Toxic

by Kathy Coopmans

  I’m up and out of my seat, hugging the hell out of her. The thought of visiting home has weighed heavily on my mind and heart. This is the very best birthday a girl could ask for. I wish the man I would love to take home with me were here.

  A familiar cold chill washes over me again. All my senses prickle to awareness, causing me to shudder. A feeling I can’t shake rattles me. The slamming of the front door snaps me out of it. When I look up, there’s nobody there.

  15

  Alex

  The lobby of Maria’s family’s bed and breakfast was buzzing like a smashed beehive with family, guests, and friends of the birthday girl this morning. All of them waiting for her to arrive. I didn’t want her catching on to my plan, so I tucked myself away in my room. A room that didn’t take long for her parents to give me after I bullshitted my way in by telling them I was her boyfriend. Stretched my lie even further by asking them not to tell her I was here. That I had been out of town working for the past few weeks and she had no clue I would be here.

  I’m more than certain her mom read right through my bullshit lie. It’s just a lie for now because I will be taking Maria back and never let her go again. Her dad wanted nothing more than to knock me on my ass just for the sheer fact I was claiming to be his daughter’s boyfriend. I’m used to being around threatening men. Hell, I was raised by them, but Hart Richards is on an all new level. He should scare me. He doesn’t. It’s reassuring to know Maria has a father like him.

  I came straight here last night after flying in. Just like I did last week when I flew back to Idaho from my thirty-day stay in rehab and rushed straight to The Shade Tree. Rehab was more like a fucking prison, but it was what I needed to find myself. Found myself going to a center in the upper peninsula of Michigan. Out in the middle of nowhere. Nothing but rolling hills and forest. Deserted as all fuck. Kind of ironic being that the state I now call home is nicknamed Bumfuck, Idaho. It was the break I needed from everyone and everything I knew. Thirty days to get my head on straight. Thirty days to figure out I don’t need booze to clear my mind of what I did. I was forced to face the real reason directly, with no numbing agents. It wasn’t until I tackled my problem head on that the picture became clear.

  I did what I had to do for my family. It doesn’t mean it’s the end of my world. Nor is it something expected of me to do daily. I killed a man, and I’ll have nightmares over it for the rest of my life, but I’ll be in hell right alongside him if I don’t swallow that big pill of acceptance and move on.

  And my first order of business in moving on is getting my woman back. The problem I had last week when I planned on taking the first step to getting her back is, she was working when I drove by the bar. Didn’t take but a second for me to turn around, park, and walk in. It took a minute to calm my frayed nerves. My senses smelling the booze and remembering that old, comforting feeling. That’s all it was. A coping mechanism to not feel. I no longer crave that feeling. But when I slunk my body into a quiet, dark booth and caught the last couple of songs floating from Maria’s sweet, beautiful lips, she was the only thing I thought about. All other thoughts drifted away.

  My cock stirred to life, and my heart hammered out of my chest. It was the voice that’s starred in every one of my dreams. I’d find myself startling awake in rehab thinking of her. Often wanting to beg for my phone back to call her. But I stood my ground, forced myself to remember how good she felt in my arms and work my shit out. She’s the woman I was coming home to a better, stronger man. That thought alone helped guide me through the darkness.

  I was doing alright until the guy I saw her with before I left a month ago got up on stage announcing her birthday was coming up. Raging anger like I’ve never experienced in my life coursed through my bloodstream. It took my last ounce of self-constraint not to bust his pretty-boy face. Growing up as a Diamond, I know damn well how to read people, and something was off with the way he looked at her. I had to get up and leave before there was blood on my knuckles. Because one punch landed on the son of a bitch wouldn’t have been enough.

  I’ve spent the last week digging around a bit. Maria and Lance are friends. Thing is, like I said, I can read people. They may just be friends, but it doesn’t take a motherfucking brain surgeon to tell Lance wants more. The prick has a good game. I’ll give him that.

