After three days of complete silence, the phone finally rings and Jess’s name appears on the screen. I sit down in my office chair and pick it up, hovering my finger over the ‘Ignore’ button. With a deep breath, I decide to not be petty and click the green button to answer. “Hey,â€� I say into the phone. “Hey,â€� comes her voice. I can’t help it, even hearing that one word, even hearing the hesitation in the way she’s speaking doesn’t stop my heart from beating a little bit harder. I take a deep breath and wait for her to speak. “So, how are you?â€� Her voice sounds so forced. I frown and let out a sigh. “I’m fine. What’s going on, Jess? I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I thought you wanted to keep seeing me, but now I’ve hardly heard from you at all since you left.â€� “I did! I do! I mean…â€� Her voice trails off and I wait. She takes a deep breath and lets it out. It blows into the phone and I wait for her to speak. “I googled you,â€� she finally says. My heart drops like a stone. Her words sound so final. I’ve heard it before. Ever since the trial, I’ve been thrown out of restaurants, had backs turned on me, been shut out of the social circles where I used to thrive. And for what? For my father’s mistakes? “Right,â€� I respond. “The trial.â€� “Yes, the trial,â€� she spits. “When I asked you why you left New York, you didn’t think being accused of millions of dollars worth of fraud qualified?â€� “Why would I need to tell you anything?â€� I almost shout. She gasps. “I opened up to you, Owen. I told you things that I’ve never told anyone before. And now your’e asking why you would tell me anything? How can you sit there and tell me that you’re upset I haven’t called you in one breath, and in the next you justify not telling me that you were convicted of a FELONY!â€� “I didn’t do it! I didn’t do any of it and it’s been following me around for months. I wanted you to get to know me for me and not run off and look up my name and everything that people said about me and my family.â€� “Right.â€� “The charges were dropped.â€� “Did you know it was happening?â€� “No! I swear,â€� I say. I put a hand to my forehead. “I swear. I didn’t know until the trial.â€� “So your father was syphoning millions of dollars into his own pockets and you had no idea?â€� I can hear the incredulity in her voice. “No, I swear, Jess. I didn’t know. If I had known I would have done something.â€� I can hear her breathing on the other end of the phone but she says nothing. The anger starts to grow inside me as she remains silent. How dare she call me and accuse me of these things! Instead of talking to me like an adult and asking me for my side, she just reads tabloids and accuses me of the same things all over again! “You’re no angel yourself,â€� I find myself snarling into the phone. “I’ve heard about how you got into Columbia.â€� “Columbia?â€� She sounds genuinely confused, but my anger doesn’t let me acknowledge it. I keep going. “Yeah. Columbia. You made me believe you worked and turned yourself around and got in on your own merit. What a crock of shit that was. Yeah, I heard the stories.â€� “A crock of shit?!â€� “And sneaking around with Mary Hanson’s fiancé, Christ, Jess, it’s like you have no shame at all. You made me believe that you wanted to keep us quiet to protect me, but you were just protecting your own reputation in this town. Well let me fill you in: you have no reputation here. It’s not salvageable.â€� I can feel the anger radiating through the phone. “Mary Hanson,â€� Jess says in a complete deadpan voice. “You’re telling me that you believe Mary Hanson over me?â€� “Yes, I do, actually,â€� I spit out. “Owen, I don’t even know who Mary Hanson’s fiancé is. The guy I supposedly messed around with behind her back. I got a scholarship to Columbia because I had the best SAT scores in the state. Oh, and fuck you.â€� The phone clicks off and I stare at the blank screen. My heart is pounding and her words ring in my ears. “Fuck,â€� I say under my breath. “Fuck fuck fuck!!