The Boy Who Escaped Paradise

by J. M. Lee

  THE BOY

  WHO

  ESCAPED

  PARADISE

  J. M. LEE

  TRANSLATED FROM THE KOREAN BY CHI-YOUNG KIM

  THE BOY

  WHO

  ESCAPED

  PARADISE

  NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

  Man Found Shot to Death in Home in Queens March 1, 2009

  New York Police Department officials said Saturday that a man in his fifties was found shot to death in a Queens home. Officers arrived on the scene around 2 a.m. in response to a 911 call reporting several gunshots. The victim, Steve Yoon, defected from North Korea and was granted asylum two years ago. According to reports, he was the head of Friends of Freedom, a human rights organization.

  Sources said that the victim’s face had been wiped with antiseptic. Mysterious numbers and pictures were scrawled in blood around the body. Officials arrested an unidentified man at the scene. According to hospital sources, the suspect is in stable condition after being treated for a bullet wound to the thigh. Antiseptic and the victim’s blood were detected on his hands, sources said.

  Officials are focusing on the victim’s past employment at major North Korean government facilities. Upon arriving in the U.S., Yoon provided information about the secluded country’s nuclear program. A police official said, “We aren’t sure if this is a straightforward murder or something more. We are considering every possibility, including an act of retribution by North Korea to punish the information leak.”

  1 11 21 1211 111221 312211.

  I’m a liar.

  Am I a liar? I open my eyes. I’m in a square, windowless room, steel bars lining one side. I’m in bed. Pain shoots up my right thigh. I peer at it. It’s wrapped in white bandages. A man is sitting next to me, talking at me. He tells me I was arrested at a murder scene. I was discovered unconscious. Apparently someone died and I killed him. Who was it? Did I kill someone? I can’t remember. I don’t know why I was there. Why would I kill him? Who killed him?

  The death is a complicated equation that I am unable to solve. Two unknown variables and one constant—c1 is death and c2 is the murderer, and I am the constant. To solve for c1 I must first find c2, and to find c2 I have to know c3. All I know is that someone is dead and I’m supposed to be the murderer. c2 = c3. But what if I’m not c2? What if I’m not c3?

  What do I know about c1? Flicking a light switch—that’s what death is like. Eyes that once twinkled remain closed; a heart that once beat sixty times a second is stilled. Nothing continues. Everything ends. 1 becomes 0.

  The cell door opens and more men enter; one tall, the second short, the third with a crooked nose, the fourth muscular, and the last with a receding hairline. They look serious. They pitch questions at me. I think of Randy Johnson’s fastballs.

  “Name?”

  “Age?”

  “Birthplace?”

  “Address?”

  “Where were you on the night of February twenty-seventh?” “Did you know the victim well?”

  “Why did you kill him?”

  “What happened that night?”

  These aren’t questions; it’s chaos. I can’t stand it. I start screaming. The man with the crooked nose clamps his hand over my mouth, his nose looming over me. His face is asymmetrical. His grip is unrelenting. It’s a lobster claw. He hauls me off the bed and throws me on a chair. He announces that he is FBI agent Russell Banks. He calls me a murderer. A terrorist. Banks tells me they found the following on my body:

  ★ A blue dragon tattoo on my right forearm.

  ★ A bullet wound on my thigh.

  ★ Four scars on my torso, seven on my lower body, all of which are at least an inch long.

  ★ Evidence of my left pinky having been broken.

  Then he tells me they found the following in my knapsack:

  ★ A 750 ml bottle of antiseptic and cotton balls.

  ★ Four fake passports—issued by China, Macau, South Korea, Japan.

  ★ Chinese, English, and Korean newspapers and magazine clippings.

  ★ Nineteen sheets filled with mathematical formulas and an unidentifiable language.

  ★ A small, worn notebook titled The Possibilities of the Impossible.

  ★ Two triangles, a three-meter-long tape measure, and an old Japanese-made calculator.