  When I was gone, not only did I clear my head from being dependent on booze, I gained back the man I am. I’m a man who goes after what he wants, and right now, as I watch Maria’s hips sway as she makes her way down the hall toward me, her hair flowing all around her, eyes flared with anger, and the tightest Goddamn jeans tucked into a pair of worn cowboy boots I’ve ever seen, I know without a doubt she’s what I want. Might not be easy to convince her. We shall see. The truth will set a person free and all that shit.

  “Happy Birthday.”

  “It was.” She stomps right up to me and plants her hands on her hips. “Until I saw a receipt with your name on it. What are you doing here, Alex?” she asks in a tone that sounds a lot sweeter than she looks.

  This girl, fucking hell. Missed my damn little spitfire. That thought makes the corners of my lips tilt up with a genuine smile. She looks like a well put-together edible arrangement. One so damn perfect it leaves you drooling while trying to decide which piece to eat first. There’s no choice for me. I’d take a bite of her juicy ass, lick down the middle, and fucking feast on the rest. All. Night. Long.

  I swallow hard, dread she won’t give me the opportunity to explain fisting my chest. “I don’t expect you to hear me out. I’d appreciate it if you did. Speaking to you is a step in my thirty-day program, Maria. I went to rehab. It was the worst time of my life. Not going to lie, I’m not one hundred percent. I may never be, but if you’ll hear me out without interrupting and think about what I have to say, if it’s not too late, I’d like to give you what I can of me.”

  We fall into a slow-ticking silence. She looks so damn gorgeous. So good, I want to reach out and bring her into my arms.

  “I… You went to rehab?” Maria takes a step back, all of her anger transforming into confusion and question.

  I nod, answering her question in a silent fashion.

  “You left without saying a word,” she mumbles, talking to herself. “You were with Lexi.”

  “I was, but not in the way you think.” I take a step closer to her and clench my fists at my sides knowing I have one shot to make this right. “She spotted me on the sidewalk when I walked into the restaurant. Then I saw you with the D-bag, took her outside, and basically told her there never was and never will be anything between her and me.”

  It’s the raw, honest truth. One thing I’ve learned I have to express. There’s no more burying the truth. It’s all about facing the facts and living up to them.

  “Well, I don’t think she paid attention. She’s a story for another day. My God, Alex.” I ignore her talk about Lexi. Bitch is fucking whacked. I tilt my head, enjoying hearing my name ghost off her lips. “I’ve been worried about you. You just up and left. I tried calling you back after I saw you called me. You didn’t answer, and I got tired of playing phone tag. Then there was nothing. Not a word. You ditched me like a piece of trash.”

  “I can understand you seeing it that way. That’s far from the truth, Maria. I had to do it on my own. It pains me to say this as much as it will hurt you to hear it. I’m a weak man when it comes to you. Weak in a good way, Maria. I care about you. Hell, I’m falling for you. I had to fight this on my own. I had to take the chance and hope that when I returned, you’d be waiting for me. What we had, what I hope we still have, is as real for me as anything I’ve felt in my life.” I extend my hand, and when she doesn’t flinch or take a step back, I grab her by the hip and pull her close.

  She exhales and drops her forehead to my chest. Her stiffened spine relaxes as she melts into me.

  “God, Alex, that is hurtful and beautiful. Not knowing where you were, it killed me. A part of me hoped you were getting hel
p, but the thought of not seeing you again tortured me.”

  My palm runs up and down the length of her back. I inhale the sweet cherry-coconut scent of her shampoo and damn near break. She’s here. I’m here. I’m holding her. She’s talking to me and not running. It’s all I could ask for. Once she hears the rest of my story, what will come of us is in her hands.

  “I’m sorry. I truly fucking am. I had to get right before we could go any further. Should I have handled it differently? Probably. I’m really good at fucking shit up, babe.”

  Maria lets lose a tiny giggle laced with anxiety and peers up at me. “Your dirty mouth is still working just fine.”

  I smirk, hold myself back from taking her lips and kissing the hell out of her.

