there was somethin
g so gentle about her. She knew the right words not to scare the kids, the right ways to relax their fears. They really were enjoying their lessons, looking forward to them with excitement. He wasn’t sure whether it was the swimming or Cassie, but the girls definitely were losing their fears.
And what about him?
He looked down at his hand in Cassie’s and felt the urging of his heart. Hadn’t she somehow done the same for him—lessened his fears so that he could look for happiness again?
“Fifty cents for your thoughts.”
“Huh?” He found himself staring at Cassie and her impish grin.
“Hey,” she said, laughing. “There are big-money people and then there’s the rest of us—operating on the fiscally conservative side of the road.”
He found himself smiling. His heart had known right from the beginning that he could trust her. His mind had been a little slow to catch on, but eventually he would come to see the truth. She was different from so many of the others.
“I think we need to get out of the way,” Cassie said.
Blinking, he looked at the river of people flowing around them. “Yeah.” His voice felt rather gruff and he cleared his throat. “I guess you’re right. We’d better move on or get trampled.”
They started walking again, moving slowly to take in the exhibits, their held hands swinging, like two kids going steady.
The temperature was in the upper seventies, with a soft breeze from the west pulling in cooling moisture off the river and spreading it among the old oak trees. It was a beautiful day. And the park was so large that even today’s crowd was unable to overwhelm its comforting sense of greenness. He was glad he’d asked Cassie to come with him; the girls certainly hadn’t had any interest in coming.
“Boy,” he muttered. “Kids sure grow up quick.”
Cassie laughed and hugged his arm. “Poor baby,” she crooned. “Are you still moping because your girls wouldn’t come along?”
“They didn’t really say they wouldn’t come. They just preferred to go to the movies with Kristin and her mother.” He tried frowning but there was no dimming the twinkle in Cassie’s eyes. “Besides, I’m not moping.”
“Right.” She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek, leaving the spot several degrees warmer than the rest of his face. “Don’t worry about it. They’re not rejecting you. They’re just starting to venture out on their own. You’re doing a good job with them.”
He squeezed her hand. “I appreciate your vote, but the verdict won’t be in on that for a number of years yet.”
“Oh, look.” Cassie stopped before an exhibit of wildlife sketches, then moved in under the canopy to look at the drawings of bears and wildcats and deer. “Aren’t they beautiful?”
Jack followed her. They were nice. In relatively few lines, the artist had captured the essence of each animal. “Think I should get some for my office?”
“I don’t know. Let’s keep them in mind.”
Cassie was taking her job of finding him artwork seriously. She wanted to check everything out before they made a decision. It was all right with him. The more she pondered, the longer they would be here together.
“So,” he said, as they moved on to some seascape paintings. “You think that someday my kids won’t be afraid of the water anymore?”
“No doubt about it,” she replied. “We ended up our session yesterday, splashing around in the pool getting each other’s faces wet.”
As he looked into her bright smile and sparkling eyes, Jack wondered why she didn’t work with kids all the time. She seemed so good at it.
It could be that there wasn’t any money in it, but Cassie didn’t appear to be the type who would chase the almighty dollar. Maybe it was just something that wasn’t as much fun when you did it for a living. In any case, he was damn lucky to have her working with his girls. Good luck seemed to be a major part of his life since he’d met Cassie. Was there a correlation?
He spotted an artist doing pastel portraits ahead of them. “Let’s have him draw our portraits.”
“Naw,” she said. “Whenever people try to do mine, they break their pencil.”
“Please,” Jack urged.
“No.” She pulled at his hand, starting in another direction. “I’d rather see the Indian jewelry over there.”
“The girls would really love it,” he coaxed.
He could see her wavering. “How about if—”
“Cassie?” A thin, average-size guy had been pushing a stroller, but stopped right in front of them. “Cassie, it is you.”
Cassie seemed to freeze. Not visibly, but the air around her seemed to go still like it might just before a storm broke.
“Hi, Ron,” she said. “How are you?”
Jack frowned. This couldn’t be a friend of hers, not with her voice so stiff and emotionless. Her eyes kept going to the kid in the stroller.
“Great, Cassie. Just great.”
She looked like a balloon that had been pricked. All her joy and sparkle had escaped like so much hot air, leaving her limp and deflated.
An anger and protectiveness grew inside Jack. Was this someone Cassie had had problems with before? Well, he’d better not try anything today. If it weren’t for the kid, Jack would have decked the guy right then and there.