â€� My hands are shaking as I try to dial her number again. It rings. “Come on, come on, answer, Jess, please,â€� I whisper to myself. Halfway through the next ring, it goes straight to voice mail and I hang up, throwing my phone down and putting my head in my hands. Fuck. I lean back in my chair and stare at the ceiling, trying to understand what just happened. I mean, I know what just happened – we got into a massive fight. She came out swinging about the trial and I lashed out. This is the first woman that I actually started to care about, the first woman who held my interest for more than a few hours, the most intelligent and beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and what did I do? I accused her of sleeping around, of sleeping her way into college and I let her open up to me without telling her anything about myself. I take a deep breath and stare at my black phone. I sigh. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t even know if I can fix this. There’s a knock on the door and Joe pokes his head in. “Hey, boss. Just letting you know – you ok?â€� He frowns as he looks at me. “Yeah, I’m fine. What is it?â€� “Nothing, I’ll sort it out. You sure you’re ok?â€� “I’m fine, Joe.â€� He nods and turns to leave before I call him back. “Joe, how much do you trust Mary?â€� His eyebrow moves ever so slightly upwards. It’s an almost imperceptible movement, and his voice is completely flat. “Trust her with what?â€� “If she told you something about someone.â€� Joe’s shoulders relax and he let’s out a snort. “I’d trust her about as far as I can throw her. No, I’d trust her as far as she can throw me,â€� he says with a laugh, running his hands over his belly. I chuckle bitterly and nod. “Right. Thanks, Joe.â€� He grunts and closes the door as he leaves. I can’t believe I said those things to Jess, that I accused her of all the things that Mary told me. I knew they weren’t true and I still threw them in her face. Of course they weren’t true! I rub my hands over my face and sigh again. How he fuck am I going to get her to forgive me for saying those things to her? How the fuck am I going to get her to trust me after I hid my past from her? Chapter 37 – Jess
Block. Delete. Ignore. That’s the advice I would give any of my girlfriends if they were in my situation right now. But as my finger hovers over the word ‘block’, my whole body is shaking and the tears are streaming down my face. I thought he was different. I thought he cared about me, but at the first sign of conflict he did exactly what everyone in that fucking town did to me when I was sixteen – shut me out and accuse me of being a whore. Well, fuck him. My finger drops down and his number is blocked. Before I can change my mind, I delete his number and flick to every app where we’ve connected. Social media, email, phone. Block, delete, ignore. He’s shown his true colours, and all it took was a week apart. What was I thinking?? Of course this would end in disaster. Who am I to think I’ll meet my prince charming and live happily ever after? I was fucking dreaming. Even if he wasn’t a criminal before moving to that town, living there would poison anyone’s mind. I put my phone down and head to the bathroom. In seconds I’ve stripped my clothes off and I’m standing under a burning jet of hot water. I let it wash over me for a few seconds, standing completely still, until the reality of what’s just happened hits me. The sobs start in my stomach, and my whole body shakes. They come up and scrape the back of my throat before erupting out of me, making me double over as I cry under the running water. I cry and cry and cry until it hurts. Everything hurts. My skin is raw from the hot water, my throat is raw from the sobs. My eyes are puffy and my whole body feels swollen. Finally, my sobs quiet down and I wash myself, moving slowly and gently until my pain turns to numbness and my body is clean. The bathroom is completely steamed up, and I’m glad I can’t see in the mirror.
