Primal Impulse (Censored Edition)

by Johnson, James

  Steven was xx xx xx. She could feel him xx xx xx. He xx xx xx. It was xx xx xx. It was xx xx xx.

  Their eyes were still locked into each other. They were seeing inside where no others had been allowed. They welcomed each other into the recesses of their most inner selves. They brought themselves together into one house. It was the house that Steven and Jena built. It was the house of love.

  Jena felt it spread through her. It was a presence more than anything else. It was warmth that could only be described in emotional terms. It was wrapped in a package of physical pleasure but it was more than that—much more. It was the seed of existence running through her veins. It was the light of truth bursting through the clouds. It was the meaning of it all underneath a mad, mad world. It was love.

  “Ohhhhh! Ohhhh Steven! Ohh God.”

  It happened. Jena’s whole body erupted in a fiery flash. She melted inside and out. She came apart and was pieced back together by someone or something. In the split second she was broken down, an unknown force poured into her. It saturated her blood and permeated her flesh. It washed over her soul and raced through her veins. It was charged by the heart with the essence of love. It was the glue of the universe binding her back together in a wave of pleasure.

  Steven xx xx xx—he felt it too. He felt the power of creation sweep across them. Jena’s xx xx was the nerve center for something much bigger. It was delivering a message from the stars, signed and sealed by the force behind it all.

  “Oh God, baby” cried Jena. “You feel so good. Love me, baby, love me.”

  Jena stood at the top of the mountain as heaven kissed her soul. The pleasure was beyond anything human. It could only be described as an orgasm of emotion. It was pure joy boring into her core. It was fueled by truth and faith. It was the coming together of two beings. It was a spiritual binding that transcended understanding.

  Knowing was just another step up the ladder. Being was what it was all about—living for the here and now. It was about capturing the moments as they raced by, embracing them and kissing them and telling them you love them. You hold onto them until they slip from your hands. Then you take the next moment and do the same.

  To live in the future was to live a lie. To live in the past was wasting the now. Living in the present was all there was. Time shines down on moments like these to enjoy. You either soak them up or you waste them. The choice is simple yet so many refuse. They’re too busy chasing nothings as they walk the plank of life. They’re spellbound by the material world and let true pleasure pass them by. They fall off and drown into the waters of ignorance.

  Jena had been struck by the sacred light. It scarred her with the secrets. She was no longer one of the masses who lived in the darkness. She was enlightened and would leave that dark world behind. She would shine with the wisdom of the ancient sages. She would shine with the stars.

  Jena would bask in the pleasure. Others could waste their limited years acquiring temporal possessions. Others could burn their precious energy on a treadmill to nowhere. Others could chase the wind as it blew in circles. Let them run blind in the sunlight—but not her.

  Yes, to be was the answer. And that’s what she was doing. That’s what Steven was doing. That’s what they were doing. Their lips met again as they shared themselves with each other. Steven took her tongue into his mouth and caressed it with his.

  * CENSORED *

  Even better was the look on his face. To watch him lose himself in pleasure was incredibly erotic. His eyes went black just as the lust hit the stage. At the exact moment of orgasm Steven was completely in another world. To know she was giving him this exquisite pleasure was a high like no other. Jena promised herself she would look into his eyes from now on. Every time he came she wanted to see it on his face. She wanted to see her man lose himself in ecstasy.

  Then came the nasty reminder. The thought popped into her head just as Steven xx xx xx. When would be the next time! When would she again hold her baby in her arms? Steven was leaving early tomorrow morning. In a few short hours he would be gone.

  Chapter 43

  Steven tiptoed out of the bedroom. It was 6 a.m. and he had to get ready. He had to pack his belongings and leave for the airport. He had to allow time for the drive and rental car return. He turned for another look at his baby. She looked so content all curled up under her blanket. She was sleeping so peacefully.

  He thought about waking her up but he just couldn’t do it. He didn’t have the guts. To wake her would be to turn her dream into a nightmare. No, he would let her sleep as late as possible. Then he would kiss her goodbye and walk out the door. He would hear her sobbing as he closed the door behind him. He would swim in his own tears as soon as she was out of his sight.

  It was incredible sadness. As Steven threw his clothes into his suitcase his heart cried. It actually ached with a pain that crushed his chest. Why did he have to leave? Why did life have to be so fucking complicated? Why can’t love be simple?

  And on top of all that there was a major storm raging outside. They had predicted it yesterday. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe the storm would just sweep him away on the way to the airport. That would end the pain.

  Steven turned on the TV. He kept the sound low so as not to wake his baby. He would turn it up if they showed a weather report. He wanted to see just how bad this storm really was. It sure sounded bad outside.

  The picture popped up on the screen—nothing but Super bowl rehashing. That’s all everyone would talk about for the next 48 hours. They’ll be talking about the Dolphins and Katherine the Great’s latest racy quip. That’s all he’ll hear about at the airport and on the plane. It will all seem so insignificant to a man who just left the love of his life behind. They can keep their fucking sports and entertainment. Fuck ’em all.