“What are you doing here?” Cassie asked.
“We’re in town to visit Collette’s family,” the man replied. “She’s over there with her mother.”
The man indicated a crowd of people off to his left, but Jack never took his eyes off him. Cassie didn’t look, either. Collette must not be the problem, but Ron sure the hell was.
“So,” Ron said. “I hear you got a business of your own.”
Cassie nodded.
“Doing okay?”
“Yeah.” She nodded her head again. “It’s fine. I’m fine. And you?” The words seemed to come out slowly, as if forced through a net of pain.
The man shrugged. “I’m doing okay.”
Jack didn’t like any of this and took Cassie’s arm. “We need to get going, Cass.”
Old Ron gave Jack the once-over, but quickly backed off. He wasn’t much shorter than Jack, but he had a lot less beef. “Yeah,” he said. “I gotta catch up with Collette. Nice seeing you again.”
He nodded but Jack just gave him a hard stare in return.
“Yeah,” Cassie responded. “Good to see you, too.”
Ron turned and was swallowed up by the crowd, but Cassie kept staring after him. Jack felt as if a lead weight had lodged in his stomach.
“Well,” he said, trying his damnedest to sound perky. “Let’s get our sketches done.”
The silence hung in the air as Cassie continued staring at the space that Ron had just occupied. The lead weight began to grow into fear, but damned if Jack knew of what. He just knew that something was threatening someone who was becoming dear to him.
“Cassie.”
“I’d rather not. Not today.”
She wouldn’t look at him, but her voice sounded so tired. He’d seen her after her softball team had lost and she’d scarcely blinked an eye. She knew how to take defeat, at least in small things. This had to be something major.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Cassie just looked away as if fighting for control.
But he didn’t want her to hide her feelings from him. “Cassie.” He took her chin in his hand and turned her head so that she had to look at him. “If that guy’s bothering you, I’ll—”
“No.” She pulled her head away from his grasp. Her voice was sharp. “He’s no problem.”
“Well, something’s wrong.”
She gave him a look that said he was pushing too much. “Nothing’s wrong,” she insisted. “I was just surprised to see him, that’s all. I hadn’t seen him in four or five years.”
“Who is he?” Jack pushed in spite of the warning in her eyes. He couldn’t let her retreat inside herself.
She sighed and looked away. “Ron’s my ex-hu
sband.”
“There’s an empty table,” Jack said. “Over on the edge, there.”
The coffee shop was crowded with people overflowing from the art exhibit, but Cassie didn’t care where she sat; all she wanted to do was run and hide. She gazed in the direction Jack was pointing.
“Fine.”
He hurried ahead to grab the table while she followed more slowly. She’d felt brittle and about to shatter ever since Ron had pushed that baby carriage in front of her a half hour ago. How was she going to sit here and make polite conversation with Jack? She needed to get home and…
And what? Go for a ten-mile run. Spar with the old punching bag for a few hours. Ride her bike down to New Orleans and back without stopping.
“Thought I’d make myself useful,” Jack said, dumping the litter into a nearby trash can. “Otherwise someone else would snatch this.”
He had the table cleared before she could help and was sliding her glass of iced coffee toward her. She sat down.
“Beautiful day,” he said.
She nodded. Jack was just making conversation, trying to perk her up. But like the failure she was, Cassie couldn’t even respond to that.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Jack was staring intently at her; his baby blues were almost black and there was a tightness around the comers of his mouth and eyes. “But is this guy Ron giving you some kind of trouble?”
She shook her head.
“I can take care of it, if he is,” he said.
For a moment she thought she was going to cry. It was so nice to have someone concerned about her. She blinked back the sudden wetness in her eyes, willing herself to be stronger.
“Look,” Jack said, leaning in closer and taking her hands. “Is he stalking you? We can get the law on him and put a stop to that.”
Cassie took a deep breath. Concern was nice up to a point, but then it was time for him to let go. To stop pushing. “It’s nothing like that,” she assured him.
“Well, whatever it is, I want to help.”
“It’s nothing,” Cassie repeated more sharply. “He’s just my ex-husband.”
“I see.”
Jack turned quiet and Cassie felt her anger subside. He was only trying to help. She shouldn’t have snapped at him—not when he was so worried about her. It was just that seeing Ron with a baby had shaken her right to the core. All the old fears had come back; all the old guilts, all the old inadequacies.
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