Primal Impulse (Censored Edition)

by Johnson, James

  “Oh yeah,” said Vicki. “Care to explain?”

  Jena had once again provoked Vicki’s interest. This was the good stuff she had been waiting for. She eagerly awaited Jena’s reply.

  Jena took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Where in the world could she start? Could words even describe him? Steven was the epitome of sexy.

  “Vicki, it’s difficult to explain. All I can say is he consumes me in every conceivable way. He has this smile, this charm, this easy manner in which he carries himself. It’s a sexual energy that surrounds him. He just makes you want to rip off his clothes and take him right there.”

  Jena closed her eyes. She was momentarily silent. Then she continued.

  “He’s so sensual, so damn sexy. Even though he’s incredibly handsome, it’s not really his looks that carry him. It’s this other something that he has…this inner rawness that cuts you up into little pieces. He scatters you all over the floor, then he puts you back together again. But you’re not the same girl anymore. You’re changed forever. You’re now under his magical spell. You want his touch so bad you can’t stand it.”

  Once again Jena paused. She seemed to enter a dreamlike state. Vicki dared not interrupt. Finally Jena spoke again, her eyes still closed.

  “And those unbelievable eyes…they’re so gorgeous. When he stares at you, his eyes speak to you. They compliment you. They tell you how beautiful you are, how sexy you are, how good it is to be a woman. And they’re speaking the truth. He means it! Steven sees beauty in every woman. He bypasses any imperfections and focuses on the sensuality within. He melts away the tension and inhibitions…he just makes you feel so damn comfortable.

  “Steven stokes the fire that resides in every woman. It might be a simple line, a compliment, or a look that pierces the walls around your heart. He sets you ablaze. He sends you spinning and twisting in crazed passion. You want to do things to him that you would never think about with another man.

  “Yeah, Vicki, he’s incredible. He’s pure sex. He strips you down and rids you of your emotional baggage. He burns your insecurities and inhibitions at the stake. He delves into your inner being. Underneath lies the raw nerve endings of the female psyche, something most men never know exists. This is the place where dark desires hide, where raw fantasies take cover, where the animal resides. Steven takes this intangible, but very real piece of a woman into his hands. He massages it, soothes it, tells it how beautiful it is, and places it back inside. Now you’re a changed woman. Your animal has been set free. It’s wild and hungry and has a taste for Steven.

  “Steven lives for the touch. Sensuality is his life force. That’s his outlet. He lives and breathes it. To feel his hands, his mouth, xx xx—nothing compares. Making love is his essence, his art. That’s what he was put on earth for, to make love to a woman. And that woman is me.

  “Steven puts me on a cloud and tucks me away in fantasyland. But it’s no fantasy, it’s real. The pleasure that he gives me, that he makes me want to give him…it’s indescribable.

  “Steven sends me to the heavens. It’s a never ending euphoric ride into the stars. Each one greets you with a wave, showering you with pleasure as you pass them by. They smother you in the essence, bathe you in the bright white light of passion. They breathe hot kisses upon you, lavishing you with their lusty mist. They tempt you and tease you and watch you squirm with the need. Then they wave their mystical wand of pleasure, spray you with magic, and smile as you burst in ecstasy.

  “When you finally think it’s over, here comes another blast of stellar bliss. The pleasure never stops. They blow you further up the ladder and on to another star. It’s a stairway to heaven that just keeps going and going. It’s a starry elixir of love and lust. It’s passion and pleasure that roll on and on and on. Stars are forever and Steven is a star—My Star.

  “Vicki, you know I’m speaking the truth. When a woman is stripped down to the core, that’s when the sun shines in. That’s when the truth sets you free. Steven has undressed my soul, freed me to fly. When you’re raw and exposed, that’s the high, girl. That’s when you’re really free.

  “I hope you can experience this, Vicki, I really do. Love and lust are powerful forces. Combine the two and the universe is yours. Nothing rocks the soul like naked emotion. You become immortal. Your energy is eternal, electric—forever free to wander through space and time. Nothing can touch you. Nothing can hurt you or make you cry.