  Steven turned on his computer. Certainly he could pull up a local weather report on the internet. Hopefully it wasn’t all Super Bowl post-hype also. Maybe he shouldn’t even care. What the hell, he’d driven through bad weather plenty of times. The weather couldn’t be as bad as his state of mind—not even close.

  Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and saw his baby standing before him. Jena was looking at his suitcase. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. A dark shadow of sadness enveloped her. Her heart was aching just as much as his. Her life was being ripped apart like his.

  Steven felt her pain. Just as he felt her pleasure there was a downside to love. One’s pain would forever be shared by the both of them. When one’s heart was weeping the other would cry too. When either of them was hurting so it would be two. No matter what the future held they would forever be one heart. They would always be One.

  Steven took her into his arms. “It’ll be okay, baby. It will, I know it.”

  Jena looked up and into his eyes. “It hurts, baby. It hurts real bad.”

  “I know, baby,” whispered Steven. “I know.”

  For a long moment neither spoke. The only sound was the background noise of the TV. They just held each other soaking up what time they had. They tried to ease the pain of the other. They wished it would just go away, but they knew it wouldn’t.

  They consoled the broken heart they shared together. Soon it would be ripped in half. One half would be drug away from the other. It would leave a bloody trail of strewn emotion. They would watch it bleed the both of them onto the floor and out the door. It would fly away until another day—hopefully. They would feel the pain of love. They would feel the hurt.

  Suddenly Jena raised her head. “Did you hear that, baby?”

  “Hear what?” asked Steven.

  “Turn up the TV, baby,” said Jena. “I think they just mentioned Joan Dixon.”

  Steven turned around and increased the volume. His baby must be hearing things. Her emotional distress must really be getting to her. Then he heard it also. They said the name Joan Dixon—his name!

  Steven looked at the picture on the TV. It was Katherine the Great speaking! Apparently they were r
eplaying an interview from yesterday’s Super Bowl. And she mentioned Joan Dixon? What!

  Steven turned it up even louder. They both listened intently. The interview continued.

  Announcer: So you’re into romance novels, are you Katherine?

  KG: Actually no, but this one made its way into my hands and I couldn’t put it down. I read Naked Emotion in one night.

  Announcer: What’s so good about it?

  KG: Maybe you should ask my boyfriend Brian.

  Announcer: Why is that?

  KG: Because it got me so hot and horny that I kept him up for 24 hours—if you know what I mean.

  Announcer (laughing): I guess we can say that on TV in front of a billion viewers. We’ll find out. So what you’re telling me is the book is a little sexy, right?

  KG: To say the least, but it’s more than that. It’s got soul! It’s love and lust and that’s the kind of stuff that turns me on. Go, Joan Dixon. Go get ’em girl.

  “I can’t believe they’re talking about Joan Dixon,” interrupted Jena. “As much as I’m happy for her, it doesn’t matter. I’m still losing you. God, I love you, baby.”

  “Shh, don’t talk,” said Steven. “I’ll explain later.”

  They continued watching the interview. Katherine the Great reached into a bag and pulled something out. She held it in front of the camera.

  Announcer: What do you have there?

  KG: After I read the e-book version I told my manager to get me a print copy. He came back with these. Joan has written three books. I can’t wait to read the other two!

  Announcer: Well, Katherine, congratulations on your outstanding halftime performance. We’ve enjoyed talking to you. As always you’ve entertained again.

  KG: The same here—everyone go out and get this book if you wanna get…forget it! And thanks to all my fans out there. You’re the ones who make it happen.

  “What the hell!” exclaimed Steven. “What the hell—God Almighty!”

  “Steven—what’s going on?” Jena was stunned by Steven’s reaction.

  “I’ll tell you in a second. I’ve got to check something first.”

  Steven turned to his computer. He logged into his Amazon page. He clicked onto the latest sales report.

  “Holy shit!” he shouted. “I can’t believe this. I fucking can’t believe this!”

  “What is it, baby? Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Baby, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for days. I just wanted to surprise you because I know how much you like Joan Dixon. Baby, I’m Joan Dixon! Joan Dixon is me! Katherine the Great was just talking about me!”

  “What!” exclaimed Jena. “You’re Joan Dixon! Steven, are you telling me the truth? This is no time for jokes.”

  “I’m very serious,” said Steven. “I wouldn’t be joking at a time like this.”

  “I can’t believe it,” said Jena. “I just can’t believe it. All this time I’ve been with Joan Dixon—you’re Joan Dixon! Unbelievable!”

  “Come here, baby,” said Steven. He grabbed her by the arm and sat her down in front of the computer.

  “Look at those numbers. What do they say? Tell me!”

  Jena’s face went white. “Oh, my God!”

  Steven looked in at the screen. “That’s right, $740,000 in royalty payments—and that’s just the e-books. I haven’t even checked the print versions yet. Baby, do you know what this means—do you!”

  Jena was silent. Her head was spinning. She didn’t know what to say. It was too much at one time. It was too much to comprehend.

