Monkey Bars and Rubber Ducks

by T. M. Alexander

  ‘So, are you bunking off again tomorrow, Copper Pie?’ said his voice from right behind us. ‘Off to the arcade?’

  So, Callum thought Copper Pie had left school to play on the slot machines. I turned to look at him. So did the others, all except Copper Pie. He kicked his leg out backwards, really hard, and got Callum on the kneecap with the back of his black Adidas trainer. (He’s picky about his trainers.) It made a clunk on impact.

  THINGS TRIBERS ARE PICKY ABOUT

  COPPER PIE: His trainers (Adidas, black tops, black soles, black laces).

  FIFTY: His hair, he likes his curls bouncy (it makes him look taller).

  KEENER: His glue, it has to stick well but not be too sticky.

  BEE: Her food, organic and chemical-free (opposite of C.P.’s diet).

  JONNO: His friends, obviously. Why else would he have chosen Keener, Fifty, Copper Pie and Bee when he was a new boy?

  ‘Sorry, Hog! Didn’t see you there.’

  I hate it when there’s fighting. There’s always a chance someone might hurt me.

  Callum bent over and his blond hair flopped over his face. I think he might have been hiding watery eyes. After a bit, he wiped his face and looked up.

  ‘I know, you’re up to something. I’m watching you, Ginger.’ He swivelled to include the rest of the Tribers. ‘I’m watching all of you.’

  ‘Let us know if we drop anything,’ said Jonno.

  Callum sneered at Jonno and walked off.

  ‘Well, that’s great,’ said Fifty. ‘We’re planning on bunking off and Callum’s planning on spying. Excellent!’

  We all shut up.

  In D.T.I couldn’t concentrate. We were going to get caught, I knew it. How could one of us go and help Big Jim every lunchtime with Callum sniffing around?

  I was meant to be making a gas mask holder, part of the evacuee stuff in history, but it was going nowhere. I usually like D. T. , but all I wanted to do was figure out a way to help Big Jim without having to leave the school grounds in the middle of the day. Bunking off was a crazy idea. Tribes are meant to stick together, hunt as a pack. Splitting up would leave us open to predators like Callum and Jamie, or worse, teachers. We needed to learn from the Three Musketeers, ‘all for one and one for all’. They didn’t all go off in different directions and hope for the best. (At least I don’t think they did.)

  WHAT I KNOW ABOUT

  THE THREE MUSKETEERS

  There were four of them – they started off as three but then d’Artagnan joined (Bit like Jonno joining us.)

  They were good at swordfights

  They laughed a lot

  They all had long hair

  They always won

  They always said, ‘All for one and one for all’, just before they annihilated the enemy

  After the bell, Jonno and Bee went off to meet Bee’s mum. Doodle had an appointment at the vet’s. Why Jonno was going too, I don’t know. (I know Jonno likes Doodle, but he likes me too and he doesn’t come to the doctor’s with me.) Copper Pie ran off saying he promised to get Big Jim some grapefruits – he says he likes them for breakfast. So that left me and Fifty to walk home together.

  I waited for him to say something about the bunking off plan. I knew he would. He gets as worried as I do about trouble, but when we’re all together he relies on me to be the one to say it out loud. When it’s just the two of us he’s a lot wimpier.

  ‘I don’t think Jonno’s idea makes sense. We can’t look after an old man. We’re kids. I mean, what if something happened to him? It would be our fault.’ That’s what he said. What he meant was that he was scared stupid about bunking off.

  ‘I think we should tell someone,’ I said. What I meant was I was scared stupid about bunking off too. It’s helpful if you can read your friend’s thoughts.

  ‘Same,’ said Fifty.

  I felt a whole lot better after that. We kicked a stone most of the way to Craven Road. We might have got it all the way to Fifty’s road but I took my eye off it when Marco appeared from nowhere and nearly ran us down.

  ‘Hey, Keener! Hey, Fifty!’ he shouted as he raced past. I recognise the sound of his mountain board wheels now, but I still can’t react in time. Marco’s OK. I wasn’t sure about him when he first came to our school because he was always shouting in Portuguese. He shouts in English now, which is way better.

  Just before the corner where we go in different directions Fifty said, ‘So who do you think we should tell?’ I’d been thinking about that.

  ‘No idea,’ I said.

  ‘Same,’ said Fifty.