  “What you saw yesterday was real. I had an orgasm just thinking about making love to Steven. Just try to imagine what the real thing must be like. I can tell you it’s out of this world. It’s like admiring a beautiful painting and being able to walk inside it. You can smell the flowers. You can reach out and touch the people. You feel the passion all around you. You’re charged with the energy and emotion that went into this divine creation. It really is beyond words. It’s so beautiful.”

  Vicki watched in stunned amazement as Jena finally opened her eyes. They beamed with life. They radiated confidence and excitement. They gleamed with happiness and gratitude. They reflected an inner peace. They exposed the new Jena, the real Jena.

  “Vicki, I tried to answer your question as honestly as I could. To me Steven is the sexiest human being on the planet. I don’t really know what others might think. And I don’t really care. All I know is I’m very fortunate to have found him again. I’m a very, very lucky girl. I hope one day you’ll be so lucky. Dreams do come true.”

  A long moment passed. Vicki dared not speak for fear of interrupting the message that flowed from Jena’s heart. It was poetry from the soul. Jena’s emotional release came not from an intellectual source, but from a spiritual realm. Maybe the universe really was hers. Maybe she had discovered the truth behind the mysteries of love and life. Whatever it was, it was truly magic. Maybe one day, like Jena said, she too could experience this feeling. Maybe one day she would find her own star. Maybe she could find her Steven.

  “Come on, Vicki,” said Jena. “Let’s go to work.”

  At that moment Jena looked into Vicki’s eyes. She must have been reading her mind. Jena’s eyes sent a message loud and clear. They relayed hope. Yes, Vicki could fly to the stars. She could find her soulmate. She could find her Steven. Her dream could come true.

  Chapter 19

  The James Café logo above the entrance never looked better. Steven had called her earlier in the day. They had agreed to meet once again at their favorite place. Inside her favorite pub would be her hot man. It still seemed like a dream. If it was she hoped she would never wake up. If this was a reverie fantasyland that she was living, then so be it. She would rather sleep forever than lose this feeling. If this was too good to be true she didn’t want the truth.

  Jena took a deep breath and reflected. She could hardly believe it had only been 48 hours since they first met here. In only two days her whole life had changed. That’s when her average ordinary life turned upside down. Her entire perspective of the world had been shaken and stirred.

  Jena had nearly given up hope on romantic relationships. It seemed every kiss was nothing more than sweet icing covering a harsh reality. She had lost faith in love. That all ended two days ago when he jolted her heart back to life. That all ended when he crowned her Queen.

  Actually it all started with his surprise phone call a few days before. That’s when her mindset instantly changed. A few words out of his mouth were all it took. That’s when her body heated up. That’s when her libido caught fire.

  Jena opened the door and entered. Her eyes automatically sought out her favorite seat, the booth where it all started. There he was. Steven was sitting in the same place as before. His eyes met hers as she walked in.

  He stood to greet her. God, he looked so good.

  Instantly her insides sprang to life. A heated flash surged through her body. Electricity raced across her skin setting her hairs on end.

  One look at him and she had already surrendered. It had only been twelve hours since she had s
een him. Just a few hours ago he had left her in contented bliss. She had been sated with his love. When he left her this morning she was a rag doll of fulfilled desire. Steven had extracted every drop of pleasure she had within her. Now it seemed like forever. She wanted more.

  She walked to the table. There was a glass of Chateau Kiss waiting for her. Steven wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed her on the lips.

  “How is my Jena girl? Did you have a good day at work?”

  “Yes, I got through it okay,” replied Jena. “All I wanted was for the day to end so I could see you again.”

  “The same here,” said Steven. “All day long I was thinking about you and us and how much fun we’re having. It was difficult to concentrate on work. That’s for sure.”

  They both slid into their familiar seats. Steven put his arm around her shoulders.

  “Thanks for the wine,” said Jena as she took a long sip. “That’s so good.”

  Steven smiled. “You’re welcome, baby. Maybe I’ll get lucky tonight if you have a little alcohol.”