I don’t want to see what I look like right now. I wrap a towel around myself and shuffle to the bedroom, climbing under the covers and huddling into a ball. My hair will be sticking up in a thousand directions if I sleep on it like this, and my eyes will be swollen shut when I wake up, but none of that matters. My pain turned to numbness and now all I feel is a crushing tiredness. My bones feel tired, and every movement is difficult. I lay in bed in my towel and wrap the blankets around me, tuck my chin into my chest and hug myself until I fall asleep. When I wake up, everything aches. I move slowly, checking the time on my phone before heading to the bathroom. It’s seven pm, which means I slept for three hours. The steam on the bathroom mirror has long since cleared and I stare at myself in silence. I wasn’t wrong. My eyes are so swollen I hardly recognise myself. My hair is almost dry, with a flat patch on one side of my head and frizzy curls on the other. I sigh, turning the tap on to cold water to wash my face. I head to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine from a half-empty bottle before shaking my head and chuckling bitterly. I am the typical depressed woman, drinking wine alone in her apartment after crying in the shower and then napping. I’m still wearing my towel. I knew the guy for a week, for fuck’s sake. It’s not like we were married. It’s not like he cheated on me, or abused me. It just didn’t work out. I had my cry and now I should just move on. Still, the thought of Owen makes my chest ache. I bring my glass of wine to my lips and close my eyes as I swallow. I can almost feel the touch of his arms around my body, and the taste of his lips against mine. I can almost feel the way he would brush his lips against my neck or the way he’d pull me closer and sink his fingers into my body. Almost, but not quite. I open my eyes again and stand up a bit straighter before finishing my wine in one gulp. This isn’t me. I knew the guy for a week, and now it’s over. He said all the horrible things that everyone in my home town used to say to me, and that’s unforgivable. I moved away for a reason, and I’m not going to let the promise of good sex and some cuddles drag me back there. The bottle of wine is almost empty, so I dump the rest of it into my glass. I pull some sweat pants on and wrap a comfy sweatshirt around my body, and then curl up on the sofa with my wine. I put on a movie and settle in to my couch. It’s hard to get comfortable. The pillows are either too lumpy or too hard or too small. I remember lying in the grass with Owen after we made love and my chest squeezes, but I shake my head to forget it. I’ve spent many nights alone in this apartment with a glass of wine and a movie, and I’ve been perfectly happy. It’s no different now. As I struggle to get comfortable, I admit to myself that it is different. It’s completely different. I may have spent lots of time alone, but this is the first time I feel truly lonely. There’s no one to wrap their arms around me, or to stroke my hair, or to kiss me on the temple. There’s no strong chest to lean against, no other heartbeat to listen to as I drift off to sleep. There’s just me, my wine, and my movie, and it’s starting to feel like it’s not enough anymore. Chapter 38 – Owen
She’s blocked me everywhere. That’s as clear a message as I need. She’s moving on. Whatever we had, however great that week together was, it’s over. She’s gone, and I’m here, and that’s that. It was a fling, and we both need to move on. Even if I wanted to reach out and talk to her, to explain my past, to apologise for saying those things to her, I can’t. I don’t know where she lives or where she works, and even if I did, what would I do – show up at her work and beg her to talk to me? If that’s not creepy than I don’t know what is. This isn’t some Hollywood rom-com. The weeks go by and the hotel gets busier and busier as we move into summer. The first couple weeks, every time I lie in bed I see her face beside me. Every time I grab something from the shed, I see her standing there in her blue dress. Every time I hear the birds singing, I remember the day by the river when I started falling for her. How can one week feel so long? I feel like I’ve known her my whole life, but she just appeared and then disappeared just as quickly. Business is booming, and the townspeople seem to have accepted me, or at the very least they tolerate me. The bar is busy every weekend, and the hotel gets more and more people every week. Everything is going well, profits are through the roof. It’s more successful than I could have imagined, but it still feels stale. This isn’t my town. This isn’t my home. Even if it was, I can’t seem to shake Jess from my mind. Everywhere I turn, something reminds me of her. I can hardly look her grandmother in the eye. The other day she gave me advice for the front flowerbed, and I couldn’t focus on what she was saying because I was too busy thinking of Jess. The only way I’ll be able to forget about her is to sell this place and move on, but every time I think about putting it up on the market, something holds me back. Maybe I’m starting to feel at home here, or maybe I’m just waiting for Jess to come back. One Tuesday morning, the sun is shining and I’m sweeping the wide front porch of the hotel. “Owen!