  ‘But it’s not up to us anyway,’ I said. ‘Tribe can decide.’

  ‘Same.’ If I had one wish I’d make it impossible for Fifty’s mouth to say ‘same’. (No I wouldn’t. It’d be a waste.)

  KEENER’S WISHES

  To be a surf champion living in Hawaii

  To trade in his two sisters for computer games

  To have a face that doesn’t go pink at the slightest embarrassment

  To be a Triber forever

  To win the lottery without buying a ticket

  To win anything without buying a ticket

  To vaporise Callum

  To have a special power, like flying, or time travel

  To have Jonno’s bedroom

  ‘See you tomorrow, then,’ I said. In my head it all seemed sorted. The Tribers would realise we couldn’t sneak off with Callum (and probably Jamie too) watching our every move. They’d agree we’d have to tell someone. Between us, we’d think of someone we could trust to look after Big Jim, and not tell the old-people snatchers.

  I couldn’t think of anyone but that didn’t worry me. There had to be someone.

  Wednesdays

  I like Wednesdays because we have the weekly Tribe meeting at six o’clock (that’s after tea for me but before tea for Jonno because his family eat at, like, bedtime). The Tribehouse we built at the bottom of Fifty’s garden is looking really good. We get into the garden through the cat flap Fifty’s dad made for us in the fence – saves going through the house. We’ve got a shelf and a bench as well as the safe, which doubles as Fifty’s seat. There’s a photo of us all in our wetsuits drawing-pinned to the wall and a sign saying Tribehouse that Flo made because she felt guilty about all the fuss she made over Jack’s lost medals. (I can’t be bothered to explain. It’s all over now.)

  I feel like I’ve been a Triber forever, but it was only when Jonno joined at the beginning of the summer term that it all happened. Before that we were just mates – me, Bee, Copper Pie and Fifty. Now we’ve got our rituals: fist of friendship and Tribe handshake, our rules – can’t leave and can’t join, and a safe full of Tribe stuff, like our Fact Files. And we’ve even got fans. There are loads of kids that would like to be a Triber. Even my dad wants to join! Tribe is ace.

  But this Wednesday didn’t start very well at all. By the time Fifty and I got to school the others were already huddled together on our patch by the netball courts. And as we got nearer I heard Bee’s voice.

  ‘Let’s wait for the others to get here and then we’ll decide whose turn it is today.’

  No, no, no, I thought. Fifty and me have decided we need to tell someone about Big Jim. The plan’s changed. Sometimes it seems like the others can read my thoughts, but they obviously couldn’t this time . . .

  ‘Keener, Fifty, we need to decide who’s going to go over to Big Jim’s today. Copper Pie’s told him to expect one of us. And he’s explained why.’

  Copper Pie stopped eating his crisps (which are meant for break) and spoke,’ Jim gave me some tips for losing our tail.’

  ‘What tail?’ said Fifty, looking over his shoulder for his imaginary tail.

  ‘He means Callum,’ said Bee. ‘Jim reckons if Copper Pie looks suspicious – you know, keeps looking around and acting weird – then Callum will concentrate on him, leaving one of us free to —’

  It was too much. I had to try and put a stop to it.

  ‘Fifty and I
have got another idea.’ Everyone looked at me, except Fifty who looked at the floor. That was so typical. I was fed up with being labelled as the wimp so I nudged him. ‘Don’t try and pretend you don’t agree.’

  ‘Sorry,’ he said.

  Agree with what?’ asked Jonno.’ Sorry for what?’

  I was about to explain but Fifty did it instead. Makes a change.

  ‘Keener and I were talking on the way home last night and we decided it was risky to leave Big Jim all day with only a quick check on him at lunchtime. We decided that if something happened to him it would be our fault for not telling an adult. So we think we should abandon the plan for Tribe to look after him and tell someone who we can trust not to tell anyone else. That would be more responsible.’

  ‘Find me a bucket, someone. You two make me sick. What you mean is, you and Keener are too chicken to bunk off, even to help an old man who’ll die if he’s sent to a home where they drug you to make you sleep all day and don’t feed you.’ Copper Pie was hopping mad. And worse, he was right.

  Bee’s reaction was just as bad. ‘We’re not doing it for a laugh. We’re doing it because he needs us.’

  Jonno joined in. ‘Listen, Copper Pie didn’t get caught yesterday, did he? We won’t get caught either, because we’ll all look out for each other, because we’re Tribe.’