  “I have more to tell you.” I drag my finger down her jawline. She is beautiful.

  When she nods, I grab hold of her hand and lead her to my room. Once we enter, she breaks our connection and takes a seat on the cozy window bench, where she’s surrounded by plush and colorful pillows, but the slight rose blush on her cheeks is the one thing I focus on. I shut the door behind us, keep my hand on the knob, and take a deep breath.

  “This isn’t going to be pretty. I’m taking a chance on you not hating me after you hear what I have to say. I’m just asking you to listen to the end, Maria.”

  “Okay,” she whispers, fidgeting with her fingers.

  Fucking Christ. This is the one thing I couldn’t admit to my counselors. I half-lied, told them I got caught up in some shit that I couldn’t handle. I had to keep my loyalty to my family. The man I killed disappeared without a fucking trace, and admitting to killing him would only raise questions. So, I dealt with it on my own. Fought those voices, those soul-sucking thoughts and remembered that Rayden and Justice might not be here if I hadn’t ended that man’s life.

  Closing my eyes, I open my mouth to speak. Before I get out the first word, Maria cuts me off.

  “Look at me when you talk, Alex. Give me those gorgeous eyes. It’s all I ask for.”

  I gulp down the knot in my throat and do as she asks. “I killed a man in an alley several months ago. Shot him point blank.”

  I press a fist to my chest when she lets out a loud gasp. I might be reliving the worst night of my life, but the part of me that cares about Maria gives me the strength to push on. It’s my only hope of a future with her. I’m falling in love with her, and I’m done throwing days of my life away. No matter the amount of pain, I won’t stop.

  “This man had been stalking Justice. The night I shot him, he caused a car accident. She was injured, and so was my uncle Cain. After we crashed, the guy reached into the car trying to yank Justice out.” I shudder at the thought of that sick fuck getting his hands on her. “I reacted the way I was taught. Protected my family without thinking twice. It was the only thing controlling me. The asshole had been stalking and harassing Justice for months. At the time of the accident, all I could think about was protecting my family. I thought, how in the hell can this bastard hurt an innocent woman and her unborn child? I ran after him, cornered him, and did what I had to do. It wasn’t until I heard the gun go off that I realized I had most likely killed someone for the first time. I don’t remember much after that except the guttural yell that came from me when I realized he was dead.”

  Panic surges through my veins when she remains quiet. Her presence so near yet feeling a million miles away. Can’t be easy for her to hear that hands that have touched her have bloodshed all over them.

  The agony I see in her features rips me in two. She’s crying. Silent tears are dripping down her gorgeous face. Black streaks of mascara following each drop. Fuck, this is hard.

  “I’m sorry, Maria. Sorry for coming to you without giving you the best parts of me. I should have never pushed you. The night at your apartment, the way I wanted to take your virginity without the promise of giving you a future was what made me see that you deserved a man who is honest, puts you above everything else. You deserved to be cherished. What you were offering me I wasn’t going to take unless I came clean with both you and me. When you said you were a virgin, I felt it in my chest. Right in the center of it. You told me you weren’t going to heal me.” I run a hand through my hair, taking a step toward her. “Baby, you did. By saving yourself for me, you did. You and me, we belong together. And I want to get to know everything about you. Every damn thing that makes up Maria Richards. Because I’m standing before you a desperate man, telling you that one more small push, and you're going to own me. I can live without alcohol. Living without you is something I refuse to do.”

  Her tears don’t stop falling. “I-I think I heard the shot in the alley.”

  “You what?”

  16

  Maria

  “I heard the shot,” I repeat.

  Shock swarms around us. Alex’s mouth sets in a startling line amid the stubble on his handsome face as he shakes his head.

  I tell him everything about the screams of agony from the alley when Peaches had just bought the bar and how the way the echoing cry devastated me.

  “It was you. It was you screaming for help. That sound has been my worst nightmare. I could hear the agony ripping through someone’s soul.”

  “Christ. You heard me?” His voice is so low I can barely hear him.