â€� I hear as someone walks down the sidewalk towards me. It’s Sam, Jess’s childhood friend. She’s got long brown hair, stick straight, tied into a low pony tail. She walks up and gives me a warm smile. “Hi, Sam, beautiful day, isn’t it?â€� “Gorgeous,â€� she says, staring off into the sky. She turns back towards me. “Hey, Owen, I was wondering if I could ask you something.â€� I stand up a bit straighter and nod, waiting for her to speak. “Well, I’m getting married in four weeks, and I was planning on having the reception at my mother’s house.â€� I nod, and she continues. “Well,â€� she says, turning her palms up towards the sky, “Ronnie’s family have decided to invite themselves, and you know I can’t say no. We don’t have room for all those people.â€� “Right,â€� I answer slowly. “Now I know it’s the fourth of July, and you’ll be busy here, but I was wondering if there was any way we could use the Lex as our reception hall? It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. We’ll pay you, of course.â€� I smile and nod. “Of course, Sam. I didn’t have anything big planned, I hadn’t booked a band yet or anything. The whole town was going to be at your wedding anyways, so this might work out for the both of us,â€� I laugh. Sam chuckles. “I figured that,â€� she says with a grin. “Well, that’s a relief. I’ll come by tomorrow with the details and we can sort it out, if that works for you?â€� “Sure thing,â€� I reply. She smiles at me and walks on towards the corner store. I watch her go inside and hear the little bell jingle before I let out a sigh. That means Jess will be here. She’s the maid of honour, of course she’ll be here. I wonder if there’s any way I can avoid the wedding? Maybe I can put Joe in charge of it, and I can take the day off and go do a trip somewhere. I glance back towards the bar and take a deep breath. Don’t be ridiculous. I’m an adult. Jess and I had a fling, it lasted a week. Her best friend is getting married and I happen to own the hotel in town. This doesn’t have to be a bit deal. It’s not a big deal! She’ll probably be so busy with Sam that I won’t even see her at all. This is fine. This is completely fine. I brush the broom back and forth a little bit harder. It scrapes against the old wood porch, back and forth, until the sweat starts dripping off my face. I stand up and take a deep breath, wiping my forearm across my forehead. This is fine. This is completely, totally fine. Chapter 39 – Jess
I don’t think about Owen so much anymore. The first couple weeks were hard but now, after almost two months, I’m pretty much back to normal. It was a fling – sort of like a summer romance, except in the spring. It burned hot and then fizzled and then I moved on. That’s what I tell myself, anyways. I tuck my hair behind my ear before walking into our regular brunch restaurant. I can see Harper and Rosie through the window, looking at the menus even
though I know we’re all going to order the same thing as usual. Waffles for me, eggs benedict for Harper, and a big stack of pancakes for Rosie. Even though they’re married with kids, at least some things don’t change. “Jess!â€� Rosie calls out with a smile. “You ready for the big day?â€� I laugh. “Always a bridesmaid. Or whatever.â€� “So you leave tomorrow?â€� Harper asks, closing the menu and taking a sip of coffee. “Yep, tomorrow.â€� “And have you spoken to Owen?â€� I shake my head. “Not since he accused me of sleeping around.â€� Rosie and Harper nod in unison. I open the menu up and scan the food just to avoid their stare. “So, are you nervous?â€� Rosie asks slowly. I glance up and see her looking at me expectantly. I shrug. “About the wedding? No.â€� “No,â€� Rosie chuckles. “About seeing Owen.â€� “Right. Umm. No, not nervous.â€� They both laugh as I shake my head vigorously. “Not nervous at all?â€� Harper asks. “Ok, fine,â€� I answer with a smile, closing my menu up. “Maybe a little nervous. I can’t help it! The last time we spoke I hung up on him and deleted his number. “Didn’t you say that the reception was moved to the hotel?â€� Rosie asks with a frown “Yeah.â€� I remember how my stomach dropped when Sam called to tell me that. “Look, for all I know he’s sold the hotel and moved away. I don’t even know if I’ll see him.â€� “What are you going to do if you do see him?â€� Harper asks. “Are you going to sleep with him?