  “Yeah, right!” cried Jena. “You’re lucky I’m not laying you out on the table right now. That’ll be the day when I don’t put out for you. I’ll be dead!”

  Steven chuckled. “Yeah, you’re probably right. You’re as hot-blooded as I am. That’s for sure.”

  “Oh, I almost forgot,” said Jena. “Vicki’s gonna meet us here for one drink. She’ll be here in a few minutes. She works with me. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Of course not,” answered Steven. “I want to meet all your friends. That’s a good way to learn more about you. I’ve got to catch up on twenty years. ”

  Jena took another drink of wine. “Steven, I have to be honest. As you know I’m pretty much of an open book. I told Vicki some intimate details about us…you know, about our sex. Sometimes I get lost in the moment and talk too much. I’m sorry if that upsets you.”

  Steven laughed. “Well, that all depends. Did you tell her I was a selfish, boring minuteman lover? Or did you tell her I was a superman between the sheets?”

  Jena rolled her eyes. “Take a guess. You know good and well what I told her. I told her you were the greatest lover in the world. I also told her she couldn’t have you. So don’t go getting any ideas in your head either.”

  Jena gave him a playful elbow to the ribs—maybe a little more than playful. It had just enough force to issue a hint of seriousness.

  “You don’t have anything to worry about,” said Steven. “I’ve got my hands full as it is. Keeping you cooled down is no easy task. Did you know that?”

  “Yeah!” exclaimed Jena. “And that’s the way it’s gonna stay. I’m a fire that always needs tending. You’d better stay rested and healthy if you’re gonna take care of me.”

  Both of them laughed. Steven leaned in and kissed her below the ear. She felt his warm breath wisp around her neck.

  Steven grinned. “There’s no doubt about that. Between you, my job and my writing that’s a full plate. I don’t know where I’ll find the time, but I will.”

  “Oh, that reminds me,” said Jena. “Did you move one of my books this morning? I don’t care. I just saw it in the kitchen and wondered if I was going crazy. I don’t remember putting it there.”

  Steven was quiet for a brief moment. He seemed to be caught off guard by the question. For a split second he was uncharacteristically lost. Then he quickly regained his charismatic cool.

  “Oh, yeah, I moved it. I just happened to see it and liked the cover. I’m always analyzing interesting covers for ideas about my own books. I glanced through it before I left this morning. It was a romance book, right?”

  “Yes,” answered Jena. “It’s my favorite book of all time. It’s written by Joan Dixon who’s the absolute best. She’s the goddess of love and lust. I’m sure you’ve never heard of her. It’s a girly thing.”

  “I know one thing,” said Steven. “Romance is the hottest genre in the entire publishing industry. It sells, that’s for sure.”

  “I sure like them,” said Jena. “Romance novels are my happily-ever-after escape, my substitute for the real romance that I never seem to find.”

  Jena took a deep breath. She took his hand and held it tight. “That is, until you walked into my life.”

  Before Steven had a chance to respond Jena perked up her head. “Oh, look! Vicki is here. She’s dying to meet you.”

  Vicki was scanning the bar looking for them. Jena stood and raised an arm.

  “Vicki, we’re over here,” she called. Vicki immediately saw them.

  They stood as she walked towards them. Jena greeted her with a hug.

  “Hi, Vicki. I’m glad you made it. This is the guy I’ve told you so much about, probably too much.”

  Everyone laughed as Jena continued.

  “Steven, this is Vicki, my best friend at work. Vicki, this is Steven, my old friend from years ago.”

  Steven leaned in and gave Vicki a hug. “Vicki, it’s a real pleasure to meet you. Any friend of Jena’s is a friend of mine.”

  “It’s really nice to meet you also,” said Vicki. “I just had to meet you. I wanted to see the man that’s made Jena so happy the last couple of days.”

  “Hey, she’s making me happy also,” Steven quickly answered. “We’ve been friends a long time.”

  “Let’s all have a seat,” said Jena.

  “Okay,” replied Vicki.

  “You girls go ahead and sit down,” said Steven. “I’m going to save Melissa a trip and order another beer at the bar. She’s really busy this afternoon. What can I get you to drink, Vicki?”