  Banks grimaces. “All these fake passports! And all these aliases. Jiang Jiajie, Wei Zhenmin, Ahn Gil-mo, Matsumoto Yoji. Who are you, really? What’s your relationship to all of these names?”

  I am silent. It’s not that I don’t know the meaning of relationship: the way two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. I know what it means to “have a relationship.” I understand mathematical and scientific relationships, such as the relationship between Mercury and Venus or the black hole and the stars, as well as concepts like functional, symmetrical, and proportionate relationships. But the relationship between me and someone else? Or me and the world?

  Banks’s eyebrows furrow. “Explain yourself!”

  He wants me to be frightened, but I’m not. Most people are scared of the incomprehensible or of uncertain fate. Not me. I think it’s because relationships are challenging for me.

  Banks grabs me by the front of my shirt and throws me on the floor. Hard fists and shiny shoes. I am a wet, crumpled tissue. He can break me apart, but my silence will stay intact. On the other side of the bars, the hallway dims. The chair, desk, and gray walls around me melt away. The agent’s glowering face becomes fuzzy.

  The door clangs open. “Stop!” cries a sharp female voice.

  Banks’s grip loosens. Blood shoots to my head. I drag my stiff leg to push myself up. “I’m in the middle of an interrogation,” warns Banks. “This guy is on Interpol’s most wanted list.”

  “This man is a patient,” the woman argues. “You know it’s against policy.”

  Banks shoves me into the chair and turns to glare at the intruder. “Look, all these passports are fake. He’s linked to a dozen crimes, from fraudulent gambling to drug trafficking to murder. Whether he talks or not, he’s going away for the rest of his life.”

  Now that blood is coursing throughout my body again, I can see. The woman is blond and is wearing white. She’s a bit round and her cheeks are starting to sag; she stands confidently, like a rock, radiating authority. “Please consult with me before you interrogate him. I have to examine him right now, so step aside.”

  “Who are you, anyway?”

  “Angela Stowe, nurse in charge,” she snaps.

  Banks and his men hesitate for a moment before leaving.

  Angela takes my temperature: 97.7 Fahrenheit. 36.5 Celsius. She writes it down in her chart.

  What kind of person is this Angela Stowe? I should create a puzzle to help me figure her out. The way someone approaches and solves a puzzle says a lot. An impatient person gives up quickly, while a cunning one guesses the answer and works backward. Of course, I like solving puzzles, myself. I feel a thrill when I extract simplicity from complexity. Everything falls into place when I organize chaos. I revel in that solitary moment when I encounter a problem, the time I wrestle with it, and the struggle against the urge to give up. All puzzles are equally fascinating, from problems composed of marbles to folding paper, dice, shapes, matches, ladybugs, knots, curves, and straight lines.

  I write this down on a sheet of paper.

  I think about my temperature: 36.5 Celsius. Three hundred sixty-five days in a year.

  Angela picks up the sheet of paper. She places it on her chart and scribbles. She holds it out:

  That’s it! She thinks the way I do.

  “Symmetry is the most beautiful characteristic in the world,” A
ngela declares. “And the most beautiful number is a prime number.” She gets me.

  There’s beauty in the puzzle I offered her, and she finds it beautiful, too. The heart is a symmetrical representation of the number 2, the first prime number. The clover is a mirror image of the next prime number, 3. The key is what you get when you flip the next prime number: 5. And her symbols pick up after my sequence.

  She glances at me. “What I love about symmetry is that it never changes, no matter what you do. If you flip a heart, it’s still a heart. If you flip a clover to the left or to the right, or up and down, it’s still a clover. A circle is always a circle, and a sphere remains a sphere. I see that you like symmetry, too. So you believe in the truth, right? No matter what you do, the truth is always the truth.”

  Does she also like ABBA, my favorite band, with the symmetrical name? I feel a bit more comfortable. I think I can talk to her. “The equal sign is my favorite,” I say, then pause. Should I go on? “No matter how long and complicated a formula is, the equal symbol makes both sides the same.”