â€� “What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?â€� I say with a laugh. “I thought I was getting breakfast here, not an interrogation.â€� They both laugh and sit back. “Fine,â€� says Rosie. “Sorry.â€� The waitress walks up to our table with a smile. “Morning, ladies. The usual? “Yep!â€� The three of us answer. The waitress looks at me and tilts her head to the side. “Jess. You look absolutely glowing this morning! Do you have a new skincare routine? Where can I get what you have!â€� “Aw, thanks Meg. Nope, nothing new. I have been trying to drink more water, maybe that’s made a difference.â€� “I’ll have to try that,â€� she answers with a wink. Harper looks at me curiously. “You do look like you’re glowing. Maybe you’re looking forward to rekindling your romance with the felon.â€� Rosie laughs. “Did you even delete his number? What are you hiding from us?â€� “You guys are relentless,â€� I say with a laugh. “Why can’t it just be that I’m drinking more water? Isn’t that a great reason for my skin to look good? I got a new moisturiser as well.â€� “Mmm,â€� Rosie says as she narrows her eyes. “But there’s skin looking good and then there’s a glow. That comes from within, and it’s not because of water or cream.â€� “Well, whatever,â€� I say. “How are the kids?â€� My two friends lean back and start talking about their children. Usually I’d zone out at this point, but today I’m interested. I like hearing about what they said, or how they’re walking, or the funny things they’re doing. Before I know it, steaming plates of food are being dropped off at the table. My usual stack of waffles comes piled high with strawberries and whipped cream. They look exactly the same as every other time I’ve ordered them, but this time when the sweet, doughy odour hits my nose, it makes my stomach churn. I take one look at the waffles and put my hand to my mouth. “Excuse me,â€� I say without looking at the girls. In a moment I’m sprinting through the restaurant towards the bathrooms. I smash through the door and thankfully find the first stall free. My stomach heaves and I throw up. The bile burns my throat as it comes up my oesophagus and soon I’m panting, leaning against the toilet as my eyes water and I try to recover. “Jesus, Jess,â€� Rosie’s voice says. I turn to see her concerned face behind me. “Are you ok?â€� “I’m fine,â€� I say, wiping my mouth and heading to the sink to rinse it out with water. “Just been feeling a bit under the weather the past little while.â€� We walk back to the table in silence and sit down. The plate of waffles is still sitting untouched, and I feel my stomach churn again in warning. I push the plate away from me and take a long drink of water. When I put the glass down I see Harper and Rosie exchange a glance. “How long has this been going on?â€� Rosie asks slowly. I shrug. “i don’t know. A couple weeks?â€� “A couple weeks?!â€� Harper answers, her eyebrows shooting up towards her hairline. I shrug again. “Yeah. It’s no big deal, it usually passes in a few minutes and then I’m fine the rest of the day.â€� They look at each other again and I sigh. “What? Why are you guys looking at each other like that? What’s going on?â€� “Jess,â€� Rosie says slowly, swinging her eyes towards me. “When was the last time you got your period?â€� “I, uh.. a couple weeks ago. Wait, no. I’m…â€� I trail off. “I don’t know. I can’t remember.â€� “Is there any chance…â€� Harper starts slowly and looks at Rosie again. “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?â€� “No,â€� I answer quickly. “No! Definitely not. I haven’t even had sex in two months! I’ve told you I’m having a dry spell.â€� “Right, but two months…â€� The two of them look at me with concern drawn over their faces. I look down at my plate of waffles and gulp as I look back at them. “How…â€� I shake my head. “No. It’s not possible! How could that be possible?â€� “Let’s go to the pharmacy after breakfast,â€� Rosie says. She turns to her pancakes and stabs them with a fork. Her voice sounds almost too casual when she speaks again. “We can pick up a test and just be sure. You’re probably not pregnant, but it doesn’t hurt to take a test.â€� “Yeah,â€� Harper adds. “Just in case.â€� “Guys, I know you both got pregnant unexpectedly, but that doesn’t mean it’s a normal thing to happen. We used protection! We were careful!â€� “So were we,â€� Rosie says gently. “Us too,â€� Harper adds. “Let’s just get the test.â€� I gulp and finally cut off a tiny bit of my waffles. “Fine,â€� I say, bringing the food to my mouth. “But I don’t really see the point.â€� Even as the words leave my mouth, I know that I don’t believe them. Something in the way Rosie and Harper are looking at me tells me they already know what the test is going to show. Chapter 40 – Owen
Knocked Up... Again!: A Secret Baby Second Chance Romance Page 11