  ‘And he’s expecting someone,’ said Copper Pie. ‘So someone’s got to go.’ Copper Pie stared at me.

  I looked away. If I had to play truant I was going to need a few days (at least) to summon up the courage. If I went last it wouldn’t be me till Monday, five days. Maybe by Monday, Big Jim would be better. I decided to ask Mum how long broken ribs and sprained arms, or whatever it was, took to heal.

  ‘Shall we toss a coin to decide who’s going today?’ said Bee.

  ‘No need. I’ll go,’ said Jonno. Hurrah for Jonno!

  ‘OK. I’ll go tomorrow then,’ said Bee. Hurrah for Bee! ‘So, Keener, you’re Friday, we can share the weekend, and Fifty, you’re Monday.’

  ‘OK,’ said Fifty.

  No! Not OK! I opened my mouth to say something . . . but Bee swung her fringe out of her eyes and gave me a killer look. I closed it again.

  ‘Great,’ she said. ‘So this is the plan. Jonno, you’ll need to eat your lunch really fast, otherwise you won’t get there and back before afternoon lessons.’

  ‘Can do,’ said Jonno.’ I’m sure no one’ll see me leaving, there’s so many people going in and out for lunch, but coming back when everyone’s in the playground might be more tricky.’

  ‘Exactly,’ said Bee. The bell went but she ignored it. ‘So, we need to create a diversion. If we assume you’ll be back . . . about ten minutes before end of break?’ She looked at Copper Pie. He nodded. ‘We’ll make sure Callum is concentrating on us.’

  ‘And Jamie,’ added Fifty.

  All the other kids were lining up, but Bee was running the show and she hadn’t finished yet.

  ‘Yes, and Jamie. So, the main thing is to keep an eye on Callum and Jamie, and they’ll both probably be keeping an eye on us so that should be easy.’

  I thought she was done so I moved my left foot forwards, but then Jonno started speaking, so I hovered on one foot for a bit trying to work out if it was a short speech or a long one.

  ‘I think you should all go in different directions after lunch,’ he said. I put my foot back down. It was going to be a long speech. ‘More chance of keeping Callum and Jamie busy, less chance of them working out I’m missing.’

  ‘Good idea,’ said Bee. She looked over her shoulder. The whole school was lined up except us. ‘Time to go, then, Tribers.’ I picked my foot back up. Copper Pie pushed past me (accidently . . . I think, although he was pretty cross about us trying to get out of helping) and I nearly fell.

  I was right at the back of the line. I watched the little kids parade past, while I waited for it to be Year 6’s turn. I already had a lump in my throat the size of Sweden. By the time it got to lunchtime it would be the whole of Scandinavia. If I was this nervous about Jonno bunking off, how was I going make myself do it?

  Jonno’s Turn

  Operation Jonno Feeds Big Jim didn’t start off very well.

  Last lesson before lunch was deadly dull. I wasn’t really listening. I kept looking across at Jonno, wondering if he was nervous. He never looks nervous or worried. In fact he always looks the same – calm, the opposite of me. He doesn’t go pink when he’s embarrassed, or stop breathing when there’s a crisis.

  Miss Walsh was explaining the homework that she wanted us to do, which meant it was nearly the end at last. She looked up and said, ‘That reminds me. We need two people from this class to join representatives from the other Year 6 class to discuss events for the Year 6 Leavers’ Week. Let me see, what about Lily and . . . let’s have Jonno. Stay behind for a minute will you? Everyone else, skedaddle.’ She grinned. Her attempts at sounding jokey are lame.

  We all made the usual racket, dragging our chair legs back at speed to get out of our seats and into the lunch queue before getting caught in the classroom door bottleneck. I shrugged at Jonno as I went past. He did an eye-roll. Bee, Fifty and Copper Pie were ahead of me.

  ‘Typical,’ said Bee. ‘The one day—’

  She stopped. Callum was right behind us.

  ‘What was that?’ he said.

  ‘I wasn’t talking to you and you know it,’ said Bee.

  Callum smiled. ‘Where are you lot off to today then? The arcade? Or the café?’

  ‘We thought, perhaps, the museum,’ said Jonno, appearing from nowhere. He’d escaped from Miss Walsh pretty quickly.’ Do you want to come?’ I love the way Jonno does that (not the appearing from nowhere, the sounding like he’s being polite when he isn’t).