  I begin drawing a triangle on the paper with = in the middle. My favorite shape.

  1 × 1 = 1

  11 × 11 = 121

  111 × 111 = 12321

  1111 × 1111 = 1234321

  11111 × 11111 = 123454321

  111111 × 111111 = 12345654321

  Angela looks at me and then at my pyramid. “Where are you from?” Her question is different from Banks’s, gentle and smooth.

  I look down at my beautiful pyramid. “That doesn’t matter. What’s important is where we are and where we’re going.”

  “I suppose that’s true,” Angela says, nodding. “It may not be important. It’s just that the drawings you just did are identical to what they found at the scene of the murder. It’s all over now. Why don’t you tell me what happened? You can tell me whatever you remember.”

  I stare down at the sheet of paper. A giant pyramid rises through the fog of my memories. I see the city of weeping willows, the one I left long ago, and the pointy top of the high-rise I could see no matter where I was.

  MY BIRTHDAY IS FEBRUARY 29

  The Ryugyong Hotel stood tall in the Potong River District in west Pyongyang. Everyone referred to it as the 105 Building. Originally designed to be one hundred stories tall, it grew five more levels in honor of the 105th Shock Troops, which were in charge of the building’s construction and directly under the purview of the Party Central Committee. The 435,000-square-meter hotel was to have had 3,700 rooms; it would boast seventy high-speed elevators, an underground swimming pool, five rotating observatory restaurants, a television station, and a meteorological station. From above, it formed a polygon of triangles and pentagons, and from the front it was a pyramid, its forty-story peaks clustered around the 105-story center.

  I was born in 1988, the year after the 105 Building was born; neither of us was completed. The building was scheduled to be finished in April 1992, to commemorate the Great Leader’s eightieth birthday, but the French joint engineering team left Pyongyang in May 1989, after the outer frame was constructed. The exterior was eventually finished but the interior stayed empty. Like me. I’m twenty-one, but people say I’m like a child. It’s because my birthday is February 29. It takes Earth one year to circle the sun. Rather, it takes Earth 365.2564 days. That’s 365 days, 6 hours, 15 minutes, and 23.04 seconds. So every four years, one day is left over, and that’s my birthday. Since I age only one out of every four years, I suppose I’m about six years old now.

  I like my birthday. Two and 29 are both prime numbers. Adding them up, you get 31, also a prime number. Prime numbers are solitary, like me. Even though it’s not a prime number, four is also a good number. The Olympics, the World Cup, and the American presidency are on a four-year cycle. Four-year colleges and four-person tables are nice, and baseball is my favorite sport, since you have to go past first, second, and third bases to make it home, the fourth base, to score. Obviously my favorite batter is the clean-up hitter. I’m happy when the clock says 11:11—a perfect bilateral symmetry that adds up to four.

  Our similarities made me interested in that enormous unfinished pyramid. I would look up at the empty building, calculating the radial angle of a triangle composed of the building’s 160-meter-long base and its height. I calculated the area of the ground floor and how much the eighty-eighth floor shook when the wind was at thirty kilometers per hour. Sometimes I solved several questions quickly. Other times, one question would take me days to figure out. One such example was put into motion when Father opened his two-day-old copy of Rodong Sinmun one day. “Did you know that you can see Mount Taesong and the Nohak Mountain Range from the top of the Ryugyong Hotel?” he asked, reading an article to that effect. “On a clear day, you can even see the smoke rising from the Nampo smelter! That’s one hundred ri away. How tall could that building be?”

  His offhand comment piqued my interest. I ran over to the building the very next day. Rust bloomed on the outer concrete. Chunks of concrete had fallen off the steel beams. Soldiers stationed at the entrance ignored me. The sun glinted at the top of the building. Time inched along. As the sun set, the shadow of the tip grew wispy. I stood at the edge of the shadow as it inched across the plaza, revealing its secrets. The sun shined on the pyramid and me at the same angle as we both stood at ninety degrees to the ground. We were composed right-angle triangles. The ratio between my height and my shadow would be the same as the pyramid’s.

  a:b = x:c

  If a was my height, b was the length of my shadow. Therefore, x was the pyramid’s height, and c was the length of the pyramid’s shadow.