  “Hold on, baby,” Steven said excitedly. “There’s something else I need to check real quick.”

  He leaned in over her and tapped away on the computer screen. Jena watched as he logged in to his email.

  “Damn, this is real, baby,” he said. “I’ve got over a hundred congratulatory emails. Hold on, what’s this?”

  He clicked to open one message. He was quiet for a long moment as he read it. Then he turned his head up and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. It was his turn to be speechless.

  “What is it, baby?” asked Jena. “What now?”

  “Do you know who this email is from—the biggest publisher of romance novels in the world. And guess what they want. They’re offering me three million dollars for the rights to my next five books. Three million dollars!”

  “Oh, my God!” cried Jena.

  Steven took another deep breath. “Let me tell you what this means, baby! It means we can be together! We have the power and the freedom. We have the money that will allow us to spend every single minute of every single day together—for the rest of our lives. Damn, baby, I love you so much. I’m so fucking happy right now!”

  Steven wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. “The money isn’t the big thing here. It’s you and us. We did it, baby—we did it.”

  “How did this happen, baby?” asked Jena. “How did you do it?”

  “Do you remember a couple of days ago when I spent all day in front of the computer? Remember, I was promoting my books? Well, I tried everything. On a whim I emailed Katherine the Great’s manager a copy of Naked Emotion. I just had a feeling that it was the kind of book she’d enjoy reading. I sure didn’t expect anything to come out of it, but obviously something happened. Apparently she got hold of it and liked it. And to announce it during the Super Bowl! It’s absolutely incredible!”

  Steven kissed her on the cheek. Then he noticed another intriguing email. It was from the corporate office of Total Beverage. He clicked to open it. He read it and smiled.

  “Well, guess what that one was all about?”

  “What?” asked Jena. She was ready for anything now.

  “Apparently a bunch of Total Beverage executives watched the Super Bowl together. They all saw the interview and one of them I had met before. He knew I was Joan Dixon. So they decided to capitalize on the opportunity—you know corporations. They’re offering me more money to do nothing but occasionally mention them at author events. So that means I don’t even have to quit my job. This whole thing is blowing my mind.”

  “Steven, I’ll say it again. This is unbelievable. A few minutes ago I was lower than I’ve ever been in my life—and now this. I’m still trying to let in sink in.”

  “Take your time,” said Steven. “I know it’s an emotional roller coaster.”

  “The biggest news to me is that you’re Joan Dixon. You’re the incredible author that I’ve literally worshipped for two years. That in itself is unbelievable.”

  “Yeah, I know—maybe I should have told you from day one. It wasn’t that I was trying to keep it a secret. I just wanted to have some fun with it. I wanted to surprise you in a big way.”

  “Well, you sure did that,” said Jena. “Getting yourself announced at the Super Bowl—it doesn’t get any bigger than that.”

  “Stand up, baby,” said Steven. “I want to hold you. I want to look in those beautiful green eyes. I want to tell you something.”

  Jena stood and he took her in his arms. He kissed her on the lips. Then he looked into her eyes.

  “I meant what I said while ago. Jena girl, you’re the most important person in the world to me. This incredible sequence of events that just happened is nothing more than a tool. It’s going to allow me—allow us—to be together. That’s what’s important about all of this.”

  Steven reached a hand into his suitcase and pulled out a paper. He held it up where they could see it.

  “Do you see what that is, baby? That’s my plane ticket to Dallas. That ain’t going to happen, at least not today. Whenever I decide to go to Dallas you’ll be by my side. Now that’s the shit that’s important about all this. You, baby! You’re what I’m excited about! Success and money are only important because of you.”

  Again tears began to roll down Jena’s cheeks. The difference was these were tears of joy. They were reminders that the world wasn’t always cold and cruel. They were the spoils of victory where
love overcame all. They were tears of love.

  “Oh, Steven,” said Jena. “I love you so much, baby.”

  “I love you too, Jena girl. You know I do. You’re my everything.”

  “So what’s next?” asked Jena. “What are we going to do?”

  “We’ll have to think about that,” replied Steven. “I think we should celebrate tonight at James Café. We’ll buy the house a round or two. As far as longer term plans—maybe a little holiday in the Caribbean. Or anywhere else you might want to go. I don’t care what we do or where we go as long as you’re by my side.”

  “That sounds good,” said Jena. “Whatever you want.”

  “But that’s nothing to think about right now,” said Steven. “Right now we’re going back to your bed, baby. Nobody’s flying away today. I want to hold my baby in my arms all day long. That’s all I want to do. I love you.”

  “I love you too, baby.”

  Jena jumped into him and wrapped her legs around him. She held on tight to her baby. They kissed like no other kiss before. They were riding the high of each other. They were together. They were One.

  Did you enjoy Primal Impulse? I would love to hear your comments. Please go to Amazon.com and write a brief review.

  Thank you!

  James Johnson

  Find me on the web at:

  JamesCafe.com

  Watch for another James Johnson book soon!