  ‘Ha ha,’ said Callum.

  Callum stayed in the line, sandwiched between Jonno and the rest of us, so we couldn’t talk. It was pasta with a lumpy, runny sauce. I opted for a jacket potato. Finally, we managed to get to a table away from our stalker.

  ‘Scoff, Jonno,’ said Copper Pie. ‘Jim’ll be waiting.’

  ‘I know, I know,’ said Jonno, between mouthfuls. ‘Tell me again what I have to do when I’m there, while I finish this.’

  ‘He can talk, you know,’ said Copper Pie.

  ‘I know, but —’

  Maybe Jonno was nervous, I thought. The rest of us know Big Jim, because he’s always lived by Copper Pie, but Jonno’s never met him.

  ‘OK. Go through the gate into the back garden and in the back door. He’ll be sitting in the chair. Make him a hot drink and something to eat, and ask if there’s anything else he wants. Get back here, swifto.’

  It sounded straightforward. Jonno put in his last forkful.

  ‘But what if your mum sees him?’ said Fifty to Copper Pie. I hadn’t thought of that. She’s next door looking after the nursery kids all day.

  Copper Pie shrugged. ‘She never leaves the house in the day. Ever. ‘

  Jonno stood up.

  ‘I’ll take your tray,’ I said. He nodded, and scarpered, still chewing. And that was the beginning of half an hour of torture. Until Jonno was safely back in the school playground, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to concentrate on anything. The others chatted as normal, and I just sat. So did Callum, watching us from his table. I couldn’t eat all my lunch – swallowing was like squeezing a brick down a straw, so Copper Pie helped out.

  ‘Right, then,’ said Bee. ‘Shall we go and make ourselves hard to keep track of?’

  We all followed Bee’s instructions. Copper Pie went to kick a ball about by the goal. Fifty and I went to our patch – the smelly, damp triangle with the rotting tree stump between the netball courts and the tree, aka Tribe territory. Bee went to chat to Lily in the playground. I could see Callum – he was standing by the doors, watching. His eyes were flicking between our three locations. But I couldn’t see Jamie.

  ‘There’s Jamie,’ said Fifty, reading my mind. He appeared out of t
he door, and took a position by Callum’s side.

  ‘Do you think they’ll notice Jonno’s not here?’ I said.

  ‘Not if we follow Bee’s plan,’ said Fifty. At that exact moment Bee made the agreed signal – shouting my name. ‘Keener!’ Everyone in the whole school must have heard.

  ‘OK, off I go,’ I said. I went over to where Bee and Lily were. Copper Pie went to the loo, which meant he had to go through the door Callum was guarding. Fifty stayed on our patch. The idea was that if we kept moving, and disappearing indoors, Callum and Jamie would be so busy keeping tabs on us they wouldn’t think to check the school gates, which are over the other side of the school, and they wouldn’t realise Jonno was missing.

  So far so good. The next change of location was planned for when Copper Pie came out of the door. We waited. And waited. Callum was waiting too. You could tell by the way he was fidgeting. He kept pushing the arms of his sweatshirt up and then rolling them down again. I was trying not to stare, but my eyes kept being drawn to the spot. Where was Copper Pie?

  ‘What do you think Copper Pie’s doing?’ I asked Bee.

  ‘No idea.’

  The waiting went on and on. Eventually, after what seemed like ten minutes, Callum spoke to Jamie who then disappeared back through the door.

  ‘Jamie’s gone to find Copper Pie, I reckon,’ I said to Bee.

  ‘What shall we do?’ That was strange coming from Bee. She’s the one who always tells us what to do.

  ‘Nothing?’ I said.

  ‘We can’t do nothing, idiot. If Jamie goes wandering round the school looking for Copper Pie he might spot Jonno coming back. We need to keep them focused on the playground.’ She was almost shouting at me.

  I put my head in my hands. He was going to be caught. I knew it.

  ‘Thank goodness.’

  I took my head out of my hands to see why Bee was thanking goodness. Jamie was back. Good! But there was still no Copper Pie.

  I looked over to the netball court where Fifty was standing all on his own under the trees, the only Triber on the Tribe patch. He made ‘come here’ movements with his hands. It looked like he was rolling pastry, but luckily I know him well enough to decipher his mimes.