  Expressed as ratios, the formula was:

  a / b = x / c

  Then solve for x:

  x = ac / b

  Thus I could calculate the height of the pyramid by multiplying my height and the length of the pyramid’s shadow and dividing it by the length of my shadow.

  The next day, I went back to the hotel with a thirty-centimeter wooden ruler and a long string. I laid the string against the pyramid’s shadow and then mine at 9 a.m., at 2 p.m., and right before sunset, and measured. It was a little tricky calculating the distance from the outer wall to the center of the building without stepping foot inside, but I figured I could determine the distance between the three wings that supported the building at a 120-degree angle by dividing it in half; the angle of each corner was 60 degrees. I used trigonometry to find the length of the hypotenuse, the diameter of the circle circumscribing the three wings, which was the distance between the outer wall and the center of the building.

  The average height of the pyramid, taken in nine measurements over three days, was 323 meters. Three hundred twenty-three meters, compared to my 127 centimeters. The Potong River’s warm wind embraced both of us as we stood under the same sun.

  THE DELIVERER OF DEATH

  I first saw the pale face of death at the Revolutionary Martyrs’ Cemetery on Mount Taesong. The forest was dark, the sky was ash, the tombstones were even darker. Lips were firmly closed; the silence was white. The hole in the ground was dark. Mourners stood still, swallowing sobs. The black coffin was lowered into the hole. Wet dirt filled it up as voices tumbled along the ground. The ceremonious rifles hammered through it all. I imagined the dead floating up into the sky to become stars.

  Father delivered death. He polished it and cared for it, mending crooked expressions, stitching wounds, and straightening postures. He wiped faces with antiseptic and painted lips red. Under Father’s careful hands, the dead were reborn in elegance. When he was young, Father had been a talented surgeon at Pyongyang Medical University. One day, the highest-ranking officer in the Ministry of the People’s Armed Forces was wheeled into the emergency room, covered in burns. There had been an explosion. The officer’s death caused the revocation of Father’s medical license; it was determined that Father’s faltering loyalty to the Party had killed the man. But Father was let off easy; the authorities took into consideration
the patient’s critical condition. So he was demoted to undertaker at a hospital morgue located in an exclusive residential neighborhood in the Potong River District. The first death he delivered was that of the officer he’d failed to save. Party leaders and high-level military personnel began coming his way after meeting their demise, their family members seeking the talented former surgeon’s services.

  At the cemetery, I stared at the damp mound of dirt. “Where is death delivered?”

  Father’s jaw tensed. I recognized that expression. He looked that resigned when people called me an idiot, when he learned that I didn’t have any friends, and when he realized that I didn’t know how to play common childhood games, like soccer or war.

  “I mean, when you die, your belongings go everywhere,” I explained. “An old mattress will go to a colleague, teacups go to a married daughter, and a worn uniform goes to a son. Everything you leave behind is burned or thrown out or given away. So then where do the dead go?”

  “Nobody really knows,” Father said. “There’s no use trying to understand it. I don’t know myself, and I work with the dead every day.”

  But I was still curious. What happened inside funeral homes? What about in the cemeteries and the graves? What were the people in black thinking? I began to wander around the cemetery. I would get lost, then fall asleep on a grave. When he couldn’t find me, Father learned to venture into the cemetery and carry me home on his back. “Not afraid of death, are you?” he’d murmur. “What a brave boy.”

  That wasn’t quite it. I wanted to study death. I had to understand it. And to understand something, I had to figure out how it worked numerically. I was certain I could calculate the value of death without dying myself. After all, I had figured out the height of the 105 Building without going inside. But Father preferred that I focus on life.