  I move to stand in front of him. Grab his hands that are clutched on the top of his head and bring them to his chest. “I heard the pain ripping through you, Alex. I read the article about the crash. How puzzled the police were. I didn’t put two and two together. I do now. All the missing details. It makes sense.”

  “I killed him,” he repeats. “I’m a killer. I’m born into a family of them. I love my family. I’d do it all over again, but the life they live, it’s not for me. It’s not for Justice either. This is why our parents bought the football team. They wanted us to start our own empire. That’s what screwed me up. Had me leaning on the bottle. I couldn’t handle it. Fuck, it gutted me knowing I killed a man.”

  He won’t shut up, so I press my lips to his to stop him. He falls silent and slumps into me. This strong, brave, and powerful man in front of me shatters, and it cracks me wide open. He’s fought so damn hard when he could’ve easily turned away. The fact he chose not to hide behind his sins captures me in a web he never has to weave his way through alone again. Not as long as I can help it. I learned a valuable life lesson from my dad. One I’ve tried with everything in me to remember. He always taught me not to judge a person by their actions but rather their soul. And Alex’s soul ignites me.

  I knew there was a demon or demons behind his drinking. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this.

  “I’m sorry, Alex.” I cup his cheek. “I’m so damn sorry you were put in that situation. It’s not fair or right. I can’t begin to imagine what you went through and still experience. But you protected your own. You did what you had to do.”

  “Maria,” he whispers, nestling into my touch.

  “Alex, I missed you so much. Thank you for coming back to me.”

  This gets his attention as he glances down at me. The fire in his rich, brown eyes fuels to a high simmer. I don’t say another word as I close my mouth over his. His taste and touch make my knees weak. His sturdy palms keep me pressed against his chest as I dart my tongue out to roam over his lips.

  We get lost in each other as we catch up on lost time with each lick, kiss, and nip. I’m melting into his body. God, I’ve been empty until this. Faking my way through each day as I fought a losing battle to forget him.

  Was he a dick? Yes. Was I an overreacting bitch? Yes. The only thing that matters at this moment is that we’ve found our way back to one another. I’ve never needed a man to make me complete. I’m well armored to conquer this world on my own. He’s my other half, and with him holding me, I feel whole.

  “Maria!” My name echoes up the hallway.

  An ice-cold sensation washes over me; every single last heated wave of passion vanishes. My
dad. I told him I was checking on a room, and clearly now he’s looking for me.

  “Just a second,” I manage to squeak out. I push off Alex’s chest, brush back my wayward locks, and swipe at the mess lingering under my eyes. “My dad.”

  “Go, he already wants to kill me.”

  “Why?” I tilt my head. I didn’t bother to ask how he got this room. The minute I saw his name, I was out the door with my temper matching my steps. I wanted to choke him. That is until I saw him.

  For the first time, I think I’m actually looking at the real Alex Diamond, and the man is amazing. More than I dreamed he would be.

  “I told your parents I was your boyfriend. Pretty sure your mom knew I was lying and your dad wants to eat my heart for breakfast.”

  Winking, I take him in from his broad shoulders to his flushed cheeks and mussed hair. There’s legit fear in his eyes. Something else, too, and both make me fall even further in love with the man he is. He came here not knowing what kind of answer he was going to get from me, and yet he’s respecting my family and me on all levels. That’s what I see staring back at me. Alex Diamond has no idea how easily I’d give him everything.

  “It’s why I’m a virgin.” I spin and open the door before Dad can trot up the stairs.

  I hear his groan and smile. Jesus, a broken Alex was a dream come true. But the man before me now putting aside his pride and his name, is my destiny. I love him. I shouldn’t. All the odds are against us, but it happened.

  “Hey, Dad.” I trot down the stairs, meeting him in the middle.

  “You okay?” He pauses a few steps below me. It won’t matter what I say to him; the man knows where Alex is staying, and let's not forget the fact he thinks he’s my boyfriend.

  “Yeah. Happy he’s here.” I brush the hair away from my flushed face.