  “I’ll have a beer also. Whatever you’re having is okay. Thank you,”

  “Okay, a cold Lagunitas coming right up. I’ll be right back.”

  Chapter 20

  Steven made his way to the bar. He would give the girls a little space, a couple of minutes alone. That’s the female way of doing things. He could just hear them now. If he were a fly on the wall he would hear Vicki sharing her initial impression of him. It would be a comment about how handsome or cute or hot he was. It didn’t matter if he were dump truck ugly she would still say something positive. Girls always complimented their friend’s guy.

  There was another reason Steven made a little space. It bought him some time to think. All day long he had pondered the discovery of Jena’s romance novel. And now he knew just how much romance books meant to her. Now he knew how fanatical she was about her favorite author.

  The novel he had scanned this morning was very special to her. Naked Emotion was not just another book. And Joan Dixon was not just a name stamped under the title. No, no, no—this author had tapped into Jena’s head. Joan Dixon had penetrated the hideaway of Jena’s most private thoughts. She dove deep into the nucleus of Jena’s psyche. It was the place where raw emotion met raging lust. It was where the good girl met the bad girl. It was the core of the complicated female.

  Joan Dixon’s pages brought it all to life. She magically made sense of it all. She entered the private quarters where the naked emotions reside. She found the space where the deep and the dark collide with emotional hunger, where repressed desire lie side-by-side with the intense need to be loved.

  Joan Dixon was truly one of them. She felt their happiness when they were riding the glorious wave of love. She felt their sadness and heartbreak when the love shattered and everything fell apart. She bonded with their hearts and their need for emotional attachment.

  Joan Dixon also felt the fiery lust that dwelled within them all. She understood the nature of physical desire, the aching flesh that drove them so. She dangled the lure of pleasure before them. Her pages sizzled with a blistering sensuality. She was one who could relate to the primal animal that begged for the touch.

  Joan Dixon grasped the nature of their gender. Her novels unlocked the cryptic secrets. Her words of womanly wisdom and awareness seeped into the soul of her readers. Every page brought them a little closer towards understanding
the paradox of femininity. Each chapter unmasked the mysterious enigma of what it was to be a woman.

  Joan Dixon’s novels captured the bittersweet essence of a woman. They took the reader on a journey of love and lust that culminated in a joyous climax—in every respect. There were always happy endings. The leading character was always crowned Queen. She never failed to capture her man’s heart. She never failed to be sated with his heat.

  Joan Dixon’s readers were allowed to eat the forbidden fruit and survive to tell about it. A woman could have it all. She could have the unequivocal devotion of a loving man. She could free her lusty desires to run wild. She could enjoy hot sex and heartfelt emotion. Fantasies could become reality. Dreams could come true. Joan Dixon made them come true.

  Steven laughed out loud. All day long he had planned on telling Jena his little secret. He was going to tell her right here, right now. Yes, as they sipped drinks in James Café he would share his little piece of information. He would tell her that Joan Dixon didn’t really exist. He would tell her that he was Joan Dixon.

  Yes, Steven Walker was Joan Dixon. He was the creator of the Joan Dixon romantic novels. He was the one responsible for lighting the fire in her heart. He was the one who heated the flesh between her legs.

  Yes, he was the genius behind the words of passion and emotion. It was his literary eroticism that got xx xx xx. It was Steven Walker who was behind the curtain of carnal pleasures that was Joan Dixon. The love and lust that spurted from the pages of Joan Dixon’s novels were his.

  Joan Dixon was nothing more than a pen name. It was a pseudonym he used to publish his romance novels. He had chosen a woman’s name because he thought it would increase sales. At the time he thought women would connect with a fellow female more so than a male. They wanted to read their romance from a feminine perspective. They wanted a woman to create the novels they read. Now he wasn’t so sure. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t.

  It didn’t really matter at this point. It was too late to change. He had too much invested in Joan Dixon. The name had already been branded. Sales were steadily increasing. Joan Dixon had attracted a cult-like following that literally begged for the next book. Word of mouth appeared to be the driving force.